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Shatter Me
Chapter 6
I'm so groggy when I wake up it takes me a moment to realize where I am. I mean, I don't actually know where I am, but Shoto brought me here so that's all that matters. It seems like forever before I'm able to get my eyes to focus, everything seeming blurry no matter how many times I blink.
When I finally do sit up, I'm back to being confused. My shirt is missing, and the sheets seem to have changed color… There's also a needle in my arm that's hooked up to several bags on a metal rack, a weird wrap on my other arm, and little sticky pads with wires all over my chest that connect to a screen with numbers on it.
I know something is different about myself though. How long did I sleep? Usually when I wake up after sleeping a long time, the sick feeling I told Ms. Chiyo about is really bad, but I'm only a little achy this time; it's a major relief.
What's even more exciting though, is the sunlight filtering in from behind the closed curtains of the window—my window. It takes considerable maneuvering to get out of the comfortable bed and figure out how to move with my many cords and tubes, but I get it down eventually and make my way over.
Breathtaking isn't near the sensation I feel when I hesitantly peel back the thick cloth and peer out. Everything is so colorful… There's the deep blue of the sky and billowing white clouds, and so many shades of red and orange that I can't even begin to count them. I touch the glass and it's cold, which I think is strange since it's the perfect temperature in here. The wind blows and I can almost feel it on my skin, I want to be out there so badly.
"How are you feeling, Izuku?"
I jump a little and quickly close the curtain, turning to face Shoto guiltily. Master was loud when he was coming to see me, but I didn't even hear the door open or close this time. I keep my eyes low and curl my upper body submissively; Shoto said this room is mine but so was the one Master put me in and I wasn't supposed to go near the window there.
The screen with the numbers on it starts beeping loudly, which makes me even more nervous. I don't know what's happening and feel my eyes start to sting and water, a string of incoherent apologizes and explanations tumbling from my lips. Shoto, however, crosses the rest of the distance to me and runs the backs of his fingers down my cheek with one hand, reaching past me with the other and pulling the curtain back completely.
"You're not in trouble; I will even move your bed over to this wall so that you may look outside whenever you wish."
I don't even know what to say… Thank you seems hollow and doesn't fully encompass the gratitude I feel. All I manage to do is smile through the wonderous burning in my face while I look up at his ever kind eyes.
"You should still be in bed young man," I hear, turning to find Ms. Chiyo making her way into the room. "Your body is still far too weak to be pushed right now."
Her words are direct, but she has a smile on her face, so I don't think I'm truly being scolded. In any case, I let Shoto lead me back over; I am actually pretty tired. Something smells really good, however, and I'm certain it's coming from the little cart she brought with her. My mouth is watering already and I might have started drooling at some point, but that's not important. If I even get a taste of whatever she brought with her, I'll be happy.
"I can already see that you're going to be tempted to start gulping the moment I give this to you, but don't, Izuku," Chiyo states as she ladles what looks like broth into a mug with a lid and straw. "You're not frail to the point of death but I don't want to risk upsetting your stomach so soon after your detox."
It's a real effort for me to do as she says, but I force myself to only take a sip once the warming liquid is given to me. "Detox?" I mimic, hoping her explanation will help keep my attention at least partially off of drinking more. She looks at Shoto however, clearly leaving the decision to respond up to him. He had moved back when she got to the bed but didn't go far, standing a few feet away with his arms crossed.
"You had something in your body that was hurting you… After you went back to sleep, Chiyo put you into a deeper sleep and helped you get rid of it." He explains and I'm fascinated.
I have so many questions… How did it get in me? Why was it there? Will it come back? Can I see it? They flash through my mind so quickly I can't even begin to sort through them. I must have asked a least a few back to back though because Chiyo is chuckling and Shoto looks mildly overwhelmed.
"Curious little fellow, aren't you?" she hums, giving my cheek a pinch in the process. I think that probably makes my already flushed face burn brighter, but I can hardly help it. Still, as I hesitantly look back to Shoto to see if I've upset him, I'm put at ease… He's smiling too.
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Being quiet was something I learned from a young age. Whether I was sneaking down to the kitchen for a desperate bite to eat after being starved for days or stealthily slipping tacks into a bullies tennis shoes before gym class, silence was key. Over the years, especially as I became older and began indulging my darker fantasies, skulking became more of a habit than a conscious effort.
As such, I don't really mean to spy on Izuku, it just sort of happens. One minute I'll be doing something totally normal and important like reviewing documents for my inherited company and the next I'll wonder what my ward is doing. When I can't stand it anymore and go to check on him I just… I can't help but… observe.
Sometimes he's staring out his window with his head tilted back, watching the cloudy sky as it drizzles sleet and splashes frigid drops of rain at the glass his face is pressed against. Other times he's sprawled out on his bed, flipping through picture books with wide eyes and the most wondrous grin. No matter what it is he's doing though, it seems wrong for me to interrupt.
For whatever reason, I can't seem to get myself to leave him be either. I just stand there like the degenerate stalker that I am and peer in through the partially open doorway, watching him until I'm caught. Izuku doesn't mind though… even when he nearly jumps out of his skin in the middle of the night because he wakes up and sees my mismatched eyes gleaming at the edge of his moonlight lit room.
'Shoto?' he'll call in confusion, his voice sweet and loving like I'm the only thing in the world that matters to him. My heart always skips a beat when he does this, and I'm drawn out from the shadows that I've grown so comfortable hiding in… pulled right into the brightness of his adoring smile. He doesn't seem to understand that I'm just as evil as his last master was even if it's in a different way.
I take another bite of my dinner as I contemplate the rather problematic relationship he and I have stumbled into, debating for the umpteenth time if I should take my chances with the law and let him go… questioning myself about if I could let him go.
"Are you happy here, Izuku?" I ask. It's not the first time I've queried him about this and I doubt it will be the last, but I need reassurance—I need him to say yes so that I can stifle the upheaval in my conscience that keeps reminding me that he's my prisoner even if he doesn't realize it.
As expected I receive another blinding smile, this one somewhat awkward as he attempts to keep half-chewed food in his bulging cheeks. Izuku nods vigorously as he swallows and my gut clenches with both guilt and relief.
"Is there anything you want?" I ask next, knowing full well that giving him gifts won't make me feel any better.
"Umm…" he hums, an adorable frown growing on his face as he puts way too much thought into what he should ask for—if anything. I've told him repeatedly that he may have whatever he desires in whatever quantity he desires, but Izuku doesn't care for material things. "Could we have Katsudon for dinner tomorrow?"
I sweat-drop a little on the inside and feel my lips twitch into my own warped attempt at a grin; that's exactly what we had tonight, and the night before that, and the night before that… Chiyo is going to have an absolute fit when she finds out that I failed to 'diversify his diet' as she's repeatedly instructed me to do.
"Of course, Izuku." I reply. The way his expression makes me feel is intoxicating and addictive; I can't help but want to do something more to actually earn such a look—something deserving of his unconditional affection.
"C-could we try to eat it in… in… uh…" he fumbles, his cheeks paling even as determination burns in his slightly panicked eyes.
I reach up and hold my hand near him, waiting to be sure he sees it before brushing my knuckles down his rapidly dampening temple. "Shhh…" I coo. "It's alright, Izuku. You're never going to hurt again, remember? I promised. We can try to eat in the dining room again and if you get too uncomfortable going out of your room, then we'll just eat in here like we have been."
He manages to let out a little of the air he'd sucked in and held, tension melting from his raised shoulders. It's moments like these where I struggle with myself the most; Izuku has been hurt so much… so deeply. I calm him down when he's distressed and he truly seems happy, but he has no idea what his life should have been like—should be. He needs to be influenced by more than just a serial murderer like me, doesn't he?
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I can hear shuffling and the distinctive tapping of a cane on the floor as I stare off into the distance of my lamp-lit office. It's late but I couldn't sleep, my mind still stuck on the dilemma I'd been considering earlier.
"Izuku's health is improving rapidly..." Chiyo states as she hobbles through the door and sits in the chair across from me.
"But?" I question, picking up on her qualifying statement from the way her voice drifted off at the end.
Chiyo sighs and thumbs the file she'd carried in with her, weighing her words carefully. "Izuku is a very damaged young man, Shoto... Even if I'm able to heal his body, there are wounds to his mind that I'm simply not qualified to tend to. He needs external stimulation and experiences beyond what is available in the confines of your house."
I sigh and rub my face as I lean back in my chair, hating that she's not only right but also reminding me of the very thing that has been plaguing my every waking thought for days. It's not that I don't want Izuku to get better, but I'm concerned about what it could mean for me—for us.
To be frank, Izuku has no reliable concept of right and wrong; everything he's learned was from Shigaraki who epitomized corruption. It isn't far-fetched to think that Izuku would outright tell someone what I did to his 'Master' because he doesn't understand that I killed Shigaraki in cold blood and then kidnapped him from the man that had stolen him in the first place...
Allowing Izuku to interact with other people is asking for legal trouble and though I'm fairly certain I'd be able to avoid any truly serious punishments, there isn't any doubt I'd lose him in the process. No matter what reason though, the bottom line is that I'm being selfish and can't seem to do the right thing.
"It seems to me that you've already been considering what I just told you, Shoto..." Chiyo hums, her voice gentle with understanding. "I know you care for Izuku and I'm so happy that you've found someone that you can truly feel affection for, but think of his needs as well."
"I could—"
"No," Chiyo interrupts. "I know you think you could take Izuku out and 'show him the world' but that's not feasible. You're Shoto Todoroki, the son of Enji Todoroki—you're the chosen heir to one of the largest fortunes in the world as well as CEO to Endeavor Corp. There's no way you could take him out in daylight and not be seen by someone. Honestly, with how rabid the paparazzi are these days I'm not sure how you've managed to not get caught murdering people yet..."
"I go out at night..." I mumble spitefully, once again annoyed that she's right.
Though it burns me to my very core, I can't help but fall back on my last-ditch option for keeping Izuku as my 'ward'. "What if I hired someone to patrol the area or take Izuku to places that I couldn't get away with going to? Would that be sufficient?"
Chiyo deflates a little and I can see that she's disappointed in my continued refusal to let Izuku go, but she considers my weak proposal anyway, sighing. "That would be a good start..."
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:) Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed this chapter (and will enjoy future ones).
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