They called her Josephine, and she was tiny.

Fiona McDougal dropped some broth over and agree to take a load of sheets away to wash. Gideon was apologetic but she was adamant. "Tis no bother at all, Mr Hoffer. I'll drop them in with my next load and I'll bring them back in a few days. If you don't mind, I'll just pop my head around the door and see if Marilla is awake."

"Oh," Marilla readjusted herself and her hair against the pillows, concerned at how unkempt she appeared.

"Och, never mind about all that. I'm here to help. No one expects a fashion plate when a woman has just done the hardest job of all," Fiona said. "Speaking of which," she cast her eyes around the room, "um?"

Marilla smiled gently and pointed towards her chest where a slight bulge hinted at treasures below.

Fiona smiled. "What a brilliant idea. And what a wee totey," she exclaimed when Marilla had handed over the baby for inspection.

"Totey, goodness I haven't heard that word since Mother was alive. It means tiny doesn't it."

"Aye that it does." Fiona carried Josephine over to the bureau to change her diaper, "and what did they call you?" she asked looking deeply into the baby's dark eyes.

"Josephine," replied Marilla on the baby's behalf.

"How lovely. My own grandmother had that name, God rest her soul. There you go, all spick and span," she said handing the baby back. Now, how about I give you a wash too."

"I'm afraid it might be a bit messy," said Marilla, suddenly embarrassed.

"Och, I'd be stunned if ye weren't. Tis a mucky time."

Afterwards she told Marilla to have a sleep. "Ye should sleep when the bairn does," she advised, adding "and how are you faring with the feeding?"

"She doesn't nurse for long," Marilla explained a little apologetically, as if it were her fault.

"Got a wee tummy to go in that wee body," Fiona replied. "Doesn't take much to fill it up. I expect she'll nurse in short bursts at first. All the more reason to sleep when she does."

Try as she might and though Marilla was certainly exhausted sleep did not come. She gave up after a while and pulled the baby closer and turned up the lamp. Marilla had never quite gotten the appeal of babies; they all looked the same. So, though she'd always politely exclaimed over her friends', privately she remained unmoved. But now, with Josephine in her arms the love came flooding through. Her baby was quite simply beautiful. Strange she always supposed it would look like her, but Josephine definitely favoured Gideon, "just don't grow a moustache, little one, she said with a smile, kissing her on the top of her head.

The ice broken; Rachel came by often. Since Marilla was still confined on doctor's orders they sat in Marilla's bedroom knitting as there were no clothes for the baby. Marilla had been busily making things for months, but as it had all been made for a bigger baby, wee Josephine swam in everything.

"The good thing is at least she's small."

"Mm?"

"Doesn't take too long to knock something up."

Marilla nodded, "yes that's lucky I suppose."

There was a silence as they worked but then, "Marilla?"

Marilla was in the middle of counting her stitches, so she paused before she responded, "mm."

"May I ask you something?"

"Of course."

"Back then, you know when um," Rachel gestured at the baby. "You said something I didn't understand."

"What was that?"

"Nearly beyond speech you were, but I'm sure I heard you say, 'not again'. What did you mean by that?"

Marilla had been beside herself in that moment and thinking back had prayed she had not spoken out loud. Her heart pounding wildly, she bent down to her stitches once more hoping to hide her panic. "Did I?" she said eventually. "I have no idea. I wasn't myself; I expect."

Her eyes narrowing, Rachel regarded her for a moment, she couldn't prove anything of course, but she was pretty sure Marilla wasn't telling the truth. Knitting on for a little while in silence, she finally declared, "well that's finished," setting the cardigan down. "I just have to add the buttons."

Marilla smiled, "it's beautiful, thank you. I think she'll enjoy the wearing of it."

"Good, I'm pleased. We can't have you unclothed little one, that's what."

"Mrs McDougal dropped a parcel over, too," Marilla said reaching over to unwrap the tissue paper. She gave a gasp when out fell a beautiful assortment of clothing, hats, booties, cardigans adorned with rosebuds in the most beautiful soft wool.

"Oh my," breathed Rachel, "that is some lovely work."

"She's so kind," Marilla replied examining the array. "Fancy doing all this work for a relative stranger."

"Very Christian of her, I must say. Now shall I fetch us some tea?" Marilla ached to be out in her kitchen, but had to stay put.

"Yes, please. The men will be in soon."

"Mr Hoffer too?"

"Yes, Gideon is just packing his wagon. He'll have to head on out again in a little while."

"Already? You've just given birth."

"I know, but we do need the money."

"You must miss him when he's gone."

"I do," Marilla sighed. "I know I'm lucky I still have Matthew and now this little one, of course, but I still long for him when he's away."

"Of course."

"Mr Hoffer," Rachel greeted Gideon when he arrived.

"Ach, Mrs Lynde, you must call me Gideon, I insist."

"Very well, then you had better call me Rachel, I suppose."

"Enchanted," Gideon smiled at her, and she smiled back, slightly embarrassed though she wasn't sure why.

Gideon looked over at the pile of clothing, "you two have been busy, I see."

"Wouldn't want your little girl to go without," Rachel responded, a touch too enthusiastically. What is wrong with me? she thought.

Turning his attention towards the baby, Gideon took her up and sang a snatch of a nursery rhyme to her, "kizele, mazele." *

"I thought I knew most of them," Rachel remarked. "Having had a few of my own; but I'm not familiar with that one."

"Probably not, it's one my mother used to sing to me, it's a tickle game we play with children."

"How sweet," Rachel said smiling, though privately she wasn't sure how she felt about teaching the child foreign ways, what was wrong with a good old fashioned Canadian upbringing?

Matthew arrived next and he greeted Rachel warily. The last time they'd spoken Marilla had been in labour and frankly he was still embarrassed by the whole ordeal, but Rachel was her usual self with him, so he relaxed with his tea and did not say much at all, as usual.

There was a silence when the men had left, but one that was soon broken by a grizzly Josephine. "Never mind, little one," Marilla crooned to her. "Mama's here."

With Marilla engaged, Rachel helped herself to another cup and then enquired, "how did Mr er Gideon come to be here on the island?"

Marilla turned to her, tears springing to her eyes. "Rachel, it was the most terrible thing. He lived with his family in The Netherlands. But one day he was out and when he returned home, he found his whole family dead, butchered in their beds."

Rachel's cup clattered in its saucer as she dropped it in shock, "my goodness gracious me, what a tragedy."

"Yes, awful. He feels such guilt about it."

"Why on earth?"

"Well, he wasn't home to save them."

"But if he had, he'd have been in danger too."

"Indeed, I think his head knows it, but his heart is still sore."

"The poor man."

"Yes. Now don't go thinking I fell in love with him out of pity, Rachel. I believe," she paused thinking back, "that I had already fallen in love with him by the time he imparted this information. He is such a dear and so sweet with the baby."

"It is lovely to see you so happy, Marilla." Much to her surprise Rachel found herself saying, "you deserve it after all this time."

"Thank you, it means a great deal to hear you say that."

"Yes, well. I do like to see folks in love marry, that's what."

When she had left Marilla watched the baby sleep and thought how best to proceed. If she told Rachel then all of Avonlea, and most likely half the island would know of her indiscretion. She had always enjoyed a certain reputation and this new intelligence would surely upset it. On the other hand, she, and she knew this was sinful, did find the idea of shocking her community somewhat tempting. Being known as a good woman had its disadvantages. Wasn't she allowed to have lived a little. Her neighbours had surely sinned in their time, and everyone had moved on eventually. There was something a little thrilling about being indiscrete and not living up to their ideals all the time.

Some days later the doctor gave Marilla leave to rise and she did so with much joy. The bedroom had been quite constrictive, and she longed to get outside again. It felt so good to finally get dressed and walk across the threshold. Once upon a time, the thought of a relaxing week in bed sounded sinfully glorious, but having been forced to stay she realised there were drawbacks. Not that she hadn't needed the rest. Josephine had been small, but it had still been utterly exhausting to give birth to her.

And it was wonderful to be the mistress of her own kitchen again. There was nothing she liked less than knowing other people were pottering about while she was sequestered in her room. She spent a nice morning sorting out the pantry. She found herself describing her work to the baby, as if she understood anything. They'd fashioned a rudimentary sling for the baby so that she could stay warm by her mother's breast, though Marilla constantly worried that she might fall.

They were pleased to welcome Gideon home after a week or so. He exclaimed over how much Josephine had grown. "That's all on you, you clever thing," he kissed Marilla on the cheek and caressed her back. It was too soon he knew, but he longed to lay with her again. For the time being it was just wonderful to see them again. "I've missed you," he said softly.

The workday was not over just because dinner had been consumed, Marilla wanted to set the bread to rise by the fire for tomorrow's baking. Gideon played with Josephine as she slapped and kneaded the dough. She could hear him singing to her in time it felt with her movements, as though they were in sync with each other.

Sleep eluded her that night, not only did she have a lot on her mind, but the baby was unsettled. Gideon was happy to help, but Marilla told him she'd take the shift. Walking up and down the kitchen with the baby on her shoulder Marilla thought through the pros and cons of her situation. Eventually, she and Josephine fell into a fitful slumber, sleeping right through breakfast.

When they were up, she kitted the baby out in some new clothes and made her way down the lane to Rachel's house. The children were in, and it was hard to talk, so eventually Rachel shooed them out the door giving them the space to talk freely. Marilla set her knitting down and regarded Rachel frankly, unsure of how to broach the subject. She glanced down at wee Josephine sleeping and then with a sigh she finally admitted, "it happened before."

"What did?"

"I've been with child before."

Rachel's own knitting fell from her hands in shock. "Marilla!" she breathed counting in her mind.

Watching her Marilla replied to her unspoken question, "yes, you're right it was before we were wed. I lost it early on."

"Oh my," Rachel blinked in rapid succession. "Marilla, you sinned!"

"There's no need reminding me. I know it only too well. I started to believe God was punishing me. I deserved to lose that baby." She stopped to wipe her eyes and nose. Swallowing hard, she added, "but you know we kinda lost control in the moment. It feels so wonderful doesn't it. I never knew what all the fuss was about. Now I can understand why the young people must be kept apart. There's nothing like it, is there."

Rachel shook her head, still in some shock. Eventually she replied, "no, not if it's done right."

Marilla regarded her for a moment, "I suppose so."

"Not all men are as considerate as it sounds like your Gideon is."

Shifting in her seat uncomfortably, Marilla believed they had never had such a frank conversation, was she to believe that Thomas? But no, she didn't want to think about that.

They both busied themselves again but looking up Marilla could practically see the glee in Rachel's eyes and suddenly she couldn't be bothered with the secrecy. "Do what you want with that intelligence. I'm already a pariah as it is. Can't imagine I could be less popular."

"Oh, I don't…"

Marilla put her hand up to stop her, "don't. The only person at church I've spoken to in months is Mrs McDougal and I presume that's because she's new. At church, in the mercantile, I'm invisible. No worse than that, ignored."

Marilla sighed when Gideon came in. "What is it ketzele?"

"I went to see Rachel."

"Ah."

"I know you wonder why I stay friends with her."

"Ach no, of course not." Though privately he did.

"She really does have a good heart. She's helping me clothe our wee mite."

"I can't fault her then," Gideon winked.

Marilla smiled sardonically, "I know it doesn't excuse past sins but really, we do get on. She has stood by me all these years."

"But she upset you today?"

Marilla grimaced, "Not exactly. I, um, I may have said too much, but I hate all this secrecy."

Gideon crossed the room to stand by her side. "What did you say?"

"I let something slip when I was in the throes of labour. Apparently," she paused hoping he would not be too vexed, "I told her, I said."

Gideon waited patiently.

"I said 'not again', and unsurprisingly she wanted to know what that meant."

"Ach."

"Yes."

"Did you explain?"

"I did."

"Ah. And what do you think she'll do with that information?"

"She's Rachel. It will get around."

"Is she really such a gossip?"

"Oh, she is. Such a juicy tid-bit will be far too tempting. Folks see me in one light, and this will change their perception."

"Do you regret it, ketzele?"

Marilla regarded him for a split second, her mind going back to the pleasures of that first night and she shook her head, "well no I suppose not, I mean you took me places I never knew existed, but we sinned, Gideon. We shouldn't have and then well you kn…" but her words were lost in his mouth as he covered her lips with his own. When they came up for air, she tried to continue, but he captured her lips once more and Marilla felt her very core turn to liquid. "We can't" she panted.

"We can," he replied. "We're married now."

"No, it's too soon. The doctor said we must wait, I um, I'm not ready yet."

"Very well, we'll wait." He looked at her with love, "how long?"

"I'm sorry my darling, I don't know. The doctor will tell me. I'm sorry to disappoint you."

"Disappoint, ach no ketzele you could never disappoint me, you gave me her," he tapped Josephine's head with his fore finger, "you are perfect. I love this little bicep," he said stroking the top of the baby's arm.

"She's growing already, amazing to think that's all down to me."

"Mm."

"Such a responsibility."

Gideon shifted his focus to her forearm, "we're in it together."

"Well yes, but at this moment you'd have to say the mother does most of the work."

"Ach, true ketzele, true. I can do some things, but I fear I'll never nurse her."

"I should say not."

"Come to bed regardless. I long to lie next to you both at least."

Marilla smiled and handing him the baby followed him up the stairs. Lying in the bed she turned and said, "remember that night after we wed, when watched the stars turn?"

"I'll never forget it, ketzele."

"I didn't expect I could ever be happier."

"Mm."

"But now I am, with her and you."

"They say you seldom know when you're happy until afterwards, ketzele, but true happiness is recognising it in the moment."

"Mm," Marilla murmured, snuggling down on her side and caressing the baby. "I am truly joyous."

The sleep that had eluded her the week before enveloped her. Gideon watched her relax and then listened to her gentle breathing. "Good," he whispered to Josephine gathering her in his arms. "Let's give your mama a break kleyn moyz **

* kizele mazele - lucky mouse (I think, I'm prepared to be corrected)

** little mouse (ditto)