The night was far from restful for any of them. Maya struggled to get to sleep, not able to calm down until after her next pumping session and just as she was drifting off to sleep, they heard cries coming from the twins' room. They both jumped up, running in to find Rowan sobbing in her bed.
"Come here Patatina," Maya said, scooping her into her arms, "What's wrong?"
"I needed you," Rowan said, crying. "It's ok," Maya said, rocking her a little bit, "I'm right here."
Carina went over to Nora's bed where the little brunette looked half awake and very confused.
"It's ok Piccola," Carina said, rubbing her daughters back, "Go back to sleep."
Nora looked around with blurry eyes for another minute before pulling her blankie close and sucking on her fingers again.
"I think she's asleep," Maya said as Carina walked back over to her and Rowan once Nora was asleep.
"Good," Carina said, "Let's put her back to bed."
Maya nodded, kissing the top of Rowan's head once more before going to put her down.
"No," Rowan protested, shaking her head as she cried and clung to Maya, "I need you Mommy."
"Can we just put her in our bed?" Maya asked, rubbing Rowan's back, "It was a long day."
"Ok," Carina nodded, knowing that Maya probably needed to cuddle Rowan just as much as Rowan needed her mommy.
They went back into their room, getting Rowan settled between them before trying to sleep again. Maya was up again to pump and because of a nightmare of her own, Carina holding her as close as she could without waking Rowan who was thankfully still sleeping.
Carina fell back to sleep, but Maya's mind was racing. She didn't want to get out of bed and risk waking her toddler and wife so instead she grabbed her phone, opening up her search engine and beginning to look up things about cerebral palsy. She knew they didn't have an official diagnosis and likely they wouldn't for a long time, but she still wanted to learn as much as she could.
There had been a kid in her class who had CP when she was young who she had tried to be friend with, but when Lane found out, he said no child of his would be friends with someone who was physically disabled. He used much less kind words, but even thinking those words made Maya feel like vomiting so she chose to block them out.
She knew the girl in her class was in a wheelchair and couldn't speak without help or feed herself or anything. She was completely dependent on everyone to do everything for her. It made Maya's heart hurt to think that that could be Lia. Maya would happily do whatever her daughter needed her to do for as long as she needed, but her dreams for Lia involved her having a job and moving out one day and living her life in the way she wanted to.
Maya knew that those dreams might have to be changed, and the blonde was confident she could do that, but it was still hard to imagine. She also knew people like Lane existed in the world and they could be so cruel to people who looked different.
Maya wiped her tears before starting her research. She found multiple sites to do research on, saving all the websites to a note on her phone so she could start making a spreadsheet on her laptop when she had access to it again. She found multiple articles about various therapies and ways to help children with CP. She found support groups which she wasn't going to touch until they got an actual diagnosis. She spent the rest of the time until her next pumping session just researching cerebral palsy and trying to get some of her thoughts in order.
When it was time for her next pumping session, she carefully got out of bed, going into the bathroom in hopes that she could keep both Carina and Rowan asleep in the bedroom. She was exhausted as she sat down on the edge of the tub, hooking up her pump. The headache she had had off and on since Lane pulled her hair was back with a vengeance. She sighed as she got the pump hooked up, wincing a little bit as the machine started up.
She was uncomfortable sitting on the edge of the tub so she moved, instead sitting down on the floor with the tub behind her as a support, letting her eyes close a little bit. She must have fallen asleep for a moment because the next thing she knew, she felt a hand on she shoulder that made her jump.
"It's just me Bambina," Carina said, seeing the fear flash across her wife's face, "What are you doing?"
"Pumping," Maya said, looking up at her wife.
"On the floor in the bathroom?" Carina asked.
"I was sitting on the side of the tub, but I was too tired," Maya said, looking down at her pump which was really uncomfortable, turning it off, "I think I fell asleep."
"What time did you come in here?" Carina asked, crouching down and helping Maya get her pump off.
"Since 3," Maya said.
"Bambina, that was almost an hour ago," Carina said, eyes wide.
"Well, that would explain why my boobs hurt so much," Maya said, rubbing her eyes. "Do you want me to kiss them to help them feel better?" Carina asked with a little wink, earning her an eye roll from her wife, "Have you slept at all tonight?"
"Not other than this little bit," Maya sighed as Carina prepped the bottles for storage while Maya got herself cleaned up, "Woah, that's a lot more milk than normal."
"That can happen with pumping for a longer time," Carina said, "But you said it made you sore?"
"Yeah," Maya said, shifting uncomfortably, "I don't like it."
"I'm sorry," Carina said, walking over to her wife and wrapping her in her arms.
"And my head hurts," Maya mumbled against Carina's chest, closing her eyes and rubbing her face on her wife's collar bone.
"You need to sleep," Carina said, gently pressing a kiss to the top of Maya's newly cut hair, "What can I do?"
Maya just shrugged, pressing herself closer to her wife.
"What were you doing while you were awake?" Carina asked, knowing her wife was not one to just lay with her thoughts for that long.
"Researching cerebral palsy," Maya said, "I just… I want to be prepared if that is our reality, Lia's reality."
"I know Bambina," Carina said, rubbing Maya's back, "But you have to sleep too. We have so much time to do research on cerebral palsy and what Lia may or may not need, but right now, what Lia needs is her mommy to take care of herself so that she can take care of her. I know yesterday was such a bad day, and that is making it so hard for your brain to turn off, but you have to sleep."
"I know," Maya said, feeling tears in her eyes, "I know. It's just…it's so hard."
"I know Bambina," Carina said, wishing she could take all the hurt away from her wife, "I know it is, but let's go try, ok? Why don't I go get Rowan back in her bed and then I will hold you and help you sleep, ok? And maybe some more Tylenol for your headache? I know you don't love pills, but you look miserable."
"I don't want Ro to go back to her bed if she doesn't want to," Maya said.
"I know," Carina said, "But I think it will be ok. She is out cold. Let me at least try, ok? You get some Tylenol and I will go move her."
Maya nodded, holding Carina tightly for one more minute before letting her go so they both go their separate ways for a few minutes. Carina quickly got the milk stored in the fridge while Maya got the pump cleaned before going back into the bedroom where Carina was just getting ready to get back into the bed which was now Rowan free.
"She went back to her bed just fine," Carina said as Maya walked over to the bed, "Now, let's get you back to bed."
Before Maya got into bed, Carina pulled her close, bending down a little and pressing gentle kisses to each of her wife's breasts before pressing another one on her forehead.
"Did the kisses make you feel better?" Carina asked, moving a piece of hair off Maya's face.
"A little bit," Maya said, nodding with a small smile, "Thank you for always taking such good care of me."
"Bambina, you always take such good care of me too," Carina said, "Now, let's go to bed because we are going to have two toddlers up with us in about 3 hours if we are lucky and I have work. Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day."
Maya nodded against Carina's chest as they two of them held each other close and finally both allowed themselves to relax and give into sleep. They ended up getting about two more hours of sleep before Rowan came running into the room, throwing herself up on the bed.
"Patatina, it's too early to be up," Carina groaned as Rowan climbed on top of her.
"But I misseded you," Rowan said, laying her little head down on Carina's chest.
"Ok," Carina said, looking over and seeing her wife was also waking up, "Well, can we at least be quiet for a little bit and just cuddle in bed?"
"Mamma, tan we go get tostumes today?" Rowan asked.
"Si," Carina said, "But first, you have to go to daycare for the morning until after nap time and then we will go. I have to go to work this morning and Mommy needs to go give Trottolina some cuddles."
"Mommy, are you still sad?" Rowan asked, looking over at Maya who had cuddled closer to her wife and daughter.
"I don't know Ro," Maya said, yawning, "A little bit. But I will be ok."
"Mommy, did you cut your hair?" Rowan asked, grabbing some of Maya's hair and looking at it, the older blonde trying very hard not to panic as she felt the light tugging on her hair.
"Mommy did get a haircut last night," Carina said, taking Rowan's hand away from Maya's head, seeing the look on her wife's face, "But remember, we don't touch people without their permission right?"
"Oh yeah," Rowan said, "Sorry Mommy."
"It's ok Ro," Maya said after taking a deep breath, "Mamma did cut my hair last night. I needed a little bit of a change. Do you like it?"
"Si," Rowan said, "It yooks nice."
"Rowan, how about we go downstairs and make some coffee and let Mommy get some rest," Carina said, realizing that their little morning person was awake for the day and her wife clearly still needed a little more time in bed.
"But what about Mommy?" Rowan asked, clearly a little clingy after the events of yesterday.
"Mommy needs some more time to wake up," Carina said, "Maybe we can go make her some breakfast for when she is ready."
"Thank you," Maya mouthed as Carina leaned down and pressed a kiss to her wife's forehead before taking Rowan out of the room.
"How are you feeling this morning Miss Rowan?" Carina asked as she carried the little girl downstairs.
"Dood," Rowan said, "But Mamma, is the bad man going to come back? Mommy's daddy?"
"No," Carina said firmly, "No he is not. And if he does, he is going to be in very big trouble. If you ever see him, you have my permission to scream as loud as you can and run as fast as you can away from him."
"Fast like Mommy?" Rowan said, kicking her feet a little bit as she sat on the counter while Carina got the coffee she and Maya were desperately going to need today ready.
"Si," Carina said, "Fast like Mommy. And if he ever talks to you, don't talk to him and if he touches you, you can hit him."
"But Mamma, you and Mommy say no hitting," Rowan said, confused.
"Si, lo so Patatina," Carina said, "But if someone is trying to hurt you, that is also not ok."
"Ok Mamma," Rowan said, nodding, thinking for a little bit as Carina finished up with the coffee.
"What are you thinking about Patatina?" Carina asked, completely unable to read Rowan's face at the moment.
"I fink we should make some French toes," Rowan said, "Tetause Mommy yikes that and she's still sad. But only if her tummy doesn't hurt nanymore."
"I think that is a great idea," Carina said, smiling, "I don't know if Mommy will be feeling all the way better this morning, but I bet she would like some French toast."
Normally, on workdays, getting breakfast like that made was hard with time, but because Rowan was up so early, they could make it happen.
"Why don't we go cuddle on the couch for a little bit and then we can make breakfast ok?" Carina said, needing a little more time to finish waking up. The two of them spent some time reading books and cuddling before going back into the kitchen to get French toast made.
Just as they got the first few pieces of toast off the pan, Maya walked into the kitchen, smiling as she watched Rowan's smile when Carina let her use the spatula all by herself.
"What is going on here?" Maya asked, walking over to them.
"Mommy," Rowan said, turning around and throwing herself at Maya who happily picked her up, "Mommy, we maked French toes for you tetause you are sad. But only if your tummy is feeling better."
"I think my tummy would like some French toast this morning," Maya said, smiling, "Thank you for making this for me."
"Would you like some coffee Bambina?" Carina asked, making sure the pieces of French toast she had just added to the pan weren't going to burn before walking over to Maya and Rowan.
"Please," Maya nodded, leaning over and giving Carina a kiss, "I need it today."
Just then, they heard some more little feet coming down the stairs and a moment later, Nora appeared in the kitchen with her fingers in her mouth and blankie in her other hand, walking straight over to Maya, reaching for her.
"Good morning Piccola," Maya said, picking her up.
"Noa, we maked French toes," Rowan said excitedly, "Do you want some?"
Nora just shrugged, putting her head on Maya's shoulder.
"Ro, I think Nora is still waking up," Maya said, setting her little blondie down, "But I'm sure she will have some in a minute."
The rest of the morning went pretty well, everyone clearly a little off, but they managed to make it out the door on time, Maya making sure to grab a few new outfits they had bought for Lia that came in the mail recently.
Rowan was insistent she needed to be in her ladder truck t-shirt that she had inherited from Luca when he grew out of it. They got to the hospital, the twins shockingly doing very well at drop off, Nora excited to show Harper her blue dinosaur dress Travis had gotten her recently, Carina coming down with Maya to the NICU for a few moments with Lia before she had to head upstairs for her morning of appointments.
As they walked into the NICU, both of them immediately noticed something was different about their baby.
"Lia, where did your oxygen go?" Maya asked, looking at the baby who was in her little crib dressed in sleeper that was light green with milk and cookies on it that Andy had gotten for her, a pink pacifier in her mouth.
"Good morning," Julia said, coming over to them, "As you can see, little miss is off her oxygen. The plan wasn't to take it off this soon, but last night, when her nurse checked on her, she noticed someone had pulled their tubing off and still had perfect oxygenation numbers so they left it off and Lia has done absolutely perfectly without it on."
"Look at you go Trottolina," Carina said, picking up the tiny baby, "No more oxygen. You only have your feeding tube in and then we can see your whole face."
"And that tube is likely going to be taken out tomorrow," Julia said, "She took every single one of her bottles by mouth last night. The doctors want her to go 24 more hours before they pull it for good, but Lia is getting pretty close to being out of here."
"Wait, what?" Maya said, looking at the nurse, "Are you serious?"
"I am," Julia said, "They want you to bring the car seat in for the car seat test tomorrow, but we are looking at a Sunday or Monday discharge for this little princess. Maybe even tomorrow if she does well enough."
"Really?" Carina said, "In two days or maybe less?"
"Yes," Julia said, "I mean, she needs to keep doing well with her room air and oral feeds, but yes. Neurology is going to see her today just to follow up on everything Dr. Shepard talked with you about yesterday, but as long as they are comfortable with it, Lia is going to be heading home soon."
"Lia, good job Peanut," Maya said, getting closer to Carina who was holding Lia close, the baby oblivious to what was happening around her.
"I can't believe she is going to be coming home so soon," Carina said, feeling tears pricking her eyes.
After all the news they got the day before, it had felt a bit like Lia had taken ten steps back, but now, it seemed like they had just take about a million steps forward.
"Do you want to come home soon?" Maya said, stroking Lia's head gently.
Lia just looked at Maya with her big eyes, continuing to suck on her pacifier.
"Like I said, neurology is going to be coming around today to talk to you and look at Lia, but from the perspective of things in the NICU, she is on her way to getting out of here," Julia said, "It's also almost time for her to eat so I am going to go make her a bottle unless you want to try to breastfeed Maya?"
"No," Maya said, "I mean, with the bottles, we know how much she gets and I want to make sure she's getting the right amount and everything."
"Ok," Julia said, taking the bag of milk from Maya before heading back to the room where they prepped all the babies' feeds.
"I…she's really going to come home soon?" Maya said, looking at her wife, both of them with tears in their eyes.
"It seems like it," Carina nodded, pressing a kiss to the top of Lia's head.
"Let's not tell anyone," Maya said, "Not even the twins, just in case."
"I agree," Carina said, both of them having been a bit too traumatized by all the twists and turns of the pregnancy to be able to trust that anything was really happening until it really did happen.
"We have so much to do at the house to get ready for her," Maya said suddenly, "We don't have her room ready and I need to get the car seat in the car and…"
"Hey," Carina said, sensing her wife starting to spiral, "Bambina, take a breath. All we really need for her to come home is the bassinet in our room which is put together and in the nursery so we can just move that and then her cars eat in the car. And you are literally an expert in installing car seats. We also probably need to pick up some diapers and some of the bottles she uses here, but aside from that, she has clothes and that's pretty much all we need. We can finish her room once she is home. She won't be in there for at least six months so there is time. Let's just focus on one thing at a time, ok?"
"Ok," Maya said, taking a deep breath, trying to relax.
"Now, I need to get to work, ok?" Carina said, "Do you want Trottolina?"
"What kind of question is that?" Maya asked, "Of course I want her."
"Ok," Carina said, giving Lia one more kiss before handing her over to Maya, "Have the best day with Mommy Trottolina. I will see you later. And Mommy, have the best day with Trottolina."
"I love you," Maya said, giving Carina a kiss.
"Text me if you hear when the neurologist is coming," Carina said, "I'll try to come down if I can. I love you too."
As Carina left, Maya and Lia settled into the rocking chair for Maya to feed Lia who took her bottle like a little champ, Maya making sure to burp her properly and keep her upright so her reflux didn't bother her. Lia did end up falling asleep not too long after her bottle, happily curled up on Maya's chest.
Maya used this time to do a little bit of research on her phone for some things she had been meaning to look into before Lia came home and now it looked like those days were numbered. She found the website for the little smart sock that was basically just like Lia's NICU monitors for at home. There were two versions, one that was just available at the store and one that was available by prescription only.
She was really hoping that they could get the NICU doctor to give them a prescription for the other one because it seemed closer to the NICU monitors and it would make Maya feel so much safer.
It had been over a week and a half since Lia's last A and B spell, but that was something that terrified Maya about taking Lia home. She decided that as soon as she saw the doctor this morning, she would ask for a prescription for it. Maya was hoping that after they went costume shopping today, they would be able to run to Target or something and grab a few things to make sure they were ready for Lia to come home.
She then went onto the website for the car seat that they had bought for Lia because the ones they had had for the twins were expired. She found the instillation video and watched it about five times. Had she installed this seat into other peoples' cars multiple times? Absolutely, but this was her own baby and she needed to make one hundred and fifty percent sure that she was doing it right. They had decided to buy one car seat with two bases so they could put one in each of their cars to make things easier. Maya decided tonight she would install each of them once they got the twins down.
Once that was done, Maya just stared down at Lia and watched each and every breath her daughter took, still a little bit in awe that Lia was breathing completely on her own. The thought of taking this tiny, not even six-pound baby home in just a few short days made Maya want to panic, but it also made her want to scream with happiness at the thought of never walking back into this place again.
The rest of the morning passes quickly. Maya talking with the neonatologist and getting a prescription approved and sent for Lia to get the better version of the smart sock to monitor her at home which Maya quickly ordered and it was scheduled to arrive in 24 hours.
She also talked to the neurologist which unfortunately Carina was not able to be present for, but Dr. Jazmine Parks seemed like an amazing woman who gave Lia a full exam, confirming what Amelia said she had seen.
Dr. Parks wanted Lia in PT and OT once a week for now and then a follow up appointment when the baby was three months old to see how things were going. She said they might decide to do and MRI at that point, but that was not for sure. For now, the plan was close monitoring of Lia.
The baby was not given a formal diagnosis yet because she was so young and the symptoms she had were so mild and may not be anything, but Dr. Parks was going to monitor her closely for the first few years of her life to see how she developed. The good news was that Lia was free to go from a neurology perspective meaning one hurdle was cleared for her potential discharge.
Maya wanted there to be nothing wrong, but deep down in her gut, she knew that there was something going on with Lia. She wanted to live in denial and pretend everything was fine, but she knew that wouldn't help her or Lia or anyone so for now, she was going to try to embrace the unknown which was incredibly hard for her and continue to learn and research all she could about CP. That way, if Lia did get a formal diagnosis, she was prepared, and if it didn't end up happening, at least she knew more about what she found out was a very common disability. She hated that it might be something that her little, tiny Lia had to deal with, but if it was, she was determined to be the biggest champion for her child.
"I promise I will always, always fight for you Peanut," Maya said, pressing a kiss to Lia's head as the neurologist left, "No matter what, I am going to make sure that you have the best life possible. I love you so much."
Lia responded with a little smile which melted Maya's heart, but the next thing Maya knew, she was filling her diaper, making her mommy laugh. Until Maya realized that this was not a normal diaper situation and that her sweet little baby had just had her first massive blow out.
"Oh Trottolina," Maya laughed, looking down at the mess that was now half way up the baby's back, "Is this what happens when you start eating all your food by mouth? You poop all the way up your jammies?"
Lia's lip wobbled a little bit before she started crying.
"Oh, I'm sorry for laughing," Maya said, getting up and carrying Lia over to her bed, trying to figure out how to lay her down without making a bigger mess.
Just then, Julia came over after hearing Lia's cries.
"What's going on?" Julia asked, seeing how confused Maya looked.
"Someone just had a massive blow out," Maya said, turning a little so Julia could see the damage, "And I don't want to make a bigger mess by laying her down to change her, and when this happened with the twins at home, usually Carina and I would take them in the shower, but clearly I can't do that here so I'm just…I think I need some help."
"I can help," Julia said with a little nod, "Here, let me help get her clothes off. The two of them worked in tandem, stripping off Lia's clothes before Julia wiped down the baby's back with wiped, Lia wailing the entire time.
"Can we give her a bath?" Maya asked as she held Lia on her chest, "I mean, I think she has poop on her neck."
"I think that's a good idea," Julia said, nodding as she grabbed a blanket, covering Lia who was still in her dirty diaper but at least a bit less dirty, "Let me go grab everything."
"It's ok Lia," Maya said, bouncing a little bit as she tried to get a very mad Lia to calm down, "We are going to get you a bath and then you will feel all better."
Lia just continued to cry, her arms flailing a little bit. Maya turned to grab Lia's paci and when she looked back down at the baby, she realized they had another problem.
"Peanut, why did you pull out your NG tube?" Maya sighed, seeing the tube was now in Lia's hand instead of in her nose.
"Ok, here is the bath," Julia said, coming back over with the tub filled with water and a mountain of wash clothes, "Oh no. What happened?"
"I turned for a second to get her paci and she pulled out her NG," Maya sighed.
This was not the first time this had happened, but this time felt a bit worse because they wanted Lia to have the tube for another 24 hours only and now they were going to have to torture her by placing another one for just one day.
"Lia, you are really against those tubes aren't you?" Julia sighed, "Well, let's get her a bath first and then we can see if the doctor wants it placed again or not."
"Ok," Maya said with a sigh as she and Julia worked to get Lia's dirty diaper off and get her cleaned up more before putting her in the tub.
It was almost like magic. As soon as Lia realized she was in the bath, she stopped screaming and relaxed, eyes open and looking around at everything as she was in the water.
"You have such a little water baby here," Julia said as she held Lia so Maya could clean her up, Maya being careful not to get the bandages on her hands wet.
"I know," Maya said, smiling as Lia cooed a little, "It is so cute how she just relaxes in the water. Are you going to be a little fish when you get bigger?"
Maya had read the night before about the benefits of hydrotherapy for cerebral palsy and while Lia was still way too young to start that, it was something that it seemed like would be good for her when she got older. And even if she didn't need it as therapy, Maya had a sneaking suspicion that Lia was going to be just like Rowan and love swimming.
"Are we doing another bath today for a reason?" a voice asked coming up behind them, making Maya smile as Carina walked over.
"Someone decided to have her first massive blow out," Maya said, eyes focused on Lia, "And she somehow got it all the way up to her neck so we are cleaning her up."
"Mind if I take over?" Carina asked Julia who gladly stepped aside to let Carina take her place, "She looks so happy in the bath."
"She was not happy before she was in the bath," Maya said as she gently washed Lia's hair while Carina held her, "She was so mad she was dirty. But as soon as we put her in the water, she settled. I have a feeling we are going to be doing lots of baths and showers with her once we get home."
"Si," Carina nodded, "You realize this could be her last NICU bath?"
"I didn't even think about that, but you're right," Maya said, "I talked to the neurologist and she seems amazing. She didn't give any kind of formal diagnosis, but she wants Lia in OT and PT once a week for now and then we will see her when Lia is 3 months old. But she said Lia looks good for now, just the same things Amelia said. And she cleared her to go home."
"Va bene," Carina said, smiling as she just looked down at Lia in the tub, "Where did her feeding tube go?"
"She pulled it out when she was pissed about her dirty diaper," Maya sighed, "Julia is going to see if maybe we can leave it out as long as she keeps taking everything by mouth."
"I think that would be a good idea," Carina said, touching Lia's cheek with her fingers, "Look how cute her face is without anything on it."
"I know," Maya said, smiling, "I think we need to get her out of the tub so I can kiss those cheeks. Are you done working?"
"Si," Carina said, "It's already after one. We have to go get the twins in two hours."
"I know," Maya said, bracing herself for a very upset baby as she grabbed the towel, "Do you think we could stop by a store to grab a few things for Lia after we get costumes?"
"I think that would be a good idea," Carina said, Maya holding up the towel as Carina lifted Lia out of the tub, the baby predictably screaming as she was handed to her mommy, "I know Trottolina. It's so hard to get out of the warm bath. We will get you in some warm clothes in just a minute."
Quickly, they got Lia into a clean diaper before Maya pulled out a light gray outfit with different types of pasta on it that Andrew had bought for her.
"I still cannot believe he found this one," Carina said, pulling the outfit over a still very angry Lia's head.
"It's perfect," Maya said, smiling as Carina quickly did up the buttons on Lia's outfit before scooping her up as Maya popped her pacifier into her mouth, helping her finishing calming down.
"Is that so much better?" Carina asked, bouncing Lia a little bit, wiping a tear off Lia's face as Maya got the pulse ox back on Lia's foot.
"She's down to only one thing attached," Maya said, smiling as Carina sat down with Lia in her arms, "Oh, also, I got the NICU doctor to give me a prescription for a high-quality smart sock for Lia so that should be delivered to our house tomorrow so we can have monitoring for her at home."
"We could have just bought one at the store," Carina said as Maya gently brushed Lia's tiny amount of red hair.
"I know," Maya said, "But this one is better. And I just…I'm really scared to take her home and I think this will help."
"I know," Carina said, looking at her wife, "I'm scared too. It will be good to have the one you got."
"And I watched the instillation videos for the car seat a few times," Maya said, "So I will do that once we get the twins down tonight."
Carina hummed and nodded, smiling at her wife. She knew Maya knew how to get the car seats into the car almost blind folded, but she also knew that this was her wife's anxiety and she was feeling it too. The prospect of taking the baby she was holding in her arms home with them in the next 24-48 hours seemed do daunting and scary.
They spent the next two hours with Lia, holding her and feeding her and just being there with their little girl. Maya had a little bit of a hard time staying sitting down, her knees aching from the scrapes and bruises she had there that made them stiff.
Soon enough, it was time to go get the twins. Once they picked them up, they quickly loaded up into the car before heading over to the costume store.
"Ok Bambine," Carina said as they pulled up, "Remind me again what kind of costumes we are looking for?"
"I want a wee woo," Rowan said decisively. "And I want a puple dino," Nora said.
"We have a big job for you to help us with when we go into the store," Maya said, looking back at the twins.
"What Mommy?" Rowan said, eyes wide.
"We need your help picking out a costume for Lia to wear," Maya said very seriously, "Do you think you can help with that?"
"But what does Yia want to be?" Nora asked.
"Well, Lia is a baby so she can't tell us," Carina said, "But I bet she will love whatever you pick for her."
"Maybe she could be a dino yike Noa," Rowan said.
"Or a wee woo yike Owan," Nora said.
"Well, that is what you two want to be," Maya said, laughing, "We will find something that Lia can be, ok? And you two can help."
"Otay," Rowan said, "Tan we go inside now?"
"Si," Carina said, laughing a little bit as she got out of the car.
The four of them headed into the costume store in search of the perfect costumes. Nora's was the easiest to find, the toddler picking out a very cute purple dinosaur onesie with a hood to top it off.
They then headed off to find a fire truck costume for Rowan which was a little harder to find. There were a ton of firefighter costumes, but Rowan was insistent that she wanted to be a truck. After a little digging, they found a cute firetruck that came with a helmet too. They decided to pick up a plain red shirt and red pants when they went to the store after to complete the look.
Then, they went over to where the baby costumes were.
"Maybe Yia tan be a titen?" Rowan said, pointing to a little chicken outfit.
"Or maybe a cado?" Nora said, looking at the avocado costume.
"Oh, Mamma, yook, it's a sunflower one," Rowan said, pointing, "Just yike your mamma yikes."
"Si," Carina said, smiling at the fact that Rowan remembered.
"Maybe Yia should be a sunflower," Nora said.
"Yeah, that's a dood one," Rowan said.
"Are you sure?" Carina said, trying to hold back the tears in her eyes at the fact that not only did Rowan remember something about her mom, but also that the twins were choosing a costume for their baby sister that honored their late nonna.
"Si," Rowan said as Nora nodded.
"I think it's perfect," Maya said, grabbing a 0-3 month size of the sunflower.
"Mommy, will Yia be home for Halloween?" Rowan asked as they headed toward the check out.
"Yes, she should be," Maya said, looking over at Carina and smiling, both of them knowing how excited Rowan would be to know that her sister wouldn't just be home for Halloween, but she would be home by the end of the weekend.
"Is she gonna get tandy too?" Nora asked.
"Probably not," Carina said, "She will probably just be in her baby carrier or stroller and watch. She's too little for candy."
"She tan only have milk from Mommy's boobies?" Rowan asked.
"Si," Carina said, laughing a little at how red her wife turned when Rowan said that so loudly.
Once they were done there, they headed over to Target, grabbing a package of preemie diapers because that was the size Lia was currently in along with a package of newborn diapers so they were ready for when she transitioned up a size. They also grabbed Rowan's red pants and shirt along with some wipes, two packs of Lia's favorite pacifiers, a container of the formula they were using to fortify Maya's breast milk to help with Lia's weight gain, and a few more bottles that were identical to the ones the NICU used so they had exactly what they needed for Lia.
"Mamma, why are we getting all this baby stuff?" Rowan asked as she held Carina's hand.
"Because we are getting ready for Lia to come home soon," Carina said, looking down at the little girl.
"Yike today?" Rowan asked.
"Not today," Carina said, shaking her head, "But we want to make sure we have everything all ready for when she does come home."
"Mommy, can we get dinner soon?" Nora asked as they headed toward the check out.
"I guess it is almost dinner time," Maya said, looking at her watch, "What do you want for dinner?"
"Tacos," Nora said.
"Me too," Rowan said, "I want tacos too."
"Then tacos it is," Maya said, "Should we get them and take them to the park and eat them there?"
"But the bad man won't come?" Rowan said seriously.
"No, Lane will not come," Carina said, shaking her head firmly.
"Ok," Rowan said, "Tan we go to the park with the big slide?"
"Sure," Maya said, really hoping that soon, Rowan wouldn't always be asking about the "bad man."
They checked out at the store, Carina placing an order from their favorite taco place before they headed over there to get dinner.
With their tacos secured, they headed to one of the twins' favorite parks, Maya and Carina both trying to just enjoy this time with the girls, knowing that it was very possible that by this time tomorrow, they would officially be a family of five at home and everything would change. They were trying to soak in every moment they had as they played with the twins at the park after eating.
Eventually, it was time to head home, the twins getting a quick bath before Maya read books to them and got them all tucked in.
Once she was done, she went to go find Carina, walking into their bedroom, jaw almost hitting the floor when she saw what her wife had been up to. The bassinet was now on her side of the bed, the top of their dresser cleared off and an entire diaper changing station there. In the storage area under the bassinet, there was a bin filled with tiny clothes and extra diapers.
"I think we are just about ready to bring her home," Carina said, smiling at her wife as she walked in the room, "We just need to sterilize those new bottles and pacifiers, and then things will be good to go up here."
"I need to go get the car seat bases installed," Maya said.
"Ok," Carina said, "I'll go work on the bottles and you go do the car seats. And then I think we should try to sleep early tonight. I know you are exhausted and we have no idea how Lia is going to sleep once she is home so we should take advantage of the time we have."
"I was thinking, maybe I could try another workout tonight?" Maya said, biting her lip, "Maybe just a mile on the treadmill in the basement?"
"If you feel up to it, of course," Carina said.
"I'm hoping it will help me sleep better tonight," Maya said, "And maybe help some of this anxiety."
"I'm sorry you are feeling anxious," Carina said, brushing a piece of hair off Maya's forehead, "I wish I could help you feel better."
"You already have," Maya said, wrapping her arms around Carina, "Getting all of this done, being here for me, all of it helps. How are you feeling tonight?"
"A little bit anxious," Carina said, "And excited. I cannot wait to have Trottolina home."
"Me too," Maya said, smiling.
"Should we go finish getting ready for her?" Carina asked.
Maya nodded, giving Carina a quick kiss before they both headed downstairs, making a pitstop in the nursery to grab the car seat and bases. It didn't take too long to get everything done though Maya did have to rearrange Rowan and Nora's seats in both cars in order to get Lia's where it needed to be.
In her car, she moved both the twins' car seats into the third row to make sure there was a seat next to Lia that she or Carina could sit in, at least for now, so they could keep an eye on the baby. In Carina's car, she put Nora's seat in the middle so she could install the infant base in a place they would actually be able to get Lia's seat in and out of easily.
Once it was done, Maya just stood there for a minute, looking at the three car seats lined up, completely unable to believe that somehow, she had three children. Sometimes, it still felt like she was 25, fresh out of the Olympics and getting ready to go to the fire academy and yet here she was, married with three daughters and happier than she ever thought possible.
She got both cars locked up before heading inside to find Carina putting the last of the bottles away in the cabinet they had decided would be Lia's cabinet.
"All done?" the Italian asked, looking at her wife.
"Yep," Maya said, "Now we just need Lia. I put the car seat in my car because we normally take that to the hospital so it's all ready for us tomorrow."
"Perfecto," Carina said, giving her wife a kiss, "Are you still going to go run?"
"I think so," Maya said, "If that's ok with you?"
"Of course," Carina said, "I think I am going to get myself ready for bed if that's ok with you?"
"Yes, you don't have to ask me," Maya said, "I know I kept you up a lot last night."
"You are always worth it," Carina said, "Now, go get your run in."
Maya headed upstairs, pulling on some workout clothes before going down to the basement. She got the treadmill on at a much slower pace than she normally did to start, just listening to her body. Her knees were still pretty sore from the fall, but she managed to run a mile and a half, feeling good by the end.
Once the run was over, she stretched out a little bit before heading back upstairs. The run felt so good and it made her excited to start working out again and getting her body back.
She got up to their room, finding Carina in bed, her reading glasses on, computer in her lap and Maya could tell she was deep into her research.
"How was your run?" Carina asked, setting her laptop aside, putting her glasses up onto her head.
"It was good," Maya said, smiling, "It felt really good. I'm not as fast as I was before and my knees hurt form yesterday but it felt good."
"I'm so happy for you Bambina," Carina said, smiling at her wife, "It is good to see you all sweaty again like this. Very sexy."
Maya smiled shyly, looking down. Part of her wanted to grab her wife and pull her into the shower and have her way with her, but another part of her, a bigger part right now, was still so embarrassed of her body and how much things had changed.
"What are you thinking Bambina," Carina asked gently.
"I…part of me wants to rekindle our intimate relationship so bad," Maya said honestly, not able to look at her wife as she said it, "But another part of me still hates how my body looks."
"I am not going to pressure you, ever into anything you don't want," Carina said, "Or that you don't feel comfortable with. But I will tell you that you are so, so sexy to me. I don't think I have ever been so attracted to you as when I watched you grow our daughter and give your body over to that process. And I still find you so incredibly attractive. And I completely respect however you are feeling. I just want you to know, I think you are so sexy and that is never going to change."
Maya stood there for a minute, trying to get her thoughts together before looking up at Carina with tears in the corners of her eyes.
"Do you think…Do you think maybe we could go in the shower and just turn on the little candles and turn off the big lights and see where things go?" Maya asked, feeling more vulnerable than she had in so long, but also really wanting to be able to have sex with her wife.
"Of course," Carina said, almost jumping out of bed, making herself and Maya both laugh as she had to scramble to catch her laptop before it hit the floor.
"Can I go into the bathroom and get everything ready?" Maya asked quietly.
"Of course," Carina said, cradling Maya's face in her hands, "Whatever you need. And remember, you can change your mind whenever and we can stop. I am perfectly capable of taking care of things myself. Just like always, we just keep communicating, ok?"
Maya nodded as Carina gave her a kiss before she snuck into the bathroom, taking a deep breath as she started turning on all the candles Carina had taken out the night before for her hair cut. Maya got them all on, starting the shower before taking off her own clothes, turning off the lights before opening the door.
"You can come in now," Maya said to Carina as she climbed into the shower.
It only took a minute for Carina to join her in the shower.
"Can I touch you Bambina?" Carina asked, using all her self-control to not just pull her wife against her immediately.
"Si," Maya said, trying to relax as Carina's hands almost immediately going to her boobs.
"Is this ok?" Carina said as she leaned closer to her wife, whispering in her ear before nipping at her earlobe a little bit.
This relaxed Maya a lot more, the blonde feeling the arousal starting to build way more quickly than it had before and all she could do was nod a little.
"Just relax for me Bambina," Carina said, pressing a kiss to her collarbone before starting to work her way down her wife's body with her lips.
"Carina, can you…can you go a little faster?" Maya said, feeling herself getting embarrassingly close to an orgasm with such little stimulation and needed relief.
"A little overexcited tonight are we Bambina?" Carina said, smiling as she moved her hands from her wife's breasts down her body, slipping one of them down to her wife's clit, feeling how wet her wife truly was, "Oh, you are very excited."
"Carina, please," Maya moaned, rocking against her hand, trying to get the relief she needed.
"Ok, here we go. Let me know if this hurts," Carina said, carefully inserting one of her fingers into her wife, knowing that sometimes the first time after birth could be uncomfortable.
That, however, did not seem to be the case for her wife as Carina felt Maya tightening around her as she moaned out her name, Carina using her tongue to continue the stimulation. As she felt Maya's orgasm ending, she carefully removed her finger, standing up to support her wife who was clearly blissed out.
"Va bene?" Carina asked, wrapping her arms around her wife as the blonde came back to herself a bit.
"Si," Maya said, "Wow, that was…wow."
"Thank you for trusting me enough to allow me to worship your perfect body like that," Carina said, pressing a kiss to Maya's lips, "You are so beautiful."
"Now it's your turn," Maya said, looking into her wife's eyes, "Are you ready?"
Carina nodded, smiling as Maya quickly reminded her of just how good she was at pleasing her.
After they thoroughly enjoyed their shower together and Maya actually got cleaned up, they got out, finishing getting ready for bed before cuddling up together under the covers.
"Thank you for all of that," Maya said, "I…I still am having a hard time with my body, but you made me feel so good."
"Thank you for letting me," Carina said, "I love your body so much. And I loved getting to relearn your body all over again."
"Is…Is it a lot different?" Maya asked quietly.
"A lot different? No," Carina said, shaking her head, "But after something as big as having a bambina, things are a bit different. Not in a bad way. It is exciting to get to know you all over again."
Maya smiled as she cuddled closer to Carina, giving her a small kiss before letting out a yawn.
"I think we probably need to go to bed," Carina said, "You need to pump one more time and then we can sleep. I will go get the pump."
Maya nodded as Carina went to grab the pump before getting back into bed, helping her wife get everything set up.
"So tomorrow, we have Lia's car seat test and then we might be taking her home?" Maya said, looking at her wife.
"Si," Carina said, shaking her head, "It still doesn't feel real. I am off tomorrow so I will be there for the test.
" I hope we can actually get some sleep tonight," Maya said, yawning a little bit.
"Did you get an appointment with Diane?" Carina asked as Maya leaned against her, knowing her wife needed to talk about what happened with Lane.
"I did, for…shit, it's for tomorrow morning," Maya said, "I made it before I knew Lia had her test tomorrow. I can reschedule it. I have to."
"No," Carina said, grabbing Maya's hands as she went to reach for her phone, "No, Bambina, you need to go see Diane. I will be there with Lia, but you have to take care of you if you want to be any good to our children, va bene? If your appointment is when Lia has her test, I will stay with her and make sure she is ok and you will go and make sure you are ok. Seeing Lane was not easy and getting ready to take home our preemie is also not easy. You need to take the time so see your therapist. And I have an appointment to see mine in two days because I know I need it too. We made a promise to ourselves and each other that we will take care of ourselves so we can be the best versions of ourselves and that doesn't get to change just because Lia has a test, ok?"
"Why are you always right?" Maya asked, giving Carina a fake scowl, "I really don't want to miss her test though."
"I know," Carina said, "But hopefully, she will just sleep though the whole thing so you won't miss much."
"Fine," Maya said, looking down and seeing she had met her time on the pump, Carina helping her get things cleaned up before they both cuddled close to each other, falling asleep in each other's embrace.
That night was, luckily, better than the previous one, the twins sleeping through and Maya and Carina sleeping better than when Maya woke up to pump.
Maya did spend a while awake in the middle of the night, brain racing all over the place as she stared at the bassinet that was now mere feet away from here that could, by the following night, be filled with their little peanut.
Maya was trying really hard not to get her hopes up too much that Lia would be home tomorrow because if it didn't happen, she didn't want to be super sad, but it was hard because all she had wanted for the past six weeks was her baby to be home and now they were almost there.
Eventually, she somehow managed to fall back to sleep for a little while before it was time to get up and get going for a busy day.
"Mommy, why is there a baby seat in my spot?" Rowan asked as they got in the car that morning.
"And where is my seat?" Nora asked, "It's empty."
"Because Lia is going to need a place to sit once she is ready to come home and we decided it was time to get the car ready for her," Maya explained, "Now you both get to sit in the back row. Is that ok?"
"I guess," Rowan said, climbing into the back seat, "Wow, Mommy, yook, there's a place for my cup!"
"Me too," Nora said, getting into her seat.
"Perfect," Maya said, smiling.
"Mamma, is Yia going to come home soon?" Nora asked as Carina helped her with her buckle.
"Hopefully," Carina said, "We don't know for sure. But she is getting bigger and stronger every day. Now, are you both ready to go?"
They got the twins all dropped off before Maya ran back out to the car to grab the car seat. Her appointment with Diane was at 10 in Carina's office and she was hoping they would wait to do Lia's test until she got back, but she also wanted to get it done as soon as possible because the sooner it was done, the sooner they would know if Lia could come home today.
They got to the NICU a little after 8:00, immediately going over to Lia's crib where the baby was just waking up.
"Buongiorno Trottolina," Carina said as Maya picked her up, "Did you have a good night?"
"She had a great night," Pam said, coming over, "She slept like a champ and took all her bottles by mouth. Dr. Jax has already seen her this morning and he said that if she passes her car seat test, she is good to go."
"Can we do it now?" Maya asked anxiously.
"Well, it is time for her to eat right now," Pam said, holding up the bottle she had, "And then we need to keep her upright for about half an hour just like normal so we'll probably start the test around 9:15?"
"Oh, ok," Maya said, biting her lip.
"It will be ok Bambina," Carina said, "I will be here the whole time. And by then, she will probably be ready to sleep again."
"Is that a bad time?" Pam said, "I mean, we can wait."
"No," Maya said, "I just have an appointment upstairs at 10 so I'll miss it, but Carina's right. She will be here. It will be ok."
"Alright," Pam said, handing Maya the bottle, "Well, here you go. Let me know if you need anything else."
Maya treasured the time she got feeding Lia, the baby happily sucking down the entire bottle. Carina then held her for her upright time so Maya could pump and before they knew it, it was time to get Lia in her seat.
"Alright," Pam said, having come over to check on them, "Let's get her all buckled in. Now, you are allowed to talk to her and give her her paci and things like that, but you just can't take her out unless her sats start to drop. She looks like she's about to fall asleep which is the perfect time to start this test. And she has to stay in the seat for an hour."
"Ok," Maya said, taking Lia from Carina, tucking the tiny baby into her seat, doing up the buckles, making sure everything was in the right place even if she wasn't going to be getting in a car.
"Now we start the hour," Pam said, starting a timer and setting it next to Lia's seat, "The monitors are on so if anything happens, we will know."
"You've got this Peanut," Maya said, pressing a kiss to Lia's cheek before making sure the paci was in her mouth just right.
Maya and Carina just sat there for the next thirty minutes, watching Lia sleep happily, her sats looking perfect the entire time.
"Ok Bambina, you have to go," Carina said, looking at her watch and seeing the time, "Lia and I will be here when you get back. She's only got a little longer and I will be right here with her the whole time. Tell Diane I said hello ok?"
"Ok," Maya said, biting her lip, "I hate leaving her."
"Lo so," Carina said, "But she needs her mommy to look after herself, ok? Now go. I love you."
"I love you too," Maya said, stealing a quick kiss before leaving to go upstairs. She had Carina's office keys, smiling when she saw Diane waiting outside the door for her.
"Hello Maya," the therapist said as the blonde unlocked the door, "How are you?"
"Um," Maya said as she turned on the light, "Honestly, anxious and scared and excited and feeling a lot."
"Sounds like we have a lot to talk about," Diane said, sitting down on Carina's couch with Maya, "Where do you want to start? I see you got a haircut."
"Yeah," Maya said, looking down at her hands, "I saw Lane again."
Diane stayed quiet, letting Maya have the space she knew she always needed to open up.
"I…I got cleared to work out again," Maya said, "After having Lia. And I wanted to go for a run outside and Rowan insisted on coming which was fine. She loves being outside on her bike so it seemed perfect. I was anxious about how my body would do, but I felt really good all things considered, but then…then Lane pulled up and confronted me and he tried to talk to Rowan and he pulled my hair again and…Rowan saw the whole thing. She was right there and he just…he won't leave me alone. And now he has traumatized my child which I swore I would never let happen. He was never supposed to be near them and I feel like I failed her."
"Did you invite your dad there?" Diane asked.
"What? No!" Maya said, "No. Why would I ever do that?"
"Well, I am just trying to figure out how it is your fault that he came around," Diane said, "Because it seems like that is his problem."
"Well, yeah, but he's my dad and I'm the reason he is around at all," Maya said, "I mean, I don't think he wants anything to do with anyone else in my family other than me."
"And that might be true," Diane said, "But from what I remember, you have a restraining order against him?"
"I do," Maya said, "And they arrested him and we are going to try to put him in jail for all the violations."
"And did you leave Rowan alone with him?" Diane asked.
"Absolutely not," Maya said, "I grabbed her and took off and called the police. I would never let him be alone with her."
"Ok," Diane said, "So you protected your child both legally and in the moment and got her out of there immediately. I'm trying to figure out how you failed her at any point? It sounds like you did everything you could to protect her. Maya, you don't have control over what other people do, but you do have control over your response and it seems like you have done everything for those babies of yours that you could."
"It's just hard," Maya said, "I mean, Rowan keeps asking about 'the bad man' and I hate that she had to see him at all."
"I know," Diane said, "And I hate that both of you went through that, but it seems like you did everything you could to keep her safe. And I also know that you and your wife will do anything and everything to make sure Rowan is ok. I mean, Nora already sees a psychologist so if you really need it, you have that option too."
"I don't think we are there," Maya said, "I mean, she has been a little more clingy, but she is still going to daycare just fine and sleeping and stuff. And we talked to her about it and we will keep talking to her as long as she needs us to."
"It seems like you are doing everything right," Diane said, "Maya, you truly are an amazing parent, you and Carina both. You need to give yourself credit for that."
"Thank you," Maya said, wiping a tear off the corner of her eye, "It really means a lot."
"How is that tiny baby of your doing?" Diane asked, knowing Maya always needed to talk about Lia.
"She's downstairs doing her final test before she leaves the NICU right now," Maya said, "She's actually probably almost done. And then, if she passes, Carina and I get to take her home today."
"Really?" Diane said, "Maya, that is amazing."
"It is," Maya said, biting her lip, not looking Diane in the eyes.
"Tell me how you are feeling about it," Diane said, giving Maya the space she needed.
"I'm scared," Maya said a minute later, "I mean, she has been in the NICU since she was born getting around the clock monitoring and we have been getting guidance and help and now, it's just going to be us. And what if something happens or we miss something or we aren't able to balance her and the twins. I mean, Lia used to just stop breathing for no reason. What if that happens at home?"
"Do you know what to do if she stops breathing?" Diane asked, already knowing the answer.
"I do," Maya said, "I mean, normally, when it happens, we just stimulate her a little and she starts breathing again. And if that didn't work, I know infant CPR. I hope I never need it on my own baby, but I do know it."
"So it seems like you know exactly what to do," Diane said, "I know it can be scary but you know what to do. Does she still stop breathing all the time?"
"No," Maya said, "It hasn't happened in quite a while, probably two weeks? And we have a smart sock we ordered to monitor her while she is sleeping. But it's still scary."
"I don't think the scary part ever goes away," Diane said, "You know that. I mean, mine are in high school and it is still scary. But you have to learn to live with the fear, just like you did when you had the twins."
"I know," Maya said, "It's just…it's so much harder this time. And we also heard a few days ago that Lia might have cerebral palsy and does have an eye issue and that just…I know it's not my fault, but so much of this feels like it's my fault. That I couldn't keep her safe long enough and now, her entire life is going to be harder than it should have been."
"I know that's how you feel," Diane said, "And I know you know that none of this is your fault. And I know that me saying that does little to help with how you are feeling, but all of it is true. You are such a good mom to Lia and Rowan and Nora and I know you would lay down and die for any of those kids without question. If you could have done anything to stay pregnant, I know you would have, but sometimes, the universe has other plans. And there is no rhyme or reason and we just have to learn to accept it."
"I know," Maya said, wiping her eyes, "I just… I want Lia to be able to do whatever she wants and not be limited and I'm scared that people will treat her badly because… because Lane used to treat people with disabilities horribly. I know people out there like him exist and I never want my baby to have to deal with that."
"None of us want our children to deal with things like that," Diane said, "I think that most parents would agree that it would be easier to just wrap kids up and protect them from the world, but that's not our jobs. Our jobs are to give them a place to process when bad things happen and the confidence to not listen to horrible people like that. You can't change what has happened with Lia and feeling guilty about something you didn't do and also can't change isn't going to do anything but exhaust you. You have to let it go Maya, for yourself, for your daughter, for your family."
Maya nodded, wiping her tears that were just falling without her permission. They spent the next little bit going through a refresher of the breathing exercises Maya could use when she was feeling anxious before their time was up.
"Oh, before you go," Diane said, pulling a small package out of her bag, "I saw this and I just…I had to get it for Lia."
"Oh, Diane, you didn't have to do that," Maya said, opening the gift and laughing a little when she saw the sleeper covered in trees, planes, fire, and parachutes.
"I know how much you are interested in different aspects of firefighting and a smoke jumper themed baby outfit was just too adorable to pass up," Diane said, "Now, go downstairs and hopefully take that perfect little girl of yours home for good."
"Thank you," Maya said as they both stood, "You'll probably meet her at my next appointment which I'm hoping we can do at my house?"
"Of course," Diane said, "You know I am always up for a house call, especially for you."
"Thank you," Maya said as they left Carina's office.
"Any time," Diane said, "You know that."
They parted ways at the elevators, Maya heading quickly down to the NICU. She had hoped Carina would have texted her and told her how things went, but she also knew her wife respected her protected time in therapy. Maya walked into the NICU after scrubbing her hands, walking over to her wife and daughter.
"How did it go?" Maya asked as soon as she saw Carina who turned to look at her with Lia in her arms.
Carina moved a little so Maya could see that Lia had had an outfit change and as soon as she read the onesie, she burst into tears.
"No," Maya said, shaking her head in disbelief.
"Si," Carina said, "She passed perfectly. Pam helped me pack everything up and her meds have been delivered. We get to take her home Bambina."
"Now?" Maya said, taking the baby who was wearing a pink onesie that said "NICU Graduate" on it along with the tiniest pair of jeans Maya had ever seen.
"Si," Carina said, "I took some of her things to the car already because she was sleeping, but all we have to do is let Pam know we are ready."
"Where did she get this shirt?" Maya asked, staring down at Lia.
"We give them to all our NICU grads," Pam said, walking over, "And Lia now gets to join that club."
"I can't believe it," Maya said, shaking her head, "She really gets to leave?"
"She does," Pam said, "She has done so well and now she gets to go home with her mommy and mamma and big sisters."
"Lia, you get to come home," Maya said, snuggling her face closer to the newborn, "Oh, I am so happy."
"Should we get a picture?" Pam asked, smiling at them.
"Si," Carina said as Pam lead them over to a wall that was set up for photos.
"Alright," Pam said, handing Carina a sign that said "After 48 days, I am going home with Mommy and Mamma", "Let's do this."
Pam snapped a few pictures with Carina's phone before handing it back to the Italian.
"Are you ready?" Pam asked as they walked back over to Lia's place in the NICU.
"I guess so," Maya said, shrugging, "I can't believe this is real."
"Neither can I," Carina said, grabbing Lia's car seat.
"Did you get all my milk from here?" Maya asked, looking at her wife.
"I did," Carina said, holding up their cooler, "It's right here. And all her outfits and diapers and things are in the car."
"Are we really doing this?" Maya asked as she looked around.
"We are," Carina said, smiling at her wife, "Should we get her buckled into this seat and get out of here?"
"Yeah," Maya said, feeling the tears starting to fill her eyes.
Carina set the car seat down, Maya getting Lia into the seat. She triple checked the buckles before also having Carina do it.
"I think she is in there," Carina said, popping the pacifier back in Lia's mouth.
"Then I guess… I guess we get to leave?" Maya said, looking at Pam who was suddenly surrounded by other NICU nurses.
"It is time," Pam said, "Congratulations. We are all going to miss you."
"Come back and visit," Lexi, one of the other nurses said.
"We will," Carina promised, "And I will bring photos all the time."
"We are holding you to that Dr. Bishop-Deluca," Pam said, giving her a hug.
Everyone waved goodbye as Maya, Carina and little Lia walked out of the NICU for the first time. They headed to the elevators and upstairs.
"Should we go get the twins first?" Maya asked hesitantly.
"I think maybe we should get her home and settled first," Carina said, "And then bring them home at their normal time. Is that ok?"
"I think that is a great idea," Maya said, relieved.
She hadn't wanted to get the twins now, already feeling overwhelmed by all that was happening, but she also didn't want the twins to feel left out. But hearing Carina say it out loud made it seem like such a logical choice.
"Are you ready to be outside for the first time Trottolina?" Carina asked, "The sun is pretty bright, but this shade should help."
Maya pulled down the sunshade on Lia's seat before they stepped outside of the hospital with their baby for the first time, hand in hand, completely unable to believe that they were really doing this.