Shouto Todoroki

Not even the sound of Bakugou's tears spilling onto the counter and floor could be heard as Todoroki stepped closer to his classmate. He wasn't sure if keeping silent for a bit longer or speaking was the preferable option, but his quandary was resolved when Bakugou parted his lips.

"Just say whatever you fucking wanna say to me…" sibilated Bakugou in a hoarse, fluctuating growl.

Todoroki nodded slowly. "You're only human, Bakugou," he attempted to console his past lover. "Crying doesn't mean you're weak. That's just one of our ways of processing and coping with our emotions, thoughts, and experiences. Men cry. Even Heroes cry. What's so different about laughing and crying? Should men also not be allowed to laugh or feel anything? I think, at that point, we would be machines imitating humans—not the other way around. Sometimes, it seems like machines are more human than humans. It's okay to feel sad, Bakugou. It's okay to cry. It's okay not to be okay." He gently rested his hand atop Bakugou's quaking fist.

"You don't fucking know what it's like to be so fucking sad every fucking day," vituperated Bakugou, who neither accepted nor rejected Todoroki's hand. "I'm so fucking sick of feeling nothing but sadness and anger… Get pissed off, get even angrier, watch the anger turn to sorrow, drink away the pain, repeat. And it makes me feel so pathetic and weak when it's a daily burden I never had before! Why can't I be happy with anything I have?! Why can't I be good enough for anyone?! Why can't I be accepted whether I'm weak or strong?! Why…" Bakugou swallowed his words as Todoroki embraced him, and rather than coughing up his unfinished sentence, Bakugou instead began to disgorge his sobs into Todoroki's shoulder.

It's okay, Todoroki wanted to whisper while he slowly rubbed Bakugou's heaving back. I wish I could feel that burning passion between us again. The way I sometimes couldn't stop myself from smiling. The way my body filled with a light, soft warmth. The way all of my worries melted from your voice and your touch. I never feel that with Rui. All I feel is a pain inside that doesn't go away. I know I'm not allowed to get close to you again, but as long as he doesn't know… He exhaled slowly as Bakugou's chest continued to sporadically thump against his.

But I do know what it's like to cry every day. To be crushed by sorrow, pain, and responsibilities you can't live up to. To feel miserable to the point of wanting to erase all your emotions. But…I would rather go through that purgatory again than continue on like this.

"Hey, Bakugou…" Todoroki finally murmured in a hushed sigh. "You're still my Hero, and you always will be. Like any other human, Heroes cry too." He gently nuzzled up against Bakugou and inhaled the ash-blonde's smoky scent. "At first, when I realized I felt numb to everything, I wanted to stay that way because it was easier not to feel anything. But I realized that I couldn't even love the people that loved me. I couldn't hate, love, or care. I…don't feel like I'm human. I can't even cry genuine tears. Sorry. I didn't mean to make this about me."

I shouldn't have spoken at all, Todoroki lambasted himself. I let him know too much.

Bakugou sniffled and rested his forehead against Todoroki's clavicle. "Stop…being a-an asshole…and listen to your own words for once." He paused for a few seconds. "But you don't even love the person you cheated on me with?"

Expelling a drawn-out sigh, Todoroki nodded. "I didn't have a choice. I promise I'll tell you the truth about what happened one day. But I never wanted to leave you. I'd love to go back to the way things were wh—"

"Then let's go back…" Bakugou implored in a feeble whisper.

"Why would you want to be with me? I hurt you beyond any—"

"I don't give a shit right now."

"Bakugou… Then, I need you to promise me that no one else will find out. But you're…positive this is what you want? I don't know if I'll be able to make you happy. If you want to be happy, you can't keep hating yourself the way you are. I don't know if this is a good idea. I don't think either of us is in a place to be in a relationship right now."

I can't tell which is more questionable: the fact that he wants to be in a relationship again with the person who cheated on him, or that the person who's been deliberately trying to hurt me wants to be in a relationship with me. Everything about this is a bad idea. I even told him that I don't care about the people I love. So, why?

Bakugou rubbed his eyes with his knuckles, but his chest continued to spasm with the blue hue clinging to his body. "Right as you are…would it hurt to try it out?" He twined his fingers with Todoroki's.

I think we should be friends that are there for each other before we consider getting back together. "I guess not," Todoroki sighed, capitulating to Bakugou's request. "But things won't be the same. Are you okay with that?"

Nodding firmly, Bakugou traced his thumb over Todoroki's index finger. "Course. Just having you back in my arms…" He exhaled slowly.

You say that, but I just can't believe you. You hate me, and you want me to suffer the damages I dealt. I can't even tell…if you're trying to manipulate me or not. You were so adamant about hating me. You threw jabs at me whenever you found the opportunity. Why the sudden change of heart? Is that how lonely and broken you are without someone else there to support you? You miss the good times. You miss being loved unconditionally. You miss having the friend and significant other you trusted so much. I guess I have no right to complain if you want me solely for emotional support.

With the languid straightening of his back, Bakugou pulled away from Todoroki. Yet, their hands remained interlaced like the jaws of a Venus flytrap.

Todoroki's slender digits deftly swayed over Bakugou's knuckles. "Ah. How…has this been going for you?"

"I just need to get to my goals, and then I'll be happy. That's when I'll stop."

"Were the goals you made months ago not enough? Katsuki, I don't think you'll ever be happy in this mindset and cycle. I think you'd end up dying before you could ever find what's 'enough' for you. And I don't think you'll stop if you're content. I'd think you'd be inclined to keep yourself at 'content,' right? The only way to do that would be to continue using those bad habits. I don't want that to be the case. Katsuki, I really do think therapy would be beneficial."

"There's no such thing as 'enough' in this world anymore when everyone's a hypocrite, everyone wants more, everyone wants to create a new 'enough' that's even harder to get than the last 'enough.' You damn well feel it under Endeavor, so can you blame me for ending up like this? You do things for yourself, you get criticized. You change from the criticism, you get criticized. You sacrifice everything to please the asshats criticizing you, and it's still not enough—you get criticized. But I don't need some stranger hearing about the shitty parts of my life. And take your own fucking advice. I'm not the one that attempted suicide. I'm not the one that's so fucking depressed. I'm not the one that can't go a day without cutting. I'm not the fucking one that's getting abused! I… Tch. Shit. You okay?"

Sometimes I wonder about that. Someone like me doesn't deserve the right to live when all I've done is selfish nonsense. Just by living, I'm being selfish again for each day I choose to keep living. You deserve to be happy. I know you're sad. You deserve to be free. I don't mind if you take your anger out on me. Nothing you say can hurt me. I think it would be for the best if I provoked you to let all your anger out. You already let out your tears. So, what do I say to piss you off?