"Cappie!", I whisper over to him, trying to wake him up to no avail.
"Cap!", I try again but still he makes his sleeping noises, breathing in and out, laying peacefully.
I get frustrated more than I already am. Would it be wrong of me to wake him up?
Sure, it was only 7am on a Saturday but I had woken up 20 minutes earlier, my underwear wet. It probably had something to do with the fact that I was laying wrapped around Cappie all night, my pelvis pressed up against his waist.
Ever since I hit 20 weeks in my pregnancy back in late August I'd been feeling so into sex that sometimes I could barely contain myself. I was like a different person. And if the other night was any indication, I was pretty much up to try anything. Even just the smallest touch, the feeling of his lips on my neck, his breath on my thigh, his smirk against my lips, all made me feel like I was being sent to heaven.
I huff, laying down on my pillow, looking at the ceiling.
Finally I just give in with myself and turn over, tugging on his arm.
"Cappie!"
"Whoa!", he jolts awake. "What's… what's going on, are you going into labour?"
"No", I shake my head. "It's only November".
"Oh yeah…", he looks confused, getting adjusted to being awake. "What's up?"
"Um…", I don't know how to say it without him completely mocking me.
His confused eyes look over me though and I know I have to come clean.
"I'm sorry I woke you up, I probably should've let you sleep, but…", I sigh then with a slight groan. "I really need you for something".
"Okay", he nods, obviously not catching on at all with the little information I was giving him. I was going to have to just spell it out.
"I'm really, really turned on right now", I say with a sigh and watch his tired eyes turn wicked, his hands immediately finding me to pull me into him.
"Really?", he smirks at me, licking his lips.
"Mmm hmm", I nod up and down. "I didn't want to wake you but I woke up so incredibly horny from the hormones and all the pressure I have down there from grinding against you all night that it was either wake you up or do it my-"
"Believe me, you can wake me up any time you want", He grins, cutting off my nervous rambling and I laugh as his lips find mine.
"Let me just go brush my teeth", He says against my lips.
"No, don't", I stop him, smiling. "I don't care. And this is kind a time sensitive thing".
I giggle against him.
"Well good thing for you, I am fully awake", He cracks his knuckles jokingly. "And ready to go, as always".
I laugh and lean in to kiss him again, us both on our sides. My hand is resting on his jaw, pulling his face into mine as I try to get closer and closer against him, yearning to feel his skin on mine. That wasn't always an easy task with my bump between us though.
His hands both rest on my bump, going underneath my nightdress to touch the taut stretched skin across my stomach.
His hands find their way down my body slowly, rubbing circles along my hipbones until he reaches the top of my underwear, his hand going underneath the fabric.
He pulls away from kissing me to give me a smirk when his fingers caress against my aching core.
"You weren't lying", He laughs slightly.
"Yeah I know", I scoff, going red.
I was usually a lot more shy than I'd been lately about sex. And Cappie knew that better than anyone. But something about my hormones going crazy this last trimester had made my body different.
He smirks, amused, and then leans in to kiss me again and I can feel his grin against my lips, making me smirk too.
His hand works itself rubbing against me, using my own wetness to caress slow circles as I move myself back and forth against his hand as if it's a natural response from my body.
His other hand is on the side of my waist, half on my belly, pulling me in against him.
He stops what he's doing for a moment, only to look at me hungrily.
"Let's get this off", he pulls on the fabric of my nightgown and pulls it over my head, revealing my breasts and bump to him.
He looks over me intently then, at every detail, like I'm a famous painting at a high class museum.
"What?", I laugh.
"You look like an angel", He says and his eyes come up to my face in a soft smile when he speaks.
He puts both his hands on my bump then, it feeling hard right now, a few freckles stretched across it.
"No I don't", I scoff. "I've just woken up, I need to brush my hair, I don't have any makeup o-"
"Doesn't matter, you look perfect", He shakes his head, grinning at me, and taking his hand to tuck my hair behind my ear.
I smile bashfully then, his words making my stomach flip flop and I lean in to kiss him hard against his lips.
He pulls away for a moment to speak to me in a hushed voice.
"I love your bump", He says and I can tell he means it. "When we're doing this it's just like a constant reminder of what me and you share and I love that".
"Aw Cap", I purse my lips, giddy from his words and I lean in to hug him, my arms going around his neck to play with the tufts of hair at the back of his neck.
I felt the same way as he did. It added an extra layer of feelings for me. Even more intimacy.
Wrapped around him then I knew that I would never share anything like this with anybody else, I didn't want to.
"Okay enough sappiness", he laughs and turns me over so I'm on my back. "Let's get back to the issue at hand".
"Sounds good", I giggle.
He moves down my body, kissing down my breasts, down my ribs, then my belly, until he reaches my lace panties.
I think he's going to take them off but instead he decides to tease me first by smirking up at me and then going in to plant soft breathy kisses on my inner thighs. Feeling his breath there makes me curl up, arching my back. But his hands keep me steady, both holding me at my waist, keeping me from wriggling around too much in his arms as he started to drive me crazy.
He moves up from my thighs to kiss around the fabric of my panties. Some overtop, some just above the seams, some across my hipbones.
I was fully ready for the main event now. Aching to be touched. All this teasing was just making me moan in frustration, feeling like nothing else mattered right now except feeling some sort of touch underneath my underwear.
"Cap…", I whine, wriggling my body.
"I know, I know. I'm being cruel", he laughs and then holds up both my legs, locking eyes with me as he slides my panties down finally, taking them off as he kisses my ankle.
I let my own hand roam down my body to touch myself when he gets them off, needing to feel some sort of touch on me there or else I was going to explode.
"Don't worry, I'm done teasing you now", He laughs and takes my hand off gently, replacing it with his mouth.
I shudder as I feel his contact with me, moaning immediately.
My hands are in his hair as I move my body against him.
"Oh my god", I breathe in and then sigh out.
He looks back up at me from between my legs, smirking.
"Is this what you wanted?"
I nod feverishly.
"Good", he grins deviously, going back to what he's doing but also adding his finger in to slowly slip inside of me, as my hips buck up at the feeling of it.
I move my hips back and forth moving with him, holding my arm back to grip the pillow I'm laying on.
"Fuck that feels so good", I move my body in a rhythm, pressure building up more and more in my pelvis.
I wanted this to last and if he kept doing this it was going to be done in less than a minute and that just wouldn't do.
"Come here", I say as dominantly as I can, urgently pulling him up to my lips from his spot beneath my legs.
I was desperate to have him inside me right now, to move with him as one, to look in his eyes while we both lost control.
He looks surprised by me taking the lead, scoffing in disbelief when I bring his face to mine impatiently, pulling him in to kiss him hard.
I reach into his boxers, trying to pull them down desperately but not doing a very good job. I'm a little too preoccupied with the taste of his kisses.
"Here I've got it", he laughs at me and I nod up and down quickly as he pulls them down.
"Tell me what you want", he meets my eyes, wanting me to say it, always wanting me to be more vocal.
I'm so desperate for him right now, the aching deep inside becoming too much to the point that it's almost painful to me.
"I want to feel you", I whisper to him. "I want to come together like last time… with you inside me".
He smirks and then scoffs slightly, hands resting on my waist, looking entirely entertained by this. He licks his lips while looking my body over like I'm a meal he's about to devour.
"I can do that", he nods, eyes naughty as he then uses himself to tease me, rubbing his length up against the outside of me. I don't mind though because him moving himself against my most sensitive parts was sending me into ecstasy as I whimper.
Finally he lines himself up with me and after a moment of shimmying with him out of desperation to get the right angle, I feel the best feeling I've felt since I'd woken up that morning. Pure relief.
I sigh loudly, a content smile growing across my face, my whole body relaxing as the aching inside of me is finally relieved by him. I close my eyes, letting myself feel the pleasure coursing through my veins.
When I open them hazily, I see him smirking down at me.
I was laying down and he was in a kneeling position between my stretched out legs. I was 30 weeks so my bump was a decent size. We usually avoided having me on my back so that he wouldn't crush my stomach, but right now Cappie wasn't overtop my upper body, easing our worries.
"Oh my god, you feel so good", I sigh out as I feel him go in even further, not realizing there was further he could go.
"Oh shit", he lets out in a guttural whisper as he's finally inside me fully, and I wasn't sure if he meant for me to hear it or not. His eyes are closed now for a moment, lost in his own pleasure.
He starts to move within me causing me to whimper, holding the side of my pillow up to my face to cover the moan I let out.
He takes the pillow off gently, and holds my cheek.
"Don't", He says softly. "I want to be able to hear you when I make you scream".
My stomach flip flops at his words, at his pure confidence, and I almost come right then and there, but I bite my lip instead, stopping myself. I feel myself contract around him, everything building, but I won't let myself go over the edge just yet.
I grin up at him as we move in the same rhythm, him moving into me, me moving my hips with every thrust.
I can't kiss him in this position, so I settle for grabbing his hand in mind, intertwining my fingers with his.
His other hand rests on the side of my waist.
"I love the way you look right now", He smirks with a shake of his head, like he can't believe that this is happening between us. My full body on display, moving up and down on the bed with his movements. "Like you're completely mine".
I scoff back at him, licking my lips when his eyes search my own.
He was probably looking down at me laying here, inside of me while I'm pregnant with his baby, knowing that he's completely, one hundred percent, without a doubt, back in my life for good. Forever. After all the uncertainty of our breakup over the summer. After these past four years having to watch me have serious relationships with other guys while he became the hookup king of CRU. We were now tied to each other forever, both not thinking about anyone else but each other and our daughter, now unable to say that we were just a college relationship. Not that I ever truly believed that's all we were anyways.
I feel a burst of confidence then, and do something I'm sure he finds unexpected.
"I am yours", I nod in a low whisper, not breaking eye contact with him, taking a deep breath in. It's hard to speak more than a few words while I'm going out of my mind with tightening pleasure further down my body.
He raises his eyebrow at me for a moment, stopping his movements, not having expected me to admit that.
Then he smiles and then leans down to kiss me, which is harder in this position than we'd expected, I'm sure. But he makes it over my belly anyways to kiss my lips sweetly and when he pulls away from me I blush.
Fine Cappie. So you got me to admit it
"So I'm thinking mini quiches? They're light, classy, and protein filled for your growing dietary needs", Dale drones on.
I barely pay attention because I'm looking at Dale and Rusty's TV, watching the news.
"Casey?", He speaks again, trying to get my attention.
I turn around to Dale, feeling awfully rude, especially when he cared enough to make a whole entire menu dedicated to my baby shower.
"Sorry Dale, that school bus crash on the news is just...", I sigh, tears springing to my eyes.
Me and Cappie went over to Rusty and Dale's for dinner where Dale is cooking up some of his grandmother's signature barbecued ribs, which apparently had some special sauce that was a centuries old Kettlewell recipe.
Rusty and Dale are at the kitchen table talking about something to do with the KT's.
I start to cry now, embarrassed that I'm doing this in front of Dale, but unable to stop thinking about those poor children.
I mean, is this what I was in for? A lifetime of worrying when I send my daughter off on a bus to school?
I didn't know if I could handle it.
"Hey uh….", Dale looks uncomfortable watching me get emotional. "There, there…"
He pats my shoulder awkwardly.
"Here, why don't I give you a hug?", He offers.
"It's okay Dale, really. It's just the baby stuff… it makes me really emotional and not myself. I'll be fine", I assure him but Dale sits down on the couch beside me and leans in for a hug rather quickly, as if he's been waiting for any opportunity to do so.
"Hey what's going on?", I hear Cap's voice, probably realizing the situation I'm currently in on the couch right now.
He walks over to us, and looks at me quizzically as I sit awkwardly, Dale's arms around me.
"Dale", Cappie taps him on the shoulder. "I think that hug is long enough".
"Sorry, yeah you're right", Dale moves back, pushing his glasses up on his nose, face red, looking slightly embarrassed but still exhilarated. "I should let you take care of her".
"What's wrong Case?", Cappie looks concerned now, Rusty looking over as well.
"I'm fine guys, don't worry, it's not a big deal, it was just the TV", I explain, feeling stupid that I'm drawing this much attention.
"The puppy commercial again?", Cappie questions. "I told you when the baby's older maybe we can think about getting o-"
"No, no", I cut him off. "In Cincinnati there was a bus crash yesterday with like 30 kids, and a lot of them are in the hospital…"
I start to get weepy just talking about it again.
"They're just little kids", I croak out, tears escaping onto my cheeks. "And I just think about our baby…"
I put my hand on my stomach.
"And I can protect her right now, but we can't protect her forever and something could happen to her. I just want to keep her in a bubble with us forever Cap", I look to him, emotional over this.
"Hey, it's okay", Cappie sits beside me, looking at me softly even though he probably thinks I'm nuts. Lately he's had a good way of talking me down without making me feel stupid. "You and me are gonna do everything we can to protect her, nothings gonna happen to her".
He puts his hand on my leg, pulling me over to him.
"But as a parent I'm just gonna… worry everyday", My voice breaks. "Every second. I can't even imagine what those kids parents are feeling".
"You always think to the future", Cappie shakes his head. "Always worry about things that we don't have to deal with yet".
"I know", I shrug.
"When you worry I'm gonna be there to help ease your anxiety", He offers, running his hand up and down my arm. "And all of our friends will too".
Cap looks around to Rusty and Dale to maybe jump in.
"Cappie's right Case. She's got an army of people who care about her already. And who care about you", Rusty adds.
"Thanks guys", I smile and wipe my eyes. "It's just the hormones, it's kind of embarrassing".
I shake my head, sometimes just wanting to feel like my old self again, this new over emotional version of me was like PMS times a hundred.
"It's okay", Cappie scoffs with a slight grin and pulls me into his side. "No one's laughing at you, we get it".
"I don't really bu-", Dale starts but Cappie turns around to look at him, giving him a death glare and Dale gulps, shutting up. "Hey what about a distraction? How bout we go over those menu options again Casey?"
"Okay", I nod at Dale. "You said mini quiches right?"
"That's just course one", He explains. "Then I'm thinking a tomato bisque, a pallete cleanser if you will. And some assorted sandwiches. And to finish it off, some vanilla cupcakes with pink icing".
I smile then, picturing the shower already.
"Wow that sounds perfect Dale", I nod.
"Yeah that does sound good, I know you said it's just for the girls… but can I get an invite to that?", Cappie jokes with me and I laugh.
"No boys allowed!", I tease him, touching my stomach. "It's a girl baby shower, I talked to Ash and Betsy and the whole theme is pink".
"Alright fine", Cappie jokes, smiling at me.
"You said no boys allowed, but I'd like to just point out that I will be there as an honorary ZBZ sister, to serve the food", Dale interjects and we laugh slightly.
"That's fine Dale", I nod, "I really appreciate you doing all this for me. It means a lot".
"It's my pleasure Casey", Dale smiles. "My gift to you. You girls have been better sisters to me than those rotten Ralph Lauren clad monsters at Omega Chi".
"You know Dale, we are super low on pledges. Like… literally we only have the one", Cappie shrugs. "I know you turned us down, but KT would still love to have you".
Dale thinks to himself then.
"Well I have done a lot of things I said I would never do since coming to college. Heck, I've just about taken on hedonism. My youth pastor at home would be very disappointed in what's become of me", He sighs to himself. "I drank, lost my virginity, took off my clothes onstage recently…"
Rusty, Cappie and me all share knowing looks, stifling in our grins.
"I ate way too much candy that one night at KT and fell into a sugar coma", Dale recalls. "I barely made it home and didn't wake up for like 15 hours, missed two classes".
"Yeah Dale… that wasn't sugar", Cappie grimaces awkwardly and Rusty and me snicker.
"What do you mean?", Dale's confused.
"Beaver gave it to you right?", Cap confirms with him.
"Yeah, big tall blonde guy, looks like he's never taken a single science class in his life?"
"Yeah that's the one", Cap nods. "What he gave you, it was… an edible".
Cappie says it cautiously, hoping not to send Dale into a tailspin.
"You mean… I consumed illegal drugs?!", Dale spouts angrily.
Cappie merely smiles awkwardly at him.
"If it makes you feel better, Casey made the same mistake", Cappie offers.
Dale slumps down in a chair, looking like his whole life has been a lie.
"Good lord, my parents were right about me consorting with someone like you Rusty", Dale sighs.
"Hey!", Rusty laughs. "Don't bring me into this".
"It's okay Dale, look you're totally fine, it was an accident. And hey, isn't God like all about that whole… forgiveness for your sins thing?", Cappie shrugs.
That doesn't seem to calm Dale's worried look.
"Um… I'm gonna start putting together the salad", Rusty says quietly, getting up to go to the kitchen. "Dale you may want to check your ribs and your cornbread, see if they're done".
"Yeah, alright", Dale nods, still looking lost in a trance. "I'll deliberate my life choices later".
When they get up me and Cappie exchange a look.
"Okay this appears to be ready", Dale looks over his ribs and cornbread, taking them out of the oven.
"The salads ready too", Rusty puts it down on the table and me and Cappie get up so we can all serve ourselves.
"Thanks for inviting us guys, this looks so good", I smile.
"Casey's never even had ribs before because she said the idea grossed her out, but now she'll eat anything", Rusty laughs.
"Yep", I agree, putting some on my plate.
"Well the Kettlewell ribs aren't just any ribs, our sauce is award winning at numerous Arkansas county ribfests", Dale boasts and we laugh as we sit down at their table.
"Mmm I can see why", Cappie's dug in already.
"Cap!", Dale scolds him to Cappie's confusion. "We have to say grace! Jeez it's like I live amongst a bunch of hoodlums".
Cappie laughs at that word and then puts down the rib.
"Whoops, sorry Dale", he puts his hands out to me and Dale on each side of him so we can hold them for grace.
"Yeah, I'm not touching your gross saucy hand", I giggle and Cappie laughs, wiping off the sauce on his napkin.
"Funny, you've never had a problem being dirty before", He gives me a devious look, making me try not to blush in front of Dale and Rusty. "Alright is that better missy? I wiped them off".
"Better", I nod and take his hand.
"I'd like to thank the good lord for the bountiful meal we're about to enjoy", Dale starts, his eyes closed while the rest of us keep our eyes open, not caring that much to follow all of Dale's rules. "Amen".
"Okay can I go back to eating now?", Cappie jokes.
"Yes, dig in", Dale groans and sets a napkin out on his lap as if we're at a fancy restaurant.
"This is so awesome that we can all have dinner together anytime we want. Living in the same building is awesome", Rusty smiles at us.
"I know right", I grin.
"Except for in two months we're going to be dealing with a screaming baby above us", Dale sighs. "I'm already thinking about going to talk to Sheila about that person that was screaming in the middle of the night. When was that Rusty? Three nights ago? Thursday, I believe it was. They just screamed a curse word out of nowhere with no regards to anyone else in the building. It woke me up".
Dale shakes his head in disapproval.
Me and Cappie's eyes meet then and I look at him worriedly while he tries not to laugh.
At least Dale hadn't pinpointed the exact apartment it came from otherwise I might have to explain the situation in which screaming out the F word had felt necessary.
"Yeah that sounds that a problem", Cappie agrees with Dale, playing it off. "That person sounds like they need serious help".
"I agree Cap and when I find out who it was you best believe I'm going right to Sheila about it", Dale nods.
I struggle not to laugh at the irony of the situation.
"So guys, how's getting ready for the baby going?", Rusty asks, changing the subject.
"Good", I nod. "Cappie built her crib last night which is awesome. And I've washed all of her stuff so it's ready for her. We went to a birthing class but it was kinda weird".
Me and Cap laugh to ourselves.
"I can't believe you built the crib all by yourself Cappie", Rusty smiles at him proudly.
"Oh yeah it wasn't that bad", Cappie shrugs.
Rusty looks to me, giving me a look, raising his one eyebrow as if he's about to lecture me.
"See Casey, didn't I tell you all those months ago that Cappie would be good at this?", Rusty says in a know it all fashion. "I mean the night you told me you were pregnant you claimed he wouldn't even be able to take care of a goldfish and look at him now!"
Rusty smiles at us but his words don't have the same effect on Cappie, or me to be honest.
Worry takes over me as I turn to see a serious look wash over Cappie's face at this revelation from Rusty. He looks over to me looking hurt.
"Cap…", I start my sentence, unsure how to even make this better. Because I had said it. In a bad moment after seeing him with another girl on Cinco De Mayo. I'd never actually believed it, I was just mad.
"I'm… I'm not hungry anymore", Cappie puts down his cutlery and gives us a small, curt smile that was more fake than the weird bacon bits on this salad.
He gets up, excusing himself.
"I'm… just gonna go back to our place for a bit", Cappie says awkwardly.
"Cappie wait!", I try to stop him but he just keeps on walking to the door.
I look to Rusty with an annoyed look, upset at him.
"Thanks a lot Rusty!"
"Sorry, what's going on?", Dale asks, confused about what just happened.
"Crap, I'm sorry Casey, I shouldn't have said that", Rusty sighs, knowing he made a mistake. "Here let me go talk to him with you".
"No, no", I shake my head. "I'm going to find him, you guys keep eating".
I get up from my chair and then push it back in and go out the door to try to follow Cappie. I even avoid the wait for the elevator and take the stairs up, out of breath slightly when I reach our floor.
I get to our door just as he's leaving.
"Where are you going?", I ask him, scared.
"Why are you out of breath?", He's more concerned with that than answering my question.
"I just ran up here", I shake my head because it wasn't what mattered right now. "I'm sorry Cap, I know that sounded really bad but-"
"No, it's…", He looks down, hurt. "It's just that I've been feeling so good lately, like you and me were happy to have this baby together, like this was meant to happen. But the truth is you're just doing this whole thing with me because I just happened to get you pregnant… aren't you?"
"No!", I immediately protest. "You know that's not true. I am happy that I'm having this baby with you. I want to be here with you".
"I act like those first three months don't bother me but…", He trails off with a sigh and I notice a black overnight bag slung over his shoulder.
"Are you leaving?", I ask, my voice breaking.
"I just think I should stay at KT for the night. I gave my room away but… I'll figure something out there", He looks at me, downcast.
"Cap", I shake my head, feeling like I'm gonna cry. "Please…"
I don't have the heart to beg him not to go. Or more probable, I'm not brave enough to.
"You should go back and finish your dinner… remember to take your vitamins later", He talks to me like I'm not even his friend, like I'm just a colleague. "I'll talk to you later".
I stand still, not knowing what to do.
"I'm sorry", I croak out, a tear running down my cheek even though I've been trying so hard to keep them in.
He just walks off anyways, taking the stairs and not looking back.
I lay in bed alone now, the whole apartment seeming quiet and dark all alone like this.
It was midnight and I couldn't get to sleep because I couldn't stop thinking about how badly I'd messed this up. I missed him being here with me. Beside me the pillow he was sleeping on still smells like him slightly so I pull it close to me, breathing it in.
This is why I shouldn't have gotten used to sleeping together, to having sex with him, to living together, to doing everything together.
Because look where it's gotten me.
Not that I could really blame anyone but myself. Of course I could be mad at Rusty, but the truth was that I did say it.
I just wish Cappie knew the context around me saying it. I wish that he could crawl inside my brain and know how I really feel about him, because if he could then he would never doubt my confidence in him as a dad. Never doubt how much I loved him, how much I needed him.
I toss and turn all night, wondering what Cappie is doing at KT right now and just praying that this wasn't it for this whole arrangement. That he would come back.
Because now that I knew how good it could be, there was no way I could do this without him.