Author's Note: Given that Aerith directly references the "Standard Course", I'm assuming that one is considered the canon massage that Cloud gets from Madam M in Remake. Apologies to those who went for the Luxury Course (you dirty horndogs, you :V ) or the Poor Man's Course (you magnificent memelords).
xxxx
"Their words...they don't reach him. All these moments and memories, precious and fleeting...they're like rain rolling off his back..."
/Chapter 3: Mythril Mine/
For some reason, Aerith's favored tactic of teasing was hitting with less success than she was used to.
(They had all been scared to varying degrees by Cloud's apparent abduction by the Midgardsormr...only to watch in disbelief as the massive serpent erupted from the bog, its head becoming impaled upon a dead tree. That Cloud's body had bubbled up seconds afterward, unconscious, had only cemented the bizarre ending to the battle...and Cloud had only added to it by implying that Sephiroth had been the one to kill the Midgardsormr, when no one else had seen him. The ubiquitous presence of the men in black robes only added to the odd unreality of the whole situation.)
Given that Aerith had been a part of the whole mess with the Don Corneo infiltration in Wall Market alongside both Cloud and Tifa (gosh, how many days had it been since that eventful night? It felt like it had been years), it had felt like safe ground to tread on. As such, when Cloud had trotted out his customary price of two thousand gil to Barret, Aerith cracked, "Enough for her Standard Course twice, right?"
"Her what now?" asked a befuddled Tifa.
With a knowing smile, Aerith said, "Ask him."
"Cloud...?" asked Tifa with a strange hesitancy.
Cloud stuttered, looking around as one guilty before shaking it off. "Forget it. You guys need to focus."
He spoke with such finality and frustration that it actually perturbed Aerith a bit; fortunately, Barret elected the moment to dive into the history of mythril and these mines, which served as a decent distraction on its own. Why is he upset about that? It was just a hand massage, she mused, thinking back to Madam M's Wall Market parlor. Maybe he's embarrassed about not taking it well...?
(When Cloud walked out of the room he had been absconded to, he was looking down at his left hand with a glazed-over expression in his eyes. Her inquiry as to how it went was met with a casual "S'alright, I guess." Those words did not fit Cloud's demeanor: out of his mind with bewildered serenity. When asked as to why he was clenching his hand over and over, he simply responded, "Flexing." Her incredulity was enough to jolt him out of his fugue, as he quickly returned to his persona of intentional apathy. "Uh...never mind." Then Mada M waltzed out, fluttering her fan in his face, all but taunting him with, "Think you'll make a habit of it?" Then all conversation turned towards what it would take to make Aerith's dress, and the incident was quickly pushed to the side.)
...I guess, but Madam M wouldn't be running a hand massage parlor if she wasn't good at it, right? Cloud's reaction made it seem like something more nefarious had occurred, which Aerith didn't buy for an instant. It...didn't quite fit her mental image of who Cloud was. (Not that her mental image of Cloud corresponded with who he actually was...which was part of the problem, wasn't it...?)
The mine itself was a rather simple trek, all things considered...until they ran into the Turks: Rude, and the newest member Elena.
One battle later, and Tseng decided to make his grand entrance. (And boy, he was a complicated sort: guardian and warden and overseer and villain all in one, as far as Aerith was concerned. Sometimes, she wished she could hate him...only to rue the fact she would wish for something so awful to begin with.)
One grenade later, and the group was separated again, courtesy of a collapsing cliffside. Barret and Red XIII had landed in a lake deeper down, vowing to meet back with them at the exit.
As they slowly made their way through the manmade labyrinth, Cloud took point, keeping a wary eye out for monsters and unstable pathways. When he moved ahead a little to get a better vantage point on a band of ogres shuffling around on a lower level, Tifa quietly turned towards her. "Standard Course...?" she whispered.
"Oh. With Madam M in Wall Market," Aerith quietly answered. (Because this time, Tifa was asking her directly for answers. And since Cloud had been unwilling to provide, it was up to Aerith to settle her concerns!)
"The...hand massage lady?" asked Tifa with a blink, aware of who Madam M was. When Aerith nodded, Tifa looked over at Cloud's back with confusion. "Then why would he...?"
Aerith shrugged. "Maybe he's shy?"
That seemed to be a winner, because Tifa suddenly smiled with fondness. "Shy..." Her eyes had the quality Elmyra's sometimes did: of looking at someone or something and seeing the past come alive. (What was she thinking about, looking at Cloud? How many memories did she have from her childhood that Cloud could connect with?)
(Aerith wished she could grasp that sort of nostalgia for herself.) "Well, if he's that embarrassed by it, we'll just have to try for ourselves to see what all the hubbub is about." Aerith lightly tapped the knuckles on Tifa's gloves. "Especially you! With the way you fight, I bet your hands are begging for some rest and relaxation."
"...that sounds lovely. We'll do that...if we get back to Midgar."
"When we get back to Midgar," corrected Aerith with a grin. "And we'll make sure to get the Luxury Course."
The two managed to muffle their giggles right before Cloud turned around, motioning for them to keep going. "C'mon. The ogres have moved away," he said, seemingly none the wiser as to their conversation.
Before long, they found themselves at a great gap...and what luck that Barret and Red could be seen on another distant ledge. "Hey, guys! Over here!" she exclaimed with an enthusiastic wave, glad to see them back.
When Barret offered to get them across for a decent price — "For two grand! Two!" — Cloud's impulsive response of "Hilarious" was enough to pave over the awkwardness from earlier, once and for all.
(But, a short while later, she couldn't help but join in the running joke when, upon Barret saying that he and Red owed her for opening a gate blocking their path, she replied with exactly how much they did owe her: "Yep—two grand!")
(Barret's deflated mood was worth Tifa's light laugh and the impulsive smirk that ghosted across Cloud's face.)
xxxx
"Freedom. Boundless, terrifying freedom. Like a great, never-ending sky."
/Chapter 4: Junon/
If the Grasslands outside of Kalm had been vast, so was Junon...albeit in a different way.
The Grasslands had contained relics and ruins, true; but they had been overgrown with greenery and time, masking the nature of what they represented.
The same could not be said for Junon, with desolate craters, broken equipment, and dilapidated naval vessels. With the immense cannon looming above, the reminder of the Republic's loss to Shinra could not be ignored, even if you tried. (The sense of quiet resignation that Gabe the Chocobo Rancher and Freddie the Wainright had initially emanated was still palpable in her mind.) To persist in spite of that was a tall order for most.
Yet, gazing at the belly of the portside fortress from Under Junon, Aerith had felt nostalgia for the steel sky of Midgar. Even amidst bitter spirits, many people were still trying to make ends meet: still trying to live...including girls with an ill-advised desire to sail the sea in a canoe. (The memory of Cloud awkwardly trying—failing—to perform chest compressions on the girl named Yuffie was proof enough to Aerith that nothing untoward had happened with Madam M, because he had been just so adorably awkward when faced with the prospect of putting his hands on a girl's chest in a strictly platonic sense.)
It certainly made her feel better about the unfortunate tension presented by Shinra's bounties...as well as the odd twinge that Yuffie caused in her chest. (A familiar twinge: a sign of someone who had a role to play in their ultimate fate, yet lacking all context. Had she once known about her in greater detail? She couldn't recall.)
Nanaki, alas, had recognized her inward trepidation; he was sharp, like that. Hence why, once they got their rooms at the local Inn, he had entered her room to ask about the state of her memories...because he was dealing with the same problem as well, since the last time they had encountered the Arbiters of Fate. "You too?" he asked in his natural, more boyish voice. "What did...losing them feel like?"
Aerith shook her head. "I could feel them slipping away, one by one." The inner panic of losing such precious knowledge—memories of the future, no matter how impossible the concept sounded!—had been dreadful. "And the tighter I held on, the more I lost."
"I know. I felt the same. It was like they were sucking them straight outta my head."
Aerith nodded. "And the worst part is that I don't even know what's missing." She folded her clenched fists together, to try and keep her thoughts straight. "...only that something is. Like, it's on the tip of my tongue, but...I just can't remember."
It took a lot of effort for Nanaki to not snarl. "Damn Whispers!"
"Speaking of, you seen them lately?" she asked.
Before he answered, he audibly exhaled before glancing at the door...which she had left ajar. Oops. Stepping forward, she opened it up to see a familiar face. "Cloud."
"Who's in there with you?" he asked out of genuine curiosity (or perhaps concern). Before she could speak, Red XIII quietly sauntered out. "Oh...Red. Thought it was someone else."
Aerith smiled. "Nope! All clear here, officer," she said, being entirely truthful. Technically. (Red still wanted to keep his true voice a secret. Personally, she thought he was just trying to look cool...which was an interesting parallel with a certain blond SOLDIER, now that she thought about it...) "Well, hope the rest of your patrol is just as uneventful." She gave a little wave before shutting the door, inwardly wondering why she didn't just invite him in, because he clearly wanted to talk about something...but alas, he knocked anyway, making the choice that Aerith wanted to begin with. "Come in!"
Cloud stepped in, his gaze asking all sorts of questions.
She opted for one in particular, since her home had been on her mind since the Mythril Mine. "I dunno about you, but it feel like we've been on the road forever—like Midgar's ancient history." With a somber tone she couldn't help, she said, "I wonder how Mom and Marlene are holding up..."
"Homesick?" asked Cloud.
She wanted to say yes. (Cloud had lost Nibelheim; Tifa had lost that and the bar in Sector 7; Barret had lost his home and his crew; Midgar was a point of pain for all three of them. Acknowledging just how much she missed her home would have been selfish.) "No time for that," she said, by way of compromise with herself. "Not with Sephiroth around."
Cloud hummed in acknowledgment, as though that was answer enough.
The lingering questions she and Tifa had asked each other about Cloud's own memories came to the forefront. "So, a little random..." After facing Sephiroth in the swamp, are you still all there? "...but do you remember the first time we met?"
After a couple seconds of silence, he bluntly replied, "You shoved a flower in my face."
(She could remember broad strokes of their first encounter: looking at Cloud with concern; his attempts at ignoring his own fatigue; her offer of a flower as a gift in return for scaring something away; there were variations as to whether he accepted her gift immediately or not...yet he would always ultimately acquiesce to that yellow flower, given 'on the house'. One sentence stuck out in her mind: "Lovers used to give these when they were reunited..." Then, as Shina security approached, she could recall fleeing from...something. Had it been the Whispers?)
She relied on a spirit of playful indignation to bully her way past the ambiguity. "It's a called a gift, Cloud." Folding her hands in front of her, she couldn't help the slight accusation in her tone. "I saw it, you know, in a vase at Seventh Heaven. And I seriously doubt you're the one who put it there."
"Hey, I mean...ya never know," Cloud said, trying to defend himself. Key word being 'trying'.
Placing her fists on her hips, Aerith decided to impart more of her precious street smarts. "Some advice: never regift a present from a girl. Especially if you're just gonna give it to another one." I'll make an exception for Tifa, because I know she would have loved seeing a real flower.
"Noted." Cloud sounded dryer than Cosmo Canyon.
You silly boy, what are we going to do with you? That unmistakable sensation kept rearing its bizarre head: although Cloud gave off the impression of a hardened mercenary, he sometimes came across as much younger, to the point where it made his social slip-ups more forgivable. "Water under the bridge. But next time..." She trailed off, leaving it up to his imagination...because quite frankly, she had no idea what his imagination could cook up. (The imagination was unlimited in principle...and yet the paths it tred were often determined by the mind of the person it belonged to. Yet, with such difficulties regarding Cloud's own mind, trying to figure out fantastic imagery he could cook up was...an exercise in artistry, if nothing else.)
Cloud simply nodded, departing without another word. As Aerith went to close the door behind him, she noticed him approach Red's door.
It was a strange aspect of Cloud, she realized: he sought conversations with everyone in their group at times, as if to gauge their opinions. Was he simply trying to act in a professional capacity as their leader? Or was he trying to fill some void that he couldn't divine the nature of?
Aerith wasn't sure...yet she dearly hoped he was successful in his endeavor. To lose parts of yourself...to not realize what's missing...what an awful feeling...
xx
Come the next day, Aerith would continue to see aspects of Cloud's apparent contradictions...or, rather, his other facets.
In the face of the SOLDIER Roche, he indulged the theatrical biker's flamboyant challenge...in spite of his professed antipathy for same.
Traversing Upper Junon, with the soldiers seemingly ignoring them because of their proximity to a First Class SOLDIER—had their wanted posters not been made known to the local garrison? Why?—she saw Cloud adopting mannerisms and speech patterns that she had never heard from him before. ("Sorry, sir!" he had said without hesitation in the face of the Commander Adjutant; she and Tifa had almost forgotten to play along.)
As Cloud moved with greater ease and comfort in an infantryman's fatigues than he had ever shown in his SOLDIER garb, Aerith couldn't help but wonder what the root of this behavior was. (That she and Tifa were able to play along with the charade also helped...even if she was barely keeping up with Cloud's flawless parade movements during their practice run.)
Even while gathering the eclectic and colorful members of Midgar's Seventh Infantry, Cloud demonstrated an odd...fondness, for the men under his temporary command. (He fit so well, in fact, that even the likes of Elena and Rude failed to recognize them...which was also bizarre in its own way, right...?)
When Cloud was giving the Seventh Infantry their final pep talk before the parade, Aerith — after a little bit of encouragement from herself and Tifa, naturally — was tempted to let him keep going, because she wanted to see much more. "Today is our day. It was made for the Seventh Infantry! We will win that commendation for our city!" He genuinely sounded like a different person. "And we will return home as champions!"
(With the way he looked down at his right hand, maybe Cloud was of the same thought, somewhere deep inside...and wasn't that a fascinating thing to ponder?)
Who are you, Cloud? Aerith wondered, even as she and Tifa both cooperated to keep him from on a genuine tear with his (temporary) unit. Are you the SOLDIER? Are you the parade captain? Are you the boy who grew up in Nibelheim with Tifa? Are you the man who's too shy to talk about a hand massage? Are you someone with a tie to Zack? Who are you?
She couldn't answer for sure...yet she knew that she had once possessed that answer; that it had been denied to her by the capriciousness of the Whispers was quietly infuriating.
(She would just have to work harder, then.)
xxxx
THE UNKNOWN JOURNEY WILL CONTINUE...
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Author's Note: In the OG FF7, the same music that played in Kalm ("On Our Way") also played in Under Junon (at least, before Rufus's parade theme took over).
Given Aerith's conversation with Red XIII about the Whispers in the Inn (largely pulled from the game), that's actually an interesting parallel that's been made with Cloud...insofar as memory shenanigans go, at least.