A/N: Revised as of 3/24/2024

Mother? Father? How are you doing? I'm doing well here in this new world… Is what I would like to say, but unfortunately your son is neck-deep in debt because of a couple problem children he found myself acquainted with.

First, I made the mistake of bringing a bratty goddess with me to this world instead of a cheat item or god-like power that I could have used to live a trouble-free life. She's a lazy, loudmouthed, attention whore whose only strong points is healing magic and party tricks. On top of that, she is always complaining about having to work even though all of the debt we've collected is all her fault!

Then I recruited a little girl from a renowned clan of mages. This clan is apparently known for their naturally high intelligence stat and vast mana reserves. My ass! This mage is only able to use one spell, and despite its incredible firepower, it's completely useless most of the time! After one shot, she goes limp from mana exhaustion and doesn't even have the energy to stand! But even after I confronted her about this, the little brat refuses to learn any other spells! So much for having high intelligence and mana reserves!

The last member of my party is a female knight. She's just like those cool beauties I used to read about in manga… But don't let that fool you! Underneath that beautiful skin is a complete, and hopeless pervert! She keeps going on about protecting her party members and fellow adventurers, but all she wants to do is feel the pleasure of taking all the hits! The cool beauty I could have had to keep me sane, and I get a masochist! What a waste. I could have looked passed her weird personality, she's a beauty after all. But this fool can't swing a sword to save her life!

But even though I say all of this, it's not like I can just abandon them… It was my fault for choosing to bring the goddess with me. She doesn't have any offensive power and can't go back home to heaven until I defeat the Demon King. The mage likely wouldn't be able to find another party to take her, and her Explosion magic is quite reliable when strong enemies appear. As for the female knight… She is a beauty, so having her around isn't all that bad. Especially when I go out of my way to bump into her in the hallway after she showers. Complete coincidence.

Oh, I guess there's one more person I should mention. A kouhai of mine, a guy that claims to have been a ninja in his past life. But he's got blonde hair, blue eyes, and has a mouth that's almost as big as the goddesses. On top of that, he loves to wear bright oranges clothes. What kind of ninja wears orange? This guy obviously came from our world, but maybe he lived in a foreign country. America perhaps? But this guy has proved to be one of the only people I could consider sane in this fantasy world, if not a little shonen-like. Unlike me, he chose to bring a cheat power to this world. Despite this, he still chooses to live in the Town of Beginners and helps an unfortunate shopkeeper I know. I also heard he helps the pretty receptionist Onee-Chan at the guild by taking on durian quests when the other adventurers are being lazy. He seems like a nice guy, but he often picks fights with my party members. He pulls a few pranks on them every now and then. Especially the goddess.

That guy recently formed a party of his own, bless his soul… A delinquent adventurer who would rather spend a night in a cell than pay for dinner, a cute mage that actually knows how to use magic but has no social skills to speak of, and a priestess from a cult that follows a religion that the goddess in my party is worshiped as its figurehead.

I'd trade parties without hesitation, if only for the mage. But like I said, I can't just abandon those problem children of mine. That, and I don't think the self-proclaimed ninja would be able to handle those three by himself… I've become quite the responsible man, haven't I?

Well, it's time for me to set off on my next adventure. The shinobi promised to help my party settle our debts, so we might just be saved yet. Take care, my beloved parents.

Your son, Kazuma.

"…Oi. Get up. We need to go on a quest today."

"Don't wanna… It's cold outside and the fire's cozy."

"…"

"Now, now… if you're gonna stand there and bask in my godly presence, you might as well make yourself useful and fetch me some wine-Wah!"

After kicking the lady goddess off her throne and onto the carpet in front of the firepit, Kazuma turned around to face his other party member that was sitting at the living room table by herself.

"Hey, Megumin. Where's Darkness?"

"How dare you push a goddess to the cold floor!"

Ignoring the noisy "goddess", Kazuma continued to stare at the mage for an answer. Megumin seemed to be on the same page, as she was itching to go out on a quest as well.

"Darkness said there was a commotion in the town and went to investigate it. She should be back any minute now."

"I see… We'll head out to the guild when she gets back, so go get your things Aqua-"

Just as he began to give orders to Aqua, who was trying to sneak her way towards the stairs, the front door swung open as a flustered Darkness stormed in wearing her recently fixed armor.

"Kazuma! Kazuma!"

"Yes, I'm Kazuma."

"I heard there was a commotion in town so I went to investigate in hopes of finding trouble! But what I found was Naruto doing something amazing!"

Darkness expressed while pointing towards the door. Her face was flushed, so she must have ran the whole way over. Just what was Naruto doing that made a woman like Darkness so excited?

His former shut-in instincts screaming at him, Kazuma felt a sudden urge to stay home in his cozy mansion. Unfortunately, staying home

But first-

"Did you just say you were hoping to find trouble?"

"You must be imagining things. But we must hurry and go to Wiz's magic shop!"

Darkness denied without missing a beat.

Aqua's ears twitched at the mentioning of her two least favorite people in town.

"That perverted demon and filthy lich must be plotting something! Don't worry, I'll put an end to their schemes!"

"H-hey, Aqua! Where you-"

Kazuma tried to stop his party's priestess, but she was already out the door before he could even react.

Oh well. At least she was out of the house now.

"Kazuma! Kazuma!"

"Yes, still Kazuma…"

"I want to go see what Naruto is up to as well! Can we go? Can we?"

Megumin asked like a child asking to her parent to go outside.

"I guess we can go… But don't forget we're taking on a quest today. Our debt just increased…"

Kazuma grumbled as he gathered his adventuring gear.

"Of course! Actually, I'm glad to see this new Kazuma! It's not often the man who sealed himself in his room for three straight days and nights to be the one to say we're taking a quest!"

Megumin marveled and grabbed her staff that was leaning against the wall near the front door.

"Indeed! This is much better than the Kazuma who would only come out of his room to sexually harass a drunk party member-"

Darkness agreed, prompting a large vein to bulge on Kazuma's forehead.

"Okay, I get it! Let's just go already!"

"What… Is that!?"

Now standing at the back of a large crowd in front of Wiz's Magic Item Shop, Kazuma stared wide eyed at the front where a large cage stood that was covered by a cloth.

Next to the cage was Naruto himself, who was currently busy preaching to the crowd like a practiced business man.

"Gather around, my fellow adventurers! My name is Naruto Uzumaki, and I have a special deal I want to share with you all! But first, I'd like to thank my friend Wiz for sponsoring this event! She's the owner of this magic item shop! So be sure to visit the store later for all your needs magic related!"

Naruto announced while gesturing towards Wiz, who was standing at the foot of her shop. Her expression was troubled, but she managed to strain a smile as she waved to the crowd.

The sponsorship was just a front, and an excuse to get the shop's name out there. The real money making strategy was about to begin.

Phase one… Go!

"Now then, shall we reveal what's inside this thing here?"

Naruto asked before he tugged on the cloth off the cage, and the crowd gasped in awe.

Inside the cage stood a terrifying beast that faintly resembled a purple rabbit. That is, if the rabbit was ten-feet tall and had teeth that looked like they could gnaw through steel.

"This is a very rare Nido Rabbit! As you may have heard, a Nido Rabbit's foot can double, or even triple one's luck! For a reasonable price of four-hundred thousand Eris, I'll be more than happy to get one for you!"

This did not earn a positive response from the crowd. As to be expected, considering most of the adventurers present were newbies. To them, four-hundred thousand Eris was a small fortune!

But Naruto wasn't deterred in the slightest. In fact, his foxlike grin only seemed to grow.

"I thought this would happen. Which is why I am prepared to offer you brave adventurers a chance to get the foot for cheap! For just ten-thousand Eris, you can step into this cage and try to take the foot yourself!"

The moment the words left the shinobi's mouth, the adventurers began to whisper amongst themselves. The cage was certainly large enough to hold the rabbit and an adventurer with room to spare for them to move. But just one look at the beast was enough to cause hesitation.

'What kind of lunatic would want to get into a cage with a terrifying monster like that!?'

Kazuma thought with eyes wide with terror, but then he heard a clanking sound and he turned to find Darkness shuttering in her armor. The was a dangerous gleam in her blue eyes, one that the boy knew all too well now.

"Ten-thousand Eris… *Huff! Huff!* That isn't a bad deal at all!"

'There's a lunatic right next to me!'

Before Kazuma could talk some sense into his party member, the surrounding adventurers roared.

"If our town's ideal knight thinks so, then who are we to cower in fear!?"

"Look at her! She's trembling with excitement! Our Darkness must be eager to get her hands on such a rare item for cheap!"

"Let's get that foot!"

Just like that, a line of adventurers began to form in front of the cage, with Darkness at the front.

Naruto stifled his laughter by pretending to cough into his shoulder. He didn't expect Darkness to appear and rile up the adventurers like that. But thanks to her, he was sure to make a profit from all of this!

But the line still wasn't long enough… Onto phase two of his plan!

"Alright then, my fellow adventurers! I wish you luck! But before we begin, I want to explain a few things. I don't want to scare you, but this monster is strong! My party had a hard time containing it. Someone is bound to get hurt before the day is through, which is why I have entrusted these two lovely ladies to heal those who attempt and fail to obtain the foot. Free of charge!"

The shinobi explained and gestured towards Cecily and Aqua, who were standing behind a booth of their own.

'Aqua!? What's she doing over there!?'

Kazuma thought, baffled at the sight of his party's Arch Priest at the healing booth. Didn't Aqua leave to stop whatever Naruto was doing? How did he convince her to help him!?

Naruto glanced at Aqua, who pouted upon noticing his gaze. He was surprised when Aqua suddenly showed up and started talking nonsense about "secrets plans" and other things. But she had a quick change of heart when he offered to reward her if she helped Cecily with the healing. It was then the goddess's attitude made a complete flip.

It was strange how obedient Aqua was whenever wine or money was involved, but duly noted.

"If that's not enough to convince you of your safety, I also have my other two party members who will be in charge of restraining the beast should we need to! One of which, is a talented Crimson Demon who knows Advanced Magic! Even now, she's even keeping the Nido Rabbit bound with her magic!"

Naruto continued, and this time he gestured to Yunyun and Dust. Both stood on each sides of the cage.

Dust gave the crowd a confident thumbs up, while Yunyun blushed and shyly held her head low.

"With the help of my friends, I do believe your lives won't be in any danger. But being the brave adventurers that you are, I'm sure you weren't afraid to begin with! Hahahaha!"

While Naruto laughed, most of the adventurers in the still growing line adverted their gazes.

Kazuma couldn't believe what he was seeing. Naruto not only convinced these people into getting in line by ensuring their safety, but also provoked them into staying in line by attacking their pride as adventurers.

'To think I once thought this guy was normal…'

Kazuma thought as he watched the cackling shinobi walk towards the cage that held a dangerous monster with Darkness in tow.

"We need to go stop Darkness before she actually goes in there! Come on, Megumin… Huh? Megumin?"

Noticing the mage of his party was no longer beside him, Kazuma scanned the crowd to find her.

"!"

Lo and behold, he found the girl nervously waiting in line to enter the cage.

"What the hell do you think you're doing, idiot!?"

Kazuma shouted and rushed over to Megumin, yanking her out of the line.

"I-I'm sorry, Kazuma! But as a Crimson Demon, I cannot stand by as that man insults my pride! I am an adventurer too! Let me go in there, I'll blast that Rabbit away with my Explosion!"

Megumin declared while pointing her staff at the cage.

"Yeah, along with all of us and the entire block! Come on, let's go get Darkness!"

Kazuma retorted and proceeded to drag Megumin through the crowd towards the front.

"Alright, first person in line gets in for free! But are you sure wish to enter the cage, Darkness?"

Naruto asked as he unlocked the cage's door. While he was now fully aware of this woman's personality now, he wanted to make sure she knew what she was getting into.

"Of course! As a Crusader, I must lead the charge of my allies! Oh, but don't worry about restraining the beast. I'm quite confident in my defenses. Even if my strikes don't hit their target, I can more than surely take a few hits. In fact, I'm looking forward to it!"

Darkness boasted with a flushed face, causing the shinobi's smile to falter.

"W-well, if you say so… Let the battle begi-"

"Darkness! Wait a second!"

Just as Naruto opened the cage and Darkness was about the enter, Kazuma and Megumin emerged from the crowd.

"Oh, hey Kazuma! Have you come to try and take the foot for yourself? Sorry, but you'll have to get in line!"

Naruto greeted with a cheeky grin on his face, but Darkness frowned at her party leader's words.

"Don't try to stop me, Kazuma! I will be the first to enter this cage! I need to set an example for our fellow adventurers! Don't worry, I'm confident in my defenses in close-quarters combat!"

Darkness heatedly said, but Kazuma wasn't having any of it.

"What nonsense are you spouting!? This is ludicrous no matter how you look-"

"No, I must! This beast must have been trapped in this cage for so long… Its animalistic urges must be running rampant right about now! The presence of a female might trigger something amazing!"

"Whose urges are running rampant here!?"

As the two continued to argue, Megumin took the opportunity to walk over to Yunyun. She had some questions to ask her first self-proclaimed rival.

Kazuma turned to Naruto, who shared a similar expression as his own.

"Come on, Naruto. I know Wiz's shop isn't doing so good… But there's gotta be another way."

"Don't worry, Kazuma. Darkness will be fine, and you know how good Aqua is at healing. Oh, and not all the profits are going towards the shop. I plan to put my share towards your debts."

Naruto responded while waving his hand dismissively.

. . .

"Then I guess it can't be helped. Go for it, Darkness!"

Kazuma cheered for his party member, giving her armor a supportive smack as she entered the cage.

Naruto signaled for Yunyun to release her binding spell before opening the door, to which the female knight charged inside and drew her two-handed sword.

"Come and get me, monster!"

"GROARR!"

With its binds undone, the Nido Rabbit swung its large paws at Darkness. She raised her weapon to block the incoming attack, but the force proved too much for her smaller frame as she was hurled into the bars of the cage like a ragdoll.

"Guh! I knew you would be as tough as you looked! But don't let me down!"

Darkness said as she used her sword as a crutch to help herself off the ground. She then charged in for a swing, but despite the enclosed space, her sword was just short of the beast and hit the bars with a loud clang.

Their encounters continued for a few more minutes, all of which consisting of Darkness getting flung around back and forth as if she were a weightless prop.

"Alright, Yunyun! Bind it!"

Naruto shouted when Darkness plowed into the bars again, only this time she looked like she was really struggling to stand back up. It seemed she had reached her limits.

"R-right! Bind!"

Yunyun, who seemed to be in a flustered state, pointed her short staff towards the beast. After chanting her spell, the Nido Rabbit's movements ceased almost immediately.

Naruto then walked into the cage and helped the fallen knight off the ground by putting one of her arms around his shoulder.

Stepping out of the cage with the girl, Naruto turned to face the adventurers.

"I'll take Darkness to the healing stall. For those who wish to avenge her, talk to this guy."

Naruto said and cocked his head towards Kazuma, who blinked in surprise.

"Eh?"

"Lemme in there!"

"Even though you didn't land a single hit, we'll finish what you started Darkness!"

"Avenge our model knight!"

As the rowdy adventurers swarmed the now panicking Kazuma, Naruto chuckled and helped Darkness over to the healing booth where Aqua and Cecily awaited their arrival.

"As a knight whose only strong suit is tanking, you did good. Even I had trouble blocking that thing's attacks when I was sparing with it this morning to tire him out for this."

Naruto commented with a cheeky grin.

"Sparing with it… I guess shouldn't be surprised. You held you own against the Winter Shogun."

Darkness responded with a smile, causing her fellow blonde's cheeks to redden.

"You know, if you weren't so weird I might have actually fallen for you, Darkness."

"!"

Reaching the healing stall, Naruto placed the now sputtering Darkness onto one of the benches. They would be filled to the brim soon enough.

"T-thank you for carrying me here… But don't worry, I'll be getting back in line as soon as Aqua heals my wounds. Afterwards, I would very much like to have a discussion about what you just said."

"I was just kiddin-Wait, what?"

Swearing he had just heard something strange, Naruto looked back at Darkness who was now conversing with Aqua and Cecily.

Shrugging it off, the shinobi walked back over to Kazuma who was surely in dire need of his help.

A/N: Who knew Naruto would come up with a business plan like this on his own?

Or was it on his own? Hm…

Alrighty then, see you in the next one!

Spirit out!