Hope for All- Chapter 6
"They know what Mona?" said Tony, a bit more forcefully than he intended. He looked over at Angela, who had just as puzzled a look on her as he did.
"Frick and frack upstairs were eavesdropping on our conversation this morning Tony. They don't know all the details needless to say, but they know something is going on. Both asked me if Angela is pregnant" said Mona.
Tony sunk down in his chair and ran his hands through hair. Angela looked from Tony to Mona, back to Tony again.
"What conversation? What did they overhear you two saying?" said Angela in a harsher sounding voice than she intended.
"Well dear, we were just discussing what's going on around here with the fertility clinic and being able to support you through the process. We didn't go into many details so they really don't know a lot" said Mona.
"Don't know a lot? They both asked if I was pregnant so I am guessing they heard enough! How could you both do this?" Angela yelled as she leapt out of her chair and headed out of the kitchen.
"Angela wait!" said Tony as he stood up from his chair.
"Mona, this is all your fault! You just had to go poking around, asking questions about me and Angela! You couldn't have just left well enough alone!" shouted Tony.
"Listen Tony, this really isn't such a big deal. The kids needed to know anyway and who would have known they were eavesdropping? Look, Angela will calm down and this will all be something we can laugh about… someday…" Mona said, trailing off as she watched Tony's face continue to turn a deepened red.
"I'm done talking to you right now. I need to go find Angela" said Tony as he walked into the living room. He started up the stairs thinking she would have gone to her room, but decided to check her office first.
"Angela? Angela, are you there?" Tony asked as he lightly knocked on her door.
"Go away Tony!" said Angela. "Please Angela… we need to talk" said Tony.
Angela walked away from her desk and opened the door. "I think there was enough talking today, don't you think Tony?"
"Look Angela, this is not what it seems, at least not in it's entirety. Can I please come in so we might have some privacy?" said Tony. Angela answered by opening the office door and allowing Tony to walk into the room.
"Please Angela, you have to believe me, we didn't intend for the kids to overhear us. Heck, it wasn't even much of a conversation. Mona was being, well Mona, and started talking about you and I and what she saw this morning. Then she started asking me about my role in all of this… you know the process, the injections, the other stuff… I ended the conversation as quickly as I could, I promise you I did!" pleaded Tony.
Angela walked to her office sofa and collapsed down, putting her head in her hands and curling forward. Tony came and sat down next to her and put his arm around her, gently rubbing her back.
"I just… I didn't want to tell them yet, until I was certain about everything. I'm still wrapping my head around things and it's been my idea! Do you think they will understand why I'm doing this? Be supportive? Or are they going to hate me for doing this? It's going to be such a big change for everybody, will they be able to handle it?" rambled Angela.
"Hey now", started Tony as he continued to rub Angela's back. "Look- neither one of us wanted them to learn about this in this way. And they still don't know much. They will be okay, I promise, even if it will take sometime to adjust. Let's not underestimate our kids, alright? One step at a time, Angela."
Giving a slight, weak smile, Angela turned to Tony and said "You're right Tony. One thing at a time. How about we plan on talking to them tomorrow after dinner? I have a pretty light day at the office tomorrow, so I was thinking of working from home to catch up on some paperwork. That way you and I can talk some more about how and what exactly I am going to say to them."
"What we are going to say to them. I'm in this too you know. We're a team, parenting and… otherwise. I know a lot has happened in the past hour or so, but I was hoping we could finish our talk from earlier? Maybe when we talk tomorrow about how to tell the kids?" Tony asked.
"Yes I think that would be best. I'm not sure I can handle anything more right now" said Angela.
"How about you finish up your dinner while I clean up the kitchen and then I'll make us a cup of tea before bed?" asked Tony.
"That sounds great Tony. You head into the kitchen and I'll be in there in just a moment" said Angela as she got off the sofa and headed back to her desk. Tony couldn't help but watch her walk away from him, his eyes glued to the contour of her body, all the while wondering if his promise of everything working out would hold true.
Then next morning, it was Angela who was up and ready to start the day before the rest of the family. She was in the kitchen reading the newspaper and drinking her coffee when Tony walked in.
"Angela! You scared me! What are you doing down here so early?" questioned Tony.
"I couldn't fall back to sleep, not that I got much sleep to begin with" said Angela. "So I opted to go for a run, got back to shower and started some work. I figured I'd better start with the coffee if I'm going to make it to dinner tonight!" she laughed.
With a look on concern on his face, Tony moved closer to her. "Coffee alone isn't going to do it Angela. I know you aren't a big breakfast eater, but how about I whip you up some breakfast? Maybe waffles with extra whipped cream?"
"Normally I'd say no, but that does sound delicious Tony. I'm sure the kids will enjoy it too. Can I help you?" asked Angela.
"No Angela I'm good. We want them edible right?" Tony laughed as Angela gave him a sideways glare. "Very funny- that's the last time I offer my assistance in the kitchen!" she said.
Both Tony and Angela continued their conversation as Tony made breakfast, until Samantha and Jonathan entered the kitchen.
"Good morning sweethearts! Did you both sleep well?" said Angela.
"Hi Angela. You're up early and you're not dressed for work. Is everything okay?" said Samantha as she shot a look towards Jonathan.
"Yes everything is okay. I've got a light workload today so I thought I would work from home. With all of you in school today, it will give me a chance to get caught up on some paperwork. Then we can all have dinner together and maybe watch some television. How does that sound?" asked Angela.
"Sounds good Mom! Can I pick what we watch?" asked Jonathan. "It better not be anything gross dweeb!" yelled Samantha.
"How about we figure that out tonight? Meanwhile, the waffles are getting cold! Eat up everyone!" said Tony.
The family finished up breakfast and the kids made their way out the door for school. Making sure the kids actually left and weren't risking being eavesdropped on, Tony sat down at the table to talk with Angela.
"So… I don't have class until 11am this morning. I figured you'd want to get back to work soon, but I was wondering if you wanted to talk this morning, knowing the kids can't eavesdrop" said Tony.
"Sure Tony. This is probably the most alone time we are going to get. What are your thoughts on how we are going to tell the kids? I really don't know how to even start this conversation" she said.
"Well, I think we say that this is something we've been talking about for a while and it seems like the right time to explore this for our family. Since you began working with the clinic for business purposes, you were able to learn more about the process and what it would entail for you. It's not going to be a guarantee that after everything it will result in a baby, but that the doctors are confident that the chances are high" said Tony.
"We? Our family?" questioned Angela, with a surprised, yet cautious smile forming on her face.
"Well yes, we and our family. We are a family Angela. I mean not in the conventional sense of course, but we are one none the less. Uh ummm… Angela, have you given any more thought to using the ummm sperm bank?" asked Tony, trailing off at the last part, his eyes now casting downwards to his hands.
"Well, I've started looking at the questionnaire. There's so many questions and things to consider, things I hadn't even thought about. It feels more like a government census survey than determining the future father of my child. It's all so… impersonal" said Angela.
"What if it didn't have to be so impersonal? What… what if I was the one to… ya know… donate?" Tony practically whispered.
"What did you say?" asked Angela. "Did he just ask to be the father of the baby? Did I hear him right? Could this actually be happening?" thought Angela.
"I… I said would you want me to be the donor, to be the father of the baby?" "Oh no what have I done? Maybe she doesn't want that, doesn't see me like that!" Tony thought and started to panic.
Angela could see the apprehension on Tony's face. She reached over and placed her hands over his and looked straight into his eyes. "Nothing would make me happier Tony than for you to be the baby's father, for us to have this bond. I've thought about us having a baby for a long time and I've wanted to ask you since this crazy idea of mine first started, I just didn't know how" said Angela.
"You thought about us having a baby?" asked Tony, still in awe at Angela's words. A smile started forming on his face and he began to intertwine his fingers with hers.
"Yes, I guess I have ever since we watched baby Clint. The way you took care of him, it just melted my heart. I started picturing a baby around the house… you doing your chores with a baby on your hip, having a baby surrounded by toys on a blanket on the floor of my office as I worked. Eventually, I don't know when, I started thinking maybe it would, it could be ours…" Angela trailed off, looking back at their intertwined hands.
Without even thinking, Tony moved his chair so it was right up to Angela's, his thigh touching hers. A stray piece of hair fell across Angela's face. Tony instinctively took his hand and pushed the stray piece back in it's place, keeping his hand in place to caress the side of her face. Time again seemed to cease to exist as they slowly moved towards each other, as if some unknown magnetic force was drawing them together. Ever so slowly, their lips found one another. The kiss was somehow different than any other one they shared. It was full of promise, full of hope, full of love.
After what seemed like hours, but was in reality only a few precious moments, both broke the kiss and slowly moved apart. Tony was the first to speak again.
"So I guess we have more to tell the kids than I thought" he said with a slight chuckle.
"Tony, I'm not sure letting the kids know about whatever is happening between us is a good idea. They're going to have enough change coming, I don't want to overwhelm them" she said.
With a slight air of disappointment in his voice, Tony reluctantly agreed. "You're probably right Angela. I mean what's to tell anyway. The focus needs to be on this process and adding to our family."
"Right. Well, I need to get back to work and you need to get ready for school. We will talk to the kids tonight after dinner", said Angela as she started to clean up the remains of the family's breakfast. Again, Tony stopped her from cleaning and took the plates from her hands before turning to focus on washing them in the sink. Angela couldn't help but smile as she looked lovingly at Tony before turning and heading to her office.
Dinner went on as normal, the family catching each other up on their day's activities. Tony had made a special effort to have some of the kid's' favorites prepared for dinner. As the meal was winding down, Angela and Tony silently gave each other the go ahead to start the conversation.
"So kids… there's something Tony and I wanted to speak with you both about. I believe you both may have some ideas already as I think you may have overheard Mother and Tony talking in the kitchen the other morning" said Angela.
"Normally you two would be in big trouble for eavesdropping, but we are willing to let it slide this time" said Tony as he pointed at both kids. Samantha and Jonathan looked back at each other, not sure what emotion to feel at the moment- elation for evading punishment for eavesdropping or terror at what was inevitably going to be an awkward conversation. Currently, terror was winning out for both.
"Anyway, we wanted to speak to both of you and let you know what has been going on. You two remember that new client I signed a few weeks ago, Hope for All fertility clinic?" Both kids nodded their heads silently.
"Well, for a while now, probably since we watched baby Clint, I've been thinking about having another baby. I hadn't really considered it being a real possibility until the clinic contacted the agency to advertise. I, well, Tony and Mother and I attended an informational session to learn more about the process. They use the state of the art technology and the whole process has become very safe and routine. Last week, I met with one of the doctors to go over how it would work. They believe I'm a good candidate… I'm healthy and still young enough for things to hopefully work out. I didn't want to talk to you both until I had met with the doctors and had a better understanding of everything, but now that I have, I, well, we thought it was the right time" said Angela.
"We know this is coming as a bit of a surprise and will definitely change things around here, but we want you both to know we love you very much and that will never change" said Tony as he looked between both kids and finally glancing over at Angela.
"Yes, that will never, ever change. Do… do you have any questions?" asked Angela.
"So I get why you are talking to Jonathan about this and I kinda get why I'm here, but shouldn't this really be a conversation between Angela and Jonathan?" questioned Sam.
"Eh oh, oh eh! You are here because this concerns our family and you are part of this family! There's umm… also another reason why you are here Sam. Angela and I have been talking about this and I've let her know I'm going to be there for her through this process as her… friend" said Tony.
"Best friend" clarified Angela as she gave him a quick, but loving smile. Tony returned the smile before turning his attention back to the kids. Both Samantha and Jonathan noticed this not so subtle affection between their parents.
"Right, best friend. So as her best friend, I'm going to be there to take her to appointments and testing. Angela will need someone to help with some of the medications and other stuff. So I'm gonna help her. And ummm… we've ummm… decided I'm going to be the baby's father" Tony said, letting out a deep breath he didn't know he was holding in.
Samantha and Jonathan just sat there, mouths hanging open, not saying a word for a few moments. This time it was Jonathan who broke the silence.
"Mom, are you and Tony getting married? Isn't that what happens before people have a baby?" he asked innocently.
Angela and Tony both froze, quickly looking at one another, not knowing how to answer that question.
"Sweetheart, people don't need to be married to have a baby. The clinic works with all types of different families, some who have both parents who are married, some who aren't and some are single mothers like I am. Tony and I both have wanted another child and we feel like this is the right time to focus on that. I don't expect you to fully understand this and it's okay to need more time to adjust to the idea." said Angela.
"I didn't know you wanted more kids Dad. I thought you were happy with just me" Samantha said, trailing off at the end.
"Eh oh, oh eh! I am and always will be over the moon that you are my daughter! If this doesn't end up happening, because even going through all of this process it doesn't guarantee a baby, I will still have you, you both, and that is and always will be more than enough. I know we don't talk enough about your Mom Sam, but she and I always wanted a big family. You were supposed to be the first of many kids for us, but life just didn't work out that way. I kinda put that dream of more children out of my mind for a long time, but it's always been there. Angela feels the same way and we both feel that this is the right time to try and make that dream come true" Tony said as he reached over and took Angela's hand in his own.
"Can I be excused please?" said Samantha, trying her best to hold back tears. "Yeah, me too please" followed Jonathan.
"I really think we should talk more…" Tony started but was stopped by a not so subtle squeeze of Angela's hand to his own. "Yes of course you both can be excused. If you have any more questions or want to talk about it, you can talk to us at anytime, but we want to keep this just between us- no other family or friends at the moment, okay?" said Angela.
Both kids nodded in agreement before heading out of the kitchen.
"Well that was eventful" Tony laughed nervously as he started to pull at a loose string from his sleeve.
"Eventful? Oh Tony, that was horrible! Did you see their faces? Samantha was almost in tears and Jonathan looked like a deer caught in the headlights. Maybe this isn't something I should be doing" said Angela as she burst into tears.
Tony came around the table to her chair and embraced Angela in a tight hug, slowly rubbing her back as she sobbed into his shoulder.
"Hey, hey it wasn't that bad. We will keep talking to them about it, answer anymore of their questions or concerns. Make sure they understand that our love for them will never change. I think once the shock of it wears off, they'll be fine" Tony said, just as much for his own sake as for Angela's.
Wiping the tears from her eyes as she sat back in her chair, Angela couldn't help but smile at Tony's words.
"I hope you are right. I don't think I can do this if they both aren't on board and I know I couldn't be doing this without your support. Thank you Tony" she said as she gave him a quick kiss on his cheek. They both got up and began cleaning up the remains of dinner. Within a few minutes, the kitchen was back in order and they headed into the living room to watch some television before heading to bed.
Neither Tony nor Angela were paying much attention to the television, so when the show ended, both stood up simultaneously and went to finish up for the night. As they were busy locking up the front door and straightening up the pillows on the sofa, they barely heard Samantha and Jonathan come down the stairs.
"Dad? Angela? We've been talking upstairs about this whole thing. Can we talk to you guys? Alone?" said Samantha. Tony and Angela shared a worried glance at each other but agreed to talk to the kids alone. Tony and Sam walked into the kitchen, while Angela and Jonathan stayed in the living room.
Tony grabbed a seat, turning it backwards and sitting down to face Samantha, who took the seat next to him.
"Look Dad, this whole thing is a bit overwhelming. It's one thing for Angela to want this, but it's a whole other thing for you to be… involved I guess. I never knew you and mom wanted more kids after me. It really sucks you both were gypped out of that chance" said Samantha.
"Losing your mom was the most difficult thing I've ever had to go through. So many things were never the same again. Our hopes and dreams for the future just vanished into thin air. It wasn't until we moved here, that I saw some of those dreams again- making the best life for you as I possibly could, watching you grow into the beautiful young woman you are today. But this dream, the one of having more kids… I buried it away. I had no idea how much I still wanted it until Angela started this process. I know it's anything but traditional, but what has been since we moved here right?" Tony said with a slight laugh.
"Yeah that's true" Samantha said with a laugh too. "It's just… I always thought you and Angela would get married someday. It's obvious you love each other. I mean I've wanted you two together practically from the beginning. When I was little, I kept waiting for you to mess up around here- no offense Dad- and this new life would be over as soon as it started. I figured if you two got together, it wouldn't matter if you messed up then!" laughed Samantha.
"Eh oh, oh eh! You thought I'd mess up? Where's your confidence in your old man?" said Tony.
"Dad!" she said as she rolled her eyes. "C'mon Angela could have fired you at least fifty times over the years if she didn't care about you, if she didn't love you."
"Look, my relationship with Angela is… complicated. You're right there is something there, but we're not in the place yet to take it further right now, which I know doesn't make much sense when we are talking about having a baby together, but it is what feels right to both of us right now. You understand?" said Tony.
"Not fully but I'm starting to… I think. It's still not something I'm totally comfortable with, but I'll be there to support you and Angela. I love you dad" said Samantha as she and Tony stood up for a hug.
"How about we make up four bowls of ice cream for all of us to pig out on in the living room?" asked Tony as he made his way to the freezer.
"You don't have to ask me twice!" she laughed.
Meanwhile, Angela and Jonathan had started a similar conversation in the living room. Both were seated next to each other on the sofa.
"Mom? Will the new baby take my room or will I have to share a room?" asked Jonathan.
"Oh sweetheart, no one is going to take your room. If and when a baby comes, we will figure it out I promise. In the beginning, babies share a room with their parents so it would be a long way off. Aside from the new living arrangements, is there anything else you want to ask?" Angela said as she gently moved some of his hair that had fallen across his face.
Looking down at his hands, Jonathan spoke in a voice barely above a whisper. "Aren't Sam and I enough for you and Tony?"
Fighting back her own tears, Angela hugged Jonathan tightly. "Yes of course you are, you both are our entire worlds. We love you both more than you could ever imagine. You both have been and always will be more than enough for both of us. If this doesn't work out and a baby isn't in our future, both Tony and I will be more than happy with our little family of four… well five if you count Grandma" she said.
"Then why are you going to do this? Won't there be a lot of doctor's appointments and tests and stuff? That doesn't sound like a lot of fun" he said.
Wiping her eyes, Angela let out a small laugh at Jonathan's last response. "Well, when you want to have a baby, there are a lot of doctor's appointments. I had to go to a whole bunch of them when I was pregnant with you, but I promise it is all worth it. You know, when you were born, your Dad and I were so happy. You were the cutest, chubbiest little baby boy. It didn't take long once you started to get bigger and learned to crawl and walk, that the thought of having another baby came into my mind. Your Dad and I agreed to wait until my career had taken off a bit more, but by the time it did, our marriage was over. I had to forget about my dream of more kids, which was okay because I had you. Then Tony and Sam came into our lives and part of that dream came true. Even though Sam isn't my daughter and you're not Tony's son, we are all part of this unconventional little family. Once we babysat baby Clint, the idea of a baby just came back to me and really never left. This maybe one of the last chances for me to have a baby and I'd like to try it" she said.
"What will this mean for you and Tony? It's so obvious you like each other, even after he's seen you in your bathrobe!" said Jonathan.
"Yes he has" Angela laughed, thinking that Tony has seen her in much less than a bathrobe. "Our relationship is… complicated. Tony and I do care for each other a lot, but we're not ready to focus on that right now. I don't expect you or Samantha to understand what Tony and I don't fully understand. But I do promise you, from now on, we won't be keeping things from you okay?"
"Okay Mom. It would be kinda cool to no longer be the youngest around here, have someone else to boss around!" said Jonathan.
Both Angela and Jonathan were laughing when Tony and Sam came through the door with the bowls of ice cream.
"We thought we could all use some comfort food. Nothing says comfort like ice cream!" said Tony. Tony gave Angela a quick glance and a slight nod of his head. Angela smiled back and gave him a slight nod back. Both knew there were a lot more conversations to be had, but sitting in their living room, watching their unconventional family smiling and laughing while devouring their ice cream, Tony and Angela couldn't help but smile. Maybe this was going to work out after all.