Katsuki Bakugou

'Do anything you want to me?' Bakugou mentally reiterated while attempting to process the weight of Todoroki's words. What the actual fuck happened?!

With scrunched, twitching brows, Bakugou tugged on Todoroki's sleeve by the rim at his wrist. "You wouldn't care if—"

Todoroki's unwavering, undead gaze strangled Bakugou's thoughts. "I don't care," he muttered, maintaining his eye contact.

Breaking said eye contact, Bakugou stared at the floor and withdrew his hand from Todoroki's sleeve. "Well, I care, dammit. Why…don't you care?"

"I don't even know."

"You don't know, or you don't wanna say? Clearly, something traumatic happened. You're never like this, Shouto."

"I don't know anymore."

"Shouto, you need help if you're saying this shit."

"I don't need help, Kat. If anything, I feel… I don't know. I'm in a good mood now."

"What the fuck do you mean? You just had the shit beaten out of you, and you came back unable to respond."

A ghost in the shape of a scimitar materialized on Todoroki's lips. "Forget about that. I'm just tired. I'm going to bed."

You're such a fucking liar, Shouto.

"You're not leaving my sight."

"Kat."

"Shouto."

For at least twelve seconds, Bakugou and Todoroki proceeded to stare each other down. Their silent competition of staring unraveled, however, once Bakugou let out a long sigh.

I know I'm not gonna be able to make him say anything, Bakugou thought to himself. But every goddamn thing about this is hella concerning… The way he snapped from terrified to unfeeling to perky is fucking disturbing. The perkiness has gotta be a coping mechanism, which just makes it sadder. Unless it isn't? I don't fucking understand him anymore…

"Want a hug?" sighed the ash-blonde, who glanced to the side.

Todoroki shrugged. "Whatever you want," he replied with arid, frost-tinged words.

So what if I want this, deep down… Bakugou inwardly muttered while leaning forwards and loosely embracing Todoroki. I know I'm pathetic and weak. But I also wanna find some way to stabilize him. I know something horrible happened. I know it happened, Shouto. It broke you. It's breaking me to see you do this. Breaking, acting like it's fine, shrugging it off, and acting like it never happened. I know what I saw, and what I saw…was you breaking apart in front of my eyes.

Inhaling the warm silence like the lingering aroma of a saccharine candle, Bakugou rested his head on Todoroki's shoulder, allowing the latter to follow suit. With a protracted exhalation, Bakugou's chest jumped once he felt a ring of warmth hug his sides. For a moment, his heart fluttered, and after nestling back into the tranquility of their embrace, Bakugou gently caressed Todoroki's back with the palms of his hands.

You fucking flinched, grumbled Bakugou to himself as Todoroki abruptly spasmed from the former's touch. You definitely got a problem with physical touch now. But I don't know if it's because of both your cuts and that bastard's abuse, or if it's something else. 'Cuz…you weren't like this before. What changed, Shouto? I want you to be able to heal, dammit. Tch. Hypocritical when I also think about how I want you to suffer. I hate myself for projecting all the fucking time.

"Oi…" Finally splitting the silence like a crowbar to a wooden plank, Bakugou cracked his eyes open to thin slits. "This hurt? Or…is it uncomfortable?" He pressed his palms into Todoroki's back with a bit more force.

Todoroki shook his head. "Neither," he murmured.

Bullshit. "You flinched."

"I just wasn't ex—ngh." Todoroki's words were swallowed up by a grunt of pain once Bakugou pressed his thumbs against Todoroki's shoulders. "I'm a little sore from training."

I know I probably shouldn't press shit right now so he can just breathe and recuperate, but I'm so damn desperate to get to the bottom of this lying-ass asshole. Guess I should learn my lesson and lay off. Ugh, I don't want to, but I know he ain't in a good state…despite how much more upbeat he sounds now. Dissociation? Manipulating yourself into believing it was fine? Repression?

Nodding, Bakugou exhaled slowly. "It'll be all right," he assured Todoroki. "And if you wanna say anything, don't be afraid, 'kay?"

Although minute, Bakugou felt Todoroki's arms relax. "Thanks. And I guess I do have something to say… Kat, I really don't think we're in a place to be in a relationship right now." Todoroki paused, allowing a brief wave of silence to ensue. "I want to be with you, but I don't think this is a good time for it."

Bakugou's stomach twisted. "Tch. Fair enough… We both got shit that's not gonna make this relationship pretty. But y'know, that means we both gotta get better."

"I know where you're going with that. I don't want therapy."

"I know you don't. I wouldn't want it either. But you and I are both just getting worse. Do you think we're gonna accomplish anything by living in the shitty ways we are now?"

As Bakugou's voice dissolved into a thick layer of silence, he thought, I can't stop thinking about seeing you leave one day, and getting the news that you died. I don't wanna knock on your door and open it to find a corpse, either. I have nightmares about that shit… And every time, I know it's all my fucking fault, but I still treat you like shit…

Finally, Todoroki let out a long sigh. "If I do it, will you do it?" His voice was like the curled peak of a wave in the sand; white, porous, and soft.

Bakugou's lower lip scraped between his teeth. "Yeah," he conceded. "So, we gonna agree to this?" He lifted his head.

Todoroki nodded slowly. "It does mean we have to trust each other to hold our end of the deal. You're sure you can trust me, the person who cheated on you?"

"I wouldn't have agreed if I didn't, dumbass."

But maybe I'm the real dumbass here, and I'm just getting wrapped around his pretty little finger again, Bakugou inwardly growled. If I get fucking used again, that's just gonna be it. I don't think I can take falling for the same shit twice. So, if all this has just been a lie so you can watch me suffer and burn more, I'm fucking taking you down with me. He squinted his eyes. But until that nightmare of a day comes, I'll keep holding on like the idiot I am.

After swaying gently in their embrace for another five minutes, Bakugou asked, "Feelin' better?" He could feel each time that Todoroki's heart sprung towards his chest.

"Yeah. I like this a lot more than when we ignored each other. Even though I want to have more affectionate moments like we used to, I think we should set boundaries for ourselves."

"Definitely agree. So, no kissing, or anything more than that."

Todoroki provided a nod.

"Whaddya think about holding hands? Too much?"

"If you need to or you do it out of habit, that's fine."

Bakugou's gaze fell to the floor. "Then is that all?"

Well, I don't want to hold hands when he phrases it like that, he thought. Fucking pathetic. What does it matter? Yet, I just…don't wanna fucking accept that I have the weaknesses that I do. I hate it. I hate it…

Nodding, Todoroki closed his eyes and let out a long sigh. "Why is it that you wanted to be in a relationship again when you knew I didn't care?" His lilt was like the flame of a candle swishing in the breeze.

Bakugou stared down at his right hand. "I just…"

I wanted you back. I wanted us back. I wanted to be loved. I wanted to be worthy of your love over that bastard. I wanted approval. I wanted attention. I wanted someone to talk to. It's selfish as hell. It's shitty of me. But I can't help but want validation and recognition from the people who've influenced me the most. All the fucking eyes that watch me… I have to prove myself to them all, no matter how unrealistic it is.

Swallowing back his words, Bakugou coughed up a jagged sentence. "I don't know," he muttered. "Why'd you agree? To please me?"

"No—"

"Then why?"

Why am I so worked up when I'm the biggest people-pleaser I know? Why do I want to tear him down for the flaws he shares with me? Why? Why do I think like that?

Todoroki shook his head slowly. "I don't know either."

We're both liars, Bakugou could only sigh to himself as he inhaled the scent of sweat and alcohol from Todoroki. We're both hypocrites. We're both shitty people. We know that, but we're still just like this. Fucked up. But I'm the shittiest one here. I put you through so much just to feel a little better about myself, and now, you're a fucking fall away from vanishing from existence. It's all my fault… Do you even fucking understand how guilty I've felt this whole time? I'd always known, but…

"Oi, can we sleep together tonight?" Bakugou's husky voice slowly poured from his lips. "Not as a couple, but just so I know yer alive." He felt something twitch in his chest.

After a moment of silence, Todoroki replied, "Then I'll bring my futon into your room. Unless…you'd prefer if I slept with you." Although ephemeral, his pulse gasped.

"Whatever's most comfortable. I don't care."

Yet, Bakugou's squinted eyes told another story. Realizing his expression had soured, he inhaled deeply and released Todoroki from his arms. He gazed over at the person he'd once called his lover, and simultaneously, the person that severed his sense of trust.

"I'll get my futon." Slowly rising up to his feet, Todoroki's expression briefly contorted like a paper being scrunched into a ball.

Observing as Todoroki hobbled towards his room, Bakugou felt something akin to hot, jagged glass cutting through his stomach. That burning sensation sank deeper into his body, trickling through his cells like acid. Yet, unlike the searing screams of pain in his muscles from physical overexertion, the torrent of fire felt to Bakugou like the illusion of a ghost; he could not replicate the feeling on command, and nor was it triggered by anything in particular without fail.

Hey, Shouto… Bakugou began to cogitate as the scorching void inside of him erupted into his skull. Do you think it'd ease the guilt at all if I felt even a sliver of your pain?