Chapter 41: Yin and Yang
When Fireheart's patrol returned, Graystripe was sopping wet. There was almost icicles growing between his whiskers. I faintly growled at the young warrior's foolishness. Winter was nearly here and he didn't have the foresight to dry himself? He was just like an overly large kit. I'd usually try to beat a lesson into his head, but he seemed largely distracted, and Yellowfang and Tigerclaw seemed intent on teaching him a lesson anyways. There was no way he wouldn't catch a cold from this.
I tuned out the reprimanding Graystripe and Cinderpaw were undergoing as I approached Fireheart. "You know Graystripe's going to be sick after walking to camp wet and cold. That means Brackenpaw is without a mentor." I stated calmly.
"I'll teach him. I can manage Cinderpaw and him." Fireheart responded defensively.
I wished I could facepalm. Fireheart hadn't caught my drift at all. That meant I had to clarify.
"What I was implying was that Ravenfeather and I are free cats. We can focus on Brackenpaw while you deal with Cinderpaw. She's not going to do well without your undivided attention." I mewed with slight annoyance.
Fireheart blushed in embarrassment. He usually read me pretty easily, but our time apart seemed to have lessened that link. I faintly cursed my inattentiveness.
"Oh. Sorry Smudgefoot. I misunderstood." Fireheart apologized.
"It's not a problem. You know, I wouldn't mind you calling me Smudge. I know my name is a bit of a mouthful. It is just my name shortened." I mewed.
"Smudge… Yeah. I missed saying that. Smudgefoot never felt quite right to say… You know, I haven't spent much time with you. I've been with Graystripe while you've been with Ravenfeather. Are we… still friends?" Fireheart asked with a wince.
I used my right paw to push Fireheart's face into looking straight at me. "Fireheart. You know I care deeply for you. You are the first cat I ever cared about. Nothing you could do would make you not my friend. Yes, I've let you distance yourself from me. Yes, I've been hanging out more with Ravenfeather, but that is only because I care about you. I care about you enough to let you make your own friends. You'd never be happy with just me. You're an extrovert. Me, I like having just a few very close friends. You and Ravenfeather are my world. So, nothing you could do could ever possibly make me not care for you. I'm just giving you the room to make the connections you need. Just know, if the world turns against you, I'm still here by your side."
"Thanks Smudge." Fireheart mewed, slightly teary eyed. He briefly wiped his eyes with a paw before speaking again. "So, back to Brackenpaw. Would you be willing to have lessons with me? I think Brackenpaw's presence helps reel Cinderpaw in."
"I'd be glad to. It'll be the five of us. You and Ravenfeather will teach the regular lessons, and I'll teach them special lessons." I mewed confidently.
"Special lessons?" Fireheart questioned.
"Do you remember how I taught you about forming your own opinion?"
"Well yeah. I use that all the time. How is a cat supposed to be good if they never ask what is good?" Fireheart mewed.
"Exactly! That's what I want to teach. I want to teach them to ask the right questions and form their own opinions. A good warrior follows orders. A great one knows why… Also, Brackenpaw is a yes cat, and that pisses me off." I stated.
Ravenfeather made his entrance to the conversation then. "You've never been one to suffer fools. To be fair, you are right. Tigerclaw would never have gotten the position he did if any cat had bothered to question his story."
"At least Whitestorm and Lionheart are asking the questions now." I mewed offhandedly.
"Wait. Whitestorm and Lionheart know?!" Fireheart exclaimed.
"Not really. I've just given them enough information to get them questioning. Sometimes a cat can only believe if they find proof for themselves. We could force feed them all that we know, but it would be just as easy for them to deny it. If they pick up each tidbit on their own, they'll come to the right conclusion and believe it." I responded.
"Well, you wouldn't be Smudge if you weren't leading some cat by the nose." Fireheart joked.
"And you wouldn't be Fireheart if you didn't leap headfirst into every problem trying to be a hero." I teased back.
"At least you two balance each other out." Ravenfeather mewed.
It was nice to just chat like this. Fireheart and I used to do things like this all the time when we were kits. After a day of hard training, it was nice to just lay down and just say whatever popped into our heads. Usually, Fireheart would rant about the forest and what he wanted to see and do. Meanwhile I spoke of things I found and learned. I was the ground while he was the ambition. We used to be such a tight knit pair. If not for Fireheart, I don't think I'd ever open up enough to make friends. Somewhere deep down I knew Fireheart held the same appreciation and reverence for me too. Using a Chinese philosophy, Fireheart was the Yin, the good that evil tries to exploit. I am the Yang, the evil used for good. I keep him safe and he keeps me righteous.
As I left Fireheart's side, Ravenfeather decided to confront me. He must have noticed the faces I was making as I thought. "What's got you looking so serious?"
"It's nothing really. Sometimes, I just wish I wasn't the way I am. I know I'm twisted and somewhat demented. I enjoy manipulating cats. I enjoy lying. I just wish I didn't. I wish I weren't so evil." I mewed somewhat sadly.
"Listen to me!" Ravenfeather mewed sharply. I met his unwavering eyes. "You aren't evil. In all the time I've known you, you've never been evil. So, what if some of your tactics are manipulative? Just because what you do can be used evilly does not mean what you are doing is evil. You've got skills that could easily be used for nefarious purposes, and yet you choose to help others despite the temptation. I'd say that is the exact opposite of evil. You saved me with those skills you deem evil. Do you regret that?"
"No! I'd never regret helping you." I responded instantly.
"See. Not evil. There are many cats who try to do what you can do for evil purposes. You are the only cat I know who uses them for good. Don't you forget that." Ravenpaw snapped.