"Steve?"

Will's voice interrupts the… nothing that Steve was thinking about.

"Hmm?"

"Where are we going?"

Steve snaps his attention back on the road as the "Leaving Hawkins" sign passes by. After Billy had gone, Will and Steve had climbed into the car. Steve started his BMW up and he just… drove. He didn't have a plan.

All he knew was, he had to get the hell out of dodge.

Just for a little while.

"You said you wanted to get out of the house," Steve plays it off coolly. "Well, I'm doing you one better and getting you out of town." He glances at Will. "Is that okay?"

Will hesitates. "Well… when are we going back?"

"After we get something to eat. It's way past lunchtime, kid, and all you've eaten today is a bowl of cereal."

"So, you're not kidnapping me and running away?"

Steve swallows. Doesn't that sound nice? But he says, "Nah. Just momentarily."

Will nods, a soft smile creeping onto his face. "Okay. I can live with momentarily."

xxx

Steve finds them a diner and he eats more than he should.

He feels empty, and tries desperately to fill the gaping hole with a burger, fries, and a large chocolate milkshake.

xxx

Steve doesn't remember the drive back, which is scary as hell. He remembers leaving the diner and then… he was parked in the Byers' driveway.

Will doesn't seem bothered by it. "Hey, look who it is," he says, as he kicks open the passenger door.

Steve glances into his rearview mirror to see that Jonathan has pulled in behind them. Nancy and Mike are with him, and Steve feels like he can't breathe.

He leans forward to rest his head on the steering wheel, listens to the muffled voices as Will greets his brother and company.

He hears Will murmur the words Billy Hargrove and then Mike shouts WHAT?! just as Nancy says What in the world was he thinking?

Steve should have known he'd get flack for this.

Jonathan says something - Steve isn't sure what - to get them all to calm down. Hears him say, Go inside.

Steve keeps his head down. Even as Jonathan rounds the car and opens the passenger-side door. He hates feeling exposed like this.

And it's non-stop.

"Hey," Jonathan says softly as he slides into the seat.

Steve greets him back, but it doesn't feel like him. He feels like he's not even here. He says, "Something's wrong," and it's his voice, but he doesn't remember forming the words.

"What is?" Jonathan asks, concerned now.

"I… I think I'm freaking out," Steve manages over the cotton feeling in his mouth. His heart is pounding against his chest. He tries to explain. "I… I don't remember…"

He can't remember the drive back.

He can't.

I'm going fucking crazy.

Jesus, he could've wrecked the car. Will could've been hurt.

He must've said all of that out loud because Jonathan is holding onto his arm. He says gently, "Steve, Will's okay. He's completely safe." He says, "Steve, look at me."

Steve doesn't want to. He doesn't want to look Jonathan in the eye.

Not now.

But he does.

And Jonathan is looking at him in a way that surpasses understanding, and Steve feels oddly protected by it. His stomach somersaults as he realizes this must be how Nancy feels when she's with Jonathan, too.

Protected.

She didn't feel that way with Steve.

Jonathan listens and acknowledges and cares.

He doesn't just brush everything off and pretend.

"Get out of your head, Steve," Jonathan says, still as gentle as ever. "Talk to me."

Steve takes in a deep breath and lets it out slowly, but the words slip out of him before he can consider their weight. "I get why you two work," he croaks. He's so tired that he can barely make his voice work properly.

Confusion flashes across Jonathan's face.

"You and Nancy," Steve clarifies.

Jonathan bites down on his lip. "Steve, let's not…" he trails off.

"What? Let's not talk about it?" Steve challenges, and there's anger bubbling up in his chest that he didn't know was there, and it's not justified. He knows it's not. But he can't stop. "You said 'talk to me.'"

Jonathan's wearing a forlorn expression. "I meant about—"

Steve turns his head away from Jonathan's kicked-puppy look, and gazes out the window. He makes a conscious effort to soften his voice because Byers doesn't deserve a temper tantrum. "I know what you meant," he breathes, the fight leaving him as quickly as it came. "Sorry."

Jonathan says, "No, it's okay. We haven't…"

We haven't talked about it. Maybe we should.

He doesn't finish the thought though. He just falls silent.

They both know now isn't the time.

Steve lets himself breathe. Tries to come back down to Earth.

Eventually, Jonathan says, "Steve?" and it's timid now, and Steve hates that he built back up the tension between them that had faded over the past couple of days.

He turns his head to look at Jonathan. "You want to know about today, don't you?"

Jonathan shrugs. "If you want to tell me about it."

Steve picks at a fray on his jeans.

"You don't have to," Jonathan says to Steve's silence. "It's just… being back at your house… that must've been really hard."

Steve nods. "It was."

Don't think about it. Don't think about it.

"How did…?"

Steve wonders if Jonathan will ever finish a thought again.

"How did I wind up there with Billy Hargrove?" he guesses.

"Yeah."

Steve exhales. How had that happened? "I don't know. He showed up here - he wanted that necklace your mom found. The one he wears all the time? It was his mom's. I gave it back and thought he'd leave, but he just stood there. He asked me where my car was and if I wanted a ride to go get it."

"And you accepted?"

Steve hangs his head. Billy is dangerous. Steve knows first-hand how dangerous. "I shouldn't have. It was irresponsible and I put Will at risk. I'm sorry."

"Steve, I'm not worried about Will. I'm worried about you. Billy put you in the hospital. Not even three weeks ago."

"I know, Byers. I was there."

"I could have taken you," Jonathan says quietly. "You didn't have to go with him."

Steve looks down at his hands. He doesn't have a legitimate reason to give for agreeing to take a ride with Hargrove, so instead he says, "Jonathan, I'm fine." And it sounds dumb because his heart is still pounding in his chest and his hands still feel numb.

Jonathan calls him out on it. "That's not what you were saying five minutes ago."

"I know," Steve allows with a sigh. He pinches the bridge of his nose. "But that has less to do with Billy Hargrove and more to do with the fact that my dad killed himself and my mom is MIA." Steve lets out a shuddering breath. "Billy was actually…" he trails off.

"What?" Jonathan ventures.

Steve goes back to playing with the fray on his jeans. "I don't know." He shrugs. "I'm glad he was there."

Jonathan doesn't say anything to that. Just runs his hands through his hair, his eyes wide with disbelief.

"You think I'm crazy."

Jonathan's lips quirk into a small smile. "Maybe a little, yeah," he concedes. "I'm just… I'm glad you're okay."

Okay is relative, but Steve appreciates the sentiment.

"Thanks."

They sit there a little while longer; Steve feels his heartbeat begin slow.

Jonathan asks if he's ready to go inside.

Steve isn't, but nods anyway.

He knew he'd have to face Nancy eventually.

Might as well get it over with now.

xxx

Jonathan takes his duffle for him.

Steve walks up the porch steps, swings open the door, and lets Nancy's hug swallow him whole.