Chapter 63

On his knees

Malek delicately poured the cranberry nectar before sniffing his blending in the glass he had placed in front of him. He added a splash of gin and completed it with two ice cubes and a mint leaf. Around the galley table, his friends exchanged their impressions about the first mate who remained locked up in the crow's nest.

The sea had been calm since the Sunny had set sail again four days earlier. The Marines hadn't pursued them this time, each going their separate ways to treat their wounded, and Malek had returned to his habit of serving cocktails to his friends whenever he had the opportunity. As he had told them, he particularly liked to imagine new drinks and they were more than happy to enjoy his creations, each more fabulous than the last. It was also a pleasant feeling of normality after the gravity of the latest events.

"I think he's recovering pretty well given the circumstances," Franky said. "I haven't heard him complain once."

"I'd literally be devastated in his place," Nami admitted.

"Our swordsman has quite extraordinary willpower; it transcends all obstacles!" Brook praised.

"He's awesome!" Luffy got enthused at his side.

"He's still doing too much," Chopper sighed, annoyed, "He trains even more than before…"

"It's his way of moving forward," Usopp reminded him. "He never knew how to rest; he always needs to do more to improve."

"Does he still suffer from migraines?" Robin asked.

"It's hard to say, I'm sure he doesn't tell me about most of his symptoms." The little doctor lamented again, "Apart from his physical injury, I'm not sure of anything…"

"Either way, he's alive and that's already a miracle." The crew approved the words of their cook who approached to give them drinks.

"What is it?" Nami asked him, her eyes shining.

"For you and Robin, I made a Punch Rosé," Malek explained. "Gin, rosé wine, lemon, crème de cassis and cranberry nectar."

"That looks delicious," the archaeologist thanked him and grabbed her glass.

"I hope so."

"What's mine?!" Luffy asked frantically.

"The cocktail I made for you and Chopper is called the Fruity Jam. It's made from strawberry juice, guava and cranberry nectar, cane syrup, lime and crushed ice," he showed him while placing their two glasses in front of them.

"There's a cherry on top!" The reindeer was delighted. The captain had already taken a large sip and he exclaimed, "It's so good!"

Malek turned to the last three members of the crew then. "And here is a Big Blue for Franky made with curacao and white rum, a Pina Vera for Usopp with white rum and coconut cream and for you, Brook, a Zombie with white and amber rum."

"An absolutely terrifying name for a perfectly divine drink!" The skeleton exclaimed as he tasted his drink before sighing happily.

"You really have a gift with cocktails!" Franky congratulated him. "Even my cola doesn't taste this good!"

"I could drink it all day," Usopp agreed blissfully.

With a smile on his lips, the cook looked at the last glass on his tray before frowning. "I made a Sikko for Zoro but I don't know if it's a good idea." He grimaced, turning to Chopper, "There's vodka with lime, cane sugar and basil…"

The doctor shook his head. "It's not recommended, but I guess he'll be happy."

"Malek, I'm hungry! I need meat!" Luffy interrupted them.

"About that, I think we need to go slow," the cook admitted while trying to avoid his gaze as he carefully placed the swordsman's glass back on the counter.

"What?! There's no meat?!" The straw hat boy said, horrified.

"Luffy, calm down," Nami chimed in, quietly sipping her cocktail. "There's meat but our food supply has diminished significantly and we haven't been able to stock up lately. We don't know exactly when we'll disembark on the next island so I asked Malek to ration us. As long as we can fish, we must take advantage of it."

"But, Nami, meat!" He got indignant, "I need meat!"

"Don't act like a spoiled child," she replied firmly. "You'll get some but not five times a day, that's all."

As he finished his drink, Chopper stood up and grabbed the swordsman's glass amidst the captain's recriminations. "I'll bring Zoro his cocktail," he decided, "I'll try to know how he's doing at the same time."

Malek nodded as he tried to distract Luffy by giving him the snack he had made and the little reindeer walked out towards the crow's nest.

Just like he had assumed, Chopper found his crewmate in the middle of the crow's nest busy with a series of push-ups that had covered his body with a thin sheen of sweat, attesting to the length of his training. Yet the doctor decided not to make any remark. He knew his patient and he was aware that Zoro's injury was special, so he didn't want to push him unnecessarily.

"Malek made cocktails, I brought you yours."

The swordsman grunted in return and Chopper carefully placed the drink on the floor before sitting down on the bench circling the crow's nest, his little feet dangling in the air. Zoro continued his series without a word and the little reindeer took the opportunity to observe his body's reactions. Unfortunately, it was difficult to deduce anything from Zoro's position and when he stood up after several minutes, Chopper took his chance.

"Have you had any migraines since this morning?"

"No."

"Don't forget that I left some medicine for you in the infirmary in case you need it," he reminded him. Zoro didn't answer but emptied his glass in one go and it was only when he wiped his face with his towel that the doctor was able to detail him further.

"You have bruises on your arm and shoulder," the doctor noted. "Are you still bumping?"

Zoro just shrugged his shoulders and Chopper wanted to reassure him. "Your brain will get used to the visual field you have lost; you just need to give it a little time. With a bit of luck, your depth perception will also return; this is quite common."

The fencer lowered his towel to wipe his neck and this time, the little reindeer suddenly stood up, his eyebrows furrowed. "Zoro, your right eye is red."

"I'm a little tired," he eluded.

"How much time did you spend on rehabilitation exercises?"

"An hour or two."

Chopper stopped himself from screaming. "You're supposed to do ten minutes followed by a forty-minute break," he pointed out, trying to keep a calm voice, "You're only getting more tired at this rate."

"I have no time to lose," the swordsman muttered.

"Your brain needs time to recover," his friend insisted, "And your body too."

"I'm fine," the fencer growled immediately.

"Okay but I'd rather take your eye pressure to be sure."

Zoro gritted his teeth as he noticed that the doctor continued to examine him with a sharp eye without seeming to do so. He had taken more tests in the last few days than in his entire life. And for good reason: he had lost an eye. His left eye. Chopper had tried everything but there was nothing he could do. The Vice-Admiral's blade coated with Haki had left him no chance.

By the time he had gotten back to the Sunny, he was no longer able to stand on his legs and Luffy and Franky had helped him so he wouldn't collapse before reaching the infirmary. The pain was so unbearable at that moment that the perception of his entire environment had been blurred. Unable to concentrate, Zoro had gratefully welcomed the anesthetic Chopper had injected him after he had vomited for the third time. It had ended his suffering.

When he had woken up the next day, Chopper had told him that his eye had been damaged too badly and that he hadn't been able to save it. That he would never be able to see with his left eye again.

Surprisingly, the swordsman hadn't felt any particular emotion when he had heard the little doctor. This injury wasn't fatal and Zoro had considered losing one of his limbs to achieve victory several times. So this just had been a possibility that had come true. He found it much harder to cope with the side effects associated with this loss though. His sense of balance as well as his distance vision were deeply affected, not to mention the representation of his own body. He had experienced violent migraines and fierce nausea which subsided too slowly from the first day. Chopper had assured him that these consequences were normal given the fact that his brain not only needed to assimilate the loss of part of his vision but also recover from a great physical trauma.

Yet Zoro was deeply angry and if he was well aware that Chopper had noticed his agitation, he also knew that the little reindeer had no idea of the real reason for his fury. He probably assumed that the swordsman was struggling to get back on track and that was partly true, but it was mainly due to the existence of a completely unexpected phenomenon. Indeed, Zoro had been training his body for too long not to know it. He had such knowledge of his senses and his relationship to his environment that he didn't need to open his eyes to find his bearings. Losing an eye should never have caused him all this suffering. Something was wrong. Something he had felt as soon as he had opened his eyes while he was still on the officer's ship: he had lost contact with himself and above all, he had lost contact with his swords.

Zoro couldn't explain what had happened. He had always unconsciously felt the presence of his swords since a young age and over time, his perception had been refined, their bonds had become closer. He was now able to imagine their state of mind, their combativeness and desire to face an enemy. But since this duel against the Vice-Admiral, he didn't feel anything anymore. His blades remained hopelessly silent and the swordsman didn't know if they had given up speaking to him or if it was he who was now unable to hear them. He just hoped it was only temporary. Maybe the shock of his partial blindness had called into question all his other senses. Maybe he should wait to regain his sensations like Chopper told him.

But Zoro didn't know how to wait. He had the awful feeling of being in the dark, much more than if his two eyes had been taken away. Feeling nature and its elements was the basis of all his knowledge and of all his art. It was this connection that allowed him to be such a formidable fighter. It was his alliance with his swords that gave him the impulse to cut his opponents in the right place at the right time.

Chopper cleared his throat and the fencer mechanically followed him near the trapdoor to undergo this new examination. This examination that had no importance. For if he were deprived of his connection to his blades, Zoro wasn't a swordsman anymore. He was nothing.

On the morning of the twelfth day, the entire crew minus the swordsman was gathered around the breakfast table in a relatively peaceful atmosphere. Zoro's prolonged absence was starting to worry some of them, but the violence of the previous days was still hanging over and everyone was keen to take advantage of this lull.

This is how Malek placed a new plate of fresh fruit as well as several jars of jam before bringing a hot tea to the archaeologist who thanked him with a nod. At her side, Brook was chatting with Usopp over a cup of milk flavored with honey while the sniper had grabbed the butter to spread it on a toast. In front of them, Franky poured a few drops of cola into Chopper's bowl at his request and the navigator grabbed the newspaper at the same time as several tangerines.

"Nami, I have to tell you something," Luffy suddenly said from across the table.

"I'm listening but if it's still about meat, you're wasting your time," she replied without taking her eyes off her reading.

As the days progressed, the restrictions had been maintained and the straw hat boy had continued to beg everyone for additional shares. Nami hadn't compromised though and Luffy had to make do with one meat meal a day, much to his despair. This morning, the captain was a little quieter than usual but the young woman didn't forget that Luffy could be formidable in achieving his ends and she was determined not to give in.

"I wanna marry you, Nami."

Conversations instantly stopped in the room and Usopp spat out his fruit juice, splashing Franky in the process, who frowned.

"What are you talking about, Luffy?!" The sniper coughed and turned to his captain at his side, his eyes bulging. "Do you realize what you're saying?! You don't joke about these things!"

"I know and that's why I really thought about it. I wanna marry Nami!" The straw hat boy insisted.

An eerie silence greeted his words and after the astonishment, Usopp finally put his glass back on the table. "Okay, you obviously didn't understand what I just said."

"You didn't even ask the question, bro," Franky lamented. "You need to ask if the other person agrees, you know!"

"Don't encourage him," the sniper reprimanded him. "He doesn't even know what he-"

"Why?"

The eyes of the crew members widened even more when hearing the navigator's question. She had fixed her eyes on those of her captain and seemed to take this proposal very seriously.

"Because I know you're stronger than this thing and I don't wanna wait. Ace and Sabo are dead and I don't know what can happen."

"Didn't you wish to be free? This act is a huge commitment and it's not about becoming the King of the Pirates."

"You're special, Nami and I wanna tell everyone."

The rest of the crew just stared at their two friends, unable to understand the real meaning of their conversation. Staring at each other, Nami and Luffy seemed to share their own logic and the presence of other people around them didn't seem to bother them in the least. In the end, the young red-haired woman seemed to study her captain's proposal before nodding.

"In this case, I accept."

This time, the sniper's toast broke into a thousand pieces between his fingers and Brook's glass slipped from his hands.

After a few moments suspended in time, Franky burst out laughing. "Well done, Captain! She super agrees!"

"A wedding is so romantic!" Brook rejoiced.

"Are you really going to get married, Luffy?" Chopper asked him, impressed.

"That's, uh, unexpected," Malek pointed out. "If I had known, I'd have made something else…"

"I think it's too late to worry about the atmosphere," Robin chuckled.

"Wait a minute!" Everyone turned to the sniper who was clearly unable to assimilate the information. "Okay, perfect, fine, I don't know what's going on here but… Can someone please explain to me when we turned up in the twilight zone?! What happened?!"

At these words, Luffy looked at him strangely. "Well, I'm getting married, Usopp. Haven't you heard?" He wondered. "Nami agreed!"

"Of course I heard and that's why I can't believe it!" The sniper told him, completely hysterical. "When? Where? How? Why?!"

"I don't really know," his captain admitted. "I was thinking that the sooner the better but this kind of thing is probably taking time and we can't do that just anywhere…"

"This usually requires careful organization," Robin agreed.

"I refuse to get married in the middle of a storm or on an inhospitable island," Nami said. "Since I was little, I imagined that I'd be treated like a princess on my wedding day and I don't plan to give it up!"

"Regarding food, I can do whatever you want," Malek offered them. "We just need to stock up first!"

"I know the most romantic and poetic ballads!" Brook assured them.

"I can build a great chapel!" Franky got enthused.

"Robin, I'd like you to be my best woman," Nami asked her.

"It would be an honor, dear navigator."

"Zoro will make sure we can rest easy and Chopper and Usopp, you'll be my best men!" Luffy decided.

"Oh really?! I'll study very carefully the role of the best man in a human wedding ceremony and I won't disappoint you, I promise!" The little reindeer immediately assured him, swollen with pride.

"Usopp, what do you think?" The straw hat boy looked again at his friend who was still in shock. "Do you agree to be my best man with Chopper?" Luffy repeated as the sniper didn't move. "Otherwise, I think you can switch with Zoro, you'll need to check with him…"

The sniper continued to stare at his captain and he opened his mouth several times like a fish out of water to try to answer him. Luffy widened his eyes then. "You want us to invite Fish-Men? I don't think Nami will agree…"

"Of course not, you idiot!" Usopp finally found his voice and he threw himself into his friend's arms, his cheeks suddenly streaming with tears.

"I can't believe you're serious, Luffy," he sobbed, "You-You're gonna get married, I can't believe it! And I'm-I'm gonna be your best man! It's probably the best day of my life after the one where I marry Kaya…"

The sniper cried harder against his shoulder and the straw hat boy burst out laughing as he hugged him back, beaming.

Standing with his eyes closed, Zoro exhaled a long breath to completely focus his mind in order to stretch his consciousness to the limits of his perception. The weather was ideal. The sun was slowly sinking in the sky as the evening progressed and he felt the breeze on his skin just as he heard the sounds of the ocean all around him, enveloping him in an aura of calm. He knew his swords were nearby, resting on the green grass of the Sunny just a few steps away. Even if he didn't feel them.

He began several movements that he knew by heart so as not to distract his attention into dark thoughts. First the right ankle, then the calf up to the knee and finally, the thigh and hip. With his weight forward, he made a quarter turn to the right and rested on both feet. He started again slowly, contracting his upper back and relaxing his arms. He tried to be in tune with his body, with his muscles. In harmony. He felt the ground with each of his impulses and each of his breaths.

A flash of pain suddenly shot out from his left side and Zoro missed the next step. He resolved not to let himself be distracted though and immediately fell back into the rhythm. He breathed, limiting the suffering and ignoring it, maintaining his focus. He contracted the muscles of his legs, of his arms, then turned and relaxed them. He did it again. His swords were there, waiting for him. He couldn't sense them yet, but they couldn't be far away. Not hearing them for all these days had now become a real source of anxiety and he refused to slow down. He had no choice, he had to succeed.

A violent nausea rose up along his stomach and Zoro winced without wanting to break his exercise but the wave of pain that followed was much stronger than the previous one and it overwhelmed him. The swordsman slipped. Carried away by his weight, he hit the wall behind him and the door he had grabbed suddenly opened. Zoro stumbled and held on to the doorframe to avoid falling as he raised his head to regain his balance.

Zoro felt himself turning pale. His hand began to tremble on the doorknob when he realized he had entered the room he had carefully avoided for two long years. His breath became short. Standing up as best he could while ignoring the pain, the swordsman staggered backwards until he left the room, paralyzed. Without even taking the time to close the door, he fled towards the crow's nest.

The trapdoor barely closed behind him, Zoro felt tears gathering in his eyes for the first time in a long time. He instantly forced himself to take a deep breath to regain self-control but his gaze was drawn to his swords. He had grabbed them without thinking before fleeing and his discomfort redoubled. His hands shook again.

At that moment, he realized that he was reaching his limits. Training, sacrifices, suffering, nothing paid off. Mihawk remained out of reach more than ever and his swords didn't even talk to him anymore. He had lost an eye. He had lost Sanji. He had lost everything that mattered to him.

Zoro felt his reason falter.

A dull rage came over him and he violently grabbed his dumbbell to throw it with all might in front of him. The weight passed through the wall, destroying a large portion of the crow's nest before sinking into the sea below. Zoro watched it sink without moving. He was tired.

He grabbed his swords and looked at them for a long time. Sendai Kitetsu. Shusuui. Wadô Ichimonji. He didn't feel worthy of them anymore. But had he ever been?

Zoro slowly dropped to his knees and his swords rolled on the floor. Maybe he wasn't strong enough in reality. Maybe he had been wrong and never had what it takes to have the ambition of being the best swordsman in the world. Maybe he had presumed upon his will the day he had made that promise to Kuina. Maybe he had fooled Sanji by assuring him that he would achieve his dream no matter what.

"Zoro?"

The swordsman turned his head and quickly tried to hide his torments from the questioning face of his captain who had just climbed up to the crow's nest through the gaping opening in the wall. Luffy was quietly observing him.

"Franky went to get your dumbbell, you trained too much!" The straw hat boy grinned.

"He didn't have to."

"Oh, do you wanna buy some new weights? Your next enemies really won't stand a chance!"

At these words, Zoro tensed and his hands tightened on his kimono. He tried not to let it show, but Luffy frowned. "What is it? Does your eye hurt?"

"No, it's just…"

The swordsman's body tensed again in spite of himself and he lowered his head to better bite his lips but he didn't prevent a few tears from silently rolling down his cheeks. He immediately tried to swallow the following ones because despite the shadows in the room, he had no doubt that his captain had seen them. He felt pathetic. Since the end of his childhood, he had only shed tears to seal his promise to Luffy to defeat Mihawk and to swear to Sanji that he wouldn't give up. And where was he today? Yet he accepted no weakness, and especially not his own in front of his inability to meet the challenge he had imposed on himself. He closed his eyes.

Luffy observed him for a moment, puzzled, before leaning towards him with a soft smile. "The last two years have been tough for everyone, Zoro. I think it's time to take a break."

His eyes shiny with tears, his first mate looked up at him in disbelief. He was about to ask what he meant when his captain's straw hat fell firmly on his head.

"Nami and I are gonna get married, you know."

Zoro awkwardly lifted the brim of the hat to stare at him and quickly wiped his eyes with his hand. "Wh-What?"

"I wanna tell everyone that my stomach hurts. We should enjoy what we have while we have the chance, we never know when life will take it away from us."

The swordsman continued to stare at him without understanding and Luffy nodded, determined.

"We need to take a little time for ourselves, the New World is much harder than we expected. So I think it's an opportunity to go to a place where everyone will feel at home."

"Where?" Zoro asked in astonishment.

His captain grinned in return. "At Sanji's."

I think I never packed so many twists into one chapter.

Everything is in place now.

I'm looking forward to your opinion!