Me and Cappie had gone back to our apartment quickly, on his insistence, to grab hats, mittens and scarfs. Then we left with everyone else to walk to Doblers.
We were only a few minutes away now, thank god, because I didn't want to admit to to Cappie, but walking all the way here was rough.
"Guys I'm kind of regretting this", Dale sighs as he drudges along behind us. "They don't have winters like these in Arkansas, I'm not prepared for this".
"Well me and Casey have braved Chicago winters so we're good", Rusty scoffs.
"Speak for yourself Rus. I'm freezing", I laugh.
"You are?", Cappie looks down at me, worried as I'm clinging onto his arm.
"I'm fine, you don't have to go all overprotective on me", I wave him off with a smirk. "Me and the baby can handle being a little cold".
Despite my answer, Cappie runs his hands up and down my arms to my shoulders, trying to warm me up.
"Well I can't, are we almost there?", Rebecca groans. "I really need a drink".
"It's like two minutes away", Calvin assures us all with a smirk.
"Man if my parents could see my now. Breaking into a bar at night… Being your roommate has led me down a dark path Rusty", Dale sighs.
"Hey you could've stayed at home", Rusty says and we all laugh.
"Yeah c'mon Dale", Cappie grins. "We can play beer pong again, except with… soda water since I'm on the not drinking train with you".
"That's not something I thought I'd ever hear", Evan mutters with a shake of his head.
Finally we reach Doblers, all of us cheering once we reach the door, so happy to get out of the cold.
Ash reaches around in her purse before she finally comes up with her key and lets us all in. My hands and feet feel like ice and I was pretty tired, from walking but also from my usual pregnancy tiredness. I wasn't used to being out this late.
Immediately Rebecca finds her way to the bar as we all disperse to take off our coats and find a seat.
"You're sure you're okay right?", Cappie asks me.
"Yes Cap", I shake my head, drawing out his name, acting like he's crazy. "We'll only stay like two hours".
"Okay", He nods with a soft smile and then we make our way over to hangout with everyone at the bar.
"Hey Cappie, have you ever had a Shirley Temple?", Dale asks. "I make a mean one".
Me and Cappie share a look, smirking.
"You know what? Sure Dale, I'm down", Cappie laughs.
"Hopefully they don't have cameras in here", Ashleigh looks at us with a worried look. "Cap try to… disguise yourself so you don't lose your job".
"I've worked here long enough to know that they don't have cameras", Cappie laughs. "So don't worry".
"So everyone… kiss or tell time?", Rebecca looks at us mischievously.
Rebecca grabs a bottle of a liquor I'm actually unsure of what it is, but I don't think she'd really care if it was lighter fluid at this point.
We make our way into a circle, me attempting to squat down and sit on the floor being much harder than it was for everyone else. My belly seemed in the way of everything these days, but I was determined to have a good night with my friends.
"So Calvin, since it's your birthday, you get to start", Rebecca grins and then Rusty whispers to Rebecca who seems to take in Rusty's comment with a sigh.
"Well I'd usually go for something more juicy, but I guess it's a start. Calvin, is this your best birthday ever?", Rebecca smiles joking.
"Boring", Evan laughs at the tame question.
"Well…", Calvin thinks to himself. "That's easy, kiss".
"Ooh I've always wanted to do this", Rebecca smirks and the two lean in to kiss as the rest of us snicker.
"Nope. Still gay", Calvin jokes.
"Okay, my turn", Dale declares. "Casey I have a question for you. What is the square root of pie times ten divided by the speed of light squared?"
"What? I can't answer that!", I scoff.
"Aw looks like we're gonna have to kiss!"
"No way, nice try sweetheart", I give him a look and laugh to myself as everyone's amused by Dale.
"It's Evan's turn", I giggle.
"Evanilla… anything you wanna ask me?", Cappie starts in a mischievous manner, messing with him.
"Yeah, why are you such a jackass?", Evan gives Cap a glare.
"Can't answer that", Cappie shrugs playing along. "Looks like we're gonna have to kiss".
Evan sits begrudgingly as the rest of us giggle in amusement as Cappie kisses Evan.
"I can't believe that just happened", I laugh.
"Okay Casey, since you didn't really get a real question, I have one for you", Rebecca looks devious, her eyebrow raised. "Are you in love with Cappie?"
"Rebecca c'mon", Ash looks over at her.
"Rebecca if I'm going to profess my love for someone it's not going to be during a silly game like this", I give her a look, crossing my arms.
"Okay fine, follow up question. If you're really just roommates why do you guys still hookup?", She looks at me like she's satisfied with herself.
"Wait you guys are… still doing… that?", Rusty looks grossed out.
"Ugh", I groan. "Rebecca just come kiss me already so I can shut you up! You're gonna have to come to me because I already had a hard enough time already getting down on the floor".
I give her an annoyed look as she gets up to lean into me.
"Is this weird for you two?", Calvin jokes, looking at Evan and Cappie. "Both your exes making out?"
"We've kissed before", Rebecca shrugs like it's no big deal.
"Sorry, what?!", Cappie starts to laugh at this revelation.
Rebecca leans in to kiss me then and when we part I can't help but laugh as Cappie looks to me for answers.
"It's not what you think", I giggle.
"I'll always cherish that moment", Rebecca gives me a joking look as I shake my head at her with an embarrassed laugh.
"Ash, question for you…", Rusty looks to Ashleigh nervously as the rest of us go quiet. "Who are you… into right now?"
Ashleigh looks down for a moment then comes up to blush as she bites her lower lip.
"Um… kiss", Ash says and looks over to Rusty.
"Wait… what?", Calvin looks around at us as everyone is in shock when Rusty and Ashleigh kiss for much longer than anyone else has so far.
Me and Cappie were the only ones who knew that they'd sort of had a thing going on since homecoming.
"Well…", Ashleigh giggles nervously when they part. "Who's next?"
"Well Dale… I gotta say, I wasn't expecting it, but this Shirley Temples not bad. Kind of has me feeling like an 8 year old girl, but… I like it", Cappie jokes to Dale and I laugh.
Dale had made me one too which I was happily drinking. Dale, Rusty, Cappie and me were at a table talking.
"Rusty remember how many times I used to get Shirley Temples on vacation with mom and dad when we were little?", I smile to Rusty.
"Yep, except you couldn't always pronounce it until you turned like 8 or 9 so you always said 'I'll have a Shirwey Tempwell'", Rusty says and we all laugh.
"I love that piece of information", Cappie jokes, looking to me with a grin.
"Well, soon you'll have your own 8 year old", Rusty gives us a grin.
"Hold on", I put my hands up. "She's not even born yet, I don't want to think about her getting older already".
"That's… kind of what babies do Case", Rusty laughs.
"I know that", I give him a roll of my eyes. "But…".
I touch my stomach then and sigh to myself.
"I don't want to think about that, she's just a baby right now", I protest.
"Well technically she's not an actual person yet since she's still a growing fetus attached to your umbilical cord living inside you, floating around in your amniotic fluid", Dale lifts his glasses up his nose and speaks scientifically as we all stare at him in a state of confusion.
"Nevermind", Dale shakes his head. "I believe life starts at conception anyways. That's what happens when your mom takes you to a Christian pro life seminar for your 12th birthday".
Rusty, Cappie and me all share an awkward look.
"Well… I think it'll be fun when she's older because then we can actually do stuff like sports and dance and…", Cappie says and then thinks to himself. "And bringing her along for crazy adventures with the KT guys".
"If any of those 'crazy adventures' are illegal, I'll kill you Cap", I give him a joking look.
"Don't worry", Cappie rolls his eyes with a mischief filled grin and puts his hand on my lower back. "As soon she pops out of there I'm ready to protect her".
He gestures to my stomach with a smile and I grin up at him.
I knew that already one hundred percent. Cappie had always taken care of me whether or not we were on the greatest terms. Talking me through my first time being intimate with anyone, taking me to the hospital freshman year when I got stung by a bee and was allergic, walking me home from night classes. Coming to my rescue when the rental vehicle broke down during last year's homecoming when we weren't even speaking to each other.
And that wasn't even counting how he'd been there for me since he'd found out I was pregnant. I mean tonight was an obvious example of it.
If he acted this way for me I knew he'd act the same or even more so with our daughter.
"I know you will", I say quietly with a smile, touching his shoulder.
"Well if it isn't the sad sober table", Rebecca saunters over to us giving us a joking look.
"Well I'm drinking Rebecca", Rusty holds up his drink.
"Mmm", Rebecca nods with her nose in the air. "Casey me and Ashleigh need you for something in the washroom".
Rebecca gives me a look. A girl code look that made me get out of my bar chair as best I can, with no questions asked.
"Why do girls always have to go to the washroom in packs?", Cappie ponders to himself jokingly.
"I know right!", Rusty laughs.
"Perhaps they need help with changing out their tampons?", Dale points out.
"Ew no", I give him a look and then shake my head at them. "Just… let what happens in the ladies room be our own secret alright? I'll be back".
The guys laugh as I follow Rebecca back to Doblers' women's washroom.
"So what's u-", I don't even finish my sentence before I see Ash sitting on the bathroom counter staring off into space.
"Ash… you okay?", I confirm.
"Yeah", She comes back out of her trance looking distraught. "Case I think… I think that I have feelings for you brother".
She looks at me awkwardly like the sentence was hard to get out, like admitting it is painful.
"I know that's probably the last thing you want to hear, and believe me, I've been fighting it, really fighting it", Ash sighs. "I'm just scared".
"Ash this isn't about me", I comfort her. "You can't help who you fall for".
"Yeah because if you could it wouldn't be a 120 pound engineering major", Rebecca scoffs and me and Ash both give her a glare. "Sorry. Fine, I get it… fighting your feelings for someone doesn't always work. That probably applies to more than one of us".
Rebecca gives me an accusing look.
"What's that supposed to mean?", I question her.
"Oh c'mon Casey", she sighs. "You're like the definition of someone who tries to run from how they really feel. Haven't you been doing it since like… the day Cappie walked up to you? I mean not that I was there but based off everything I've heard…"
"It's a lot more complicated than that", I shake my head in annoyance.
"Whatever you say", Rebecca shrugs as she looks in the mirror and plays with her hair. "All I'm saying is that you're in love with a guy that you spend all your time with yet you're too scared to tell him how you really feel".
"Who says I'm in love with him?", I put my hands on my hips.
Rebecca looks over to Ash who tries to evade her eye contact, Ash looking down guiltily.
"Ash!", I whine. "You told her?"
"Sorry", Ashleigh gives me a look, giving me an awkward expression as she grits her teeth. "You know how I am with secrets!"
I groan then.
"Well whatever, it's fine I guess", I conclude. "It's not really any of your business anyway Rebecca, you wouldn't understand because you're not the one who is going to be a mom in less than two months".
"Sorry I guess you're right", Rebecca agrees with me, a rare occasion. "I know it's probably scary, I would be going insane with panic".
"Exactly so… keeping things how they are with Cappie is good, safe and… low risk", I shrug.
"Maybe I should try and do the same arrangement with Rusty", Ash thinks to herself.
"Be fuck buddies?", Rebecca questions.
"Rebecca me and Cappie are not fuck buddies!", I argue.
"Oh really? Sorry, I couldn't tell", She shrugs, unbothered by my annoyance as she admires herself in the mirror.
"It doesn't matter anyway because Rusty isn't a casual, no strings attached kind of guy Ash", I put my hands on my hips.
"Ugh I know, you're right", Ashleigh sighs. "What do I do?"
"Well I know that this is maybe a little hypocritical coming from me", I shake my head. "But I think you should just come clean with him. Believe me, he'll be over the moon and… if it doesn't work out you can always go back to being friends. Why not just take things really slow?"
"Okay", Ash nods, taking in my advice. "Maybe not tonight though".
"Chicken", Rebecca mutters with a slight laugh.
"Oh c'mon Miss 'It took me more than a semester to admit to Evan I had feelings for him'", I give Rebecca a look.
"Fine", she groans. "I guess all three of us aren't the best at telling the guys we love how we feel".
We all look at each other then and start to laugh a bit, all having known each other for so long now, having shared all our relationship issues with each other.
"It's scary to put yourself in a position where you could get hurt", I sigh. "But… I guess if you don't at least try to be with the person you want to be with… then what's the point?"
"Very wise", Ashleigh nods with a laugh. "Very motherly".
"Thank you", I throw my hair behind my shoulder as we laugh. "Now why don't we go out there and we all… show the guys at least some inkling that we're in love with them?"
Ash thinks to herself then.
"Okay", she finally concludes and props herself off the sink so she's standing again as we all walk out of the bathroom.
"Oh look, they've returned!", Cappie jokes as we walk back into the crowd of guys.
"Cap", I motion for him to come over to me and I watch Ash go find Rusty, mentally wishing them luck.
Cappie gets off his barstool and comes over to me looking slightly confused.
"Please don't say you're going into labor", He says worriedly. "Because this is kind of the worst night since the roads are so bad".
"No I'm not", I laugh and then take his hand, pulling him around a corner into where the back kitchen area is.
"Miss Cartwright", He jokes with me. "What are you up to?"
"This", I giggle as I lean up to kiss him, taking his lips into mine as he kisses me back at first softly and then turning more urgent.
I push him back against the wall and his arms wrap around me.
I finally come up when I need air, us parting as he grins.
"Well well well", he laughs and then looks around at the kitchen we're in. "I don't know how sanitary this would be but I'm in if you are".
"Oh stop it", I hit his arm playfully as I giggle.
"What was all that for?", he laughs.
"Just because", I shrug, unable to hide my giddiness.
"Mmm", he nods to himself as he bites his lip, trying to conceal his smile. "Well you wanna go home and continue this?"
"Sure, I'm actually pretty tired anyway and my feet hurt", I moan.
"Well don't worry, why don't I go get the car then? We had the radio on for a second out there and apparently the roads are a little better. Calvin even thinks that Heath may get home by morning", Cappie laughs slightly.
"Okay", I nod, smiling at him, happy that he's willing to come pick me up. "I think everyone else is staying here tonight but I guess I can't really do that".
"No definitely not", Cappie laughs looking at my belly and I look down, a little sad. "You okay?"
"Yeah I just hope that I'll be at least a little like the old me again", I sigh. "I mean I know I have to grow up and I'm gonna be really really busy being a mom full time but I hope that my nights of having fun with friends aren't completely over".
"They won't be, don't worry. We may just have to leave a little earlier, or have a babysitter on hand", He shrugs.
I giggle to myself then.
"What?", he questions.
"How are you taking this better than me?", I scoff and lean up to put my arms around his neck.
"Yeah I don't know", he laughs. "I guess you're probably feeling more different because your body is different, I'm just the same as I've always been just with more responsibility now".
"True", I nod and then lean in to give him a quick kiss. "Well… she's already started to kick a ton the past hour or so. I think she's telling me she wants some sleep".
Me and Cappie laugh then.
"Alright well let's get you guys home to bed", Cap grins as he touches my stomach lightly.
We go back in with everyone else and luckily no one realizes we were gone because they're busy singing happy birthday to Calvin around what looks to be bowls of lemons and limes.
"Hey what happened to the cake?", I frown once they're done singing and Calvin blows out his candles.
"Blame Dale", Rusty laughs.
"Hey!", Dale huffs.
"You had one job! The cake was literally your only responsibility for this party", Rusty says and we laugh.
"Well at least I got the cake to the apartment, that's better than Heath did!", Dale argues.
"Dammit, I really wanted cake!", I whine.
"We'll get you cake tomorrow", Cappie laughs. "Anyways, I'm heading out to get the car guys. Gotta get Casey home".
Cappie gives Calvin a quick hug and a happy birthday and says a goodbye to everyone else.
"Don't get too cold!", I remind him as he steps out into the night.
"I'll try!", He wraps his scarf around his neck as the cold wind blows but all he does is smile at me, not minding doing this for me.
I close the door as to not let any of the winter breeze in as I smile alone to myself, hoping no one here can tell.
Cappie comes back about 20 minutes later and I get my coat and all my winter accessories on and then hug Ashleigh and Rebecca to say goodbye, the two of them a little tipsy now.
"Dale make sure they don't do anything stupid", I say to Dale with a laugh, knowing he's the only sober one here. Even though I think I saw him maybe have one beer, he would definitely be the most sober person here by the end of the night.
"Will do Casey", He smiles, giving me googly eyes.
"And bye Rus! Happy birthday Calvin, sorry it was such a… weird one", I laugh.
"Actually it turned out better than I thought", Calvin smiles. "And thanks for coming even though you're pregnant, I know it's not easy".
"I was happy to!", I smile.
"Okay ready to go Case?", Cappie comes over to weave his arm around me.
Before I can answer Evan comes to stand in front of us awkwardly.
"Hey uh… do you think you could drop me off anywhere even remotely close to campus?", Evan asks Cap and I can tell it physically pains him to do this. "I have a huge quiz tomorrow morning and… I've gotta study a bit still".
Cappie thinks to himself then.
"Really? You're sure you want to ride in the car with a jackass?", Cappie asks sarcastically, giving Evan a look, throwing his earlier words in his face now.
I can't lie, this kind of amused me. As much as I had tried to be friends with Evan, sometimes he could just be such a jerk. It's like he couldn't be a decent guy for more than a few weeks before he said or did something stupid.
Evan looks to me then.
"Don't look at me", I scoff slightly, crossing my arms across my chest.
"Fine I'm sorry Cap. I was just… kidding", Evan sighs.
"Well… kind of a crappy apology but", Cappie sighs. "I'm in a giving mood tonight so, you know what, sure".
"Thank you. Seriously", Evan says, getting his coat on and he goes to say goodbye to Rebecca.
I lean against a table then, closing my eyes, the tiredness really starting to set in.
"You okay?", Cap confirms with me as I yawn, my eyes heavy.
"Yeah just really sleepy", I nod.
"Evanescence!", Cappie calls over to him and I scoff at Cappie's neverending names for him. "Let's go, train is leaving in 30 seconds!"
Evan comes over then, not exactly amused with Cappie but biting his tongue to get a ride home.
The three of us give one last wave before we're out in the cold snowy street again, Cappie holding my arm to guide me as we wade through the piles of snow and ice.
"I'll get in the backseat", I yawn. "Because I can lay down back there".
"Okay", Cappie laughs slightly. "Evs it looks like you're playing passenger princess tonight".
Cappie gives him a joking smile, enjoying this a little too much.
Evan rolls his eyes but gets in nonetheless.
Once we're in the car a random pop song plays quietly on the radio, the volume really low, as we drive silently for a while.
I start to get really dazy, the car ride putting me in a state of being half asleep, half awake.
"I think Casey's asleep", Cappie whispers to Evan.
I can still hear things, I'm not fully asleep, just dozing.
"Mmm", Evan grunts and then they stay silent for a few more seconds until Evan finally speaks.
"Cap I know that I can be… kind of an ass sometimes", I hear Evan finally say the first words on this awkward car ride.
"Well at least you're self aware", Cappie says sarcastically.
"What I'm trying to say is…", Evan let's out a deep sigh, pausing for a moment before continuing. "What I'm trying to say is that I'm happy for you and Casey. Seriously. I know that I passed a lot of judgment at first and probably upset Casey with some of the stuff I said. But now… I don't know, I see you guys together and… it seems right. More right than it could've been with me and her".
Cappie doesn't say anything for a few moments, probably taken aback by this.
"Are you just saying this so I'll pull up right outside your dorm instead of making you tuck and roll out into the snow?", Cappie scoffs, ever joking, not always willing to have a real conversation.
"Jesus Cap", Evan groans. "I'm being serious here. I'm trying to tell you that she's all yours and that I'm happy for you. Really. You're gonna have a… beautiful baby".
"Well uh… thank you. Seriously. I'm a little apprehensive because it's coming from you… but if you really mean it-", Cappie starts.
"I do. This… was always the way it was supposed to be. I mean…", Evan scoffs to himself then. "It was always you and her. I just couldn't accept it. That very first night she… well she grabbed your hand first. She grabbed your hand first and she chose you that night, and I knew right then that she would never fully be mine".
"That was…", Cappie speaks slowly, I think unsure how to take this. "That was a long time ago Evan".
"I know. I'm just telling you… that she's always been yours. And I'm happy for both of you. And I… can't wait to meet your baby if that's even on the table", Evan sighs, ending his speech and the car shakes as we go over some speed bumps, Cappie silent for a few more moments, the awkwardness palpable.
"Yeah of course man… it's on the table. It's gonna take a lot for me to trust you again but I want to believe that what you're saying is true. And I appreciate it", Cappie says finally, his tone serious, mature.
"Good. Well that's all. I just wanted to make sure I told you that at some point because I know I acted like an ass and obviously things are good between you guys, so… who am I to judge?"
"Did you have a spiritual awakening back at Doblers when I wasn't looking?", Cappie laughs.
"Nope just trying to… make things right. Or as right as I can even though you and me may never be friends again", Evan sighs. "You can let me off here, this is good enough".
The car comes to a slow stop then as Cappie pulls over.
Evan's door opens as he goes to leave.
"Wait!", Cap stops him. "Thank you. And... I don't know. Never say never. Who knows right?"
"Thanks. For that and for the ride", Evan says and then he closes the door and it shakes the car slightly.
Cappie stays parked for a few seconds, probably left in a bit of a state of shock. Then I hear his turn signal come on, even though we're on a deserted campus street, everyone else in their right mind is inside tonight.
"Case", I hear Cappie's whispering voice as he grabs onto me, gently helping me out of the car.
"Oh I- I fell asleep", I take in my surroundings. We're back at home in the apartment complex parking lot, snow still littering the grassy areas where it hadn't been plowed, wind still cold as ice.
"Here c'mon, let's get you into bed", Cappie smiles and I let him take my forearms and pull me out of the car, then he shuts the door as I hear the car lock.
He'd brought my car because his was, in my words that Cappie didn't agree with, a bit of a fixer upper. It was much more of a warm weather car, his jeep. Not super conducive to a baby either, but at least we had mine too.
Cap guides me up the walkway, my purse slung on his shoulder, and we get inside and into the common area to wait for the elevator. I finally feel some warmth after being in a slightly cold car for awhile.
When we get up to our floor I sleepily follow Cappie into our apartment. I wasn't sure of the exact time but I think it was close to 2am.
I barely even realize when Cappie starts to take my coat off of me, along with my hat, smiling at me in amusement when he does it.
"Okay c'mon sleepyhead", He smirks and leads me down the hall into my room.
I take off my sweater first and throw it in the hamper, then my skirt and tights, followed by my bra.
I look down at a clean basket of laundry I hadn't put away yet and pull out one of Cappie's t shirts with a Kappa Tau crest on it and pull it over my head lazily.
I look back at Cappie who's leaning against my doorway grinning at me.
"Enjoy the show?", I scoff at him as I try to fix my messy hair, my makeup still on but I'm too tired to bother taking it off tonight.
"Oh totally", Cappie laughs as I walk over to my bed, taking off the pillows and getting underneath the covers.
"Okay goodnight Case", Cappie smiles at me through the dim light of my lamp on my bedside table.
He gives me one last smile before turning to leave.
"Wait!", I call even though he's already out in the hall. He makes his way back in anyway to look at me quizzically. "Sleep with me tonight".
Since the other night when I'd gotten a little, okay very, freaked out over Cappie mentioning commitment and marriage, we hadn't slept in the same bed since. We weren't fighting at all, we'd just gone to our own beds at the end of every night, I think neither one of us knowing how to proceed after I had suggested sleeping together every night wasn't healthy for our relationship.
But my talk with Rebecca and Ashleigh tonight rings in my head. I didn't want to be scared. I wanted him.
He looks at me confused for a moment.
Of course, he knows I'm not drunk. This isn't a substance induced ask, sure it might be a little out of sleep deprivation, but I wanted him here.
I look over at him as I lay on my side, curled up in just his t shirt and my black underwear, waiting for his answer. A little scared to death he was going to turn me down. Scared that I'd ruined my shot with letting my fear make me push him away so often.
"Okay", he finally nods, a grin making its way into his face, blushing as he walks over to me and sits on the edge of the bed beside me.
I look up at him as he moves closer to gently brush my hair out of my face, giving me a soft smile as he leans down to kiss me.
When we part he looks back at me amused, looking me over.
"You look so cute in my shirt", he says with a smirk and I laugh sheepishly, his comment making me just want him in here right this instant.
"Yeah sorry about stealing all your clothes lately", I giggle.
"Eh", Cap shrugs like it's not big deal. "Anything that's mine is yours".
He gets up then, taking off his flannel shirt, his t shirt underneath and then his jeans as I watch him out of the corner of my eye.
Once he's just in his boxers he gets in what's basically now his designated side of the bed and I turn the lamp off.
"Goodnight", I turn over to say to him, already half asleep.
"Night", I hear the smile in his voice even though my eyes are closed. I let myself melt against him, my body still cold as I search for warmth next to him.
After a couple nights sleeping alone with just my pregnancy pillow beside me to hold, it was really nice to have him here again. Because every time he was here I went to sleep with a smile on my face.