Numb. Empty. Those are the two best words to describe how I was feeling at the moment. We defeated Vecna four weeks ago. It's been four weeks since my best friend died, since the only family I really had left was ripped away from me and three weeks since his funeral. Even in my drunken haze I could see the flashbacks of that horrible night reflecting in my eyes as I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror.
*FLASHBACK*
The Demo-bats were flying everywhere. Eddie backed Dustin and I to the gate.
"LET'S GO! LET'S GO" Eddie and I screamed at the same time as I helped Dustin climb through the gate.
"EDDIE COME ON!" I screamed as I hoisted myself up and fell onto the mattress below.
Eddie started climbing as fast as he could until he just stopped.
Dustin was screaming for Eddie to hurry but I froze. I knew that look. Eddie jumped down and I screamed.
"EDDIE DON'T!"
Looking wide eyed at Dustin and I, I knew what he was thinking. I knew what he was going to do.
"EDDIE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Dustin screamed.
"EDDIE NO!" Dustin and I screamed as he cut the makeshift rope.
"No no no no NO! EDDIE STOP!" I screamed as I watched my brother making sure we wouldn't be able to follow him.
Dustin was freaking out, screaming for Eddie to stop.
" EDDIE WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Dustin screamed out again.
As if in slow motion, Eddie turned to us.
" I'm buying more time. I love you sis. Dustin, take care of her and tell Steve he better make her happy." Eddie said, before running off.
" EDDIE PLEASE!" Dustin screamed as I collapsed on the floor.
"No no no no no NO! EDDIE! COME BACK!" I screamed as my vision became blurry.
I could feel the hot tears running down my face.
"ALen! ALen! Eleanor!" Dustin screams.
I look up at him through my blurry vision.
"W-What?" I croak out. He stands up.
"We have to go after him! Come on! Hurry up!" Dustin screams as he's pushing the bed over and grabbing a chair.
"Dustin wai-" I try to say before he starts walking backwards.
I barely catch him say "Screw it." Before he screams and runs full force at the chair, jumping and climbing, landing on the other side of the gate.
"DUSTIN!" I scream as I get up.
Dustin doesn't stop and so without any hesitation I follow after him.
I catch up to Dustin as he's limping towards Eddie. I ran past him, sliding next to Eddie and cradling his head on my lap.
"Eddie, oh God no." Dustin whimpers as he stumbles to the ground beside us.
" Bad huh?" Eddie says.
"No, no no no no we just have to get you to a hospital and then you'll be fine." I say.
We tried picking him up but we couldn't. Looking down at my brother he starts teaLenng up.
"I didn't run away this time, right?" He asks.
" No, no no no you didn't run." Dustin says, choking on a sob.
"Brother please, please hang on. I-I can't lose you." I say, choking on a sob.
" You two are gonna have to look after those little sheep for me." He says as his breathing gets harder.
"No, Eddie, you're gonna have to help me with that. You're my big brother. I can't do this without you." I cry.
" Nah, sis. Say it, say you're gonna look after them. Dustin, you too man." Eddie said as he glanced at the two of us.
"O-Okay, w-we're gonna look after them." We say as we both break down in silent tears.
"Good, cuz I'm actually gonna graduate." Eddie struggles to say.
"Yea Eddie. It's your year right? It's finally your year and we're graduating together which is even better." I say as the tears keep streaming down my face.
" Yea i-it's f-finally my year. I love you guys." Eddie says.
"I love you too." Dustin and I choke out.
"Eddie!" I say, panicking as he starts to choke and then goes quiet.
"Eddie. Eddie" Dustin says, shaking him.
"No, no, brother please." I gasp out. "Don't leave me. Eddie please. Eddie, Eddie EDDIE!" I scream, sobbing uncontrollably as I hold my brother's limp body.
Later I found out from Dustin that my scream was more of a screeching wail of pain and heartache.
*PRESENT*
Pulling out the bottle of pills, I squeezed my eyes tight, exhaling shakingly.
"I'm so sorry Eddie but I can't do this without you." I whisper as I sit with my back against the tub.
"You're my big brother. I don't remember mom, I was only 3 when she passed and I barely remember dad. Uncle Wayne was there for us but it was you that was with me through everything. It was you that stayed with me while I fell asleep after a horrible nightmare. It was you that skipped school to run across town to get me pads when I first got my period. Gosh I was such a freaked out wreck." I laughed. " You were there for every second of my life, for all the ups and downs. How am I supposed to live without you? Who is gonna make sure Steve doesn't turn back into an ass? Who's gonna help me with my first apartment?" I said, getting mad.
"Who's gonna walk me down the aisle at my wedding? You were supposed to be there Eddie!" I said, getting up and gripping the sides of the sink. Taking a few sips of the whiskey bottle, I looked at myself in the mirror.
"We were supposed to graduate together! Fuck, Eddie! You promised to walk me down the aisle at my s-stupid w-wedding to King S-Steve as you put it." I said choking on a sob.
"I can't do this." I said, starting to panic
"No no no no no!" I said, collapsing to the floor. The whiskey bottle slipped from my hand and crashed to the floor.
"I can't….I can't….I can't do this." I said.
Grabbing a handful of pills and uncapping the water bottle, I popped the pills in my mouth one after the other. I don't know exactly what the pills were but I knew they were the strongest drugs Eddie had and I knew too many would put me into a numbing sleep that I wouldn't wake up from.
I don't know how many pills I had swallowed. I just kept swallowing until they were all gone. Eddie had over a dozen pills in the bag and they didn't take too long to kick in.
My mind was growing fuzzy. I sat against the tub, facing the door. I stared at it in confusion. There was a knock at the door, or maybe I was hallucinating.
*Knock knock* "Hey Eleanor, are you in there?" Dustin asked.
I look at the door in wonder. I had been staying at Steve's since everything went down but I wasn't at Steve's house right now. I was at my house, my Uncle's house. The trailer house that me and Eddie grew up in. But what was Dustin doing here? Maybe my mind was playing tricks. Dustin and Steve were out. They had plans for the day.
"Hey Len, I'm here too. Are you okay?" Steve said, trying to open the door.
I tilted my head, or at least I think I did. My head was feeling so heavy but at the same time I couldn't really feel it. My vision was getting blurry. I layed down with my cheek to the cool floor.
"Since when do you lock doors?" Came Dustin's curious voice, a bit muffled.
I tried to respond but I couldn't lift my head and my tongue felt numb. I must have made some noise because I could just barely see the door knob twisting and faint voices.
"Len open the door." Steve said, frantically twisting the door knob.
It was getting hard to breathe.
"Babe open the damn door!" Steve yelled, banging on the door.
My breathing was getting more and more labored.
My mind was getting fuzzy, eyes getting blurry. I could faintly hear what seemed to be Dustin trying to calm Steve down and Steve ignoring him. Time seemed to slow. My eyelids were getting heavy. The last thing I remember before everything went black was the door opening and a blurry Steve running towards me.