Some quick notes
This story begins and diverges from cannon from Season 4, Episode 6; A Servant of Two Masters.
Things will get dark. This story will be dealing with sensitive subjects, any and all trigger warnings may apply.
Toxic, Abusive Morganna/Merlin. Murther later on.
Thank you.
Loyalty
"You're wrong. Don't think I don't understand loyalty just because I've got no one left to be loyal to."
The words they exchanged hours ago still rang in her head, biting. Their lips overflowing with the bitterness of a friendship long lost, scathing and painful and full of half-truths neither could navigate.
Loyalty. Morganna scoffed as she fiddled with the writhing scales in her fingertips. She had been planning on using Merlin's loyalty to create the perfect assassin. Trustworthy and unassuming, he would never betray Arthur without the Fomorroh's dark influence. No one will see it coming.
Golden locks waved across her memory as she recalled her last loyalty. Her sister, who always looked at her with kind eyes and a flicker of a smile, even when she was berating her for being too hasty. Even when she lay dying, reminding her younger sibling to never waste an opportunity as she gave her life for the spell.
All in vain.
A hard shiver rolled up the woman's spine as she sneered.
Morganna was done thinking short-term. It was time for the political long game. She would finally finish what they started.
Taking the castle would be much easier with pawns on the inside, after all.
But it was not entirely an unemotional decision.
Part of her missed Gwen's ever lingering presence, Merlin's bright smile barely hiding a laugh as they made fun of Arthur with their eyes. Waking up from nightmares knowing there would be someone, anyone, to hold and comfort her. She had found a sister, and shortly after lost her. She had been alone for so long, losing person after person, and the only one to visit her shabby hut now was the slimy Lord Agravaine.
No, she was a Queen, and would be treated as such.
So instead, as the manservant twisted desperately in his binds, she whispered the idea that would torment him for the rest of his days. The quiet echoes Merlin would hear buried deep beneath his own thoughts until they were all consuming.
"I am your Queen. Give to me the loyalty you've shown to my brother the traitor."
Morganna's clawed fingers gripped the back of Merlin's neck as the snake plunged into his skin. Screams echoed deafeningly off the clay walls, his face screwed up in pain as the scales writhed, settling against the white bone. A gleeful grin splayed across her face as his warm blood tickled her palm along with the sweat.
Then the man went abruptly yet blissfully limp.
She wasn't sure how well the Fomorroh would do its job, she considered as she moved to observe the trees past her hole-in-the-wall window, shrugging her dark cloak tighter around her as the breeze entered unimpeded. Typically the poor soul was given a simple, straightforward task, one goal to complete. She could not recall them being used for anything so nebulous before, but she was a High Priestess. Surely-
The snapping of fibers crashed into her thoughts as she spun on her heels in response. Merlin knelt below the now frayed ropes, softly twisting from the past movement. His head bowed low, chin brushing the knee pressed against his chest as his arm came towards his heart.
A small smile danced upon her lips, and she was surprised it was not a sneer. Against her better judgment, she still felt her heart flicker in the presence of those old lost friends.
"Merlin." She purred, gliding a step closer, eyes slightly narrowed as she observed him prostrate.
"My Queen." He sounded back, confidently and assured.
Her breath hitched in her throat for one desperate moment, before she swooped down and pulled him into a hug.
Loyalty
For a long, long time, there was an overwhelming emptiness.
Screams echoed across the nothingness, battering his senses. The familiar howls ripped at him, tearing, bits and pieces of him sloughing off like a corpse with too much water. The darkness pushed him down, and every desperate move to break its smooth surface was met with screams of agony. Neither cold nor hot, yet stifling in every form, squeezing him from every direction, only to pull him apart by the seams.
His mind peeled as he tried to cling to the shedding pieces.
He recognized the faint feeling of scales, not the scales he had grown to begrudgingly admire, but cold, withering to the touch. They pulled at him, the edges of his magic snapping and fraying as he tried in vain to push the strange feeling away. He was supposed to be doing something, wasn't he?
Something very important.
The screams began to sob and heave as he realized why they were familiar. They came with the memory of salt on his lips and heat on his cheeks. His own voice, begging and pleading for-?
His Queen.
The sudden clarity breathed life, a golden hew that cleaved the darkness away. A pleased hiss against his ears replaced the tormented screams as the new light streamed through -or perhaps from- his eyes.
The magic knew what he wanted before he did. Ropes snapped, releasing his weary body from their grasp. He quickly arranged himself into a knelt bow, a small smile across his lips even as his head hung low. He knew he could do it. The pain was a dull sensation against his pride. Nothing would keep him from-
"My Queen."
A surge of warmth went through him as she scooped him into a hug, wetness prickling at his eyes as he hesitantly returned her embrace. Slowly, his desperate fingers began to wrap themselves in her dark robes, clinging to every bit of hope that she embodied.
Birds chirped tenderly outside. In the small hut, warmth did not seem to be coming from the round hearth in the middle, crackling gently with fading embers, but from the two witches wrapped around each other in a heap upon the floor. Morganna's long and lithe body fully encompassed her servant, the dark clothe of her robes almost obscuring his vision. But that was alright.
She was all the light in the world to him.
"Come, Merlin." Her soft tone buried itself into his ears as she slowly pulled away, eyes alight with possibilities.
"We've much to discuss."
Loyalty
"Wheres Merlin?" Gaius' steady voice cut through the desperate murmurs of the knights. His keen eyes measured their dusty cloaks and heavy faces, a barely indiscernible hint of worry that his years at court quickly hid.
Arthur saw Leon flinch from the corner of his eye, head hung. None of the other knights fared much better under his scrutiny, Gwaine shifting from foot to foot as Lancelot's jaw twitched. Elyan and Percival shared a guilty glance, Guinevere's hands were twisting themselves, occasionally fluttering between her apron and her brother's sleeve.
Arthur related heavily to their visible distress, his throat stinging as he lowered the goblet from his mouth, telling himself it was the adrenaline from the long ride back, and not the growing dread in his stomach that began when he saw Merlin motionless on the ground.
"He's alive." The saliva seemed to get stuck in his throat as he attempted to steady his voice.
"Last I saw of him, he was still alive."
Arthur had clung to him, dragging his bleeding body while the moon rose and fell. Even as Merlin smiled at him, he could see the slight fear in his eyes as he struggled to breath past the blood.
Idiot.
Brave idiot, He corrected himself.
His teeth ground together loudly. Almost as loud as the boulders crashing across his vision as Merlin urged him to leave, a content look on his paling face.
"Dispatch patrols at first light. Scour every inch of that forest." He barely heard Leon's response as he moved towards the physician. "We'll find him, Gaius. We will." His hand clapped the man's shoulder, meeting his eyes and attempting to appear assured. Even as the king of Camelot moved across to leave the room, he kept his chin high as the stone waved unsteadily beneath his feet, heavy wooden doors creaking as they closed behind him. Gaius, of all people, would not see him falter in his confidence now.
"Whoa there, your royal-ness." The usual tone of nonchalance was forced, but Arthur appreciated it nonetheless as Gwaine appeared beside him in the hallway. His firm hand on his shoulder steadied him, squeezing gently. A few feet behind him, Knights of Camelot wearily streamed from the throne room. He could feel the worried eyes of his closest friends as they glanced back before slowly clambering to their respective chambers for a well deserved rest.
The clatter began to quiet as Arthur and Gwaine stood silently, steady hand resting gently on the others shoulder. Arthur's white knuckles creaked in protest as he realized he still held the chalice, a sparse pool dancing angrily as he trembled. He glared down at it, blaming the water for showing his weakness so clearly.
"We'll find him." Arthur's voice came out barely a whisper, worry and anger swimming with the bile in his throat. Merlin, compassionate, gentle Merlin. He had always slipped just under trouble, and Arthur had grown cocky and sure in his presence. He should have argued more, at least attempted to make him act more like a servant and stay here, not put him into the path of danger-
"We will." A gentle squeeze on his shoulder steadied him. Arthur let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding.
Of course his knights weren't going to give up so easily on their friend, either.
Loyalty
"We have scoured the forest." Leon stood at the end of the long, rectangular table where members of the council sat, convening with maps and tankards strewn between them. His voice was sure and steady as always, but Arthur narrowed his eyes in defiance of the subtle sadness.
"Well?! Scour it again!" He winced at the desperate, angry sound that had escaped his lips.
"Sire. There is no sign of Merlin" Agravaine moved from where he stood next to Leon, slowly approaching as he lowered his voice in sympathy. "None but this."
Agravaine waved his gloved hand over the table before Arthur, dropping a scorched piece of leather.
It was too familiar to ignore. He thought of Merlin's elbow pressed against his jaw as they scuffled. The way he flipped his collar up against the cold as if it wouldn't fall a moment later, too worn to hold any other shape but relaxed. The tired but comforting brown of Merlin's jacket stared back at him.
Arthur's breath caught in his chest as a light tone began ringing his ear. Eyes unblinking, he stared at the fractured fabric as images of flames and screams and the flash of red-dipped swords swim in his vision.
"I am sorry you have lost such a loyal and-"
His lips tightened, jaw working against his teeth to keep the biting words on his tongue from spilling out. His hand flew dismissively at his uncle, who had the good sense to quiet.
"The mercenaries. What news of them?" He ripped his eyes from the tattered cloth.
"We found no trace." Leon was the one biting his tongue now, as Arthur could tell. His resolute posture and stoic face gave little for the council to work with, but his friends would not miss the tension he showed towards Agravaine. A slight lean, an almost imperceptible flicker of his golden eyelashes.
"Surely sent by that snake Alinor." Agravaine's voice echoed behind him, pacing around his chair to get to his other side. To the unwitting, a protective uncle simply standing by his kings side. But he knew better.
The only snake here is you, Arthur thought angrily, again biting at his own tongue. How long could he keep this up?
He had his unease about the sudden reappearance of his relative. But it was Gaius and his non-reactions that urged him to pry more. The stern calmness of the physician's voice was often in opposition with The Eyebrow, and it told him everything he needed to know.
All evidence had already pointed towards a traitor in their midst. He had his reservations about his uncle, yet something had still bothered him. Even with the support from the council, his uncle was never in line for succession. No. Something pricked at the back of his mind until he had made his decision.
He would use his uncle to get to the person behind him.
That, too, he had a creeping unease about.
But nothing could be done too quickly. He had set Gwen and Gaius to gathering evidence, picking up rumors and following their threads. His most trusted knights informed. He himself had managed to get into the good graces of a few council members, after many tedious nights of rubbing elbows and promising favors.
How could that matter now?
The net had tightened, but he never considered Merlin being accidentally caught with it.
The council members' eyes were trained upon him, yet he itched to draw his sword and behead the snake whispering in his ear. -And lose half the councils' support in the same fell swoop. Arthur resisted the hand twitching to his side. If Agravaine had anything to do with Merlin getting hurt-
"Perhaps." His hoarse voice rang quietly, not quite convincing himself as a sneer wished to flick across his face.
It was a desperate ploy. Their route was only known to a select few within Camelot by design.
And yet he had to play along, or at least play dumb.
"Alinor has his own small lands beyond our boarders. His mercenaries may roam the Valley, but never in this number before. He must have left his domain near defenseless, and for what?" Arthur nearly spat his words, the near lies tasting like copper on his tongue. "My manservant?"
"It was a failed, reckless attack. We must be grateful more was not lost." His uncles voice was gentle as his hand hovered over Arthur's arm.
He twitched in agitation, leaning forward and away from the looming presence behind him. His eyes caught sight of the singed leather scrap and he tapped his finger on the wood beneath his elbow.
"Regardless, without a trail to follow…" He sighed, defeated, feeling the exhaustion pulling at his eyelids. "Dismissed."
He could feel the heat of Agravaine's eyes as the masses of bodies shuffled out of the room. Arthur swallowed tightly, already feeling the guilt of what he was about to say, but knowing it had to be done.
"Leave me, uncle. I mourn a friend." He tried in vain to keep his voice from cracking, and yet his words had their effect. Whatever suspicions his uncle had, suspended themselves in the molasses of loss, and the greasy man bowed and left without another word.
The heavy wooden doors closed behind him, dull thud echoing in the silence.
Soft red blurs made their way into his vision, slowly forming around him, both too close and too far. The wetness from his eyes dropped away, once and twice more, until he breathed and straightened his back. His Knights and confidants surrounded him, Gwen stepping out from her shadows to stand among them.
Now, the round table council meeting could truly begin.
"Tell me you have something."
Loyalty
She was in equal parts beautiful and terrifying.
Long dark curls whipped around her pale face, cheeks seemingly listing as her eyes and mouth widened into all encompassing black holes, pulling him in.
She was screaming, Merlin observed absent minded. The pressure around his throat now bubbling up into his eyes, threatening to burst, but his hands stayed limp as his sides. The tips of his leather boots scraped the ground, and he was filled with awe.
She was so strong, too.
When the red around his vision encircled upon her angry face, her gaze softened, and he fell.
Soft murmurers of apologies reached his ringing ears as he doubled over, heaving air and bile onto the packed dirt. A cool hand began to rub the back of his neck, and his hair stood on end. Tears prickled at his eyes as he mourned.
His stupid mouth had opened and all his regrets poured out.
She was being kinder than he deserved, and yet he leaned into her touch guiltily, the chill soothing the thunder in his skull.
Morgana's voice, a melodic honey, poured over him. The words were vague but comforting, as if it was a song made just for him.
She bid him to allow the darkness to carry him into sleep, and he dutifully obeyed.
…
Morganna's hands stroked the back of his head, murmuring a deep lullaby. Her cold fingers tracing down to their own imprints on the soft, blistering skin of his neck, noting numbly the similarities and differences in the rope burns now swelling around his wrists.
A manic grin slowly inched across her face as small puzzle pieces finally settled into place.
She was going to name her new lullaby after Merlin. Something just for them, to celebrate their reunion.
But she quite liked the sound of his other name.
"Emrys"
Loyalty Loyalty only to me