7th of April, 2024

AN: I've actually got a fourth fancast for you: Jonathan Bailey as Tom Miller, the other gay English teacher. Also, email alerts seem to be broken again on FFN so please check back in on Sundays for the chapters even if there are no alerts.

Track List:

"Girlfriend" – Avril Lavigne
"Kiss With a Fist" – Florence + The Machine

Heartbreaker

3

Sunday wasn't fun. She usually liked Sundays. The Doctor always made a Full English and she managed to catch up on homework over the breakfast table, leaving the rest of the day free. Not so that weekend, with Stefani in the house to babysit. She'd been far drunker than she'd let on and spent a lot of time on Sunday running back and forth to the toilet to be sick. As well as that, they didn't have anything kosher in the house, so Rose was dispatched to go and get supplies. To Stefani's credit, she felt bad about causing so much fuss in the cold light of day, but she remained in the house until the late afternoon. Mattie barely managed to reply to Jake's texts and had to cancel her usual revision with Akiko, and then she had to listen to Clara's endless singing because she had some god-awful song from the noughties stuck in her head. ["Girlfriend" – Avril Lavigne]

"Hey, hey, you, you, I don't like your girlfriend; no way, no way, I think you need a new one," Clara was chirping every few minutes while she marked essays, driving Mattie bananas.

The only benefit was that Steph had eventually recovered enough to help Mattie with her French. French wasn't one of her languages, but she was better at explaining conjugation than Miss Pickman. Mattie was just as tired on Sunday night as she had been on Saturday, and just barely managed to finish the coming week's homework when she lay down to sleep again, now sans Stefani.

But she slept in and was late to school on Monday morning. Not that late, but later than she'd like. Pickman made a comment about her poor timekeeping in form but didn't actually report her, thankfully; she didn't want an earful about it from Clara, who had already set off for an early meeting by the time Matilda was out of bed.

She went from worrying about what one English teacher might say to another because she had a lesson with Mr Miller before lunch. They were starting Much Ado About Nothing, as she'd been warned the previous week. She spent the entire lesson trying to ignore everything he said just so that she had an excuse not to think about the play anymore, fully intending to never go to another revision group as long as she lived. She was perfectly capable of revising on her own.

"Could you stay a minute, please, Matilda?" said Miller when she was on her way out of the door, the lesson finally over. She dragged herself back into the room, back over her shoulder, to wait at his desk for everybody else to leave. "It's been brought to my attention that you didn't go to the revision session on Friday."

"I did go," said Mattie, "I just left a bit early."

"Almost an hour early, in an hour-long group," said Tom.

"Well, I… I didn't have a copy of the play."

"Couldn't you share? Or download a free version?" She said nothing. He'd caught her out; she had managed to find a version somewhere but had stormed out of the room anyway. "Were you listening in the lesson today?"

"Of course."

"So, who's Leonato?"

"He's…" The answer wouldn't come. She clenched her jaw.

"I know you said to myself and to Mrs Oswald that you'd apply yourself more in English," he told her. "It's disappointing to see you behave this way."

"Right."

"You're a very intelligent girl, and you could get an A if you made a bit more effort here. It is a core subject."

"Yeah. I know."

"Mrs Oswald has copies of all the set texts, so you can ask her what books you need before the next group, can't you? Or ask Hannah."

"I'll ask Clara."

"I'm keeping an eye on you," he warned again. "Don't make me keep you back during lunch for extra English."

"Why am I in the top set at all if you think I need extra lessons?" she challenged. She suspected Clara might be making demands of him.

"Because, like I said, you're very clever. The only thing in the way of some stellar English results is you."

"…Fine."

"So, you'll go this week? Friday again?"

"Yes," she said through her teeth. "Can I leave now, sir?" He nodded and indicated the door. She practically ran out of there, furious.

What she wouldn't say to Hannah when she found her at lunch.

She paid attention to nobody else as she stormed through the canteen. Not to Jake and his friends and not to Akiko, on a table on her own and waiting for Mattie. There was Hannah, in the queue for hot dinners with Alice, very near the front.

"Can I cut in here? Sorry, sorry," she said, getting in front of some year sevens. They protested, but they were all too scared to say anything to year elevens in the line. "What's your problem?" she asked Hannah.

"What?" said Hannah.

"You grassed me up to Mr Miller because I left the group early, even though I only did that because you were being a nightmare."

"I definitely didn't, thanks."

"Then, one of your friends did."

"Keep me out of this," said Alice, looking at her hand like it was the most interesting thing she'd ever seen.

"All you do is brown-nose teachers," Mattie went on. "You could at least admit it."

"I'm not admitting it because I haven't done anything," Hannah hissed at her.

They got to the front of the line and picked up trays made of recycled plastic. On the menu was shepherd's pie, both a meat and vegan version.

"You can lie all you want," said Mattie, the dinner lady dropping a steaming pile of meat and mash onto a plate and handing it over the counter to her, "I know you're full of it."

"Why would I tell Miller you didn't come to the group when I don't even want you in the group?" Hannah countered, getting the meat-free option for herself. Urgh. That was a fair cop, but Mattie couldn't admit it.

"I don't know – maybe because you're spiteful? Vindictive? Want to see me suffer more than you want your peace and quiet?"

"I might not want you around after school, but that's a long way off seeing you suffer – kicking you out for good would be suffering since you're not going to pass English otherwise," said Hannah.

"I will pass, I get Cs," said Mattie.

"Then I hope you really enjoy going to a third-rate university to study sociology because that's where you'll be since you never do any work."

"That's rubbish," said Mattie, moving along down the line and getting a portion of peas, the same as Hannah. "I don't need English to do medicine at Imperial."

Hannah stopped and looked at her. She had bright blue eyes; Mattie had never noticed before. Suddenly, she didn't look half as annoyed.

"You want to study medicine?" she asked.

"Yes. It's not a secret."

"I thought it was just a rumour."

"Why would anybody tell a rumour about that?"

"I suppose they wouldn't," said Hannah.

"And why are they giving us peas with shepherd's pie, anyway?" said Mattie, loudly enough that the dinner ladies could hear. "The shepherd's pie has peas in it already."

Hannah made a noise; had she laughed? It turned into a cough, and she moved down the line to get her pudding. It was a choice between sponge cake or fruit salad. Mattie was ahead and got the first choice, taking a sponge cake for herself and wishing she'd brought some Nutella to add to it. Hannah got the fruit salad.

"I didn't tell Mr Miller anything, alright?" said Hannah. "I have better things to do than your admin, Matilda."

"I prefer 'Mattie'." She didn't have a preference but did not like the way Hannah mockingly drew out her name whenever she said it. "And I still don't believe you. Just because you sneak off with Stefani every now and again to break the rules, doesn't mean you're not a stuck-up, obnoxious, arrogant know-it-all."

"For Christ's sake!" Hannah shouted. "What did I ever do to you?"

"What do you mean, what did you do to me!? All you've been doing lately is taking lumps out of me! You started it!"

"I didn't start anything! I don't want anything to do with you, alright?" Hannah stuck her school card into the machine at the end to pay for her food.

"That's charming!"

"Charming!? Well, at least I'm not literally a teacher's pet, we all know you tell them everything that happens at the school!"

"I do not!"

"Leave me alone!" said Hannah, and then she marched off. Mattie had half a mind to follow her, but she had to pay herself. It was only then she noticed that everybody was staring, including Alice.

"…She did start it," Mattie defended herself, getting her own card out.

"I just wish one of you would end it," Alice muttered. Mattie scowled and left, going to find Akiko on the far side of the canteen, miles away from Hannah and her gang of try-hards.

"Did you see that? Can you believe her?" said Mattie, slamming her tray down next to Aki, who jumped.

"Did I see you screaming at the head girl in the middle of the canteen? Yes, everybody did," said Aki.

"She's only the head girl because nobody else cared enough to run. She was the only candidate. And she's grassed on me."

"For doing what?"

"For not staying at that stupid revision group!" said Mattie, shoving shepherd's pie into her mouth. Jake remained on his own table, with his friends, though she met his eyes briefly. He looked worried. She didn't like that.

"But she doesn't even want you there," said Aki. "Why would she tell Mr Miller you hadn't gone, since obviously he'd make you?"

"That's…." That was exactly what Hannah had said. "Because she wants revenge, that's why."

"Revenge for what?"

"Because I embarrassed her in front of her friends."

"You've embarrassed yourself," said Aki. "And you did start it."

"No, I didn't! Why is everyone taking her side?"

"Who's 'everyone'?"

"Everyone!"

"I think you should calm down. You're being very confrontational, and it's not like you. And, also, Jake's coming over." He was. Mattie kept eating her food, glowering. "Please don't flirt with him too much in front of me. Not while I'm eating."

"I wish you would share those rolls," said Mattie.

"No. They're all mine."

"Hey," said Jake. "Can I sit down?"

"There are four empty seats, so, I suppose so," said Mattie, noncommittal.

"Is everything alright? I saw that," he pulled out the chair right next to her.

"It's fine. I don't like her, and she doesn't like me. Life's like that."

"I've never seen you shout at anyone before. I've never seen Hannah shout at anyone before, either, come to think of it; even when she and Steph argue, it's… mostly crying." He paused, then lowered his voice. "By the way, Steph told me you let her stay yesterday. Thanks for taking care of her."

"Against my better judgement," said Mattie.

"I'd've come and got her if you asked."

"I'll remember that for the next time she gets drunkenly kicked out of the Becketts' in the middle of the night and throws things at my house," said Mattie. "Where is she right now, anyway? Shouldn't she have run to Hannah's defence?"

"I, um…" Jake lost his words.

"Oh, come on. Again?" He didn't respond. "Who this time?"

"She's just watching Dennis play football."

"She doesn't even like football. You know, she tried to tell me I should go out with him the other night, when she was drunk."

"I'd rather you didn't go out with him," said Jake. "If I get any say in it, that is. I know we didn't talk about-"

"Don't worry. I'm not interested. And like I'd want Steph's sloppy seconds."

"…Are you sure you're alright?"

"I'd really rather forget about it. Is that okay?"

"Of course it's okay. Do you still want to go out again this week? I can look at what's on at the cinema; there might be something new that you definitely haven't seen," he said. The way he smiled at her made her feel gooey. He had a way of cutting straight through her grumpy exterior and warming her back up again.

"Yeah, I do, but I've got this geography thing, like I said."

"Well, I'm free Wednesday."

"Wednesday? Oh. There's, um, there's a match on," she said. "FA Cup semi-final replay. Spurs against Hull City."

"Not Wednesday, then," he nodded, smiling. "I'll catch up with you later in the week, once you know about the geography stuff."

"Yeah. Please do – I'm excited," she assured him. He nodded again, then decided he ought to be getting back to his friends and bandmates. When Mattie cast a glance over to the coven on the far side of the room, she saw Hannah turn her head very quickly. Had she been watching Mattie? God, that was sinister. Couldn't they just dislike each other from a distance, like they'd been perfectly happy doing for months?

"You don't sound that excited," said Aki, catching her attention again.

"What?" said Mattie.

"About Jake. Going back out with him."

"No, he's – I am. He's nice. He gets me. I was gonna go to one of their gigs on Saturday, but I had that wedding," said Mattie. For the rest of lunch, she bored Akiko with a play-by-play of Tanya's wedding, and Tish's non-stop comments about the groom and his taste in music. Between Jake and Aki, Matilda was, against all odds, starting to feel better.

That feeling lasted for all of forty minutes, until she found herself in her afternoon geography lesson. They had to do assessments to independently study the local climate for thirty per cent of the final grade. And they had to do them in pairs of Mrs Marshall's choosing.

"Now, I took a look on the system and paired people who live nearby up," she said. "It'll make meeting up outside of school hours to gather the data and collate it much easier." Mattie was barely listening, trying to work out which instruments they'd be allowed to take home. Probably it would just be boring things, like thermometers borrowed from the science department.

Mattie didn't pay attention until Mrs Marshall got to her name – except, she said Matilda's name right after she said Hannah Beckett's.

"Excuse me?" said Mattie. "Is that a mistake?"

"Pardon?" said Mrs Marshall, surprised at being interrupted.

"I…" Mattie looked over at Hannah, who had been looking at her, once again, but immediately stopped. "Can I work with someone else?"

"Don't you two live on the same street?"

"Well, yeah, but – should you be looking up children's addresses on the computers?" said Mattie. Some of the other kids snickered.

"It's not like you to answer back, Matilda," said Mrs Marshall. "It's only for two weeks, you'll live." Mattie gave up because people were staring at her again. She slouched in her chair. Aki didn't do geography, and nor did Jake; there was nobody to rescue her.

Promptly, they were told to rearrange themselves from Mrs Marshall's meticulously designed seating plan so that they could sit in their new pairs. Mattie had already made up her mind not to move, and she expected Hannah to pay her the same courtesy. But that didn't happen. If there was one thing Hannah cared about, it was her grades. She picked up her stuff and dropped into the chair on Mattie's right. Neither of them said a word until Marshall was done telling the class about the assessment and how they were supposed to record the figures.

"…So, you'd rather accuse a perfectly good teacher of being a nonce than sit next to me?" said Hannah quietly.

"That's not what I meant. But I'd rather do most things than sit next to you."

"Let's get two things clear. First of all, I'm not a grass; I didn't tell Mr Miller anything. Second of all, I'm not failing my geography coursework just because you're immature. You're going to do it properly or we both fail."

"I'll do well enough on the exam to make up for it."

"I'm serious," said Hannah quietly. Mattie shrank.

"Alright, fine. We'll do it your way."

"Good. Preston Park's just down the road from us; we can meet there tonight, take the readings, and then leave and make the charts independently," said Hannah matter-of-factly.

"Can't we take the readings independently, too?"

"Then how will I know they're right?"

"You could trust me. And I'm not immature, by the way," said Mattie.

"Trying to pick a fight with me in the queue for lunch is grown-up, then?"

"It wasn't a fight. And if it was, you've been picking it for days." Hannah rolled her eyes. "I think I know how to use a thermometer without your supervision."

"There are a lot of factors you need to consider, like height, and wind conditions, and the degree of shading," said Hannah.

"Yeah, I know, I'm doing geography as well. And I think I actually got a better mark than you in the last mock exam, didn't I?" said Mattie. That wasn't a question; she knew she had.

"You can't coast forever. A Levels are a lot harder."

"I'm not coasting at all – I do work, plenty. For subjects I think are worthwhile, which English definitely isn't. It's a waste of time."

"It's my favourite subject, actually."

"And you're my least favourite person, so that's fitting," said Mattie. "It's not like I'll be doing English next year, anyway. I'll be doing proper subjects, maths and science, so that I can go to a good university and get a useful degree. What will you be doing?"

"I'll be at Oxford, reading literature."

"Isn't Oxford just a poor man's Cambridge?"

Hannah scoffed. "I knew it was a waste of time trying to have a conversation with you."

"I didn't even know you were trying to have a conversation, so, you must be pretty shit at it."

"Matilda," said Mrs Marshall loudly. Everybody's eyes were on her. "Language. That's not appropriate in a classroom."

"Sorry, miss…"

"You're not usually like this. What's gotten into you?"

"Nothing's gotten into me!" she protested, half shouting. Mrs Marshall was too surprised by the outburst to tell her off. Mattie crossed her arms and slouched.

"Maybe I should pair you up with other people."

"Oh, no, we'll be fine, miss," said Hannah, smiling at her politely. "You don't need to trouble yourself."

"…If you're sure, Hannah," said Mrs Marshall. "I'm keeping an eye on you." She went back to her computer. The other students lost interest when Mattie didn't say anything else.

"If you get me in trouble – a detention or any kind of discipline – and it goes on my permanent record, then you'll know what it's like when I'm actually trying to make your life difficult," Hannah threatened her.

"Permanent records aren't real. This isn't America."

"I mean it." Mattie's heart raced. "I'll see you in the park, at five o'clock. Underneath the big oak tree. It shouldn't take long."

"Fine."

"Fine."

They didn't say another word to each other for the rest of the lesson.

Mattie had to search online for what an oak tree looked like. She didn't know enough about trees to identify one from the other, except for willow trees, because they were obvious. But she need not have researched at all, because the tree was easily identifiable as the one Hannah was already standing underneath.

Hannah spotted her, but then looked at the ground when she approached, making shapes in the dirt with one of her shoes.

"Did you bring everything?" she said when Mattie arrived.

"'Hello' would be nice," said Mattie, who'd been turned inside-out with dread at the thought of spending time with Hannah. Her legs were jelly.

"Sorry. I thought you wouldn't want me to talk to you more than strictly necessary."

"I don't. But hello is necessary, isn't it."

"Hello, then," Hannah mumbled, eyes down.

"Yeah, I've got everything from school." Thermometer, barometer, a vane to measure the wind direction, a hygrometer and an anemometer, last of all. She'd insisted on bringing the instruments because she wasn't going to let Hannah have complete control over their assessment, not when she'd proven she wasn't that good at geography in the first place.

"You can take the measurements, and I'll write them down. But I'll be checking them all," said Hannah.

"I'm not stupid," said Mattie.

"I don't think you're stupid, I think you're spiteful, vindictive, and you want to see me suffer," said Hannah, turning Mattie's own words earlier against her. And that reminded her of all the other things she'd said earlier…

Mattie dug the anemometer out of her bag and held it up, in the spot under the oak tree marked on the map that they were sharing between their school tablets, to measure the windspeed. It was a lot of standing still while it decided what reading it wanted to give. She managed to do this in total silence, Hannah waiting patiently, tablet in hand, and not lifting her gaze from the screen for even a moment.

"It's four-point-two miles an hour windspeed," she said, stashing the device in the bag again, and getting out the weathervane to see the direction. "Going southeast."

Hannah wrote everything down diligently. They got through the temperature, humidity, and air pressure without a word, but Mattie felt like she was melting.

"I'm sorry about earlier," she finally said, putting everything away.

"Which bit of all the things that happened earlier?" said Hannah.

"It turns out that it was Clara who told Mr Miller I hadn't stayed back on Friday." Clara had heard all about the lunchroom row, of course, and had told Mattie the full story when she'd got home an hour ago. Hannah was exonerated.

"I did say I'm not a grass."

"Yeah, well… It's not like I have any reason to believe you."

"Because I'm such a 'nightmare'?"

"Yes."

"Thanks. The next spot is down here." They were stuck walking together. There were half a dozen points to get through on the map, all around the park. How long was this going to take? It was already unbearable. Mattie trailed behind Hannah slightly. "You're coming back this Friday, then?"

"It looks like I have to. So, I'll sit there in silence, and you can tell them I turned up," said Mattie. Hannah paused.

"Will that help you, though? If you're not listening, then, there's really no point, is there?"

"God, you'll do anything to stop me from turning up, won't you?" Mattie countered.

Quietly, she said, "Yes. I'd prefer it if you didn't." Mattie was wounded. "But, fine. I don't want to get in trouble if they think I'm stopping you. It's your decision if you pay attention or not, though."

"Well, good. We're in agreement, then."

"You could say that. But you should at least try to read the texts."

"I don't need to prove to you that I can read." Did Hannah nearly laugh when she said that? Possibly. But rather than argue, Hannah took out a little tub of coconut lip balm and applied some, dabbing it carefully over her lips.

On and on they walked, and Hannah wouldn't look at her – even though she'd been doing just that all day, when she thought Mattie couldn't see her. The leaves rustled in the gentle breeze, and the sun was still out. It wouldn't go down for a while.

At the second spot, the same thing played out. Wind speed, wind direction, temperature, humidity, pressure. They just had to do that, four more times, and this ordeal would be over.

Mattie got a sinking feeling when she remembered they had to come back next week and take the measurements again to compare the non-existent microclimate of Preston Park against itself. Maybe if she was polite to Hannah until then, she could persuade her to let her do it alone? That would make her life much easier.

Mattie was about to say the only thing she could think of and ask Hannah how her weekend had been when Hannah spoke at exactly the same time. Hannah flushed and stopped talking.

"Go on," said Mattie.

"No, you can. It's not anything important."

"I was just going to ask if you had a good weekend."

"Why?"

"Because… that's what people do. They ask each other boring questions they don't really care about the answers to, don't they?" said Mattie. Hannah said nothing. "What were you going to say?"

"…Did you have a good weekend?" she asked. Mattie tripped but steadied herself before Hannah saw.

"It was fine. Went to a wedding in London." And she'd also babysat Hannah's hungover girlfriend.

"Is that why you changed your hair? For the wedding?"

"I guess so – why?"

"It looks nice with the braids." What game was she playing?

"…Thanks," said Mattie.

"Did it take long? I've heard it takes ages."

"A few hours. I had to get up early on Saturday morning so that I'd have time. I think you were getting pretzels."

"How do you know that?"

"I saw it online," said Mattie.

"Oh, right. Didn't you block me?"

"What?"

"I thought I'd seen earlier today that you've blocked me," said Hannah.

"How would you have seen that?" They didn't have an in-app conversation, and they didn't follow each other. Mattie followed Steph, and subsequently saw things Steph tagged Hannah in, and that was it; Hannah would only have known about the block if she'd gone hunting for Mattie's profile and it hadn't appeared.

"I don't know. Maybe Steph told me – didn't you block her, too?" said Hannah, red in the face.

"I might have," Mattie admitted.

"Why? I get if it was me, since, you know, you were so angry on Friday, but Steph's not involved."

"That isn't…" She couldn't tell the truth. She couldn't tell Hannah that she didn't like seeing their fake-happy relationship, knowing how thoroughly and consistently Stefani was betraying her. "I was just annoyed."

"About the pretzels?" said Hannah. "Is it the pretzels you didn't like, then?"

"I don't like you, either," said Mattie, with more venom than she'd intended. "Or Steph, at the moment."

"What's she done?"

"She was at my house all day yesterday."

Mattie had never noticed how green the park was before, even in the early weeks of spring. There were a few birds here and there. She tried to see if she could spot any cobwebs on the grass; cobwebs sounded immensely interesting to her right then. If she could only look at cobwebs instead of looking at anything else – at anyone else – everything would be simpler.

"She told me. Thanks for keeping an eye on her. I didn't want her to go – it was my dad; he came back from work and caught her."

"At one o'clock in the morning? Do solicitors work nights?" asked Mattie. For weeks, they'd seen police cars driving down their street and parking outside the Becketts'. Should Mattie ask about this? Would Hannah tell her?

"He stays late in the office," said Hannah, and then she moved on. "I'm just lucky he didn't find out she'd brought wine."

"Wine from the nonce shop, she said," said Mattie.

"I keep telling her not to go there," said Hannah, the same as Mattie. "But, really, thanks. She won't say it, but she's grateful that you two are friends."

"Yeah, because I live down the road from her bloody…" Mattie gestured at Hannah, who stopped walking and turned to face her.

"Her 'bloody' what?"

"Personal knocking shop." Uh-oh. She definitely shouldn't have said that. An atmosphere grew. Hannah broke it by laughing.

"God. That's not very nice." But she smiled when she said it.

"S-sorry…" Silence. "Why have you stopped?"

"We're…" At the next site, was what Hannah was going to say when Mattie realised where they were, but she didn't get to finish the thought.

A dog barking interrupted them, and Hannah was besieged by a small, white terrier.

"Hello!" Hannah beamed at the dog. He jumped at her legs, and she crouched down to scratch behind his ears, his tail wagging furiously. They were approached by an old woman Mattie had seen before, dressed to the nines in full, goth regalia; she looked more like a vampire than the real-life vampires Matilda knew. "I wasn't expecting to see you today," Hannah kept talking to the dog.

"What have I told you about not jumping on people?" the old lady told the dog off.

"…What kind of dog is it?" asked Mattie, who knew very little about them. Their dog was a silly robot confined to the Doctor's study.

"He's a Westie, aren't you, Seamus?" Hannah answered. She glowed when she smiled at the dog. Mattie didn't think she'd ever seen Hannah smile before – not properly.

"We've not met, have we?" the old woman said to Mattie. It took her a moment to realise she was being spoken to; she looked up.

"Um… Should we have?" said Mattie, still somewhere else.

"I've seen you around," she said.

"Mrs Dodds lives across the road from you," said Hannah. "This is Mattie – she lives with the Oswalds. They've got the blue camper van."

"Of course," said Mrs Dodds, nodding. "And I've told you a thousand times, it's Vivian. No 'Mrs Dodds' – makes me feel old."

"I'm just trying to be polite," said Hannah.

"You're too polite," said Vivian. "When I was your age, I didn't listen to what anybody said. You should be disrespecting your elders, staying out late, and getting dodgy tattoos." Hannah just smiled at the dog. She was too polite, though. "Well, we were on our way to the post office before it closes."

"Are you going to the post office? Are you?" Hannah fawned over Seamus some more, and then she straightened up. Dismayed, Seamus barked at her.

"Stop by and take him for a walk anytime," said Vivian, speaking to both of them. "It was nice to meet you, Mattie."

"Oh, sure," said Mattie, managing to smile, too. Leaving, Vivian switched a vintage wireless speaker she had attached to her belt back on – black, of course. A song resumed partway through. ["Kiss With a Fist" – Florence + The Machine]

"You hit me once, I hit you back, you gave a kick, I gave a slap, you smashed a plate over my head, then I set fire to my bed…" Mattie barely recognised it, but Hannah hummed along as Vivian and Seamus walked off.

Much to Mattie's surprise, Hannah kept singing the words, under her breath.

"A kick in the teeth is good for some, a kiss with a fist is better than none…" And then she saw Mattie staring at her. "…It's a good song," she mumbled.

"I don't know it."

"It's a classic." Mattie shrugged. "Sorry." What was she sorry for?

"You walk her dog, then?" Mattie asked.

"When I get time," said Hannah. "We're at the next spot, I think is what I was saying."

"Yes. Right. Sure."

Mattie fumbled the bag when she tried to remove the anemometer again and ended up dropping everything. Apologetic, she crouched to pick it all back up, and Hannah stooped to help her.

The breeze rolled back in, and the smell of vanilla wafted over Mattie. Hannah was inches away, her hair fluttering, and now Mattie knew what flavour her shampoo was. Her heart had never beat so fast in her life. She was frozen to the spot and Hannah held the dropped barometer out to her and smiled, blue eyes shining.

It hit Mattie like lightning.

When Hannah pushed the barometer into her hands, she was overcome with the monumental, all-powerful desire to lean in and kiss her. Matilda had never kissed anybody, so to put it lightly, this was a shock. Even more of a shock was the way the mere idea made her lips tingle and her heart pound.

She didn't act on this unprecedented desire. Instead, Mattie recoiled and fell over backwards, onto the grass.

"Are you okay?" asked Hannah.

"I'm fine!" she said, far louder than she'd intended. She cleared her throat, scrambling away. "I'm fine. I think you should, um, go over there, though. A few feet away from me. Please."

"Oh. Sure." Hannah picked up the bag. Gingerly, Mattie approached, grabbed the bag, and darted back to where she'd been standing. Hannah frowned.

"I'm going to stay over here now."

"Great…"

"Where's the next site?"

"We still didn't measure this one."

"Cool, sure, I'll…"

She kept her distance from Hannah and went through the measurements again. They were barely different from place to place, but she was constantly shocked at the mild temperature. She was sweltering and ended up taking her coat off and stuffing it into the bottom of her bag before she put the instruments back.

What was she thinking? The idea was absurd. It shouldn't be dwelled on or interrogated; just buried and forgotten. She did not want to kiss Hannah. Hannah had a girlfriend, and Mattie very nearly had a boyfriend – not to mention that they hated each other.

They got through the next batch of numbers and headed off again, deeper into the park, past the picturesque, man-made ponds decorated with stepping stones. Mattie stopped at the edge.

"What?" said Hannah.

"Frogspawn down there," said Mattie. "It's tadpole season."

"…Do you like frogs?"

"Only one in fifty make it to adulthood because something usually comes along and eats them. The Doctor wanted to dig a pond in the back garden, but Clara won't let her." She could hear the Doctor now: 'I've always liked Ponds, Coo.' "There, see?" Mattie pointed out a tabby cat approaching the pond, ignoring them completely.

"That's Mrs Wilkinson's cat," said Hannah.

"It's looking for something to eat, like that wild frog on the lily pad," said Mattie. The cat readied itself to pounce on the frog, but something else pounced first. It was strange; a wave lapped at the edge of the pond and splashed the cat, startling it. Alarmed, it scarpered, going to find easier prey.

"Frog'll be alright now," said Hannah.

"For the moment," said Mattie, confused. Ponds didn't have tides; how could a wave have formed? When she turned back to Hannah, she was being watched. "That's three times just today."

"Three times what?"

"Three times you've been staring at me when you think I'm not looking."

"I-"

Mattie set off walking before Hannah could explain herself, trying to remember where the next location was. They'd each marked off a few, in silence, during the lesson.

"I don't mean to," said Hannah, catching up with her. "How's it going with Jake, anyway?"

Mattie sighed. No respite. She wished the dog was still there. "Why are you so bothered?"

"I'm not. I just know you went out with him."

"Yeah, because you were eavesdropping."

"I walked past."

"Walked past and eavesdropped. And it's going fine. We're going out again, soon."

"But you don't know when?"

"When are you next going out with Steph?" Mattie countered, not wanting to get into the situation with Jake. "She's been busy lately, hasn't she?"

"What do you mean by that?" asked Hannah.

"Nothing."

"Doesn't sound like nothing."

"Can we just hurry this up and get to the next point, please? I don't care about your girlfriend, and you don't care about my…"

"Your what?"

"Friend who is a boy." Hannah nodded, an unreadable expression on her face.

They kept walking. The fifth point was arrived at soon enough. Mattie read out every number and Hannah didn't confirm she'd even heard, though Mattie saw her writing it all down on the tablet screen. The quiet became more painful to her than when they'd been trying to talk, but Hannah was avoiding her gaze again.

"I didn't mean anything by it," Mattie said. "I swear."

"It's just that it sounded like you did mean something by it," said Hannah. "Has Steph said something to you?"

"No. She tries not to confide in me anymore because I keep telling her off."

"Telling her off for what?"

"Just, you know. The usual."

"Like what?" Hannah implored, coming closer to her again. Mattie stepped away like she'd been pushed.

"You're meant to be staying further away from me than that."

"Jesus, grow up a bit, will you?" said Hannah. "What do you think I'm gonna do? Bite you?" When she said that, Mattie looked at her mouth. Snap out of it! "Look, I understand that you've never liked me, but-"

"Erm, no, you're the one who's never liked me. You're the one who hates me, and avoids me, and won't talk to me."

"That's… that's what you think?"

"Obviously, that's what I think, because it's what's true. Is this the last place? The sixth dot?" She'd been walking much quicker, wanting to get all this over with so that she could go back home, curl up in bed, and think very hard about what was going on in her subconscious and why she couldn't behave like a normal person.

"Yeah. This is the last one."

It was excruciating to get the instruments out one last time. Mattie's hands were trembling, too. Hannah actually had to take the compass off her – which she was not happy about – and measure the wind speed herself because Mattie couldn't hold it still. When Hannah took it from her, their fingers brushed ever so slightly, and it made Mattie jump.

Wind speed.

Wind direction.

Temperature.

Humidity.

Pressure.

The pressure she was feeling upon realising that, now it was over, she didn't want it to be. She didn't want to retreat to her bedroom and draw graphs while pretending she was interested in Jake's demos. She wanted to keep talking.

"I'll get back home, then," said Hannah, turning to leave.

"No," said Mattie, automatically, without thinking.

"What?"

"…I don't hate you. I mean, I-"

"Get a grip," said Hannah, cold. Mattie shut up. "Listen. I've never hated you. I don't even dislike you. I thought you knew – everybody else does. Steph makes fun of me about it constantly."

"About what?"

"About – that – that I fancy you, alright?" said Hannah, turning the brightest shade of pink Mattie had ever seen on a person. Mattie, meanwhile, had been sucker punched. "I've always fancied you. But I don't expect you to say anything or to care since I know you're really not interested. And clearly, you have Jake now, even though I'm not sure you actually like him that much, and-"

"Steph's cheating on you again," Mattie cut her off, heart in her mouth and hands clammy.

"…What?"

"With Dennis Fisher, in the year above. They were together on Friday, that's how I found out – she called Jake, while we were eating, to get money from him for a cab because Dennis threw her out. She was with him at lunchtime today, too."

Hannah covered her face with her hands and breathed deeply for a minute. When she removed them, she was composed, though her eyes were glistening with tears, making them far bluer. Maybe Mattie shouldn't have said anything about the infidelity.

"Why are you telling me this? Revenge?" asked Hannah.

"No, I-"

"You think I don't know? I don't know the details, but when she's doing it again, she always takes me out somewhere, because she feels bad. To get pretzels, for instance."

"It's not revenge, I…"

"You what, Matilda?" There it was again. The way Hannah said her name.

"You should break up with her."

"Excuse me?"

"For good! Dump her! She doesn't deserve you if she's going to… I've been telling her this for months, that one of you needs to end things. You should be with someone who treats you properly, shouldn't you? Someone who won't cheat on you so blatantly – someone who won't cheat on you at all!"

"It's not so easy to find people like that," said Hannah in a tiny voice.

"You should look a bit harder," said Mattie.

"And where do I start? Do you have any suggestions?"

"Oh, er, I'm a bit out of my depth… There must be a few people, though, surely…"

"Like who?" Hannah took a step towards her. Mattie went backwards and bumped against a tree, burning up as if she had a fever.

"I, um, well, you know – just somebody nicer, who's not – who respects you, and um, and…"

Hannah was right in front of her; Hannah was there. It was only then that Mattie worked out that she'd spent the last eight months doing everything in her power to ignore that Hannah was there. For once, she decided to pay attention.

"I feel like I've never seen you before," Mattie whispered. "Like I've only just opened my eyes." Something clicked in Hannah's expression, and for the first time ever, they were in sync.

It was impossible to say who closed the distance. Hannah's lips were on hers and Mattie wasn't stopping her. She wasn't even just letting her; she was kissing back. She'd never kissed anyone, but she was kissing Hannah back, on tiptoes because Hannah was a few inches taller; Hannah held Mattie's face gently, her hands soft and warm. Never before had she wanted to be so close to another person, not even Jake – not even when they'd been alone in the cinema or the café; but here she was with Hannah in the middle of the park at dusk, both pulling the other nearer like they were miles away. The smell of vanilla mingled with the taste of coconut lip balm.

Time had slowed down, but Mattie's elation at heat and lips and coconut and vanilla soon evaporated; it was only temporary. She had kissed Hannah like her life depended on it, but she'd forgotten that she absolutely shouldn't be doing that. Stefani was one of her best friends; Hannah was Stefani's girlfriend; and Mattie was supposed to be going out with Stefani's brother. Not to mention that Hannah's dad hated Clara, and anybody associated with her. It was a mess, and it was her fault.

Waking up, she pulled away. Everything was quiet, except for their breathing.

"You're not into girls," said Hannah eventually, brushing Matilda's cheek with her thumb. Mattie leant into this, still on her toes to bridge their minor height difference.

"…I'm not into Steph, so, that's what I tell her. But I'm not opposed to them." She just hadn't given them much thought. She hadn't given boys that much thought either, in fairness. "I don't know if this is a good idea." That was an invitation for Hannah to persuade her that it was, but this didn't happen.

"Um… okay," Hannah released her and walked away. "I should go."

"Oh, right."

"Not because this was bad, or… I just need to go. I need to do something," said Hannah, more to herself, like she was psyching herself up.

"Sure," said Mattie, stuck under the tree, powerless to stop Hannah from leaving.

"Can we talk, though? Soon? I think we'd better, even if, erm…" Even if what? Hannah decided for her. "We'll talk."

"If that's… if that's what you want."

"And I'll, uh, I'll… I'll see you around."

Mattie could produce no words to get Hannah to stay behind and talk now, so she just watched her go, taking a piece of Matilda with her. That was her first kiss, and she might have blown up her whole life with it.

Oh, no. What had she done?