Chapter 15 | End of the Line

Beep. Beep.

Medical equipment hummed quietly in the background of a periodic electrical beeping sound. I was in a brightly lit room, a sharp contrast to the seemingly pitch black darkness outside beyond the only window. Despite the ample heating in the room it felt like warmth was sucked out of my limbs, the cold seeping deep into my bones. The equipment had various tubes and cables extending from it towards the lone bed in the middle of the room.

Akane and Chie were safe thankfully, tended to by nurses. A doctor had already examined Chie's injuries and determined that her legs would eventually heal, but she wouldn't be able to walk for a while.

I wasn't as lucky. Laying on a bed in front of me was a maimed body.

My body.

My left side had been crushed, almost flattened. Heavy bruises, broken bones, damaged nerves, failed organs. A multitude of injuries that would haunt me for the rest of my life, if the shock and pain upon return wouldn't kill me first. Were it not for the doctors and the machines I was strapped to, my body would've likely died already. Doctors determined that I was in something they called a comatose state and that it was a miracle for me to even live, though seeing all this, I didn't know whether this was the better outcome.

Would I even wake up if I returned to my body now?

Hisashi stood beside me and put a hand on my shoulder, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"This…" I tried to speak, but couldn't. A lump grew in my throat, making it hard to even breathe. A tornado of emotions stirred inside of me and tears gently flowed down my cheeks, all the feelings and those I swept aside during Kinji's attack threatening to pour out like a dam on the verge of collapse.

I never liked my physical body. Yet now as I stood beside it, a half corpse at best, I felt an unprescedented tie to it.

"I… I don't want to die," I finally whispered. "I may have not liked it, but… it's still me, you know?"

Hisashi gently squeezed my shoulder. "It's natural and okay to feel like this, Koharu-chan. I understand. Focus on breathing, slow and steady."

What will happen now? What will become of me? What will… Akane and Chie think? Those were the thoughts I was fighting with, unable to find any answers. The image of a certain striped hat man flashed in my head.

"Urahara-sensei… He talked about this gigai thing. That's like a substitute body, right?"

Hisashi gave me a glance, then looked at the bed again. A momentary silence, a hesitation that made me tense up in anticipation of something bad.

"Talking with him is probably for the best," He finally said. The tension slowly eased within me and I nodded. He turned his eyes back towards me, his expression neutral yet slightly pained. "Just keep in mind that clinging onto false hope can also lead to devastating consequences."

I blinked, turning my head to look into his eyes, resisting the urge to take a step away. "W-What's that supposed to mean?"

Hisashi sighed and shook his head, turning his body to fully face me. "Forget I said anything, not the right moment. Is there anything I can do?"

My eyes were locked to his, my eyes glossy and my lip quivering. I lowered my head, only one thing coming to mind. "Hold me."

We stood there in a silent, solemn embrace with the exception of the beeping sound in the background, signaling the frail pulse of my physical body, hanging onto life by a thin hair.

After piecing myself together, Hisashi escorted me out of the hospital. Akane was keeping Chie company, especially since nobody was allowed to see me. As much as I wanted to go to them, I didn't have the courage to face them. Guilt was clutching my heart, as that disaster happened because I foolishly went to school. What would I even tell them? No doubt the doctors already told them everything.

So instead we went to Urahara Shop. We let ourselves in and to our surprise the lights were still on at this late hour, but the biggest surprise was that Urahara was back. He didn't even greet us with any goofy remarks.

Tessai and Jun prepared tea and snacks for us all and we all sat around the low table.

Both me and Hisashi took turns explaining what had happened. The hollows' attack, Kinji's transformation, the explosion, after which I finished by explaining my current predicament. We sat in silence for a while.

"First Naruki City, now this…" Urahara mumbled. "Hard to believe it to be mere coincidence."

"W-What?" I asked.

"Strange hollow activity, and equally strange results," he said, not really explaining anything. "But to give you some answers, Tamaki-chan, unfortunately I can't fix problems of physical nature, not without causing bigger ones. I could however provide you with a gigai, one that would almost behave like it were the real thing."

Kisuke finished his tea and put the cup down, lowering his head. "But I've warned you before already. The longer you spend outside your actual body, the harder it'll be to return to it. Live enough with a gigai and you might not even be able to return."

I gulped. "But… doesn't that mean I'd have an actual working body for once? How… How is that a bad thing?"

Kisuke shook his head. "A gigai isn't, and never will be, a true physical body. Eventually there will be… problems. Then there's also the case of the Shinigami." He glanced towards Hisashi, who had his arms crossed and eyes closed.

"Tamaki-san," Hisashi began, his sudden formality making me freeze, "we are required by law to find lingering souls and help them pass to the afterlife."

My heart sank as I stared at Hisashi in disbelief.

"Just with the ability to separate your soul and with no chain of fate, you've been walking a blurred line for us. And now with this… I think you understand what I'm getting at."

He slowly opened his eyes, returning the gaze. He did his best to hide it, but I could see the struggle behind his eyes. The idea that he could be forced to send me to that Soul Society place frightened me.

"Regardless of what anyone thinks or wants to decide," Kisuke interjected, "you should mull it over a good night's rest. Tessai will prepare a bedroll for you, Tamaki-chan. You'll be out patrolling, Takenaka-kun, right?"

Hisashi nodded, though his eyes stayed focused on me.

I could be- He could send me away… just like that? I gripped my skirt tightly, barely containing my frustration and anger. W-Why can't I just live my life? Why must all of this happen?

I sat outside the shop on top of a box clutching my legs, watching the rain fall and listening as it was pounding against the concrete and metal around me. My clothes were wet, but I didn't mind. I held my palm outstretched, seeing the rain both hit it and pass through it at the same time. Physical water continued down its path as if I didn't exist while the spiritual counterpart remained. Slowly though it faded away from existence as if evaporating. Such was the fate of unbound reishi.

I hung my head down, leaning it against my knees. This can't be the end, can it?

It felt out of character for me to mope around like this. Calm and collected despite the pain and numbness, that's how I grew up. My life at the shrine was safe, yet shackled. Nobody expected me to do anything, but at the same time I couldn't do anything either.

High school was my first taste of true freedom, of my own choices and consequences. It's how I met my friends and learnt how to forget my aches while losing myself in the fun. How I fell and injured myself sometimes but pushed myself up despite that. I was happy.

Yet it were these choices that have brought me to this moment. The cage of safety was left behind and despite the protection of a Shinigami everything was now crumbling apart.

"You'll catch a cold like this, you know."

I lifted my head. Kisuke was standing in front of me, underneath a green-white striped umbrella. His expression was neutral, devoid of goofiness or curiosity. Serious yet tranquil.

"I'm fine." I leant my head against the wall behind me.

"How elegantly honest of you." Kisuke walked beside me and leant against the wall as well, holding the umbrella above both of our heads. We listened to the rain, not saying any words for a while, until I broke the silence.

"Urahara-sensei?"

"Tamaki-chan?"

"Would it have been better if I hadn't learnt from you? If I hadn't met Takenaka-san?"

Kisuke stayed silent for a moment, contemplating. "You would've unlocked your potential on your own eventually, without me or Takenaka-kun. Without a guiding hand you would've hurt yourself and your friends."

"But that's still what happened, because of me-"

"Many were saved and live on to see another day." Kisuke smiled. "The principal would've hollowfied regardless of your intervention, only then it would've remained undetected and had many more victims before being dealt with."

I gritted my teeth. I still hadn't told him how I used my weird power on Kinji, how it had driven him to deeper insanity. I clutched my heart. "Urahara-sensei… That hollow went to such extremes because I toyed with my weird power. That night when he turned into a hollow… he escaped because I couldn't control my power nor myself. I'm res-"

"Sometimes things don't turn out how we want, Tamaki-chan." He interrupted, looking at me with a weirdly knowing gaze. "But don't delude yourself into thinking that things would've been better without you. You might've let that hollow slip, but in the end, you saved your friends and many others, didn't you?"

Biting my lip I watched the growing puddle on the ground as the surface rippled from the rain. "I just… I just wish I had been stronger, strong enough to have prevented all this. So that none of this would've happened"

"You can still become stronger. In fact…" Kisuke began, but paused. "But first let's go inside. You'll really catch a cold if we don't get you in front of a warm fire soon."

I eyed him with both confusion and curiosity, then nodded. I followed Kisuke inside where I changed into dry, casual clothes, before being led to a separate room I hadn't been to before. A fire was crackling in a stone fireplace, two armchairs positioned towards it and a small table between them. The room was otherwise dim, but the fire illuminated us both quite well. Kisuke urged me to take a seat with him.

"Tamaki-chan," he began, removing his striped hat and placing it on the table beside him. For once I could actually see his head fully, without shadows hiding parts of his face. He watched the fire, weariness and weight that I hadn't seen before in his eyes. "As much as I feel bad about this, I wish to talk to you about something, as well as ask you for a favor."

"A.. favor?" I sat on the armchair, tucking my legs underneath.

Kisuke nodded. "First, as much as I'd like to continue mentoring you and seeing how you develop, I won't be able to do so even if you manage to navigate your predicament. I have a lot of travelling and investigation to do. However, there's a place called the Shin'ō Academy in Soul Society, the place in the afterlife where souls with potential go to become Shinigami."

I furrowed my eyebrows. "But I told you, I don't wan-" I protested, but Kisuke cut me off.

"I'm telling you about the possibilities, Tamaki-chan. As I said, were you to go there, you would no doubt be trained well in all fields, and even get a zanpakutō, which may very well give you a proper way to channel your powers. But most importantly, I've no doubt you'd be quickly recruited into the Gotei 13 to become a Shinigami just like Takenaka-kun."

He paused, looking at the fire, gently dancing in the fireplace, which also flickered in his eyes. "I might not always look the part, but I used to be the Captain of the 12th Division."

He what?! I gasped. Hisashi had said that the captains were the strongest of the Shinigami. It finally makes sense though. How else would he be this powerful and know so much about Shinigami?

"That's until I was betrayed and framed by somebody who to this day still remains in the Gotei 13, conspiring against everyone there."

"H-Hold on Urahara-sensei," I shook my head and waved my hands in front of me. "This is too much. Me? Shinigami? Gotei 13? You a captain? A-And a conspiracy?"

"Then let me cut to the chase then." He turned towards me and leaned in closer, holding his hands together. "I'd like to ask you to join the Gotei 13 and become my eyes and ears there. The person behind the conspiracy will no doubt find you and try to recruit you. I want you to let him do that."

My mind was blanking out. I was still in shock from earlier events, trying to process my own predicament. Now he threw this kind of a bomb on my lap.

I shook my head. "Why me? We've only known for a week, at best!"

"That is true, but I've judged you to be a genuine and trustworthy person, Tamaki-chan. Why else would you have gone out of your way to help Takenaka-kun and the many lingering souls? You're no Shinigami, you had nothing to gain from all that." Kisuke narrowed his eyes. "But I would lie if there wasn't another reason as well. Namely, your powers."

"W-What do you mean?"

"The man behind the conspiracy, he is keenly interested in hollow powers, especially those that can be gained without becoming a hollow. If my own theories about your powers are correct, he will no doubt reach the same conclusions. And once he does… He will no doubt become very interested in you."

I swallowed hard, feeling like I was back to being a lab rat, put in a maze. "That's… why you said he'd find me?"

Kisuke nodded.

"But… but if you know who the traitor is, why not expose them?"

"I tried. But the traitor, oh he's a cunning one. He definitely did me one over that time, almost a hundred years ago. Ever since then, I've made sure to take… precautions."

Almost a hundred years? J-Just how old is this guy?

"But there's also another problem. I still do not know the traitor's exact goals, nor who all his accomplices are. It's also best that you know nothing, so that you won't subconsciously behave differently.

I was at a loss for words. I felt a rather sudden and strong longing for Akane and Chie's company, for some semblance of normality, of life.

Something that was slowly but surely slipping through my fingers.

I cleared my throat, trying to rid myself of the lump in it. "H-How will I know who the traitor is then? How can I be your eyes and ears if I don't know what to look for?"

Kisuke simply shook his head with a smile. "When the time comes, you'll know."

Would any sane person accept this sort of request? My jaw was hanging. As much as I wanted to do something worthwhile with my life, I wanted it in this world, not some unknown afterlife I hardly knew anything about.

"It's just.. my life has always been, and still is, in this world. Why should I care about the Shinigami, or the Gotei 13?"

Kisuke smiled, closing his eyes. "It's simple: You shouldn't."

I blinked, at a loss for words once more.

"There may come a time when you'll have to work against the Gotei 13. To betray, even kill, for the sake of the eventual greater good of the Soul Society."

The greater good? W-What the hell? I shook my head. "T-That's not what I asked! I mean, my body, sure it's… maimed, b-but! It's still here! I'm not dead!"

Kisuke remained calm, putting a finger to his lips.

I calmed my breath and relaxed my fists which I had been clenching tightly without noticing. Despite my inner turmoil, there was an odd sense of calmness surrounding me. I didn't know whether Kisuke was doing something actively, but at that moment I didn't care.

"I-If I go to.. Soul Society, what will happen to my body?"

"Since you are comatose, you will be kept alive through artificial means."

I raised my head. "T-Then..?"

"However, if I were you, I'd let hope rest." His eyes turned stern, but softened a moment later. "Besides, now that I've been asked multiple times, I'll pivot my research to create gigais with full physical capabilities. When it comes to it one day, I promise I'll give you a body. One that truly fits your soul."

I watched the fire, processing my feelings and thoughts. I couldn't ignore what he had just offered. The thing I had coveted my whole life. Whether it was truly worth it leaving my life here in the real world, for a journey that could take a long, long time, I didn't know. I hated that I was considering his offer. The chance to do something that really mattered, at this scale, did feel compelling.

"And if I refuse?"

Kisuke shrugged. "Then I'd have to fall back to less plausible plans. Not Great, but it won't stop me."

I furrowed my eyebrows. "If… If I decided to go, how would I even get there? I… I don't know when I'll be ready to go either." I couldn't just leave without talking with Akane or Chie.

"There is no rush in leaving for Soul Society, but I recommend against dawdling. However, I do need your answer tonight whether you accept, before I leave. How and when you get to Soul Society is up to you, but I would recommend going the traditional way. You're a resilient soul, you should retain your memories."

"Should?"

Kisuke simply nodded. "You wouldn't be able to naturally drift anyway. It would've happened the moment you first left your body if you could. And if that's the case, you're strong enough to resist the soul burial's effects."

We sat in silence, watching the fire die out, leaving red hot embers in its wake, faintly illuminating the dark room.

"If you choose to do this, you must tell no one," Kisuke warned. "Not even Takenaka-kun. Now, what is your decision, Tamaki-chan?"

I gripped my skirt tightly. I tried hard to look for a reason to refuse, but no matter how I sliced it, this was the best path available. For me and for others.

"Promise me you'll do whatever you can and beyond to keep my friends safe."

Kisuke nodded with a faint smile. "As long as they don't meddle with souls, they won't draw the attention of hollows nor Shinigami. But I promise. Jun is here too. He may be young, but he's very capable, and definitely dependable."

I took a deep breath, feeling like I was about to walk through a door through which I could never come back. Exhaling very slowly, I relaxed my clenched hands and finally gave my answer.

"Alright. I'll do it. If it means I can truly become strong and make a difference… I will go to this damn Soul Society." I lifted up my eyes, a fire burning in them.

Kisuke nodded with approval and reached for his hat, placing it gently back on his head. "Splendid. I am very thankful, Tamaki-chan. Keep your purpose in mind the whole time and never reveal it to anyone, no matter what."

He moved his hat to cover his eyes, leaning his head back. "Now go get some rest, you need it."