Chapter Twelve

Sugar bombs are usually delightful. Picture, if you please, a five-year-old's birthday party. The glitter-covered children have played, danced, sang, and finally, just before they head home, they are presented with the pièce de résistance: the piñata. Eye masks are on, the baseball bats are out, and the colourful donkey is struck with glee.

Yet despite the best efforts of corn-syrup-loving kindergarteners, the stubborn thing will not break. Exhausted fathers, eager to leave the chaos, have plucked the bat from their children's sticky paws and have tried to rid the hollow donkey of its glucose goodness. Only the most aggressive father (who you might want to watch for) can crack that donkey, and his efforts are rewarded by piles of candy exploding from its insides. Squeals that threaten to rupture your eardrums are heard as the hoards of children stampede their way toward sugar highs and crashing lows. It is the stuff of joy, laughter, and merriment.

Unlike these fun-filled candy donkeys, the Tower's sugar bomb wasn't quite the same. The place had been reverberating with giggles of amusement (much like the aforementioned piñata scenario) until a dark cloud of magic descended onto the sweet cookie mixture and exploded it in a shower of raw, albeit delicious, ingredients.

It wasn't so much a sugar explosion but a sugar buzzkill. If he knew what an oxymoron was, Beast Boy would argue that this scenario was exactly that.

The laughter in the room ended abruptly. With looks of shock and confusion on their faces, the Titans each slowly looked at themselves and the sweet, sticky muck they were now covered in.

And as if on cue, they next looked to the person responsible for the catastrophe.

Raven went beet red and started mumbling an apology. She started rambling about meditation or fatigue or something along those lines, but Beast Boy wasn't paying attention. He was well accustomed to the usual excuses Raven gave in these circumstances.

Instead, he tried to replay the scenario in his mind. What would cause her to have such a reaction? He was only doing his one-man comedy show about his future 'wife'. But what choice did he have? All the genuine things he had said to her were shot down faster than a woman's ideas in an all-male board room.

"I guess I'm just not cut out for making cookies." He zoned back in again to hear Raven as she wistfully gestured to the mess her magic had made.

Starfire, being the Titan with the hardiest of stomachs, took a tentative lick of the dough splattered across her arm, "It is too bad, dear friend Raven. It is rather delicious."

Cyborg copied the alien princess and stuck a finger in a dollop that had landed on his shoulder, "It ain't half bad!" He found another spot to lick clean, "It isn't- you should try again!"

Raven started handing out dish towels to her younger teammates, "Thank you, Cyborg. Maybe one of these days I will get it right."

Handing one to Beast Boy, she curved an eyebrow, "But maybe I'll wait until I get home." She bit her bottom lip in an almost sultry way, but Beast Boy couldn't miss the steel behind her eyes when she said, "Perhaps your wife will help me make them?"

Beast Boy winced as she emphasized the word.

Instinctively, he threw his arm behind his head and uttered a "Yep!" an octave higher than he intended. Swallowing his embarrassment, he cleared his throat, "I'm sure she'd be happy to help!"

The blaze that seemed to ignite around her extinguished as quickly as it came, and Raven swept her downcast eyes to the dirty floor. "I guess I need to meditate. The pressure of tomorrow night is clearly showing." She shuffled over to the sink, put on the tap, and started to wipe down the counter with the soapy dishcloth.

Beast Boy watched as the batter she had so lovingly put together was cleared up from the surface and tossed down the sink. It went without saying that she didn't trust her powers to clean up the mess right now- not while she didn't have control of her emotions. He knew the moment she handed him the towel, the moment he saw the flash of hurt in her eyes.

I'm sorry, he wanted to say. He knew it was somehow his fault, but he also knew the apology would fall on deaf ears. The damage was done. Instead, he plucked the dishcloth from her hands.

"You need to reserve your strength. I'll clean this up. Go meditate." Although he didn't buy her excuse, he couldn't deny her extra time to prepare for tomorrow night's ritual. Tearing a rip into the fabric of time was, after all, an excellent justification for stress.

Without looking at him, she nodded and obediently handed over the cloth.

"I'm sorry," she whispered so only he could hear. Turning to the other Titans, she said louder, "I'm sorry. I'm a little more nervous about tomorrow than I thought."

"Do not worry friend Raven, we will clean this for you," Starfire said, already floating around and wiping the fridge.

"You just get some rest, little lady."

With a grateful nod, she walked out of Ops faster than Beast Boy thought a pregnant woman could move.

With the doors closed firmly behind her, Robin voiced the thoughts that were on everybody's mind, "Why do you think that happened?"

Cyborg shrugged as he rinsed out this cloth. "Like she said, a lot of pressure to get back home. I wouldn't worry too much about it, man."

Robin nodded at his friend's words, but Beast Boy knew that behind his mask, he was watching his every move.

Hours later, Beast Boy was sprawled out on his top bunk, staring at the ceiling. With so many thoughts, predominantly of Raven, clouding his head, sleep seemed worlds away.

She had stayed in her room after the cookie explosion. Eventually venturing out for a dinner of vegetarian lasagna (Beast Boy was not impressed that Cyborg tried to shift his culinary skills towards Raven's preferences but not his own), she seemed to be her usual self for most of the meal. However, Beast Boy could not ignore the fact that she neglected to make eye contact with him once.

The one interaction they had over the meal was when they had both gone to grab the salad tongs, and their fingers had brushed together. Beast Boy couldn't deny the bolt of electricity that gave a jolt through his gloved hand when they touched; it blasted its way to his gut and seemed to warble in delight, but her formal murmur of apology made the vibrating stomach slump anti-climatically.

After the meal was over and the dishes done, she had excused herself to her room and hadn't come out since.

On two occasions, he had passed her door to knock and apologize, but both times he felt his hands go clammy and his mouth dry up. Despite his best efforts, he couldn't calm down, let alone block his emotions from the empath. Not wanting her to be burdened with his lack of self-control, he turned around and headed back to his room.

This was another reason for his restlessness; the lack of improvement in blocking his emotions. It was starting to irk him as, by all accounts, he should have it in the bag. Surely his time with Mento should have solidified his training in blocking all internal feelings and thoughts from external scrutiny. Yet, it was a constant cycle of attempting to shield, getting agitated when it wasn't working, and having difficulty putting his guards back up as he tried to squash down the irritation. It was… aggravating.

A glance at his watch confirmed the late hour, and Beast Boy audibly sighed as he rubbed his chin. Maybe a glass of almond milk might calm him to sleep.

On nimble toes, he stepped into the hallway. The pneumatic door behind him, while not overly loud, made him wince as it closed shut.

Although the room Raven was sleeping in wasn't on his way, there was a deep-rooted need to pass her door and make sure she was safe. He knew he was being ridiculous- she was an incredibly powerful sorceress and would be completely fine with or without his snooping. But despite this, he found himself at her door as he lifted an ear towards the cold metal. The steady breath of the occupant inside gave him an odd sense of comfort, and a smile crept unknowingly across his face.

Feeling slightly calmer than he did, Beast Boy turned himself around and tiptoed his way towards Ops.

Expecting the room to only be lit by the soft emergency lighting, he blinked in surprise to find that all the lights were on, and the television was humming softly with a late-night program in the background.

It seemed he wasn't the only one who couldn't answer the beckoning call of the sandman.

"Good evening, friend. Or should I say, good morning? The hour is rather late." Starfire smiled at Beast Boy as he made his way towards the kitchen.

"Hey, Star," Beast Boy smiled back, "Ya. Good morning to you too, I guess. What are you doing up at this hour?" He warily eyed the bowl she held between her hands. The wooden spoon seemed to stick out of the neon-purple mixture as if it were held there by cement. It's just his luck. He really hoped his late-night rambles didn't get him a stomach ache.

"I could not sleep. I am too sad about the departure of our friend Raven, so I am making the pudding of sadness," she sighed as she attempted to spin the spoon around the lumpy mixture.

Beast Boy nodded in understanding.

"I… uh…," he was going to say the same thing but for some reason, was reluctant to show Starfire just how much regard he had for the older woman. "I have a headache." He decided to go with something plausible, considering how many he had had since he began his training with the empath. "Working with Raven kinda gives me a headache. I haven't been able to shake this one off yet." He hated how easily the lies were sliding off his tongue. Lying to Starfire seemed especially shameful as the girl was nothing but kindness, rainbows, and sunshine. One could often forget that under her bright exterior, she was a powerhouse warrior alien capable of the worst kind of destruction.

"Working with Raven?" Starfire looked at him quizzically while she continued to fight with her pudding.

"Yeah, she's been teaching me to block my emotions from her. It's a LOT harder than I expected," Beast Boy answered as he opened the fridge and pulled himself out some cashew milk. He had decided a hot chocolate was best for nighttime chats.

"Oh! Is that what you have been doing in your room these past days?" Starfire's eyes twinkled as she smiled at the changeling.

"Yeah, we were… hang on- what did you think we were doing?" His mind finally caught up with her sly grin.

She shrugged, "I did not think about it. I was merely under the impression that you wished to spend the time together."

"Ummm, well… yeah." Beast Boy's ears grew hot. He fumbled around the kitchen for a moment, preparing his drink. "I thought it would only take a couple of hours of training, but I'm finding it kind of hard. I was taught to block my mind back in my Doom Patrol days, and I have never really thought to put the two together until now. I thought that I would be an ace at it, but well… I'm not. Weird, right?" He decided to confess his feelings and open up to his sister-like teammate.

She hummed, though not in agreement, as if she was questioning his statement.

Beast Boy stepped away from mixing his drink and raised his eyebrows to encourage her to elaborate.

"Forgive me, Beast Boy, but may I ask why you wish to block your feelings from Raven?"

Beast Boy jumped onto the cool countertop, his legs dangling down over the cabinets. The hot chocolate now ready, he blew onto his drink before taking a sip, thinking. He let the warm liquid run down his throat and instantly felt relaxed and ready to talk. "I guess I just kind of figure all those emotions all the time must be such a strain. It might be nice if she can have one person around her who she doesn't have to worry about. I'm a pain as it is to her, but maybe I can help in just a little way."

With a thoughtful expression on her face, Starfire nodded with a smile. "This is most admirable of you, Beast Boy, but let me see if I am understanding the situation," she put her pudding, now somehow looking lime green, down on the counter. She tapped the marble with one finger as her other hand rested under her chin, deep in thought.

"You have been taught to successfully block your mind from others," she waited for his nod in agreement to continue, "and as emotions are also from the mind, you believe you should be able to easily block those as well."

Beast Boy nodded enthusiastically, "Yeah- that's exactly it!"

She cocked her head, considering. After a comfortable moment of silence, she cleared her throat, "While I do not pretend to know everything about humans and their nature, and while I have no doubt that emotions come from here-" she pointed to her temple with two fingers, "I also think they come from here," she said, placing her hand over her heart.

Beast Boy raised an eyebrow, "Your heart? Isn't that a little cheesy, Star?"

Starfire shrugged, "The cheese does have something to do with it. For it is all connected, is it not? The mind, the heart, the stomachs?" She wrung her hands, feeling a little lost.

"Hang on, are you talking about the gut-brain connection, Starfire?" Beast Boy asked, eyes wide at this revelation.

"I believe so?" Starfire made it sound like a question, but Beast Boy couldn't blame her. If he had been flung onto some far-off planet with little knowledge of the species who dwelt there, he would probably be just as hesitant as she was.

She made her way towards Beast Boy and hopped onto the counter so they were sitting side-by-side. He knew she would never do this with her boyfriend, as Robin would probably give a lecture on the price of marble and the uniqueness of the stone if it were to break, but Beast Boy knew Starfire would never tattle on him. That was the best thing about Starfire- she was definitely warm, girly, and fun, but her loyalty to her friends was what shone through the most to Beast Boy.

"You, my friend," she said, as if she was reading his thoughts, "are also not entirely human, not completely. You have a ménage à trois of animals in your head as well as your human side."

Beast Boy flushed, "Err Star, I think you mean a menagerie of animals."

"Is this not what I said?" She asked, her eyes round.

Beast Boy scooted a couple of inches away from the Tameranian, "No you said ménage- ah you know what? Maybe talk to Robin about that. But FYI it's a No from me."

Beast Boy sighed and took a deep swig of his hot chocolate as Starfire continued to look at him strangely. "You have a point, though. Although emotions come from the mind, I do rely heavily on instinct which is something I get from my animalistic side. Animals have emotions but they rely heavily on their guts and their heart. To assume that emotions would be on the same wavelength as thoughts alone is a little too simplistic- especially for me." He gave Starfire a bright smile, "This has given me food for thought, Starfire. Thank you for bringing this to my attention."

Starfire giggled at his language, "You can tell you have been doing the hanging with Raven- you are even sounding similar to her."

Beast Boy felt himself go hot- even higher a temperature than when Starfire had mentioned… well, what she mentioned.

"Yeah. I mean- I guess she's rubbing off on me." He couldn't hide the stupid grin that was plastered on his face.

Starfire clapped as she floated away from the countertop and landed back on the floor.

"Your affection for Raven is most adorable, Beast Boy." She skipped toward her pudding and threw some raisins and garlic salt into the mix. She hummed to herself as she floated around the kitchen, dumping ingredients from the cupboards into the bowl as she swayed. Beast Boy wasn't sure why any recipe, even a Tameranian one, would put pepperoni and black licorice in the same dish, and he suppressed a shudder at the thought of having to eat it.

Abruptly, she stopped her humming and nearly dropped the bowl as she sped back towards Beast Boy, who, for his part, practically jumped as she slammed herself into the cabinets. "Your affection for Raven!" she repeated.

Beast Boy's mouth flew open and he struggled for what to say, "Uhhh… Yeah… I mean… she's a Titan and my friend… and ummm…."

Starfire vehemently shook her head, "No, no, I do believe this could be another reason you are having difficulty hiding your feelings from her."

Beast Boy frowned at her, "What are you saying, Starfire?"

She sighed, "I apologize if I am looking too deeply into this; Robin is very fond of psychology, and we spend many hours together learning about the human psyche."

He stared at her, perplexed.

"So we can understand the motivations behind those who wish to do others harm." She shook her head, "It does not matter. What matters is, perhaps it is your subconscious that is also stopping you from successfully blocking your emotions from Raven."

Beast Boy stared at her as he tried to process what Starfire was suggesting. "So," he said, deciding that this was one of those rare times where he could speak his thoughts out loud, "What you're saying is that maybe I'm like… self-sabotaging? Like, subconsciously?"

"Perhaps," she said with a shrug as she whipped up her bowl again.

The smell from the mixture was a welcome distraction from the conversation- despite the bile rising to his throat. With a cough, he seized the excuse to change topics. "Star, I don't think Raven will be able to have that," he said, pointing to the foul concoction, "Her stomach is pretty sensitive right now."

She gave him a considerate look but nodded as if she understood his need to drastically change the topic.

"I am aware. The pudding is not for Raven; it is for me. I am sad that my friend has to go home, but I am even sadder that I will not remember her or the wonderful time she has shared with us this week."

Beast Boy went still at her words.

Without meaning to, he gripped the handle on his mug a little too tightly, and his sensitive ears heard the cracking of the porcelain. He palmed the bottom of the cup before it could fall and gently placed it back on the counter, all thoughts of drinking the warm liquid forgotten.

He watched Starfire for a minute, mentally dissecting what she had said and carefully planning his question. "Starfire," he said cautiously, "what do you mean you will not remember her?"

Starfire's confusion was evident as she tilted her head and furrowed her eyebrows at him. "The memory potion she is to give us before she leaves- it will erase this past week in its entirety."

Beast Boy stared dumbstruck at the alien, who continued as if Beast Boy knew what the hell she was talking about.

"Cyborg has already changed the footage from the cameras for most of the week, and Robin has helped create a program that erases Raven away automatically. Just for tomorrow- that is rather, today, of course."

Beast Boy wasn't quite sure why he leaped off the counter, but the tower would not stop spinning. His heart started to maniacally tap dance in his chest, and the lightness in his head and the anvil in his stomach were becoming too much for him to handle.

Starfire managed to catch him as he found himself careening towards the floor.

"Beast Boy! Are you well?" She exclaimed, clearly alarmed at the turn her friend had taken.

But now he couldn't breathe. His heart had stopped skipping, his hands started to shake, and a ringing was now clamoring behind his ears.

"Beast Boy!" Starfire shook the changeling, fear now in her voice as he attempted to gulp down air. "Please, my friend! What can I do to assist you?" She gave him another shake, more forceful this time.

Beast Boy was used to his body stretching, thinning, sprouting feathers, or growing limbs, but this automatic response to Starfire's news was so surreal he couldn't quite understand what was happening. It took several deep breaths and all his determination to gain some semblance of bodily control.

"Sorry, Starfire," he managed to wheeze out. "I'm okay."

She rubbed his back as Beast Boy's breath became less laboured. Once satisfied that Beast Boy was on the mend, she squeezed his shoulder and headed over to her bowl which had toppled over on her rush to help her stricken friend.

"I'm sorry your pudding is ruined," Beast Boy softly said as he watched her grab a mop.

"It is no worries, Beast Boy. Your health is more important to me than a pudding."

He felt guilty for not offering to help, but he seemed to be stuck on the floor, bottom getting cold on the tile, thoughts tangled up in his brain. Starfire didn't seem to mind, but Beast Boy noted how she was no longer humming.

Just as she was putting the last of the pudding down the trash, Beast Boy finally voiced what he couldn't get his mind past, "Why didn't she tell me?"

"I do not know," she answered softly though quickly- as if she was waiting for him to ask the question.

He only nodded and continued to sit on the kitchen floor.

They let the silence stretch as both contemplated the older woman's covert methods.

"When did she tell you?" His voice was husky, like he hadn't used it in a week or like he had gone and smoked ten cigarettes.

"A couple of days ago. She explained that coming here was a mistake and that she couldn't disrupt the past as it would affect the future."

Beast Boy huffed, "Let me guess, she talked a lot about causality and paradoxes and the space-time continuum." He didn't try to hide his bitterness as he spat out the words.

Starfire, seeing his resentment, gave him a small, sad smile in return, "Something like that."

Beast Boy only grunted and crossed his arms.

But the anger quickly ebbed- like it usually did when it came to Raven, and in its place, a hollow ache in his chest formed. Tears threatened to form in his eyes, but he wiped his hands down his face to stop it.

"Why would she show me how to block emotions if she was only going to wipe my memory?" he asked quietly, unblinking eyes staring at the floor.

"I do not know, Beast Boy. That is a question only Raven can answer," Starfire replied, matching his low tone.

"However," she said, a little more determined, "I do believe that Raven has everyone's best interest at heart. It is not only her future that can potentially be damaged, but ours as well. She has a kind heart and would never want that for her friends." She paused, "For her family," she said with resolve.

Beast Boy couldn't help but feel somewhat uplifted by Starfire's speech. Trust the Tameranian to find the best in people- despite the odds.

"Yeah. Thanks, Star," he said, breaking his staring contest with the tiles and giving her a tight smile.

She nodded and gestured to the door, "I am going to try and sleep now, my friend. Perhaps you will try and get some eye-shutting in as well?"

"I'll be there in a minute," he said, nodding.

With a look of understanding, she bowed her head in farewell and headed towards the door.

"Star!" Beast Boy cried before the door could hiss open. He scrambled off the floor and took long steps toward the alien, ignoring his muscles as they screamed at the sudden movement.

"I just wanted to say thanks for being such a good friend."

Starfire's face lit up like a Christmas tree, and Beast Boy held his breath as he was enveloped in one of her bone-crushing hugs.

"I will always be there for you, my friend!" she exclaimed, pulling him away. And like she read his thoughts, she added, "I promise I will not tell anyone of what transpired this evening."

With a swish of her hair, she floated out of Ops and towards what little sleep she could gain out of the night.

Beast Boy watched her leave with a touch of envy as he knew without a shadow of a doubt that with all this new information he had been given, sleep was still worlds away.

Authors note:

Oh, that Raven is a sneaky one! Next week, Beast Boy confronts Raven about her secret!

Also- We are SO close, guys! I hope you come along for the last four chapters and as always, let me know what you think!