A/N: Slight content warning: there's a brief suggestion of suicidal thoughts in this chapter, but it's followed up with sweet intimate moments and fuzzy feelings. Just fyi.
Enjoy!
Ada rolled onto her side, seeking a comfortable position that would finally allow her body to relax and give in to sleep. But try as she might, her mind refused to settle. She was certain it was Mr. Hockley who ran into her tonight, and yes, it was odd that he left from the servant's entrance, but surely there was a reasonable explanation. It was none of her concern, Ada reminded herself, she should just forget about it and go to sleep. But something about the situation worried her and the moment kept replaying, consuming her tired thoughts.
After the encounter, Ada went to the nursery and learned of Evelyn's disappearance in the park. Ms. Barker was beside herself and kept going on and on that it wasn't her fault, fearing she'd be let go without any references. Ada was sympathetic and tried her best to reassure the nanny, though she couldn't help but feel frustrated at the same time. She'd warned Ms. Barker about Evelyn's tendency to hide, and even though they'd made significant progress to discourage that behavior, allowing the children to play hide and seek in Central Park was downright careless. Upon reflection, Ada realized how protective she'd felt toward her charge in that moment, and the internal resentment she'd cast on the woman who'd lost her. She reminded herself that it was an easy enough mistake, and in the end Evelyn had been found and returned home no worse for wear, so really, Ada had no cause to feel angry about the situation. And yet, part of her did.
I should be careful not to grow too attached, Ada thought, letting out a slow breath. This position won't last forever.
Still, if she had this reaction to the day's events, Ada couldn't imagine how upset Mr. Hockley had been, which could easily justify a sudden and mysterious departure…in the middle of a party…through the servant's entrance where no one would see him. Yes…that was a completely normal thing to have occurred.
Ada sat up and looked at the alarm clock on her bedside table. It was 3:10 in the morning. Surely Mr. Hockley had returned and was fast asleep. And even if he hadn't, so what? It was none of her business what her employer did. But that unsettling knot of worry still stirred in her breast and Ada knew she'd wouldn't be able to sleep until she found a way to clear her bustling thoughts. So, rising from her bed and donning a dressing gown and slippers, she left her room and quietly made her way to the kitchen.
The party had concluded, and the staff had finished all necessary clean up, leaving the house quiet, dark and restful. After so much exertion to prep for and tend to so many important guests, the depth of sleep that followed such an event was complete and Ada knew she needn't worry about waking anyone.
There was a full moon tonight, and the last of its brilliant light shone through the kitchen windows, removing any need to turn on the lamps. Quietly, Ada set a small pot of milk to warm on the stovetop and selected a cup and saucer from the cupboard. A selection of leftover desserts from the party sat in a glass-covered dish by the window. They were so beautifully decorated that Ada couldn't resist and chose a tiny cake in the shape of a lily.
Nibbling at the frosted petals, Ada looked out at the moonlit backyard, seeking peace of mind in the stillness of the night. But a strange shadow caught her eye and as she squinted at it through the darkness her breath caught in her chest. Someone was perched atop the garden wall, swaying dangerously and sure to fall at any moment.
Without thinking, Ada ran outside, quickly crossing the yard and pushing into the rose bushes that decorated the base of the wall. Looking up, she gasped, her hands covering her mouth as she identified the shadow.
"Mr. Hockley!" She whispered loudly, not wanting to startle him or draw outside attention. "It's not safe up there, Sir. Please come down, carefully!"
The tall figure tore his gaze from the moon and cast it toward her, staggering slightly and making Ada's heart beat in double time.
"Ms. Kruger?" He slurred. "What are you doing up at this hour?"
"I could ask you the same. But it doesn't matter. Please, Sir, get down before you fall and break your neck."
"Would that be so bad?" He asked quietly, more to himself.
"Yes! It would be horrible. Don't even think such a thing."
"I never used to. But lately it's been so easy. Especially after tonight." Cal said, and raised an almost empty bottle to his lips. The wind blew and he staggered again. "Fucking wind. Are you trying to kill me?" Cal nearly shouted.
Ada's mind raced trying to think of what to do. The brick wall was eight feet tall. How had he even managed to get up there? A large tree grew nearby with decent-sized branches. Maybe he'd used that to climb up. Maybe she could convince him to use it to climb back down. But first she needed to get him off his feet. If he fell, there was no way she could catch him.
"Why don't you sit, Sir. That would get you out of the wind."
After taking another wabbly step that sent Ada's heart into her throat, Cal seemed to find reason in her suggestion and, awkwardly, crouched, braced his hands on the top of the wall and lowered himself to a straddling position. Mr. Hockley's polished dress shoe glinted in the moonlight as he swung his long leg back and forth, mimicking Evelyn on her rocking horse. But even though he was more secure and seemingly carefree, Ada knew her employer was far from safe.
"I'd offer you a drink but I think I just spilled the last of it." Cal mumbled. "Sorry about that. I hope I didn't get any on your…bathrobe."
"You didn't, Sir. It's alright. I…I was just warming some milk in the kitchen, actually. Why don't we go inside and drink that instead?" Ada tried her best to give him an encouraging smile, realizing that the pot must be overboiling by now and making a burnt and frothy mess. One disaster at a time, Ada.
"I'd prefer whisky."
"Okay. But…I'm afraid I don't know where it's kept. Could you come and show me?"
Cal looked down at the worried governess, wringing her hands in the cool morning air. He scoffed, "Is this your technique to get Evelyn to cooperate?"
"Yes. And it almost always works."
"Why almost always?"
"Because she's very clever. Just like her papa."
Cal smiled, a look of pain flashing across his face as he shook his head. "Just like her papa." He repeated, his voice cold and solemn. "Like her father. Like my-" Cal stopped, contorting his expression to keep something back. Examining the empty bottle he said, "I need another drink. Step back, Ms. Kruger." The bottle dropped from his hand before he finished speaking, rendering the warning pointless. "I'll show you where Oscar keeps the whisky." And lying down on his stomach with his arms and legs braced on the edge of the wall Cal leaned, rolling over the side.
"Mr. Hockley! NO, don't-" Ada called but, it didn't matter, Caledon Hockley was already plummeting toward the ground, crashing into the rose bushes with a heavy thud. Gasping, Ada ran to him, kneeling beside her employer as he laughed, wincing against the pain.
"Are you hurt?! Why did you do that?!"
"I'm fine." He grumbled. "These thorn-covered bushes broke my fall. But I think… ouch. Yes, I definitely landed on the whisky bottle. Damn nuisance." And sitting up Cal pulled the bottle from under this back, chucking it into the foliage. "Be a dear and help me up, will you?" Clumsily he clung to her, struggling several times to find his feet. When they finally rose, swaying and staggering, Cal put nearly all his weight on Ada as she guided him out of the roses.
Compared to Ada's small frame, Mr. Hockley was a big man, and she struggled to support him as they made there way across the lawn and into the kitchen. He smelled strongly of alcohol and must have spilled a great deal of it on himself while climbing the wall in the first place. But beneath that saccharin odor Ada also detected his cologne and felt the scrape of his stubbled cheek brushing against her face, an intimate sensation that sent her heart racing all over again.
Very carefully, she helped him into a chair, and once she was certain he wouldn't fall over, she quickly went to the stove and turned off the boiler, pouring what was left of the scalded milk into the sink. Filling a glass with water, she returned and offered it to her employer.
Call looked at the water skeptically. "That's not whisky."
"How observant of you. Drink it."
He raised a dark eyebrow at her boldness but accepted the glass without further retort. Ada was about to return to the stove and clean up the mess, when Mr. Hockley grabbed her wrist and pulled her toward him. The sudden gesture caught Ada by surprise and she stumbled, careful to keep her balance and not fall into him.
"You're hurt." He slurred, setting the glass on the table and turning Ada's wrist over. Cal's other hand cradled her arm, pushing up the sleeve of her dressing gown to reveal a series of red scratches crisscrossing against her pale skin.
Ada blushed, "They're just cuts from the rose bush, Sir. It's nothing."
"Is it painful?" He asked, gently brushing his fingers against the marks. The contact of his large hands against her irritated skin made for a stinging yet simultaneously soothing experience. A tingle crawled up Ada's spine and she carefully pulled her arm from his grasp.
Meeting Mr. Hockley's red-rimmed eyes, framed by black lashes and weary shadows, Ada quietly answered, "Not at all, Mr. Hockley. I'll be alright." She held his concerned gaze for a moment before casting her eyes to the similar marks that covered his hands. "But I should get something for your scratches. Wait just a moment. And drink that water."
Ada returned with a first aid kit and pulled up a chair to sit in front of him. Eyeing the glass, she was glad to see that some of the water had been drunk. Looking for his permission she asked, "May I?"
Cal swayed in his seat. Shrugging he silently offered her his hand. Wetting a cloth with liniment, Ada carefully pressed it to his skin. She checked Cal's face for any pain or discomfort but finding his glazed expression unchanged she continued cleaning the cuts.
"Why are you doing this?" He asked. "I don't pay extra to have you tend my wounds after I make an ass of myself in the middle of the night."
"True. Which is why I'm not doing this an obligation to my work." Ada said, switching to the other hand.
"Why then?"
She met his questioning gaze. "I couldn't just leave you, Mr. Hockley, not when you need help that I can provide."
"But you also needed help, and you wouldn't let me give it to you." He insisted, his voice tinted with some other meaning.
Ada blinked, her face reddening. Setting aside the liniment, she selected a balm. "You're my employer, Mr. Hockley. It's not your responsibility to help me."
"Of course it is." He scoffed. "It was my carelessness that sent those vultures to your door. You and your father wouldn't need security if I had just thought ahead for once instead of wallowing in…Oh, never mind! My point is, I am the one in a greater position of power, which makes me responsible for those who depend on me. Including you, Ms. Kruger, whatever your first name is again…What is your first name, again? I know I know it, it's on the tip of my tongue."
"It's Ada, Sir." She said, massaging the balm into the cuts on his hand.
"Yes, Ada. I knew that. I'm-I'm sorry I forgot. This night has been…"He sighed, "honestly one of the worst nights of my life. For that, I hope you can excuse my lapse in memory."
Ada's gaze was sympathetic. "Of course, Sir. I take no offense."
He smiled wearily, covering her hand with his. "Good. Thank you, Ada. For this and for… helping me down off that fucking wall -excuse my language."
"I'm just glad you're okay."
Cal met her gaze again, his expression difficult to read. Slowly, his thumb brushed against the back of her hand, sending goose bumps up her arm. "You are? Truly?"
Ada swallowed. "Yes, Sir. I…I think you should be alright now, with the cuts I mean. They should heal nicely and won't leave any scars."
"But what about you?" He asked, his eyes running over her, looking for harm. "Did they get your legs too?"
"Yes, Sir. Tore them to shreds," Ada admitted, smiling at him against her better judgement. "But I'll be alright. I appreciate your concern."
Cal returned her smile, but his was a mixture of relief, doubt, confusion and sorrow. "I suppose if I offered you something, you'd refuse it."
"That would depend on what you were offering…Sir." Ada's voice had dropped to more of a whisper, suddenly feeling as if they were doing something they shouldn't.
He seemed to think for a moment, weighing his options. "Since you gave me a salve for my cuts, it's only I fair I should be able to return the favor."
Ada relaxed, realizing she'd been holding her breath. "Of course, Sir. I see no harm in that."
"But not with this. I have something much better. Come." And standing, he pulled her to her feet. Ada hardly had a moment to protest before his arm was behind her back, ushering her out of the kitchen, up the servants' stairs and into the hallway where the master and guest bedrooms were. Suddenly thrust into an environment where they might be seen, Ada went quiet, afraid to rouse anyone by making a sound.
With her hand held firmly in his, Cal walked confidently toward his bedroom, only staggering on a couple of steps. Reaching the door he turned, standing much too close than what was proper. Ada felt his breath on her ear as he whispered, "Wait here." And disappeared into his bedroom.
Her heart was racing. All the voices of her better judgement were screaming at her to leave and quickly go back to her room. But before she could listen, Cal reemerged. Stepping into her personal space, he towered over her, their bodies practically touching. He swayed again and, reacting on instinct, Ada put her hands on his chest to stable him. She felt the firm strength beneath her touch and her face flushed. But Cal gave her a small smile, and placed a hand over hers, holding it against his heart.
"I'm alright, thank you. This is for you, Ada." And from behind his back he produced an intricate glass bottle. Cal offered it to her and Ada accepted, examining the French label in the dark of the hallway. The balm was imported, and no doubt expensive. Holding such a valuable gift, Ada regretted agreeing to his request. If this was seen in her quarters, she'd be accused of stealing it. But before she could give it back, Cal's touch on the side of her face made her freeze. His hand gently caressed her cheek as his lips pressed a chase yet electrifying kiss to the corner of her parted lips.
"Now I better go to sleep, before I cross any more boundaries that make you want to leave me." He whispered, resting his forehead against hers. "I know I'm a drunk and a cad. But please, still be here tomorrow. I can't bare being left all alone again."
"I…I'm not going anywhere, Mr. Hockley." Ada managed, tightly gripping the bottle. "Goodnight, Sir." And contrary to her remark, she backed away and quickly made her escape.
Once in the safety of her room, Ada fell on her bed, clutching the balm over her racing heart. Hesitantly, her fingers brushed the place where Caledon's lips had been as a warmth, fuzzy and electrifying, blossomed in her chest and spread throughout her body. Something in her woke up, casting any chance of sleep out the window.