In this chapter: After Windrixville, Ponyboy isn't himself, and Kate helps him with something that seems minor, but it represents more than anyone could have expected.

Everyone was impacted by the events of Windrixville and the deaths of Johnny and Dally, but nobody changed as a result more than Ponyboy. Ever since his best friend died, Pony had become even quieter and more reserved than before. I knew his behavior scared Darry and Soda something awful, but neither of them knew what to do to help their kid brother through such a rough time, especially since they were having a rough time themselves.

Soda's emotions were all over the place. Sometimes he'd almost seem purposefully extra happy to lighten the mood for everyone else around, but other times, his own sadness showed, and it was like somebody had turned the lights off on the sun; unnatural, and until I saw it for myself, I thought it was impossible.

Darry hid his emotions from the guys, and at times he even acted tougher and sterner in front of everyone, but when he was alone with me, he would occasionally drop the act. "I still can't believe they're gone," he told me frequently. "Sometimes when I walk into the living room, I expect them to be there." My instincts told me he wasn't only talking about Johnny and Dally, but about his parents too.

Two-Bit and Steve were rattled by two of their buddies dying too, but I could tell they tried to hide their feelings while they were at the Curtis household. If I had to guess, I figured they just didn't want the reminder of death to be the only thing that was discussed in the house. I was thankfully Two-Bit tried to spend more time with Pony to keep his spirits up, and even Steve started to lay off him more, but despite their best efforts, Pony was still shaken even after a couple months had passed.

It was the middle of the day on a Saturday, and while Darry, Soda, and Steve were all at work, I was at the Curtis house with Ponyboy to clean and take care of things so Darry had less to worry about when he got home. Two-Bit was there in the morning, but once I told him he'd have to help clean if he was going to hang around the house, he quickly left, saying something about visiting the DX.

Ponyboy cleaned his bedroom and the living room while I focused on the other two bedrooms and the bathroom. We agreed to tag-team the kitchen at the end, most likely after we made lunch. I turned the radio after a short time, not only because it made the day go faster, but it was quite eerie to hear the house so quiet. Pony had only said one or two words at a time, which was becoming normal for him, but I wished he would talk to me about something or anything.

When I finished dusting Soda's old bedroom, I walked into the living room. "What do you say, Ponyboy… should we take a break for lunch?" I looked around, expecting to find the youngest Curtis, but he was nowhere to be found. "Pony?"

Still with no response, I walked around the house for a minute before I spotted Ponyboy staring at himself in the bathroom mirror. I watched him for a moment as he ran his fingers through his hair, then he held a few strands of it out in front of him, apparently inspecting his locks. His natural light brown hair was finally starting to make a reappearance at the roots.

"Pony?" I asked softly as I stood in the doorway. Even though I tried to stay quiet, I caused him to snap out of whatever kind of focused trance he was in, and he looked at me. "What are you up to, Pony?" I asked, hoping he'd finally talk to me.

There were tears in his eyes, and I had a feeling he was reaching his breaking point. Please talk to me. Nobody else is here. You don't need to worry about anyone else hearing.

It took a few seconds, but he must've read my mind, because he finally replied. "I'm not a blonde."

That confused me more than a little. "Okay," I said neutrally, hoping he'd explain further.

"I don't like the blonde," Ponyboy said, his voice completely monotone.

I could tell there was a lot more going on in his head, and he was only showing the tip of the iceberg of his thoughts. Still, I tried to seem indifferent to prevent him from withdrawing again. "Do you want me to get some hair dye? We can get it back to your natural color if you want."

He looked at me, and his eyes showed the storm of emotions stirring inside him. He opened and shut his mouth several times before any words came out. "But then they're… they'll be gone."

I tried to understand what he meant, but it wasn't making much sense to me. Still, I stayed calm and gently coaxed him to sit on the closed toilet seat lid while I sat on the ledge of the bathtub. Once I was sitting next to him and was at eye-level, I put my hand on his shoulder and spoke as softly as I could. "Sweetie, what do you mean? What would happen if we dyed your hair?"

His body started shaking a little, and once his gaze moved so he was looking at the floor, tears started falling down his cheeks. "If my hair changes, they'll be gone."

"Who will be gone?" I pried gently.

"J- John… Johnny and Dal," he choked out right before he started sobbing. I immediately wrapped my arms around him, but I stayed quiet while he continued to cry and finally release all his pent-up emotions. "Johnny's the one who bleached my hair. If I get rid of it, then he's… gone," he choked out. "And if Johnny's gone, then Dal's gone. He can't live without Johnny. And he's got blonde hair too, or he did until…" he spoke quickly and the sobs practically made his body tremble, so I held him tight in my arms.

I finally understood what Ponyboy was struggling with, and things starting making a lot more sense. Since he returned from Windrixville, Pony had been silently staring off into space or looking at objects for long periods of time, but the more I thought about it, I realized when he stared at the spoon in his hand or the glass of the window, he must've been looking at his reflection, and therefore, his hair.

"I get it, Pony. I understand," I said as I rocked him a little, tears escaping my own eyes as well. I didn't know Johnny and Dally as long as the rest of the gang did, but they were my buddies too, and I was beyond sad to know that I'd never see them again. Still, I knew that I only felt a fraction of the hurt and pain that the guys did, especially sensitive Ponyboy. "You want to change your hair, but don't want to lose memories of your friends, right?"

Pony sniffled and nodded. "I know, it's stupid."

"No it's not," I said. Pony had always been an emotional kid, and we all knew he wasn't handling things well, but it was the first time that he was talking about how he felt, and I wasn't about to let him think it was a mistake to open up. "I understand your hesitation, I really do."

It took several long moments for Ponyboy's sobs to calm down, and when they did, he slightly pulled away and looked at me. "Really?"

I smiled and nodded. "Really. But I want to ask you something." I paused to give him a moment to take a breath before I asked my question. "Will you ever forget about Johnny or Dally? Would you ever forget about your friends?"

He looked like he was almost offended, but more so, he looked confused. "No, of course not."

"Exactly," I said with a smile. "So even if your hair changes color, you'll still remember them, right?" He nodded, but didn't say anything, so I went on. "I may be overstepping, so please tell me if I'm way off base here, but do you feel that if you change your hair, you're moving on or leaving them behind?"

Ponyboy froze. He stared at me with wide eyes, and right as I felt like I broke his trust or made him feel even worse, his head started nodding and tears started rolling down his cheeks again. "I know they're gone, but I don't want to leave Johnny like that, or Dal. They were good buddies."

I put my hand on the back of Pony's neck and squeezed it slightly, just like I've seen Darry do many times. It was a demonstration of support, and I hoped I could provide that to Pony. "The way I see it, you're not leaving them behind, you're just moving forward." Pony's eyes started to light up slightly at my words, and I prayed that I said something helpful. "They loved you, and they wanted to do everything they could to protect you. If you ask me, I think they'd want you to move forward and live your life to the fullest. And that doesn't mean you have to forget about them or how great of buddies they were."

He looked at me for a long time, and I worried that he had zoned out, but finally, Ponyboy let out a long breath before closing his eyes and wrapping his arms around me. The second I returned the embrace, Pony's hoarse voice sounded. "You're right."

We stayed like that for a few minutes before Pony made the first move to separate. I waited until he was done wiping his tears before I repeated a question for him. "Do you want me to go get some hair dye? We can color it while everyone's gone," I offered. Then I remembered how big of a step Pony had taken, and I didn't want to push him too much. "We don't have to, though. If you're not ready, that's okay. I don't think you could look bad with any color of hair," I said with a soft smile.

Pony gave me a teary smile in reply. It seemed like he internally debated his options for a minute, then he spoke. "Okay. Let's do it."

While I went to the store to find a box hair color close to Ponyboy's natural color, he said he would clean the kitchen by himself. Revealing his worries and displaying his emotions took so much out of him, I wished Pony would take a break and maybe even sleep while I was gone, but when I returned to the house, the spotless kitchen made it obvious that he didn't rest.

The two of us went into the bathroom and I shut the door in case someone showed up while we were coloring Pony's hair. He was already vulnerable enough for one day, and I didn't want to give the guys a reason to tease him or anything. Ponyboy took one last look in the mirror before he sat down on the toilet seat and watched me mix the dye.

I was almost done covering his hair with the dye mixture when Pony surprised me by speaking suddenly. "Hey Kate?"

"Yeah?" I asked, wondering what must've been going through his mind for him to suddenly start talking after being quiet for so long.

"Thanks," he said softly.

I looked him in the eyes, and I saw a spark of hope and life that had been absent since his return from Windrixville. I smiled, so happy to see him looking better. "Any time, Pony. If you ever want to talk about anything, I'm here for you."

He nodded a little. "I know. Thank you."

I nodded, and continued smiling as I finished covering his hair with the dye. Once the application process was over, I washed my hands and looked at Ponyboy. "Alright, we have to wait twenty minutes before-"

The front door slammed open, and I heard several voices start shouting. I was glad I shut the door to the bathroom before, but I had to prevent them from walking in and seeing us dying Pony's hair.

"Hello?" Soda yelled. "Pony? Kate?"

"Glory, this place is so clean," Two-Bit said. His voice sounded like it was nearby, so I moved quickly to lock the door. It was a good thing I did, too, because the doorknob started jiggling. "Who's in here?"

"It's me," I said. The guys never shut doors, even when they used the bathroom, but I hoped that when Two-Bit heard my voice, he'd just walk away instead of insist we could share the room like the rest of the gang was comfortable doing.

"Well how long you gonna be? I need to take a leak," he said. "Glory, what're you doin' in there? What's that smell?"

"It's called cleaning products, you'd recognize the smell if you ever used them," I quipped. I heard Soda and Steve laughing from another room, and I couldn't help but smile at my own joke.

"How much longer 'til you're done in there?" Two-Bit asked, and I sensed some urgency in his voice.

"A while," I answered. "Why don't you just take a leak in the yard?" I was only half-joking.

"And give all the ladies a free show?" Two-Bit asked obnoxiously. "What kind of guy do you think I am?"

"Oh just shut your trap and going piss in the bushes," Steve spat. For once, I was thankful for Steve's bitterness, because I heard Two-Bit grumbling then another slam of a door, indicating that he walked away.

"Where's Pony?" Soda asked from the other room.

I glanced at Ponyboy, who also looked like he couldn't come up with anything. "He's been helping me all day. He should be around here somewhere." Nobody said anything about my vague lie, so I relaxed a little and hoped Soda would accept my response.

Pony and I sat quietly for a while as I the seconds ticked by. The guys turned off the radio and turned the tv on, and I could hear Mickey's voice coming from the living room. The moment my watch told me twenty minutes passed, we started rinsing Pony's hair in the sink. For someone who doesn't dye their hair, I was quite proud of how well I evenly covered his locks. When all the dye was washed from his hair, I gave him a towel to dry it a bit before he turned to look at himself in the mirror.

The color was pretty close to Pony's natural hair color, maybe just a shade lighter, but for the first time since being home, Ponyboy looked like himself, and not just his hair. It seemed like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders, his eyes were brighter, and there was a feeling of serenity radiating from him.

We both looked in the mirror, and our eyes met. "What do you think?" I asked softly.

He grinned, and despite his red-rimmed eyes, he seemed happy. "It's great." Then he turned around and hugged me again. "Thank you."

I hugged him back. "You're welcome. Remember Ponyboy, I'm here for you. Anything you need, just let me know."

He nodded then pulled away from me. "You better walk out first, since I'm supposed to be cleaning somewhere else right now," he said with a smirk. He's already starting to act like himself again.

I walked out of the bathroom, and immediately, three pairs of eyes were on me.

"What was taking so long in there?" Two-Bit asked.

"You try cleaning a bathroom that five boys use," I said, hoping my joke distracted them enough so they would turn their attention back to the tv. I went to sit in Darry's recliner, but all three of them kept watching me carefully, apparently knowing that I was hiding something.

"You okay?" Soda asked, possibly hinting that I was using the bathroom for twenty minutes.

"I'm fine," I said, although I had a feeling nobody was believing me. Should I tell them? They're going to see Ponyboy eventually anyway. I sighed, and decided to tell them the truth. I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees and spoke quietly. "Look, don't make a big deal of it, okay?" I looked at all of them, but my eyes stopped on Steve the longest. Especially you, Steve.

"Of what?" Steve questioned. "What are you talkin' about? What's going on?"

Before I could give them a heads up, Ponyboy walked into the living room. I could tell he was trying to act normal, but I also knew he was feeling a little self-conscious and probably nervous how the guys were going to react. "Hey guys."

I watched as Soda, Two-Bit, and Steve all looked at the youngest greaser, and after a quick bout of surprise, understanding quickly flooded their features. I hoped they would remember my request of not making a big deal of Pony's hair color, and I was pleased when Soda spoke first and acted like nothing was different at all.

"Hey Pony, where've ya been?" Soda asked. He moved on the couch and patted the space next to him, asking Pony to sit next to him. "Take a load off, honey. Kate said she's been keeping you busy all day."

Pony gave him a small smile and sat next to Soda. "Yeah, we've been cleaning all day."

I could practically see Steve and Two-Bit restraining themselves by not talking about Pony's hair, but I was grateful that they kept their mouths shut. A loud grumble sounded, and everyone looked at Pony. "You hungry, Pony?" Soda asked with a smirk.

Pony grinned sheepishly. "Yeah, we kind of skipped lunch. We were going to eat, but then we d-" he paused and caught himself before telling the guys what the distraction was. He didn't need to say it, everyone must've figured it out already, but Pony seemed to want to move past it. "Then we didn't. Just kept on cleaning."

Soda smiled a genuine smile. "You should eat something, honey." Then, Soda suddenly got to his feet and extended a hand towards his brother. "I'll help ya. You've done enough for one day."

Ponyboy accepted Soda's hand, and the two of them went into the kitchen to make something for Pony to eat. With the Curtis boys gone, Steve and Two-Bit looked at me with surprised expressions.

"That's the most I've heard him say in months," Two-Bit said, sounding and looking relieved.

"How'd you do it?" Steve asked. He liked to pretend he didn't like Pony, but it was more obvious than ever that he cared about the kid.

"It's just box dye. It's not that hard," I said quietly with a smirk. I hoped my sarcasm and the fact I was almost whispering told the guys to drop it, but they still wanted answers.

"That ain't what I mean," Steve said, sounding bored with my sarcasm. "How'd you fix him? Does dying hair and cleaning the toilet really fix someone's head? Because Two-Bit could use-" Two-Bit cut Steve off by nudging his elbow into Steve's ribs.

"We talked and got rid of the blonde," I explained quietly, not wanting Pony to hear me and think I was willing to tell the guys everything he had confessed to me. "He's working through some things, just like all of us are."

With that, Steve and Two-Bit let it go and turned to watch the tv again. Along with the clattering sounds that came with any of the guys cooking, I could hear Soda and Pony talking quietly in the kitchen. I suspected that Pony was telling Soda at least some of the things he told me in the bathroom. After a few minutes, the two of them walked into the living room with plates in their hands and eyes red and glassy, but nobody mentioned it.

While Pony sat on the couch to eat his sandwich and watch tv with the guys, Soda handed me a plate with a grilled cheese sandwich on it. I looked at him and raised my eyebrows in confusion, to which he responded with a short laugh. "I know you didn't eat lunch either."

Oh, that's right. I forgot.

I gave him a smile and accepted the food, suddenly feeling hungry. "Thanks, Soda."

He leaned over a little, gave me a wide smile, and whispered, "Thank you, Kate."

I kept smiling as I nodded, knowing that I was right and Pony must've told Soda what we discussed.

For the next hour or so, all five of us watched tv and talked about whatever Two-Bit felt like chatting about. Notably, Ponyboy participated in the conversations; even though he still didn't say much, he still talked, which was refreshing and made me believe he was eventually going to be okay.

The familiar rumble of Darry's truck drew my attention away from the tv. When my boyfriend walked into the house, he set his tools on the floor near the door and removed his shoes before he even looked up.

"Hey Darry," I said.

At the sound of my voice, Darry's head snapped up and he smiled at me. "Hi Kate."

I stood up from his chair, knowing that he'd love to relax in it after a long day of work. "Sit down, babe. I'll get started on dinner."

He approached me, wrapped his arm around my waist, and gave me a kiss before smiling at me again. "You don't need to do that, darling."

"You've been cleaning for us all day Kate, why don't you let one of us cook?" Soda offered. I looked at him right as a sly grin crossed his face. "Or maybe Steve and Two-Bit should cook for once."

Darry grinned, then turned his head to look at the guys. "Soda's right, maybe one of you should-" he stopped mid-sentence when his eyes landed on Ponyboy. He was silent for a moment, and while Ponyboy stayed quiet, I sensed that he was feeling uneasy about Darry's staring. Finally, my boyfriend remembered how to speak. "Hey kiddo, how was your day?"

Ponyboy shrugged, likely still feeling on-edge. "Fine. Kate and I cleaned pretty much the whole time."

"Obviously not the whole time," Two-Bit joked under his breath, and I was pleasantly surprised when Ponyboy grinned a little.

"How about I cook, and Darry, you help me," I suggested as I gently grabbed his arm and pulled him with me.

When the two of us went into the kitchen, I heard the four in the living room start talking again, which helped the awkward atmosphere start to dissipate. I turned around and leaned my back against the sick while Darry stood in front of the fridge, a look of surprise still on his face.

"Alright, I know his hair is a little bit of a shock," I said slowly and quietly. "But we had a good talk, and I think it's good for him."

Darry blinked a couple times, and for a second, I wondered if I should've asked him before I decided to change his brother's appearance, or at least warn him about it. Right as I thought he might start raising his voice, he spoke quieter than I'd ever heard him. "You got him to talk?"

I gave him a small smile. "Yeah, we were cleaning and I found him looking at his hair. I offered to help him dye it back to his normal color, and we sort of started talking." There was a lot more to it than that, but I still didn't want to betray Pony's trust. He already showed that he was willing to talk to me and Soda, so I knew he'd talk to Darry when he was ready, and that would hopefully be soon.

Darry let out a breath of relief, which turned into a quiet sob. "Thank God… I thought he'd be quiet forever." He looked towards the living room, then back at me with a relaxed and happy look on his face. "And it looks like he actually ate something."

I nodded my head, remembering how much Ponyboy struggled to eat a full meal since everything had happened. "He's going to be okay, Darry."

Grateful tears appeared in Darry's eyes a moment before he wrapped me in a tight embrace. "Thank you, Kate. Glory, thank you so much."

I wrapped my arms around him and melted into his chest. "No need to thank me. I'm just glad I could help." After a minute, the two of us pulled away, and I grinned at him. "I really would appreciate some help making dinner, but I understand if you want to relax." I can make dinner just fine by myself, but I really want to spend time with you.

He kissed my forehead. "Anything for you."

When Darry and I finished making chicken and vegetables, the guys all stormed into the kitchen to get some food. Steve and Two-Bit of course stayed for dinner, and as they moved around the kitchen, I noticed Two-Bit ruffling Pony's hair and quietly muttering, "looks good, kid." It seemed to get Ponyboy to relax his shoulders a little, and I was glad to see Pony relaxing a little.

When dinner was done, Soda offered to wash the dishes, and while the rest of the guys started a card game at the table, I told them I was too tired to join. I went to lay down on the couch, but Darry gave me a playfully stern look and told me to sleep in his bed so my back wouldn't get tight from sleeping the couch. Nobody ever said anything about the couch being uncomfortable when other greasers slept on it so many times before, but Darry seemed adamant that I sleep on his bed, so I obliged.

When I woke up from my nap, Darry's room was dark and quiet. In fact, it was so quiet, that I could hear my boyfriend's voice in the other room. "I'm so proud of you, Pone." There was mumbling, then I heard Darry's voice again, but it sounded a little like he was mumbling, or like something was covering his mouth. "Love you too, kiddo. Now go get some sleep." I pictured him hugging his kid brother, and I really hoped they had a good conversation.

A minute or two later, I heard Darry goodnight to Soda, then he walked into the dark room. He didn't even turn on the light to change, and I wondered if he knew I was awake or not. As soon as he laid in the bed next to me, I turned to face him. "Did you and Pony talk?"

Darry gave me a smile as he nodded. "Yeah, he told me everything."

I grinned at him. "Good. It's a lot for him to keep bottled up."

"I didn't know he had all those thoughts and feeling going through him. No wonder he wasn't acting like himself." Even though they were getting along really well, it was still interesting to watch Darry realize how emotional and sensitive his youngest brother was. "I owe you, Kate. I don't know how much longer he'd last without talking about it."

I reached out to touch Darry's cheek as a long tear started making its way down his skin, which I wiped away with my thumb. He was so strong, but when it came to worrying about his brothers, he was as emotional and vulnerable as anyone, even though he'd never admit it. "You don't owe me anything, Darry. I'm glad I could be there for him and he felt comfortable enough to talk to me."

He pulled me tight against him, and I once again melted into his embrace. "You really are a saint, Kate. He didn't even tell Soda anything about how he felt until after he told you." I stayed quiet, not really sure what to say. Plus, I was still tired, and I felt myself stared to feel sleepy again. "He looks better as a brunette, don't you think?" Darry joked.

I huffed out a short laugh. "You Curtis boys are handsome, no matter what color of hair y'all have." Then I moved my head to look at Darry, his face looking more relaxed than I'd seen in months. "But yes, I think his natural color suits him. He looks more like himself, and hopefully he starts to feel like himself soon."

Darry grinned, then pressed his lips against my forehead, causing me to lean into him and close my eyes. "I love you, Kate. Thank you for helping my brother."

I nodded and kept my eyes closed. "Anything for you boys." Then I curled into Darry's body a little more, and he tightened his arms around me. "I love you too."