SONG: 42 by Coldplay

Even after the wine, Iris found that she couldn't sleep. Snow had really gotten under her skin. She was terrified that she'd do something wrong and Jordie would die for it, or Emily, who she'd just gotten back, or Pomponia, whom she'd grown to admire. Haymitch's family had died after he won, and she'd heard the rumours - that he'd annoyed Snow somehow, and that was what happened as a result. She had a feeling that, based on Haymitch's expression when she'd asked about it, that Wiress' parents had died in a similar vein. She had never thought about it, but Haylee didn't have a family either - maybe something had happened to them to punish her.

She didn't intend on doing anything wrong. Now that she had money, she wouldn't have to sneak around the law anymore. Of course, she would still have to deal with Boris when she got home. He was never going to let her get away without punishment. He'd probably thought she'd die in the Games, but now he would know for a fact she had money. Iris sighed. She was going to have to think of a way to get him to leave her alone. Hopefully paying him back the money she'd lost would be enough to get him out of her hair… but there was always the chance that it wouldn't.

She regretted ever getting involved with him in the first place, although it had either been that or starving to death. He was bad news, everyone knew that. He was, after all, part of the largest drug ring in District Six. Iris often suspected that he was just the puppet, that there were people who had even more power than he did pulling the strings. But she didn't want to know too much. As curious as she was, she didn't want to end up dead in a dumpster like the other people who asked too many questions.

She supposed there wasn't much she could do about it now. He would kill her, or he wouldn't. She had made her peace with that. At least now she had the money to buy herself some time.

By tomorrow, she would be home. She was terrified to think how Jordie would see her now. Would he still love her? She wouldn't blame him if he didn't, after all the terrible things she had done. A part of her wanted to stay in the Capitol, if only to protect her brother from the person she had become.

Going home also meant saying goodbye to Pomponia, who Iris had become quite reliant on. Pomponia woke her up in the morning. Told her what to say. Told her how to dress. Told her what she had to do so she didn't have to think about it. Iris didn't know how she was supposed to get through the days without Pomponia to guide her. Everything had felt so numb since she had gotten out of the arena. It was like she didn't know how to exist anymore.

Would she go crazy, in the Victors' Village, with only Haylee to look to for guidance? She would have Jordie, of course, but she was the one supposed to guide him, and she wasn't yet sure what the state of her relationship with Aunt Emily would be. Iris groaned, and pressed her palms into her eyes. If only everything would go away. She just wanted to sleep. She thought about the sleeping pills Pomponia had offered her the night before the arena, and whether they would help. She'd been so against taking them then, but things had changed, and if she only took them once, what was the harm?

She got to her feet. The world spun around her, and Iris realised she had finished the whole bottle of wine. She didn't remember doing that. She stumbled to the bathroom and stuck her head under the tap, gulping down water until she felt like she would burst. Since she'd left the arena, water was something she couldn't get enough of. She could still feel her cracked, dry tongue, her aching throat.

Pomponia was still awake when Iris left her room. She was sitting at the dining room table, nursing a mug of tea and staring into the distance. She startled when she caught sight of Iris. "You frightened me."

"Sorry," Iris said, dropping into a chair. It was far too bright in the living room. She dropped her head into her hands. Maybe, if she didn't look Pomponia in her eye, she wouldn't realise that Iris was drunk.

"What are you still doing awake?" Pomponia asked.

"What're you still doin' awake?" Iris mumbled. "I can't sleep."

"No, me neither."

"D'you have anymore of those sleeping pills?"

"The last time I offered you those you were very adamant against taking them."

"Things are different now," Iris snapped. She looked up from her hands and glared at Pomponia. How stupid was she? Couldn't she see what Iris was going through? Pomponia didn't say anything, and suddenly Iris felt bad. It wasn't Pomponia's fault. "Sorry."

"It is alright," Pomponia said softly. "I will get you some pills. But you must not let it become a habit, or you will struggle to sleep naturally."

"I won't," Iris promised.

Pomponia nodded and left the room. She returned a few minutes later, holding a small bottle. "Here."

Iris frowned. Was Pomponia trying to trick her? "That's not sleeping pills."

"It is a sober-up tonic. You cannot have the pills while under the influence of alcohol."

Iris looked up at her guiltily. "How'd you know?"

Pomponia smiled sadly. "Iris, my darling, I have been the escort to an alcoholic for nearly twenty years now. You cannot hide it from me."

Iris looked down at the table, ashamed. Now Pomponia had two drunken victors to deal with. "Sorry."

"You do not have to be sorry. I just want you to take care of yourself." Pomponia handed Iris the tonic. "Drink this, and then you can take the pills."

Iris did as she was told. The tonic tasted like artificial strawberries. She didn't like it. "I'm gonna miss you," she said.

Pomponia smiled. "I will miss you too," she said, taking Iris' hand. "You can call me anytime, day or night. I will answer."

"Wish you could come with me," Iris said. She could already feel the tonic working - her head already felt clearer, and the world didn't feel so topsy-turvy. "But District Six is a shithole, so it's probably for the best."

"Mind your language," Pomponia admonished, but Iris could tell she didn't really mind. "I have an idea."

"Yeah?"

"I will get you a catalogue to take home with you. You can order anything you like from it."

"What, like paint?"

"Paint, clothing, books, the kitchen sink. The catalogue has everything."

Iris frowned. "Why would I need a kitchen sink?"

Pomponia chuckled. "It is just a saying. I will have a catalogue sent up, and I will teach you how to use it tomorrow."

"Okay," Iris said. She rested her head in her hands and avoided eye contact. The words tumbled out of her mouth before she thought about saying them. "Do you… do you think things could have been different, with Agata?"

Pomponia frowned. "Different how?"

"I don't know. Maybe she would have had a chance. Maybe I could have saved her."

"I don't think she wanted to be saved," Pomponia said gently. She reached across the table and gently took Iris' hand. "It seemed as though she had made up her mind to help you."

"I just don't understand why."

"I think you do," Pomponia said softly. "I think you understand why better than anyone else in the world could."

Iris blinked away tears. Pomponia's words had helped, in a way. Maybe, if Iris allowed herself to believe that there was truly nothing she could have done, it would make her feel better. But she knew, deep down, that she hadn't tried hard enough. If she had tried a little harder to convince Agata to live… if she had fought the Careers a bit quicker, killed Malachite before he pushed her into that trap… well, maybe Agata would be here instead of her. "I guess." The wine and the water she'd gulped directly from the tap were catching up to her bladder, and she shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

Pomponia noticed her sudden discomfort. "How do you feel?"

"Very sober, unfortunately," Iris joked.

Pomponia didn't laugh. She sighed. "I suppose you can have the pills now, then." She pushed the two little pills across the table.

Iris wanted to forget about the look of disappointment on Pomponia's face. She picked up the pills and gulped them down with some water before she could change her mind. Her desire to sleep had won out against her hatred of drugs. She would battle with that tomorrow. "Thanks," she said sheepishly. "Goodnight, Pomponia." She quickly stood and exited the room; she didn't think she could stand to see the disappointment on Pomponia's face for another second.

/

The sand felt heavy. She dragged her feet, trying to run - they were catching up to her, she had to move faster than she was, or she'd never get away. With tremendous effort, Iris pulled her foot from the sand and took a large step, but by the time she had pulled it out, her other leg had sunk deeper.

They were nearly upon her now. She could hear the clicking of their pincers, the sizzle of their acid falling onto the sand. Kasia was screaming in the distance as her face melted off. "I'm coming, Kasia!" Iris shrieked. She had to get to Kasia before they did. Before they ripped her apart like Christopher.

Her chest ached. She'd swallowed some of the sand. It was up to her waist now. She sobbed with the effort of dragging herself forward. She could no longer walk, and her hands blistered as they came into contact with the sand. It was getting hotter and hotter and she could no longer feel her toes. Had they burned off?

Agata was there, peering down at her from the top of the pit. "Pull me up," Iris begged. Agata threw her a rope, and she grabbed the end, but it kept falling, and falling. Agata smiled at her, and waved, before moving away. "No!" Iris shrieked, clutching the useless rope. How was she supposed to climb up if it wasn't attached to anything? "Agata, come back, help me!"

The sand was up to her throat now. Kasia's screams grew louder, and louder, and louder. The scorpions dug themselves out of the sand and swarmed all over Iris' face, through her hair, into her mouth. She tried to spit them out, but it was too late. Acid poured down her throat and Iris tried to scream but her vocal cords had already been destroyed and it would be her lungs next -

Iris woke up with a start. She was drenched with sweat and she was tangled in her bedsheets. She reached a trembling hand up to her face and wiped away the tears that had gathered in her eyes.

The dream had felt so real. Like it had actually happened. She could still feel the sand rising up around her like water, the acid blistering down her throat. Her throat ached. Had she actually been screaming? It felt like it.

She didn't want to be in bed any more. It was still far too early for Pomponia or Haylee to be awake, but she didn't care. The penthouse was quiet and dark. Iris went out to the balcony and stared out at the city. The sky was dark grey, but the city was already starting to wake. Streetlights blinked up at her, billboards flickered.

It was so different from home here. She didn't know it was possible for cities to be clean - District Six certainly wasn't - but the Capitol was living proof. The sky was not choked with smog or factory fumes, but clear and breathable. Light pollution seemed to be the only form of pollution the Capitol had. In blackouts, sometimes at home she could see the stars, but she doubted the Capitol ever had power outages. Not with the whole of District Five working for them. Did the Capitol ever see the stars?

No matter how dirty her district was, Iris missed it. The grime, the trash, the pollution, was home to her, as much as she hated it had to be. Maybe the real reason there were so few victors from District Six was because it was too ugly to show on TV. How could a district as dirty as theirs ever have a victor?

She stayed on the balcony as the sun rose, as people woke up and started their days. More cars appeared on the streets, and trams. Street lights went out; TVs turned on. Behind her, she could hear the penthouse beginning to wake. The balcony door slid open, and Iris knew it was Pomponia before she even turned around. "Good morning, Pomponia."

"Good morning," Pomponia replied. "Did you sleep well?"

Iris shrugged. She had slept, but had the nightmares been worth it? "More or less."

"I am glad. Come and have some breakfast. You must be at the train station by ten o'clock."

Iris followed her inside. This would be the last breakfast with Pomponia for a while. She would miss it. She had grown used to Pomponia's warm, comforting presence. She hadn't felt so comfortable around someone who wasn't her mom before.

She had thought, in the arena, that once she got out she would want to eat until she was sick. But Iris found that her appetite hardly existed any more. Food tasted like ash, and it felt like such a chore, bringing her food to her mouth, chewing, and doing it all again. She wished there was some sort of pill she could take in the place of food.

Regardless of how she felt, she still cleared her plate, if only to make Pomponia happy. As soon as her plate was clean, Pomponia produced a bag from somewhere and passed it to her wordlessly.

Iris took it and frowned. "What is this?"

"A gift."

"Where were you hiding it?"

"Under the table. You do not usually look there."

Iris shrugged. "Fair enough." Inside the bag was a thin, dark sheet of glass. Iris flipped it over - it was the same on the other side. "What is this?"

Pomponia smiled at her confusion. "It is the catalogue."

"I was expecting… you know, a book or something. A paper catalogue. How the hell does this thing work?"

Pomponia took it from her, and tapped on the glass twice. It flickered to life. She pressed a few buttons - that Iris had not noticed - and a yellow, holographic dress appeared, floating over the glass. She handed it to Iris, whose mouth was hanging open. "Here."

"That's amazing!" Iris said. She didn't understand at all how it worked. She tapped the screen again, and the dress changed to green. "I don't -"

"Let me show you," Pomponia said, taking it from her again.

In five minutes, she had explained how to use it. There was a search function, where Iris could type in any item she could think of, and it would bring up a list. There was a hologram for each item, and an information panel. Iris was amazed - she had never seen anything like it before. It was like a tiny TV and a market combined, and she could hardly comprehend it.

"Is this how you Capitolites shop?" she asked, scrolling through pages and pages of paints. The options were overwhelming. What was gouache? How was that even pronounced? What was the difference between oil and acrylic? Iris had no idea, but she couldn't wait to find out.

"Not usually, unless we are particularly sad," Pomponia said, and then laughed. "No, I am joking. It is a way to shop without having to leave your home. It is quite convenient."

"I just don't get how it has so much information in here." Iris looked at the sheet of glass again, half-expecting it to be some kind of elaborate trick. "It just looks like glass."

"It is quite remarkable," Pomponia agreed. "It is the newest technology, straight from District Three. Solar powered. Truly an incredible invention." She took the catalogue - which was apparently actually called a 'tablet' - and placed it on the table. "There is still more in the bag."

Iris grinned at her. She'd never really had presents before. As a kid, her parents had always done the best they could on her and Jordie's birthdays, but they never had enough money for presents. Usually they had a slightly better than average dinner. One year, they bought a cupcake from the bakery and shared it.

Pomponia had also given her a thick sketchbook, beautifully bound with blue leather, as well as a set of pencils and paints. There was also a book called 'Painting and Drawing for Beginners'. She leapt from her seat and threw her arms around Pomponia. "Thank you!"

Pomponia laughed, and hugged her back. "I am glad you like them."

"I love them. I want to start using them right away," Iris said, flicking through the sketchbook. The paper was thick and creamy. She wondered how much it had all cost. "How much was all of this?"

"Don't you worry about that," Pomponia said, waving her away. "Besides, you are worth it."

Iris grinned. "As soon as I learn how to paint, I'm going to paint something for you."

"I look forward to it," Pomponia smiled. "As much as I would love for you to begin straight away, you must start getting ready to leave. You must look presentable for the cameras at the train station."

Begrudgingly, Iris got up and returned to her room, where her prep team was waiting for her. After allowing them to dress her and do her makeup, Pomponia hurried her and Haylee to the train station.

The train station was bustling with reporters and Capitolites. Iris was glad that she had said goodbye to Pomponia in the penthouse, when she had given her the gift, because she barely had time for a quick hug before she and Haylee were bustled onto the train.

The last time she had been on a train, she'd been with Axel. Her allies had all been alive - not that she'd known they would be allies, yet. It had only been a few weeks, and in that time Iris' whole world had changed.

As soon as the train started moving, Haylee made her way to the bar cart. Iris thought briefly about joining her, but she had something to do first.

It only took her ten minutes to find him. A lonely coffin, sitting in a chilled cart. She hadn't thought about how the dead tributes were transported back to their districts, but of course they had to be kept cold so they didn't start to smell. She shuddered, feeling sick. It was one thing, seeing someone freshly dead - somehow she'd never thought about what happened to bodies after some time had passed.

Iris sat next to it, resting a hand on the polished wood. She wasn't sure what she should say to him. If he would even hear her, wherever he was now. Where did people go when they died? Iris didn't think it was just… over. She'd seen people leave their bodies. Kasia, Scorah… Iris had watched them leave. Even Agata's last scream, which had ended so quickly before it was finished. They had been there, alive and scared and hurting, and then they just… went. They had to have gone somewhere, didn't they?

Wherever it was, she hoped they were happy. That they didn't hate her too much, for living when they could not.

In the end, she didn't say anything to Axel. She just sat that with him. She felt that she owed him that much, at least. She hadn't known him very well, but he hadn't deserved to die. His last few days of life hadn't been kind to him, and that was partly her fault.

She went to find Haylee, after that. Haylee was already on the way to drunk when she got there. "Is this how you spend your days?" Iris asked, sitting on the stool next to Haylee at the bar.

"Pretty much," Haylee said, nursing her drink. "Want one?"

"Yeah," Iris said. The avox behind the counter, a tall, dark-haired man, poured Iris a glass of whiskey. "Thank you," she said. He nodded, but didn't meet her eyes. Iris wondered what his name was.

"I've never had someone to sit with on the way home," Haylee said. "Guess that'll never be the case again."

"Yeah, no thanks to you," Iris snapped. "You didn't help me at all."

"Don't get angry at me," Haylee said. She twirled the ice in her glass, watching it spin as though she was hypnotised. "You don't know what it's like. You will soon."

"What, mentoring?" Iris glared at her. "I'm going to do a better job than you did."

Haylee rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I'm sure you will. For the first couple of years. And then you'll realise what I realised." She finished what was in her glass, and gestured for the avox to pour some more.

"And what's that?" Iris prompted.

"That it's better if they die. That letting them die in the arena is much kinder than getting them out." Haylee stood up, her stool screeching against the floor as she pushed it away. She snatched up her glass. "Think I'll finish this in my room."

Iris watched her go, and drank the whiskey in her glass in one go. The avox offered her more, but she decided against it. She didn't want to get home drunk. She couldn't do that to Jordie.

/

She spent the rest of the journey home scribbling in her new sketchbook. She didn't know much about art, but she found herself drawing geometric patterns. The simple lines and circles and dots were predictable, comforting, and Iris enjoyed the feeling of the paper against her hand, the sound of the pencils scratching on the paper.

She tried to sleep, but found it was impossible - she was too antsy to get home and see her brother. Just the thought of being reunited with him made her anxious and excited all at once. It had only been a few weeks and Iris had changed so much. Had Jordie changed too?

They arrived at District Six at around 2am. The reunion, Haylee had told her, would be filmed at 9am. Iris was desperate to get off the train regardless of the rules, but the Peacekeepers guarding the exits would be as difficult as the Careers to get around. Maybe even more - the Careers hadn't had guns.

She ended up drifting off at around 4am, and had several restless hours of sleep. She woke at dawn like she had the day before, and spent the rest of the morning anxiously pacing up and down the train until finally, finally, she was allowed to see her brother again.

As soon as Iris laid eyes on Jordie, she knew everything would be alright. He was skinnier than she'd ever seen him. Had he eaten at all since she'd been gone? Nevertheless, he was alive, and his eyes gleamed happily at the sight of her.

They each ran from their ends of the stage and met in the middle, crashing into each other's arms. For a second, Iris could almost forget that the whole country was watching them. Jordie let go of her, and she held him at arm's length, studying his face. He'd changed somehow since she'd last seen him, not just in weight, but she couldn't figure out what it was.

"Have you been eating?" Iris asked him. Strange for a kid who'd spent most of his life hungry, Jordie had a habit of refusing to eat when things got tough.

"Haven't seen you in weeks, and that's the first thing you ask?" Jordie said with a laugh, staunchly avoiding her question. "You're not exactly the picture of health, either, you know."

"Shut up," Iris said, pulling him into another hug. Only then did she see Emily, standing behind him. She smiled, and reached towards her aunt. Her dad wasn't there - she would have been surprised if he bothered to show up.

Emily hugged her tightly; Iris felt tears beginning to prick up. She always forgot how alike Emily and her mother were, even though they weren't identical. "I'm glad you're home," Emily said.

"Thank you for looking after Jordie."

Emily ducked her head. "It's the least I can do. I meant what I said. I'm here for you kids from now on."

They had to pose for some photos for the cameras; Iris could tell that Jordie and Emily felt as uncomfortable as she did. She was glad she didn't have to make any sort of speech - not until the Victory Tour. After the photos, she was allowed to go and see her new home.

It was Jordie's first time seeing it too, and he ran around excitedly - she hadn't seen him like that for years. "Look at the size of this TV!" He shouted from the living room.

Iris laughed, following close behind him. "You should see the size of the TVs in the Capitol."

"Forget about the TV," Emily called out, "Come look at the kitchen!"

The kitchen was large and already stocked with food - more food than Iris thought she'd ever be able to eat, especially with her now non-existent appetite. But seeing Jordie's face at the sight of the food, Iris cracked a smile. She'd eat, for her brother.

After Jordie had completed several excited laps of the house, Iris went upstairs to do a bit of her own exploring. The house had three bedrooms, one slightly smaller than the other two. All three bedrooms had adjoining bathrooms and closets. There was also a study that Iris thought would make a good painting studio, with its large windows that provided good lighting.

Downstairs was the kitchen, of course, as well as a large living room and another bathroom. There was also a sitting room with empty bookshelves - Iris was looking forward to filling those up. She'd never been much of a reader, but Jordie liked books. Not that they'd ever been able to afford any. He'd read all of the books at his school by the time he was twelve. Who knows, she thought. I might as well take it up. I've got plenty of time on my hands now.

The house was directly across from Haylee's. Iris was surprised to see what looked like a vegetable garden in Haylee's yard - Haylee seemed the least likely person Iris knew to have a garden. But she had to have other hobbies besides drinking, Iris supposed.

After figuring out who would sleep where - Emily insisted on taking the smallest bedroom, despite both Jordie and Iris insisting she take one of the larger ones - they had a feast. Well, Jordie and Emily did, anyway - Iris picked at the food on her plate.

"You're not eating," Jordie said with his mouth full.

"I ate on the train," Iris lied. She hadn't eaten anything since that last breakfast she'd had with Pomponia. She wasn't hungry.

Jordie frowned. "That must've been hours ago."

"Yeah, well, I ate a lot. Don't you worry about me, anyway, just enjoy your food." It was nice to see her brother having enough food, for what was maybe the first time in his life. It almost made what she had gone through worth it.

"Tomorrow we should get some more food from the market," Emily said. "And maybe some new clothes."

"Jordie needs new shoes," Iris said.

"I've never had new shoes," Jordie said. He looked down at his feet. His current shoes were a pair Iris grew out of when she was fourteen, and Jordie's toes were poking out the ends. "Can I really have new shoes?"

"You can have whatever you want. We have money now, Jordie," Iris said. She reached across the table and ruffled her brother's hair. "You're never going hungry again."

Jordie grinned. His smile was like sunshine - it lit up his whole face. "Can we get books? And candy? Oh, do you remember those cupcakes Mom used to buy from the bakery for our birthdays? We should get some of those."

"Why don't you both make a list," Iris said, "and we'll go first thing tomorrow." She looked at Emily. "Maybe you should buy some knitting stuff. Mom told me you liked to knit when you were a kid."

"I did," Emily said. "Iris, are you sure you want me to spend your money?"

"You're family, Emily. I'm just glad you're with us again."

Emily looked down at her hands. "So you can forgive me? After disappearing when you needed me most?"

"We managed. It would have been hard for you, too. She was your sister. Anyway, you couldn't have known that Dad would… that he would…" Iris struggled to find the words. Emily had, after all, gone down the same path Emily had, and Iris didn't want to upset her.

Jordie did not have the same tact. "Go off the rails?" he suggested. The realisation seemed to hit him a second later, that Emily had turned to the same substance their father had. "Sorry. That was a stupid thing to say."

"No, it's alright. You're right, after all. I was weak. It won't happen again."

"It's just good to have you back, Emily," Iris said. It meant the world to Iris that Emily had done so much work on herself, that she had pulled herself together and stepped up to look after Jordie when Iris could not. "Thank you for looking after Jordie while I was away."

"I didn't need looking after," Jordie protested.

Iris smiled. Jordie was still a little kid in so many ways - namely, his insistence that he didn't need anyone's help. "I know. But I'm just glad you weren't alone."

"I had Dad."

"No, you didn't. We haven't had Dad since we had Mom."

"Yeah, I know."

"I guess he's still at the old place?"

"Yeah. He didn't want to come."

"Of course he didn't," Iris sighed. "Whatever. We're better off without him."

Jordie didn't seem to know what to say about that, and stared at the wall, chewing absent-mindedly on a piece of bread. She had always been the more forgiving of them both, and that was saying something - she wondered how long it had taken Jordie to accept Emily back into his life. They seemed comfortable enough around each other now, but it had probably taken a few weeks for him to warm up to her again.

Emily cleared her throat, breaking the silence. "What should we do for the rest of the day?"

Iris grinned, remembering the gift Pomponia had given her. It had already been brought in from the train - she had seen her possessions in the study. "I have an idea."

She bounded from her seat and ran upstairs - she couldn't wait to see Jordie's reaction to the catalogue. It had amazed her, and she was sure he would be even more enamoured by it than she had been. She made her way back into the kitchen and handed it to Jordie, who looked up at her, bemused.

"Wha's tha'?" he asked, with his mouth full. A piece of bread fell out of it.

Emily made a noise of disgust. "Gross, Jordie, don't speak with your mouth full."

Jordie rolled his eyes and swallowed. He picked up the tablet, turning it over in his hands a few times. He held it up to his face and stared through it at Iris. "Iris, what is this?"

"They call it a tablet in the Capitol," Iris said, trying not to laugh at him. "It's a catalogue. Anything we could ever want, we can order from that thing."

"No way."

"Way," Iris said. She took it from him. "Let me show you."

By the time she had taught Jordie and Emily how to use it, it was early afternoon. She and Jordie spent hours looking through it, picking out things to buy, and laughing at some of the ridiculous things that were available.

"Who would ever need a self-pouring jug?" Jordie laughed.

"Maybe people without hands?"

"Yeah, but in the Capitol surely everyone is rich enough that they can hire someone to pour drinks for them."

Iris shrugged, thinking of the avoxes. "Maybe. Not everyone in the Capitol is rich. There are servants, and poor people."

"But not as poor as us."

"No. Definitely not. But we're not poor now. We even have a shower."

"I've never had a shower."

"I know. They're awesome. It's like rain, but you can make it smell like lavender or roses or even cupcakes."

Jordie shook his head in amazement. Iris could think of many things she'd seen in the Capitol that Jordie would like, but she hoped he never got to see them. She would do everything in her power to ensure that her little brother never, ever saw the Capitol. Because that would mean that… that…

Her head hurt. They had been silent for days, but Kasia and Christopher and Agata and all the others were pounding on the boxes in her mind. They had remembered she was keeping them there - they wanted to be let out. Iris put her head in her hands, desperate for them to stop it.

There was a hand on her arm, and Iris yelped and scrambled away from it, realising a second later that the hand was Jordie's. He looked at her, shocked. "I'm - I'm sorry, Iris."

Iris breathed in deeply. Would this be her life now? Jumping at touches, at shadows, at any tiny thing that reminded her of the arena? "It's okay. I just got a fright."

Jordie looked at her sadly. "What was it… what was it like in there?"

Iris looked away from him, fighting down the lump in her throat. "I don't want to talk about it right now."

"Okay. Sorry." Jordie looked guilty.

Iris felt bad. It hadn't been her intention to make him guilty, not when he hadn't done anything. "Don't be. Show me what you've decided to get."

Jordie moved closer to her on the couch, looking encouraged. "Well, I found this guitar… can I get a guitar? I saw one of the Victors playing one on TV once. I like how it sounds."

"You can have whatever you want, I mean it. We have money now."

"Thank you!" Jordie said excitedly.

Iris feigned interest as he showed her the other items he had selected, but she was finding it hard to concentrate on anything. There was a dull buzzing sound in her ears, and she couldn't shake the ache in her head. She didn't want to forget her allies, but she wanted them to leave her alone. She could feel them with her wherever she went, like they were standing behind her, breathing on her neck. She could hear Kasia's breathing getting duller as she died… Christopher's head bouncing onto the sand… Agata's final scream as her head went into the trap.

Was this how it would be from now on? Would she always be followed by ghosts?

i've befriended the crumbs in my bed

hope you liked this chapter lmk