A/N: Dunno why I started watching this show again, but I did and I don't regret it. I loved it as a kid and I love it even more now as an adult now that I understand everything about the messages and themes it portrayed.
Some things have changed as far as what characters I like and dislike, while others have not. Case in point: Carl has become one of my favorite characters in the show. As a kid I couldn't stand the guy because I mostly saw him as an annoying little twerp with a penchant for mischief. Rewatching the show, however... hoo boy that view has certainly changed. (My views on Dodie and Miranda have not changed, however, as I still hate them. Though, to be honest, no one likes Dodie especially.) Courtney, strangely enough, wasn't a character I cared that much about either until I recently rewatched the show.
Anyway... I love the show, but one thing that kind of irked me was the lack of Lois and Carl bonding (aside from the house hunting bit towards the end of the show). I get that he was slightly younger than Ginger and didn't really get into situations that required life advice, but I feel like there were a couple here and there that required it. It is possible that it happened and we never got to see it as it was mostly done through Ginger's POV, but it still would have been nice to see. (We also didn't get to see much of any major positive sibling bonding scenes between Carl and Ginger whatsoever. I know the two were completely different from one another, but come on!) But hey, that's what fanfiction is for, yeah? (Though there is a surprising lack of ATBG fanfiction out there, and most of it is romance. Kind of boring if you ask me... there's a lot to explore with this series and people focus on the romance? There's also a huge lack of Carl-focused fanfics, with the little that there are, so I'm going to fix that a bit with these.)
So, this one-shot takes place right after No Hope For Courtney when they find out that Mrs. Gordon passed away and Carl starts feeling guilty as he thinks it's his fault that she died. I could see it happening, to be honest, so that's why I'm writing about it. I have a sequel in mind that takes place a year afterward that's more episode-like. This one isn't as it's a more... in-between thing? Something like that. Hopefully I do the characters justice as much as possible, lol.
Enjoy! It's not very long as it's not meant to be, but still, enjoy.
EDIT 4/9/2024: So I added an ending dream sequence I meant to add in the first place. You'll see it if you scroll to the bottom.
Carl's Guilty Lament
"I... I still can't believe it, Carl," Hoodsey started with a somber tone as he and Carl walked home from school, "she seemed perfectly healthy when we saw her and-"
"Hoods, please, not right now," Carl said in a matched somber tone. He was slightly hunched over with his hands in his pockets as he walked. "I don't want to think about it at the moment."
"Oh, sorry," Hoodsey murmured as they stopped in front of his house. "Do you want to come in? Maybe watch TV or play some games? You know, take your mind off of it?"
"Thanks, but I'm just gonna head home for now. I'll call you later, okay?"
"Alright. See ya, Carl," Hoodsey said as he unlocked and entered the door to his house. He turned around and waved to Carl, who waved back half-heartedly, before gently closing the door.
With a sigh, Carl continued his slow trek home.
"I told him I don't want to think about it, but it's all I can think about," he mumbled to himself. Angrily, he kicked a soda can that was in his path and sent it flying. It landed in the middle of the road where a passing car ran over it, crushing it flat. Carl hastily wiped away at the tears forming at the corner of his eyes with a scowl. "Stupid Gordo... Why'd you have to go and die on me, huh? Just when I thought you were coming back to us, you leave us forever instead!"
As he continued walking, a new, deep, subconscious thought entered his mind.
'Was... was it something I did?'
Before long, Carl found himself outside his front door. With a sigh, he opened it and walked in, closing the door behind him gently.
"Ginger? Is that you? I thought you were hanging out with Dodie and Macie for a while?" He heard his mom call out from the kitchen. Completely ignoring her as he was lost in his own thoughts, he headed up the stairs as quietly as he could to avoid confrontation. Unfortunately, that was not meant to be.
"Ginge? Are you- Carl? What on Earth are you doing home so soon? You never come home straight from school!" Carl cringed as he was discovered. He just wanted to be alone without being noticed, was that so difficult?
"Oh, uh, change of plans today, Momster. Hoodsey had to be home on Jojo's orders, so I'm just gonna hang out in my room for the rest of the day. See ya!" With that, he scrambled the rest of the way up the stairs to get to his room.
"Carl-!" Lois called out before flinching as the door to her son's room was slammed shut. "I swear, that boy better not be up to something nefarious. Hm." As she walked away from the bottom of the stairs, something seemed to nag at her. 'I can't help feeling something's wrong, though...'
With a sigh, Carl leaned against his bedroom door for a moment before tossing his backpack to the side and walking over to his bed, climbing the ladder before flopping down face first into the mattress. He mustered the energy to flip around to his back so he could stare up at the ceiling in contemplation.
'Maybe it was me... I probably put too much stress on her, and all that effort in trying to convince her to return was the final straw. It's my fault. All my fault...'
-Hours Later, At Dinner Time-
"Ginger, could you go fetch your brother for dinner? He's been holed up in that bedroom of his all day and I'm sure he's got to be hungry by this point," Lois asked as she and Ginger set the table for dinner.
"Holed up? That's unusual, Carl's never in one place for too long," Ginger said with a lifted eyebrow. "Not unless he's sleeping, anyway."
"That's what I'm saying! I can't help but feel something's wrong that he's not telling me if I'm being perfectly honest," Lois said with a hand on her chin and a furrowed brow.
"Maybe you should go get him if something is wrong. It's highly unlikely he'll talk to me, after all," Ginger suggested as she finished setting the table. "Are we sure he's not just plotting some hairbrained scheme that's been taking him all day?"
"Hm, could be, but my mother's intuition is telling me something else. Alright, I'll go get him, you just stir the potatoes so they don't stick to the pan," Lois said as she began making her way upstairs.
"Aye aye, captain," Ginger replied with a small chuckle.
Lois swiftly reached Carl's door and gently knocked.
"Carl? Dinner's almost ready." When she received no reply, Lois frowned. If it were not for the slight shuffling noise she heard from within, she would have thought no one was in the room. Grabbing the doornob, she twisted it, hoping it was not locked and that his alarm system was disabled (something she was secretly impressed with). Luckily, it seemed that Carl had forgotton to do both.
"Carl?" she said as she opened the door, noticing that it was dark in his room. She flicked on the light and took notice of her son's location on his bed.
"Go away, I'm not hungry," Carl mumbled. He was laying on his side under the sheets, facing the wall of his room.
"Okay, now I know something's wrong! You're always hungry!" Lois exclaimed as she approached the bed. She was too big to get up on the bed, but she could stand on the ladder at the very least.
"Nothing's wrong, Lola, I'm just not hungry! Is that a crime?" Carl grumbled.
'Not sure I like that snippy attitude, but I'll let it slide for now.' With a silent sigh, Lois stood, quite uncomfortably she might add, on the second to last step of the ladder. She reached over and put a gentle hand on his shoulder, frowning a bit when he flinched.
"Look, Carl, I know I give you a hard time about things sometimes, but I want you to know you can always come to me if you need help with anything, alright? I know I might not be the father figure you'd probably rather go to, but I'm all you have at the moment, kiddo." She reached up and tucked a stray hair from his face. "I love you, you know, and that won't ever change no matter how many headaches I get from your antics."
Carl chuckled quietly at that and Lois took it as a small victory.
"I know," he said softly. "I'll... I'll think about it."
"That's all I ask. You know where to find me if you want to talk." She patted his shoulder before she stepped down from the ladder, wincing a bit from how uncomfortable it was standing on it. "Do you still want dinner?"
"No, I don't think I could stomach any food right now," Carl said. No, he definitely could not eat anything at the moment lest he throw it right back up.
"I'll wrap it up and put it in the fridge for you then," Lois said before the exited his bedroom.
"Thanks, Mom."
"Go ahead and wrap up your brother's plate and stick it in the fridge, Ginge, I'm afraid he's not coming down to eat right now," Lois said as she made her way into the kitchen. This caused Ginger to look at her mom in shock and mild concern.
"Is he alright? He's never one to turn down dinner," she asked with a frown as she did what her mom requested.
"Eh, physically he's fine, but Carl's definitely down in the dumps about somethin'. You haven't heard about anything happening that might have caused this, have ya?" Lois asked as she sat down at her spot at the table. "Oh, and thanks for preparing the plates."
"No problem, but no, I haven't heard about anything. I can try talking to him after dinner, or at least get him to come talk to you, if you want." Ginger offered as she took her place at the table as well.
"I already told him he can come to me, but if you can convince him to come talk to me, at the very least, that would be appreciated. But good luck, that boy's as stubborn and secretive as he is smart, and those qualities don't mix well with him sometimes," Lois said before tucking in to her dinner. Ginger just rolled her eyes at that.
"Don't need to tell me that, but I'll give it an honest shot."
Ginger took a deep breath before lightly rapping on her brother's bedroom door. "Carl?"
"Go away, Ginger." She heard Carl grumble from the other side of the door which caused her to frown. He was acting like a moody teenager and he was not even thirteen yet! The thought caused her to shudder a bit; a teenaged Carl was something she was not ready to live with yet.
"I know you're upset about something, Carl, I just thought you might want to talk about it," she offered.
"Well I don't, now go away!" Ginger groaned as quietly as she could as this was not going how she thought it would, but an idea came to her.
"Well, can I at least just come in? We don't have to talk." She stood there for a few moments waiting until her brother finally answered.
"Fine." With permission, she cautiously turned the doorknob and stepped into the one room she almost never stepped foot into. Ginger wrinkled her nose slightly at the smell of 'adolescent boy' that permeated the surprisingly clean room, but ignored it. Her brother was many things, but someone who was unorganized with trash and dirty clothes laying around was not one of them. Probably partially due to Hoodsey's influence over the years, no doubt. And their mom, of course.
Glancing around, she quickly spotted her brother on his bed and made her way over, climbing the ladder and sitting down on the mattress with her legs dangling over the side. She barely fit without hitting her head on the ceiling, but she managed.
Carl glanced at her briefly with a frown before turning away again to stare at the wall. He was confused at what she was doing or was up to. He knew she would not judge him for his feelings, but he just did not feel comfortable talking about them to his sister of all people.
"What do you want, sis?" he asked quietly after a few moment of silence.
"Well, I want you to talk to me, but since that's not going to happen, I just thought I would sit here with you in silent support," Ginger said with a shrug. Carl gave a snort at that before deciding to sit up, silently groaning from the stiffness of laying in one spot and position for a long time. He knocked the sheet off of him and sat down next to her, lacing his fingers together as he avoided looking at her. He was startled when he felt her wrap an arm around his shoulder, taken off guard as she was almost never physically affectionate with him.
Well, to be fair, Carl never gave her a reason to be most of the time.
"Look, Carl, both me and mom are worried about you; this isn't like you at all! You don't have to fully talk to me, but could you at least give me the rundown on what's wrong?" Carl looked down as he thought about it for a few moments before sighing.
"Have you ever felt guilty about something that you logically know isn't your fault, but you still feel like it is?"
Ginger blinked in surprise at his admission, then blinked again as what he said sunk in. 'He's feeling guilty about something? Must be serious if he's been acting like this all day.'
"I have several times, but I always either reasoned with myself that it wasn't if it was something minor, or had Mom help me work through it. With how it seems to be affecting you, Carl, you really should talk to Mom. She's not going to judge you, even if you did something completely illegal. She'll help you with your problem then reprimand you if you broke the law," Ginger said with a chuckle, trying to lighten her brother's mood a bit. Thankfully, he did smile a bit.
"Well, Lola can be rest assured that I won't be going to jail anytime soon. Or serve community service," Carl teased with a slight smirk, which made Ginger roll her eyes. "But fine, I'll talk to her if it'll make you happy."
"It's not to make me happy, Carl, it's to make you feel better, but... I'm happy that you are willing to. I know I don't say or show it much, but I do care about you, even if you are a menace most of the time."
"Hey! I'll have you know that some of my plans had good intentions, they just ended up wreaking havoc!"
"Mm hm..." Ginger hummed, unconvinced. 'I'll believe it when I see it.' "Just go see Mom when you're ready, alright? And try not to chicken out."
"Me? Chicken out? When have I ever?" Carl said with a defiant look. Ginger just fully hugged him before climbing down from the bed.
Before she left the room, however, she turned back around to address her brother. "By the way, you might want to take a shower, you reek of sweat and grime." With that, she left the room.
Lifting up an arm and giving a whiff, Carl reeled back a bit when he realized his sister was right. 'I'll take one before I talk to Mom.' With a quiet sigh, he lowered his arm and turned his gaze up to the ceiling, gaining a contemplative look.
"I don't remember the ceiling being this close before."
Lois hummed quietly to herself as she perused the novel she was reading. She had to work the late shift tomorrow, so she could stay up and relax a bit before then. However, Lois had a hard time concentrating on the words before her, her mind was constantly shifting between different thoughts and her concern over her son's behavior. 'At least Ginger managed to convince Carl to come to me. When that will be, who knows; that boy is unpredictable.'
With a quiet sigh, realizing she was not going to get any reading done, she marked her place in the book and laid it on the nightstand next to her bed. Lois leaned back against her pillows and closed her eyes, deciding to just relax to the sound of the ticking wall clock in her room. 'Haven't had peace and quiet like this in a while. Might as well enjoy it while it lasts.'
Of course she ended up jinxing herself when she heard a soft knock on her bedroom door. With a silent groan, she looked at her alarm clock and noticed that it was about eleven thirty. Both of her kids should have been in bed fast asleep by now, though she thought she heard the upstairs shower running a while ago, so obviously one of them was still awake for whatever reason.
"Come in," Lois said as she sat up. She was a bit surprised to see that it was Carl who walked into her room, albeit a bit hesitantly. She noted that his hair was still damp and he was wearing his pajamas, so it was definitely him who had taken the shower. "Carl? What are you still doing up? You have school tomorrow."
-A Few Minutes Earlier-
Carl stood pacing outside his mother's door, a worried look on his face. He knew she was still awake, if the light coming from underneath the door was any indication. 'Come on Foutley, get it together! This is just the Momster we're going to talk to, not the CEO of a company or something.'
With a quiet gulp, he raised a slightly shaking fist and softly knocked on her door.
-Present-
"I... I know, but I couldn't sleep. I think I need to get whatever's bothering me off my chest, ya know?" Carl said as he softly closed the door behind him.
"Oh?" 'Wasn't expecting it this soon, or so late in the evening, but I'll take it.' Lois sat up on the side of her bed and patted the spot next to her. "Well, hop up on here and let's see if I can help ya out."
Shuffling over to her slowly, Carl climbed up on to her bed and sat there staring at the floor while biting his lip nervously.
They both sat there for several minutes before Lois lifted an eyebrow at her son.
"Well, I can't help ya if you don't tell me what's wrong, Carl," she said. "If you're not ready to talk, that's fine, we can do this another day."
"It's not that, I'm just trying to figure out how to start," he said before looking up at his mom with a slight frown. "Can you promise not to tell Ginger about this?"
"Mother's honor," Lois said with a smile. Carl just chuckled a bit at that.
"Isn't it supposed to be 'nurse's honor'?"
"Well, I'm being you mother right now, Carl, not your nurse. They are two separate occupations," Lois stated with humor. She wrapped an arm around his shoulders and pulled him gently against her side, sensing he needed the comfort. "Just start whenever you're ready."
With a silent sigh, Carl leaned his head against her side, absorbing the much needed comfort. He frowned a bit as he thought on how to start the conversation.
"Gordo died last night," Carl started, his voice cracking a bit with emotion.
"Oh! Oh Carl, I'm so sorry!" Lois knew Carl called Mrs. Gordon 'Gordo'. She knew the woman had not liked the nickname, but Lois knew he liked giving nicknames to people; it was just who he was and he meant no harm by them. He was the one who came up with Hoodsey's nickname, even.
"It was my fault, Mom, I pushed her too far! I just know it!" Carl growled out and clenched his fists, startling Lois by his declaration. "I played too many pranks on her and stressed her out! She's dead because of me!" He clenched his eyes shut against the tears starting to form, refusing to let them fall. He wrenched himself from his mother's arms and hopped off of the bed to start pacing.
"I know I shouldn't have done them, but I still did! And to top it all off I kept bugging her to come back. I begged her to come out of retirement, and just when I thought something was going right in my life for once and that she was coming back, she goes and dies! It's not fair!" Carl had stopped pacing and stood in one spot panting as his rant came to an end.
Lois knew better than to interrupt, as she had learned from Ginger's rants about things to just let them get it out of their system first, and Carl was no exception. She was incredibly concerned, however, that her almost eleven year old son was blaming himself for his teacher's untimely passing. That she was going to have to nip in the bud immediately. Though, Lois could not help but feel that Carl was masking his grief with feelings of guilt and anger.
Standing up swiftly, she knelt down in front of Carl and placed her hands on his shoulders, causing him to look up at her.
"Carl, I want you to listen to me, alright? You are not, I repeat, are not, responsible for Mrs. Gordon's death."
"But, I-" Carl tried to argue, but he was cut off by Lois.
"No buts, ya hear? You are a child, and she was an almost eighty year old woman who probably had any number of health issues she did not share with the world, let alone her students," Lois explained. More softly this time, she continued, "I know it hurts, kiddo, and I know how much you cared about her, but it was probably just her time. I know it's hard to understand why sometimes, but we all pass on at some point, it's how life works."
"Then what's the point in life if it all just comes to an end anyway?" Carl grumbled as he turned away and crossed his arms, causing his mom to drop her hands from his shoulders.
Lois internally winced at the question. No child, no matter how smart or mature they may be, should be asking that question.
"No one can truly answer that, Carl, not even the greatest philosophers in the world could answer that, but I suppose life is what you make of it in the short time that we're here. You just have to make the best of it and enjoy the time you have on Earth to the fullest," she explained. She shifted to sitting on the floor to spare her knees from the kneeling position she had been in while she waited on her son's response.
It was silent for a few moments before Lois heard quiet grumbling from Carl.
"Carl?"
"Why do I keep losing everyone I love?" She heard him him say, nearly inaudibly. Her heart clenched in pain at the despair in his voice. She could not argue with him as he had lost two people, and a dog, in such a short amount of time in his young life. She did not count Jonas, but she supposed Carl might.
He turned around then and looked at her, his face full of grief. "Who's life going to take from me next? Ginger? You? Hoodsey? Because it seems to be punishing me for something!"
Alright, that was it. Getting back into a kneeling position, Lois got right in front of Carl and held him by the shoulders once more with a bit more force this time to keep him from moving away.
"You are not being punished, Carl, do you understand me? None of this is your fault, and nothing ever was your fault. Monster, Maude, Elaine... they were circumstances beyond your or anyone's control. And nothing that happens in the future to any of us will be your fault, either. If anything happens to us. I need you to let go of these thoughts of yours, they're self-destructive!"
Finally, she decided to just pull him into a much-needed hug. He clenched on to her tightly as she struggled to stand up. Her son was not as small and light as he used to be, after all. With a small, silent sigh of relief, she sat on the edge of her bed, shifting Carl into a more comfortable position.
"Let go of your guilt and let yourself grieve, Carl. You don't need to hold on to these feelings, it's not healthy. I know you might feel embarrassed, but I promise, it's just you and me in here. No one else has to know, not even your sister."
Carl, albeit a bit reluctantly, felt his guilt slowly wash away with his mother's words. It was quickly replaced by the heart-clenching grief that had been buried underneath, and he could not stop the tears this time even if he tried. He felt his shoulders start to shake as he buried his face into his mother's shoulder.
Lois just held him and rubbed his back in comfort as he released his emotions.
-A Few Hours Later-
Ginger yawned as she slowly sat up in her bed, blearily blinking the sleep out of her eyes. With half-lidded eyes, she glanced at her clock, noting that it was almost two forty-five in the morning. Grunting, she threw off her covers and sat up on the side of her bed, stretching with a yawn. She slowly stood up and made her way out of her room to head downstairs in order to quench the growing thirst that had woken her up in the first place.
As she made it to the bottom of the staircase, she glanced down and blinked in surprise to see that her mother's room still had light flooding out from underneath the door. 'That's weird, she's usually asleep by now, isn't she?' Ginger knew how her mom slept when she had to work third shift, and she was usually asleep by this point. 'Maybe she just forgot to turn off the light?' With a shrug, she silently opened her mom's bedroom door slowly and glanced in.
She blinked in mild surprise at first, then smiled when she saw her brother curled up, fast asleep, against their mom, who was also fast asleep with a protective arm wrapped around him. With a silent giggle, Ginger crept over towards them and shut off the bedside lamp after covering the two of them with Lois' comforter. 'I haven't seen Carl sleep with Mom since he was five.'
That sure seemed like forever ago. At that time, he had been suffering from nightmares and had taken to sleeping with their mom until they disappeared.
'Well, I'm glad he talked to her about whatever was eating at him.' She had noticed the dried tear tracks on her brother's face, after all, so it was an easy deduction to make that he had indeed talked with her.
Creeping her way back out of the room, Ginger closed the door as slowly and quietly as she could behind her before making her way to the kitchen to grab a drink.
'Hopefully now he'll be back to his normal, annoying self.'
-Carl's Dream-
'Why am I floating around in the void? What's going on?' Carl thought as his dream-self drifted through a black void of nothing. 'Is this a dream? It's a pretty boring one, especially for a lucid dream.' With a slight huff, he crossed his arms and frowned. 'Come on, I can come up with something better than this!' He closed his eyes tightly, trying to imagine something cool, but when he opened his eyes shortly after, all he still saw was darkness. 'Maybe I can do some loops or something to stave off this boredom?'
Carl uncrossed his arms and did a few loop-de-loops and turns in the air, which, while fun, did not help. It did nothing but make him feel like a ballet dancer. He threw his hands up in defeat at that point.
"What's the point of this dream?!" he cried out into the void.
"I'll tell you what the point is, Carl Foutley." The sudden, easily recognizable voice had Carl turning around so fast he nearly gave his dream-self whiplash.
"Gordo?!" he shouted out in elation.
"Well, who else would I be? Amelia Earhart? And must you call me by that dreaded name even in de-OOF!" Mrs. Gordon was cut off as Carl tackled her in a hug.
"I'm so sorry! It'sallmyfaultandIshouldhaveneverdoneanyofthatstufftoyou," Carl babbled as his words ran together.
"What in heavens are you babbling about, Foutley? Are you really still blaming yourself for my death even after that talk with your mother? Honestly, boy, you give me a headache, even here," Gordo said as she put a hand to her forehead even as she tried to pry Carl off of her. Eventually, though, he let go of his own accord.
"I guess my subconscious still feels a bit guilty," he said a bit glumly as he stared downward.
"Hm, that's probably why I'm here then." With a sigh, Mrs. Gordon kneeled down and laid a hand on Carl's shoulder which caused him to look up at her. "Look, Carl, your mother wasn't too far off in her assumption of my health."
"You mean... you were sick?" Carl asked. "But then... why didn't you just tell us?"
"Tell a bunch of ten year olds their teacher was dying of cancer? Out of the question, young man!" she scolded, but without any heat behind it.
"C-cancer?" Carl whispered with wide eyes and a shocked look on his face. "But, y-you seemed so healthy!"
"I was good at hiding it," she said bluntly. "It was the true reason I decided to retire. I only told you it was because of you so that none of you would worry about me, but apparently that backfired." Gordo shook her head with a rueful smile. "I was hoping to spend the last few months of my life in peace, but it was unexpectedly cut short, so it only ended up being a couple of weeks."
"S-so you were never going to come out of retirement, then? Even after my entire show and dance?" Carl said with a sad frown.
"No, I'm afraid not, Carl, but I do appreciate the party you threw for me, even if I didn't show it at the time. You gave me some happiness before I passed away that night, and I can't thank you enough for that. Now, dredge up those final feelings of guilt you carry and scatter them to the wind, Foutley. My time is over, but you still have your whole life ahead of you, so I better not see you in the afterlife until you're even older than me, got it?" Carl chuckled a bit at that as his subconscious guilt finally faded away.
"I'll do my best, Gordo." Without a second thought, he threw himself into her arms once more, catching Mrs. Gordon off guard again. This time, however, she reciprocated the hug.
"I'm going to miss you," Carl mumbled as a few tears fell from the corners of his eyes. He felt Gordo pat his back.
"Despite driving me crazy on a daily basis, I'm going to miss you, too. All of you. But we'll see each other again, just make sure it isn't for another eighty years or so for my sake, hm?" She reiterated. "Oh, and I prefer tulips. Remember that."
Carl just nodded before the dark void around him consumed him and Gordo, and he was suddenly back in the world of the living as he opened his eyes.
"So long, Gordo, and thank you," Carl whispered to himself before turning over in his mother's arm and falling back into a dreamless sleep.
END
A/N: Originally I was gonna continue it from there to the next morning, but I decided against it. To be quite honest, I'm not even sure I'm happy with this, but here it is. Hopefully the other stories I have planned please me more, especially since they are all pretty much re-written season 3 and beyond stuff, but we'll see.
Mrs. Gordon's VA passed away from cancer, so I decided to make that the reason for her passing as well.