A/N: Warning for talk of self-harm, no graphic depictions.
"Let go of me! Please, Ma'am, please let me cut!" Grace screamed, struggling and failing to wrestle her wrist out of Olivia's grip.
"No, my baby, you don't need to do that. Calm down. I'm right here, I promise you're safe." Olivia soothed, maintaining her strong grip on her wriggling submissive, with one arm wrapped around Grace and holding Grace against her own body, and the other hand maintaining steady pressure on Grace's wrist, "Put it down, my baby. Come on, drop it."
Finally Grace exhausted herself and let out a mournful cry as she dropped the razor blade in her hand. It fell onto the counter and bounced into the sink. Grace began to sob as she fell to her knees on the bathroom floor, taking Olivia with her. Olivia let go of Grace's wrist and used her free hand to gently stroke Grace's hair.
"That's my good girl." Olivia soothed.
"I'm not good." Grace sobbed.
"Yes, you are. You're a very good girl. Just because you got your five licks doesn't mean you aren't a good girl. You are always a good girl, no matter how you behave." Olivia correctly guessed that Grace's sudden need to cut stemmed from the fact that she had just been given five licks of the wooden spoon.
"I'm not allowed to mess up. You won't want me anymore." Grace sobbed, her mind trapped in the past.
"You are absolutely allowed to mess up sometimes. You are human, and humans mess up sometimes. I might have to correct you when you mess up, and sometimes that means I might have to spank you or put you to bed early or wash your mouth out with soap or make you write lines, or if you are on obedience training I will have to give you your five licks, but I will always love you, and I will always want you. There is nothing you could ever do to make me stop loving you." Olivia spoke lovingly in Grace's ear, "Now, we are going to stand up and go to the bedroom."
"Please don't spank me, Ma'am. I'm sorry." Grace sobbed.
"I'm not going to spank you right now, sweetheart. I am taking you to the bedroom so that we can cuddle up and talk through all of this, and I want to look at your cuts to make sure nothing is infected." Olivia explained, "Come on, up on your feet like a good girl."
Olivia didn't loosen her grip on Grace until they reached the bedroom. Grace turned in Olivia's arms and tried to cling to her Mistress. Olivia held Grace close for a moment and kissed her head.
"I promise I will hold you for as long as you want in just a little while, little one; I'll hold you for the rest of the day if that's what my baby wants. But right now, I need you to be my brave girl and take your clothes off so I can make sure none of your cuts are infected." Olivia spoke lovingly.
Grace reluctantly let go of Olivia and slowly began to undress, blushing lightly. Olivia's heart shattered upon seeing the cuts on Grace's delicate skin, far more cuts than she had thought there would be. The brunette detective retrieved the first aid kit from the bathroom and quickly returned to the bedroom.
"Come kneel down, my baby." Olivia sat down on the bed.
Grace dropped to her knees at Olivia's feet and offered up her right arm when she was told to do so, wincing a little bit as Olivia carefully inspected her arm and doctored her cuts with ointment. The process was repeated on her left arm, and then Grace was instructed to lie down on the bed on her back so that Olivia could tend to the few cuts on her legs that weren't quite healed yet. With all of that accomplished, Olivia climbed up on the bed and cuddled Grace in her arms. Grace shifted her position so that she could cling to Olivia and lay her head on Olivia's shoulder, and Olivia gently rubbed Grace's panty-clad bottom to soothe her.
"Are you ready to come out and talk to me, baby?" Olivia spoke kindly, noticing that Grace had her pretty face hidden on her shoulder. Her question was answered with a pair of dazzling blue eyes looking up at her with a mixture of fear and embarrassment, "You have no reason to be ashamed, sweetheart. We are just going to sit here and cuddle for as long as you want, and we are going to figure out how to help you. First, I would like for you to tell me how long this has been going on."
"I'm not sure, Ma'am," Grace admitted honestly, "I think it started about five weeks after Dr. Lindstrom."
"Dr. Lindstrom can't hurt you anymore, baby, I promise. ADA Carisi is going to keep me updated and tell me when his trial is going to be, and we are going to get through the trial together."
"Another one?" Gracie's lower lip trembled.
"Yes, sweetie, I'm sorry, but you're going to have to go to court again." Olivia said gently, "We can talk more about that later. Right now, I think we need to come up with a game plan to help you with the urge to cut. For the foreseeable future, we are going to do weekly check-ins on Sunday where I will look you over and make sure you don't have any new cuts. If I find any new ones, you won't be punished, but there won't be any extra treats until after the next Sunday; no desserts, no boxing, no shooting range, and no tickles. If at any point you are feeling angry or anxious or stressed or anything else like that and you feel the need to cut, you are going to come to me and I will give you a stress relief spanking. If too many Sundays go by where I'm finding new cuts, then our weekly sessions will increase to twice a week, and if it becomes necessary, three times a week. We are also going to talk to Dr. Olivet about this, and she is going to be there to help you too, and you aren't going to put up a fuss about doing anything that she recommends. Do you understand?"
"If I mess up and you find new cuts, can I still have cuddles and hugs and kisses? And will you still rub my bottom?" Grace asked, almost fearful of the answer.
"That is something I will never take away from you, my baby. I will always give you affection." Olivia assured her.
"Are you going to punish me for lying to you, Ma'am? I'm not on my month, and on our way down here when we stopped for snacks, I wasn't in the bathroom just to go to the bathroom, I was cutting." Grace admitted.
"Do you think I should?" Olivia inquired, and Grace hesitated for a moment.
"I don't want you to, Ma'am, but I guess I deserve it." Grace admitted, and Olivia understood that Grace wasn't just asking for a punishment, she was asking for a cleansing of her soul.
"Bring me the paddle, sweetheart."
Grace reached into Olivia's bag and retrieved the paddle, and handed it over to her loving disciplinarian. Olivia shifted her position so that she was sitting on the edge of the bed and she gently guided Grace over her lap and pulled her panties down. She gently laid her hand on Grace's bare bottom and lovingly rubbed it.
"Do you understand why you're being punished, my baby?" Olivia inquired.
"Yes, Ma'am, because I lied to you twice." Grace's lower lip trembled.
"I am going to give you a spanking, and then you are going to have your mouth washed out with soap, and then it will be over and I'll hold you for as long as you want."
"Yes, Ma'am. I'm sorry I lied." Grace whimpered.
"I know, princess. You've already been forgiven. Let's get this over with." Olivia raised up her strong right hand and brought it down sharply.
"Ouch!" Grace yelped. Knowing that this was only the beginning, she struggled to stay as still and quiet as possible under her Mistress's usually gentle hand.
"What are you going to do the next time you feel the urge to cut?" Olivia inquired, pausing the spanking and gently patting Grace's bright pink bottom.
"I will come to you for stress relief, Ma'am." Grace replied.
"Good girl. You will not endanger your life, I won't tolerate it." Olivia picked up the paddle and tapped it on Grace's bottom to let her know it was coming, "And what are you going to do the next time you are tempted to lie to me?" Olivia raised up the paddle and brought it down sharply.
"OW! I will tell you the truth, Ma'am, I promise!" Grace winced.
When Olivia felt Grace go limp across her lap and the sound of Grace's sobbing changed, the brunette detective threw down the paddle as if it had burned her and began to gently rub Grace's heaving back. Grace laid there for several minutes sobbing her heart out and then slowly she began to calm. Upon realizing that her paddling was over, she committed the pain to memory and reached back to gently rub her bottom, only to have Olivia gently grab her wrist.
"Not yet, my baby. After your mouthsoaping is over, you can rub as much as you want." Olivia explained. Grace whimpered, but she didn't fuss and simply moved her arm back in front of her.
Knowing that she was allowed to lie across Olivia's lap for as long as she wanted until she felt like getting up, Grace laid there for several more long minutes while Olivia lovingly rubbed her back and stroked her hair. Finally, Grace pushed herself up from Olivia's lap. Olivia stood from the bed and gently led Grace into the bathroom where Grace slowly planted her sore bottom on the hard porcelain toilet seat lid, wincing and whimpering as she did so. The young submissive watched sadly as her Mistress prepared the soapy cloth. Realizing that this was going to be only her second mouthsoaping, Grace thought back to the first and took comfort in the fact that she had survived that one, and therefore would survive this one.
"Open." Olivia placed her hand on the back of Grace's neck. Grace squeezed her eyes closed and obediently opened her mouth. Olivia scrubbed the inside of her mouth thoroughly, including her tongue, the sides of her mouth, and against her teeth. When Grace's mouth had been sufficiently scrubbed, Olivia placed the bar of soap in her mouth and allowed Grace to lay her head against her hip. She held Grace's hand and gently stroked her long dark hair as she offered a gentle lecture on the importance of telling the truth, and reinforcing the idea that Grace needed to come to her instead of cutting herself. At the conclusion of Olivia's lecture, Grace was sobbing as if the world was coming to an end.
"Thirty more seconds, my baby, then you can rinse your mouth, I promise." Olivia soothed.
It was the longest thirty seconds of Grace's life, but when Olivia finally granted her permission and kissed Grace's forehead, the young submissive jumped up off her sore bottom and rushed to rinse her mouth with water for several minutes. With that accomplished, Grace turned off the water and burst into fresh sobs, turning and burying her face on Olivia's shoulder.
"Oh, sweetheart. That's my good girl." Olivia soothed as she gathered Grace into her arms and led her out of the bathroom and into the bedroom, "You were so good for me, angel. Come here, baby, let's have a nice cuddle now. It's all over."
Olivia arranged them so that they were comfortable on the bed, and Grace climbed practically on top of her to be cuddled and comforted, clinging to her Mistress for dear life while Olivia gently rubbed her spanked bottom to soothe the pain and showered her with affection and tender words while the younger brunette sobbed on her shoulder.
"I'm scared, Ma'am." Grace sobbed.
"You have nothing to be afraid of, my baby. I am right here and we are going to figure all of this out and get through it together." Olivia assured her.