A/N: Revised as of 3/24/2024.

It all happened in a flash.

Naruto stood up to attempt an apology, but Darkness was already charging towards him. He took a step back, as any man would in the presence of rightfully angered woman. But he failed to see the lid of the box and slipped upon stepping on it, his hands flinging up as his body arched backwards.

By the time Naruto realized what had happened, Darkness was already upon him. So when he unconsciously reached his hands out in a vain attempt to grab something, his grip latched onto the girl's night gown.

All Darkness could do was yelp as she was yanked forward as she and Naruto fell onto the bed.

At the same time, the box had been thrown into the air and lost its contents, causing all of the world's evils to scatter around the room.

But even as one of those very evils landed right next to his face, Naruto didn't dare look. He didn't so much as move a muscle. Not that he had much of a choice, as he was currently pinned to the bed.

Darkness had caught herself while they were falling and was now leaning over Naruto, looking down at him with teary-eyes and breathing very heavily.

Naruto gulped. He was dead. He was SO dead right now.

He may not be the most knowledgeable person when it came to women, but even he knew what those objects were. He saw them all the time when he had snuck into the adult stores while perfecting the Sexy Jutsu.

Such obscene items… Naruto could only imagine just how embarrassed the female knight was right now.

"You… You saw them!"

Darkness hissed as she continued to pin the boy down with all her strength, which even by shinobi standards was quite impressive.

"I-I just wanted my slime back…"

There was no point in denying it, so Naruto took his chances by stating his reasons. Not that it would do much.

"Kuh…! I'm so embarrassed I want to die right now!"

Darkness muttered as she looked away in shame.

…Wait. Shame?

After learning of her true nature, Naruto was half-expecting the girl to be turned on by such an event. So why was she acting this way?

"Hey, why aren't you turned on by this? Usually you'd be complimenting my bad behavior or something like that. Are you drunk from the crab wine or something?"

"Is that what you think!? How could I be turned on by something like this! This isn't the kind of humiliation I desire!"

Darkness heatedly denied as her blush intensified immensely, but Naruto noticed something.

Perhaps she really was genuinely embarrassed from having her secret box discovered like any normal person would. But Darkness's increasing blush and ragged breathing were saying that somewhere deep down, she was actually enjoying this situation.

It was only after noticing this that Naruto realized if wanted to get out of this alive, then he would have to put on a little act.

"You're actually enjoying this, aren't you?"

"Wha-I-I already told you I wasn't! Stop talking nonsense!"

Darkness barked and applied more pressure onto the boy, causing him wince in pain.

'Jeez, she's really strong… But it looks like that wasn't good enough. I'll have to try a different approach!'

Naruto thought before he calmly looked up at Darkness and smiled.

"Darkness… Where did you get these things? A lewd store?"

"A-as if I would show my face in such a place!"

The Crusader instantly denied.

"That's right, you're a Crusader. A holy night such as yourself wouldn't be caught dead walking into an adult store. Sorry for assuming something outrageous."

Naruto deducted before apologizing, and Darkness visually relaxed upon hearing this.

"S-see? Now… If we could forget this whole thing happened and-"

"You must have disguised yourself before entering first!"

"!"

Darkness's eyes widened and her body tensed.

How did he know!? No, wait. She had to calm down. It was her body language that was giving her away! She couldn't lose to this man, not after what he had just found out. She had to make Naruto promise to keep this a secret no matter what!

Naruto could feel her grip on him loosen a little, but it quickly tightened again. It seemed he was going in the right direction…

"So, I was right? You were curious, so you disguised yourself so no one would know it was you who was buying all those things. But they still look brand new… You must not know how to use them."

"Guh…!"

Darkness's heart was pounding in her chest. What was with Naruto right now? Was his intuition always this good? How was he hitting all of her weak points!?

Something was strange… Something was very strange! This isn't how Naruto normally acted at all!

'Could it be…!'

As Darkness was slowly coming to her own conclusions, Naruto leaned up as much as he could until his mouth was right next to her ear.

If he was able to move this much, he now only needed to give the final blow.

"…Want me to show you?"

"Ngh!?"

The moment Darkness let go to hug herself and moan, Naruto exploded into action and escaped through the door without looking back.

Naruto ran into his room and shut the door, locking instantly before hobbling over to the bed and collapsing.

'That was exhausting… I just hope Darkness doesn't think I awakened something dark in me."

He thought as he crawled onto the bed and slipped under the sheets.

Since he wasn't able to get the Tokoroten slime back, he could forget about pranking Kazuma. The guy was probably enjoying his dreams right about now.

'Oh well, guess I'll get some sleep…'

With that thought, Naruto let out a deep breath and closed his eyes.

. . .

"Like hell I could sleep after that!"

Naruto shouted and sat straight up. His heart was still pounding in his chest and wasn't showing any signs of slowing anytime soon.

The first thing he saw upon closing his eyes was the look of Darkness's face while she was pinning him down. She was so close, and he could still feel her touch…

"AH! I'm just gonna go take a bath!"

Perhaps a cold soak would do his mind some good. So after opening his door and peaking around to make sure Darkness was nowhere in sight, Naruto scurried down the dark halls of the mansion to find the bath.

Since Aqua had been so generous as to give him a tour of the mansion the first time he had visited, he managed to find it rather quickly. But upon walking up to the door, Naruto found a small sign hung on the entrance.

'Bath in use… Huh? Is someone really in here at this hour?'

Naruto thought before turning the door knob and walking inside the changing room. His eyes were drawn to the small basket on the floor right next to the glass door that led to the washroom.

'Those are Kazuma's clothes… Ah, don't tell me he fell asleep in the bath-Holy crap, he did! That's hilarious!'

Naruto clamped his mouth shut to hold in his laughter as he peeked inside the washroom. Kazuma was laying in the large spa-like bath, eyes closed an snoring slightly!

It was too bad he didn't have the slime, he could have pulled the prank off flawlessly. Naruto giggled to himself as he imagined the surprised look on Kazuma's face when he woke up covered in jelly.

But even if Naruto didn't have the jelly, he could still prank the guy. After all, Kazuma was helplessly sleeping in the bathtub, completely oblivious to the lurking danger that was just outside the glass door.

'But what kind of prank can even compete with that…'

Naruto pondered to himself while rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

Then, his eyes widened.

He didn't sense a Succubus, which would mean Kazuma wasn't having their lewd dream!

'Not yet at least… Fufufu…'

"Mmm…? Did I fall asleep?"

Kazuma wondered aloud as his eyes opened to find that he was currently sitting in the bath. The water was lukewarm, so not much time must have passed.

"I better get back to my room before the Succubus shows up. I hope there isn't a penalty for… Huh?"

While he was mumbling to himself, Kazuma heard a noise coming from the changing room. The sound of clothes rustling, to be more precise.

That was weird… He could have sworn he put the sign up.

Unless…

'Ah, it must be Naruto. He probably decided to spend the night.'

Kazuma deducted since there was absolutely no way those girls would be dumb enough to walk into the washroom when the sign was on the door. They had been the ones that suggested the sign in the first place after a certain incident that may or may not have involved him.

Not that he would mind if one of them made the mistake of entering his bath.

Poof!

'…Hm? That's weird… Naruto's silhouette just went "poof!". Did he use a skill?'

Hang on… Something was wrong. Why did Kazuma get the feeling something amazing about to happen?

"Ah~! Now that everyone's asleep, I can enjoy a nice bath without having to worry about anyone seeing me~!"

A very girly sounding voice said, and now that the smoke had cleared, Kazuma could see a very curvy silhouette behind the glass.

Now that curvy silhouette was opening the door-

"Ah." x2

Kazuma and Naruto(?) said at the same time when their eyes met.

Both remained silent for a few moments, and all that could be heard were the crickets outside the house.

'He's HOT!'

Kazuma thought while maintaining his poker face, because freaking out in this sort of situation only led to women becoming violent.

Wait, Naruto was guy. Did that sort of unreasonable logic even apply here?

There had to be some sort of mistake… Kazuma was fairly certain Naruto was guy. But the near-naked person standing in front of him was CLEARY female.

Blonde hair that wend down to her waist, timid baby-blue eyes that were beginning to tear up, and a figure that rivaled even Darkness. Along with the three whisker marks-

'GAH! It has to be Naruto! But why is he a complete babe!?'

Kazuma's mind screamed as his calm outside scanned the blonde beauty up and down, taking in every detail he could see that wasn't being covered by the small towel, and all without even moving his eyes.

It was a technique he had learned before he stopped going to school.

"O-oh no… You saw my true form…"

Naruto(?) muttered while adverting his/her gaze.

Oya? What's this? Could this be one of those developments?

"True form?"

"Yes… Y-you see, my real name is Naruko… I've always been self-conscious about myself, even back in my old town. So, I used to dress up as a guy all the time since I felt like I could be my true self that way. Men don't care what other people think of them, right? One of the abilities the demon fox gives me is the power to change my appearance, so…"

The buxom beauty explained while squirming behind the small towel, which did little to hide her voluptuous figure. Curse that tiny towel!

Bingo! He hit the jackpot!

It was the classic "girl secretly disguised as a boy" cliché from anime and manga!

'No, wait! This could all be a part of his plan… A ploy to get me to lower my guard!'

Kazuma thought when he remembered Naruto was prankster. He didn't know how he was able to transform, so he still had to be careful.

But then again… This could also be the Succubus dream. He did order a beautiful Onee-san who was inexperienced with men, and they never specified if he needed to be sleeping in his bed for it to work.

'Looks like I'll have to test the waters…'

Kazuma thought before standing up, earning a surprised 'eep!' from his female(?) company. Walking over to a stool, he sat down with his back towards the blonde expectantly.

"Alright, I'll keep your secret from the others. But you'll have to wash my back."

"Eh!? Are you seriously blackmailing me!?"

This earned yet another yelp from Naruko, only this time it was real. The shinobi hadn't been expecting Kazuma to be so quick to believe him. Maybe he really thought this was all a dream?

'That didn't sound fake… Could he, or I guess she, actually be telling the truth?'

Kazuma thought, but he still wasn't satisfied. So he decided to push a little further.

"Let's not think of it as paying for my secrecy with your body, and more of trading a favor for a favor. Now then, I haven't got all night. Come here."

"…! You really deserve the names 'Scumzuma' and 'Kazutrash', ya know?"

Naruko muttered with a twitching eyebrow, but he reluctantly moved over to the boy and kneeled.

"F-fine! I just have to wash your back, right?"

"Yes, but please be gentle. This is my first time."

Kazuma replied in a monotone voice.

"Don't word it like that! You'll make it even weirder! Jeez… This is actually my first time seeing a live naked man before too…"

Naruko admitted before applying the towel to the boy's back. He felt weird washing another man's back, but it would be worth it in the end if he got to see Kazuma's betrayed expression.

For the sake of the prank, he would maintain the act!

"O-ordering me around like that… Don't think I'll enjoy being bossed around like Darkness!"

"Hm… That Tsundere act isn't bad, but enough of that. Wash me without the towel now."

"!?"

Naruko's face beamed bright red, knowing exactly what Kazuma was implying. Even for a prank, Naruto wasn't sure if he was willing to go THAT far…

"Hey now, what's keeping you? Hurry it up back there!"

Kazuma pushed for the girl to scrub his back, but Naruto was at his limit.

There was no way he could go through with such an indecent act… Washing a friend's back with a towel was one thing, but doing it without one would be crossing a line that shouldn't be crossed!

"Hurry, hurry, hurry~!"

Kazuma repeated urgently as his patience grew thin. But just as he was about to turn around, a certain loudmouthed voice echoed through the halls.

"Show yourself, intruders! Guys, we have intruders in the mansion!"

"Hahn!?"

Kazuma growled threateningly at the unexpected sound of his party's useless priest. He stood up and angrily balled his fists.

"…Secret Arts…"

Naruto whispered darkly and put his hands into the Tiger seal, his eyes glowering at the sight of an opportunity.

"Damn that useless goddess… I won't allow her to ruin-"

"Thousand Years of Death!"

Poke!

"Ahn~!"

. . .

"Muahaha! Looks like we caught a couple filthy Succubus! You must be after Naruto and Kazuma's life energy! Too bad you didn't know that this mansion belonged to the great me!"

Aqua spat while laughing like a villain, and Morrigan cowered in fear.

"What shall we do with them, Aqua? My Explosion magic should be fully charged right about now…"

Megumin suggested with her crimson eyes glowing menacingly, causing Maria to squeak in terror.

"Is it because of these two devils that Naruto was acting so weird earlier!? Let them have it, Megumin, Aqua! Show them no mercy!"

Darkness shouted with angry tears in her eyes, and the three human girls roared in unison.

'Naruto-sama…! Save us!'

Maria cried internally for her master to come and save them, and as if to answer her calls, the sounds of footsteps could be heard down the darkened hallway.

The group turned to see Naruto and Kazuma running side by side, both with dead-serious expressions.

"Naruto, Kazu-Wah! Why are you two only wearing towels!?"

Megumin squealed when she noticed that the two boys were in fact only wearing bath towels to cover themselves.

"Stay back, you two! Those are Succubi! They're devils who've come to steal away your life force! Don't worry, I'll take care of-"

Aqua cautioned, but Naruto and Kazuma ran right past them and stopped right in front of the Succubus.

Naruto didn't even look down at the devils, his bangs shadowing his features.

"I-I'm terribly sorry… I came along to ensure this job was a success. But I wasn't expecting there to be so many traps. Just one of these magic circle takes hours to make. Only a person with tons of free time would go through such a tedious procedure so many times…"

Morrigan explained with her head held as low as she possibly could. As an experienced Succubus, it was shameful to be caught by such a trap.

"…"

Naruto silently turned around and faced the three "problem children" of Kazuma's party.

"What are you doing!? Get out of the way so I can purify those devils!"

Aqua demanded while making motions with her hands that implied anything put purification.

"Please, just leave us behind… A devil that falls for such traps would never be fit to serve you."

Maria pleaded and wiped a tear from her eye. Just seeing her beloved coming to their aid was more than enough. She could die happy, knowing that her master cared for such a clumsy devil such as herself.

"…Go."

Kazuma muttered. All of this was happening because of his troublesome priest, so he would take responsibility.

"Wait, Aqua! Naruto and Kazuma are probably being controlled by the Succubus! That's why they're acting so strange!"

Darkness warned, earning a gasp from her two female companions.

"Looks like we'll have to knock some sense into them first…"

Megumin stated and cracked her knuckles.

"Last chance, boys! Move or feel the wrath of god!"

Aqua gave her final warning, but the males remained unmoved.

"…No." x2

Naruto and Kazuma both said and got into a fighting stance.

'Naruto-sama…!'

'So kind…!'

Maria and Morrigan both thought and took one last look at their master before surging their small pools of demonic energy to create a hole in the magic circle large enough for them to squeeze through and escaped through a window.

At the same time, Naruto and Kazuma lunged towards the trio.

They would defend the Succubus with their lives!

The Next Morning…

It was a brutal defeat. But Naruto didn't regret a thing, and neither did Kazuma.

The two boys were up before the sun had risen and met in the mansion's gate as Naruto was about to leave.

"…"

"…"

Neither said a thing, but that was enough. Both knew exactly what the other was trying to say.

What happens in the mansion, stays in the mansion.

A/N: Phew… I had a bit of a hard time writing this one. -_-'

But I believe it turned out alright~! Let me know what you thought!

Next chapter: Naruto vs Mitsurugi!