The author would like to apologize in advance for ending the chapter on a cliffie. I admit it; I'm a sadist.

The Messy Science of Attraction and Repulsion

16. Something to Talk About

"In fact," Gojo continued excitedly, "Let's get you started as an independent consultant right now. Because I really need you to do that thing you did during our joint training where you just pulled a whole detailed and entirely made up report out of your ass? Some kind of defense that'll get both me and this kid off the hook?"

Nanami looked at him as if he had seriously lost it. "First of all, I'm not a lawyer; I work in finance. And second, the only reason I had to make up that damn report to start with is because a certain someone became too impaired to finish our assignment. Or don't you remember that?"

"Actually, I don't remember a lot of it," Gojo murmured thoughtfully. "Mostly because of the whole so-called 'impairment" thing, as you so accurately put it. But really, that's just you victim blaming—"

"—I'm not 'victim blaming!'" Nanami spat defensively. "I'm just pointing out that you were being ridiculously impulsive, like always, only this time it had some real consequences to it. Not to mention it brought a whole world of shit down on my head that day, through no fault of my own and—"

"—just say you'll come with me to this thing!" Gojo interrupted him, trying to stave off some high and mighty morality filled monologue that Nanami was clearly gearing up to deliver. "I'll concede to whatever horrible thing you think I did in the past if you'll just do me a solid right now. I mean it! You deal with normies everyday, all the time, while I—"

"—don't even own a tie?" Nanami finished for him. Gojo reflexively started to give him the 'are you stupid' look again, then sighed in surrender.

"Yes. Exactly! You're good at normal adult stuff and I'm terrible at it across the board. So please say you'll do it? If not for me, then for this poor parentless kid? C'mon Nanami, I need you!"

Nanami, I need you! Oh, if only that were true! But Nanami knew better. He was quite aware of the fact that he was being not so subtly manipulated into saying yes to something that he would be far better off declining. And it was a decision that would have been infinitely easier to make if Gojo wasn't standing so damn close, his galaxy-in-a-bottle cobalt hued eyes outright begging him to take up his cause. But Nanami just knew that saying yes would invariably lead to more trouble. Because everything Gojo Satoru touched led to chaos. Which meant Nanami would be heading into that chaos, likely into utter mayhem, into making what he knew would turn out to be some Very Bad Decisions. In fact, much like their joint training day all those years ago, Nanami could already feel the bad decisions multiplying (how else to explain Gojo actually being here in his home), crowding out all of his long held principles, urging him towards that hyper chaotic sense of whimsy that Gojo always brought with him. It was a kind of chaos, in the end, that he found ridiculously and irritatingly hard to resist for some unfathomable reason.

So then, the only real question that remained to him was: Which did Nanami truly want more? Chaos or order? Insanity or stability? Which was more important? Or…

…or perhaps the question itself was the wrong one to ask? Maybe it was something altogether different? And as Nanami thought it through, the real question came to him in very black and white terms, and it all boiled down to this:

Which choice, in the end, made him feel infinitely more alive?

17. Time to Pretend

10 Years Earlier

"I've decided to have the first years and second years do a joint training exercise together this week!" Yaga announced unexpectedly in class one afternoon.

Unexpected may have been a little charitable. As far as Nanami could tell, Yaga was always pulling shit like this (hence taking a foot to the face from Geto Suguru during combat training). It would also explain Gojo and Geto's presence on the other side of the classroom today. Of course, the two of them appeared to be completely ignoring Yaga's entire speech, instead laughing and pointing at something that Gojo had on his phone. They were, as usual, utterly wrapped up in each other and ignoring everyone else.

And for some reason this had Nanami's stomach tied up in knots. A fact made worse by his inability to keep his eyes from wandering in their general direction, even though doing so only amplified this sick and fluttery feeling (the root of which he resolutely refused to examine).

Yaga cocked an angry eyebrow at the second years, clearly fed up with their behavior. Nanami was just glad to see someone else besides himself getting a taste of the old Gojo Satoru Induced Stress Response. Yaga barked, "Geto you take Haibara, Gojo you got Nanami. The assistants will drive you into the city—on opposite ends, I might add—and I want you to show them what exorcising a special grade curse looks like—"

"—but they'll only get in the way!" Geto immediately complained. "What's the point, it's not like they can even do anything—"

"—the point is I want them to observe," insisted Yaga. "I don't expect them to participate. Or do you have an objection to that as well?"

Geto continued to grumble under his breath about newbies getting in his way, loudly enough that it seemed to take the wind right out of Yu's Geto worshiping sails. Yu slumped further down in his chair, as if to make himself less of a problem for the second years. As Geto continued to voice his complaints, Gojo remained uncharacteristically quiet, his eyes unreadable behind his dark opaque shades.

Which was unnerving for Nanami, as the two of them hadn't spoken since that night two weeks ago on top of the water tower. And now Nanami was expected to endure a close quarters car ride followed by an unhappy afternoon curse hunting expedition with the guy. Nanami felt his stomach drop even further. Yu was not the only one distressed by this turn of events.

"Alright, you guys have two hours and I want a full report afterwards!" Yaga commanded. "Dismissed!"

Geto got up and shoved both hands down in his pockets and practically huffed from the room, without even waiting for Yu to catch up. Nanami would have felt sorry for him if not for the fact that he was stuck with Gojo, a guy whose mouth he had intimately explored with his tongue just a few days prior. He frankly couldn't imagine a more awkward situation, but Nanami supposed there was nothing for it except to endure it. It was an official assignment after all, and the idea of him being teamed up with Geto would have been infinitely worse.

Or would it?

Everyone filed out of the building and headed down the shady tree lined walkway to the entrance gate. Yu walked close to Nanami, confiding in him that he had never actually seen a special grade curse before. He mused out loud about what it must be like: Was it really scary? Was it difficult? How big were they? Did their upperclassmen spend a lot of time on their technique when exorcising them? He rambled on and on and Nanami could feel the question marks between his brows starting to tremor in annoyance. Maybe he was better off with Gojo. At least he seemed capable of actually shutting his damn mouth for a few seconds.

Yu and Nanami forked away from each other as their respective cars pulled up to take them into town (on opposite sides of the city, Nanami recalled, an odd detail which smacked of Yaga deliberately meting out some kind of subtle punishment for Gojo and Geto as this directive forced them apart for the afternoon).

Gojo was waiting by the open car door, stony and silent behind his shades, his open palm vaguely gesturing for Nanami to get in first. Nanami felt a whole swarm of butterflies jostling around inside his stomach. Was this an indicator of how the whole day was going to go? Was Gojo just going to conveniently ignore Nanami's existence for the whole two hour assignment? Was he actually going to learn anything? Yu wasn't the only one who was both curious and frightened when it came to special grade curses, especially since Nanami had just gotten a taste of what it was like to encounter a first grade a couple of weeks ago. It seemed completely unfathomable to him that there were entirely worse things hiding and creeping around in the dark. And yet he logically knew there were.

Gojo got in after Nanami and leaned over the front seat to talk with the driver. Nanami caught something about a boardwalk and a wharf, which meant they were most likely heading to one of the riverfronts. Nanami personally hated the water. He still didn't know how to swim. In fact he was pretty sure he was drowning right now, with every passing minute that both he and Gojo remained silent with each other, the tension stretching out between them like a taut rubber band, inching closer and closer to breaking.

But which one of them would break first?

It was finally Nanami who spoke, if only to fill the increasingly stifling and pointedly loaded silence. "Are we going to one of the ports? Down by the river?"

Gojo merely hummed an assent, without even turning to look at him. Nanami was in absolute agony. Why was he so bothered by Gojo ignoring him? Wasn't he supposed to be pissed off at the guy? And what did this little stabbing pain he was feeling right by his heart mean? Nanami felt his face flush and without thinking, he blurted out a random apology:

"I'm sorry about what happened on that tower! I really am! It was such a weird moment for me and I just got completely carried away!"

That got his attention. Gojo turned his head to stare at him through his dark frames. Seconds ticked by and he said nothing in response, causing the atmosphere in the back of the car to fill up with a large lingering cloud of unsaid and unacknowledged emotions, a whole host of repressed feelings, the miasma of which was practically choking the air right out of Nanami's lungs.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Gojo stated point blank.

Goddam him! So he actually meant what he said about 'leaving it up on the tower'. Nanami felt his anger start to spike.

Which was infinitely better than whatever he had been feeling previously.

The car came to a rolling stop in front of a busy boardwalk that was filled to the brim with pedestrians who were out sightseeing, shopping, and eating. Cafes and storefronts crowded the bustling riverfront neighborhood, their bright facades inviting and cheerful and definitely not weighed down by some horrible special grade curse. Nanami got out of the car and turned around in a circle, amazed at how energetic and effervescent and alive everything was here. It didn't feel like homework at all. It felt more like a day out at the fair.

"C'mon, we're going this way," Gojo announced as he started to walk in the complete opposite direction of the water. Nanami went after him, confused.

"I thought the curse was on the wharf?"

"It is. But a restaurant that sells genuine French macarons is this way."

Nanami's mouth fell open in instant disapproval. Was Gojo seriously going to blow off this assignment to go in search of pastries? Did he even need to ask that? Because Nanami knew Gojo well enough by now to know this behavior was completely in character for him.

Gojo stopped and whirled on Nanami, the unexpected move almost causing them to collide. "Look, before you get up on your high horse and start lecturing me about assignments and ethics and what not, I would just like to point out that we have two whole hours, and there is no way in hell it's going to take me that long to exorcise one single curse. That's a half hour, tops. So we might as well enjoy ourselves and the ambience and have some fun! And most importantly, eat some goddam macarons!"

Nanami gawped. He wanted to protest, but he was feeling so relieved that Gojo was back to talking and behaving normally again that his usual objections simply stalled before he could even form the words. And Nanami pressed his lips shut tighter in order to keep it that way. He dutifully followed behind Gojo as he made a beeline for an outdoor cafe that was crisscrossed and lit up by a starry net of golden fairy lights, their strands swaying on a river borne breeze like winking amber fireflies in the vanishing daylight. Small round tables with brightly colored umbrellas were arranged in a garden-like area that was corralled and bordered by bright blue fencing. They entered the corral and sat down across from one another at one of the tables.

Gojo picked up a menu, his whole manner turning suddenly giddy at the prospect of getting dessert. He smiled and shoved his shades on top of his head, perusing the selection, enthusiastically going on about a raspberry and lemon curd macaron that was only sold seasonally. Nanami simply stared at his face, marveling. The difference in him from before and after the car ride was astounding. Like night and day.

"Do you want to try the raspberry? It'll be my treat if you do. Oh, and they have really good drinks here, too!"

Nanami felt like he was dreaming. The sun was falling fast over the waterline, and the cafe was all aglow with lights and people and shiny plates of rainbow colored desserts. And the most beautiful boy in the world had just offered to buy him a meal, almost like they were together, out on a date, and not on some horrible curse hunting assignment that would end with this boy going back to his actual partner.

Nanami decided right then and there that maybe it would be okay to pretend, if only for this one evening. Just this once and never again…

"Excuse me sir, the gentleman over there sent this over for you." A waitress appeared with a dayglow colored drink in a flute, topped with whipped cream and a Maraschino cherry. She set the drink, along with a folded note, down next to Gojo.

And it was here that Nanami became witness to a very specific Gojo problem. His towering height combined with his looks made him appear distinctly older than his young seventeen years, and as such he tended to receive a lot of negative attention from both men and women who were nearly twice his age. Like right now.

"Ooh, yummy!" Gojo said delightedly. He plucked the cherry from the top of the drink and instantly devoured it. Nanami looked abashed.

"You're not actually going to accept that are you?" asked Nanami, frowning. He stared over Gojo's shoulder at an older businessman in a sleek suit whose decidedly predatory gaze was currently burning a hole in the back of Gojo's head. Nanami made a pointedly disapproving face at the man.

As if Gojo Satoru needed Nanami to guard his goddam virtue.

Gojo ignored Nanami's question. He picked up the note and read it, a noticeable frown slowly forming on his runway model features. "Gross," he finally declared before balling up the paper and tossing it over his shoulder. He then reached up and pulled the cherry stem from his mouth, which was now tied in a perfect bow. He dropped it on the table with a flourish: "Ta-da!" Nanami's eyes widened at this weirdly particular trick.

Gojo then picked up the flute and started drinking from the straw.

"I don't think you should drink that," Nanami advised, shaking his head at him like a dashboard hula girl.

"Why not? It's really good! It tastes like strawberries and pineapples!" Nanami rolled his eyes. Of course it would never even cross Gojo's mind to turn down any form of tribute. He simply just accepted it all as his rightful due, like the impulsive and self absorbed egotist he was.

"Wanna sip?"

"Definitely not."

Gojo shrugged. "Suit yourself." The waitress came back and took their order. Nanami wanted to talk about the actual point of this outing, but he was afraid of killing Gojo's aggressively cheerful vibe. It turned out to be completely unnecessary, because Gojo brought it up first.

"Look, I don't know if you've given this assignment any real thought, but I think I should give you a heads up before we head down to the water. Special Grade curses are a different breed from other run-of-the-mill curses."

Nanami found himself leaning forward across the table, his interest piqued. Partly because this was the first time he had ever heard Gojo talk like this before. He was actually addressing school stuff for once and Nanami's big sponge brain was eager to soak it in.

"First, special grades are all autonomous beings with their own personalities. They actually think they're human. They can speak and hold conversations like normal people—"

"—they can actually talk?" Nanami looked appropriately disturbed. "So…do you talk to them? What do you even say?"

"What do I say? Usually I just taunt them and call them weak; it really pisses them off." An unnerving and sadistic smile tugged at the corners of Gojo's mouth. Nanami just looked wide eyed.

He couldn't imagine deliberately taunting a special grade curse. Gojo was clearly insane.

"What do you mean by the phrase 'they think they're human'?" Nanami asked quizzically.

Before he could answer, a very large plate filled with candy colored macaroons was deposited on the table in front of them. Gojo got all bright eyed again and started picking sweets from the plate, alternating between eating dessert and drinking from that ludicrous dayglow flute he had been given. Nanami was laboring to actually listen to what he was saying as opposed to simply watching his mouth move, as thoughts of a certain water tower moment crept unwittingly back into his brain.

He tried really hard to push those thoughts out.

He tried and he failed spectacularly.

"Just what I said," Gojo resumed speaking after shamelessly downing several macaroons. "They think they're the true humans and we're the trash fucking up their world and their good time. From their point of view, we are the monsters."

"And who taught you that?"

"No one. It's my own working theory." Gojo pulled out a ridiculous wad of bills and laid them on the table without even bothering to count them. "C'mon, it's after six. Let's get to it."

They exited the cafe and headed back towards the boardwalk. As evening came on, the area became even more fully alive. They passed a brightly lit Ferris wheel with rows of running lights, a giant bouncy castle, and a plethora of people in mascot outfits running up and down the waterfront, posing here and there for pictures with tourists. The air from the water felt exceedingly nice in Nanami's hair as he turned his face to the breeze, enjoying all the enticing sights and sounds and smells that the surrounding park had to offer. It made it so easy to forget the real reason they were there. The violet sky was alight with a fading orange fire and the boardwalk lights shimmered and reflected off the water in an eye dazzling display. Like the dazzling lights in the eyes of a boy with whom he had shared a kiss once, and with whom he was maybe starting to feel a little bit in love with, the more time he got to spend with him, getting to actually know him…

It can't be underestimated how absolutely miserable and elated the dawning realization of this apparent first crush made Nanami feel. The rush of opposing feelings it brought on was one of the more mysterious paradoxes of youth. He wanted to both jump for joy and drown himself in the water at the same time. It was an almost universally experienced rite of passage, yet it was completely irrational and illogical in its sway. Nanami labored to understand it. All the meditation books and romantic poets and philosophical writers he had read did nothing at all to help him. They didn't bring him any relief. He was left alone to flail around in the steaming stew of his own Big Feelings, unmoored and lost at sea.

"Nanamin…I think…I think you may have been onto something about that drink…"

Nanami turned to look at Gojo's face and he was instantly alarmed by what he saw. Gojo was pale and swaying and looking inordinately glassy eyed, like he was struggling to stay upright, to even stay awake.

And as he gasped, Gojo took one tentative step forward, only to fall face first into Nanami's waiting arms.

To be continued…