Finding Equilibrium
Her side is pressed warm against his, his shame churning hotly inside his chest. His mind is reeling. He feels like he's teetering on the edge of something significant. He almost cannot make himself look down, afraid of what he will see. But he's been a coward for way too long now, so. The words stumble and get stuck at the back of his throat, but Noa simply smiles. "Jeroen," she says, "I've got a surprise for you."
And Jeroen stumbles and slips. But he doesn't fall.
000
The moment Jeroen sees his dad get out of the car, it's as if something lifts off his chest – something heavy and choking – something awful and acidic that had been eating at him for a long, long while.
The moment his dad's arms wrap around him, all the remorse and stress from the past few months melt away, shifting from the heavy weight on his chest into hot tears beading and finally spilling over and trailing down. And Jeroen finds he can breathe again, his lungs filling greedily with oxygen. He takes breath after breath, even as they turn unsteady and shudder out of him.
At that moment, Jeroen is a child again – a child that had been lost but was finally found again. "Dad," he whispers, low and trembling. "Dad, you – you're free. You're here." It's like a lullaby, like a prayer rolling off his tongue. As an answer, his dad wraps him up even tighter, whispering a soft "I am, son," against his scalp, callused fingers threading through his hair.
It seems so easy now - so very simple. All the shit Jeroen had gone through because of Wolf, all his despair and anxiety; it all seems so far away. Now, Jeroen simply lets his dad embrace him and hold him up, steadying him as he staggers as the sadness that had been inside of him for so long pours out. He simply couldn't stop crying now that he'd started. Normally, it should be embarrassing, but right now, Jeroen finds he doesn't care.
Later. Much later, when the sun is almost gone, painting the sky a deep red, the breeze bringing goosebumps to his skin, Noa smiles at him. Jeroen mirrors her expression and finds that for the first time in a long while, he really means it.
"Are you alright?" she asks him, her fingers intertwined with his own.
He dips his head and traces a finger across her knuckle. "Yes, yes, I'm good," Jeroen answers, and he draws nearer to her, bringing their mouths together. It's sweet, it's soft, it's something so gentle that Jeroen's almost afraid it will shatter. It doesn't, and he pushes down the quiver of anxiety. Because it's stupid, he tells himself. When they eventually pull away, Jeroen smiles again, the delicate gesture somehow feeling foreign. His hand finds the side of her face, fingers winding through dark and silky locks. "Thank you, Noa. Really," he murmurs into the space between their shared breaths.
This show was my childhood back in 2006. I remember being obsessed. Jeroen was my first proper childhood crush haha. Years and years later, he's still my fav. This boy needs some hugs. The moment with Jeroen seeing his dad again always had stuck me with intense emotions. Since I recently started rewatching some of the episodes, I felt inspired to write something. I chose to write this in English instead of Dutch because I'm more comfortable with it, but maybe I can try to finally write in my native language too haha. Also, I can't believe how unhinged some of the dialogue in this show is lol. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this little fic.