A soft groan rumbled in my chest before my eyes fluttered open, my hands reaching and searching of their own accord.
Instead of Alice, I found empty bed covers.
I was about to panic - finally convinced it had all just been a hyper-realistic dream - but then she darted to my side and I could breathe easily again.
Her clothes were different. She wore a burgundy dress cinched at the waist by a brown leather belt, and her hair, although still disarrayed, looked like she had tried to tame it with a black bow.
"You left," I accused groggily.
"Of course I did! I needed to change. This is a small town, Bella. We do not want the townsfolk to think that you are shacking up with the local vampire, do we?" She smirked, "The rumor mill really would start to spin, then!"
Alice slid herself over the blankets to rest her knees on either side of my hips. The feel of her pressing into the covers sent electric thrills running right through me. She had to know what she was doing. She just had to.
"I think you need to have sex to shack up, Alice."
Uncharacteristically bold. She thought so, too.
My cheeks felt unbearably hot as Alice's brow quirked upwards, a crooked smile perking her scarlet lips.
"Hmm, in time," Alice pecked me on the mouth before disappearing as quickly as she'd come, her promise a tantalizing prospect that lingered in the air between us.
"Did you at least get some sleep before you snuck out?" I yawned, propping myself up on my elbows so I could stretch out more thoroughly.
"We do not sleep," Alice stated matter-of-factly.
"What? Not at all?" My grogginess faded near instantly.
"Nope. Not even a little bit!" She chuckled, reveling in my piqued curiosity and, I suspected, the newly acquired freedom to share secrets.
"How about for now, we just focus on something far more entertaining than my eternal insomnia?" She wagged her finger at me, twirling across the room in entrancing pirouettes, "We are going on an adventure!"
"An adventure?" I questioned, my eyes tracking her every startling move.
"Yes," She grinned as she continued to twirl with a perfect execution that would make even Juilliard green with envy, "You should know by now how much I do love them!"
"Alice, I'm not sure a school excursion, or saving me from your creepy brother, counts as adventure," I slumped back into my pillows and tried to get comfy again, "And, anyway, what I was really asking, was where exactly are we even supposed to be going?"
"If I told you, it would not be nearly as exciting, now would it?" She stopped mid-twirl - perfectly frozen - to send me an annoyed glance.
If I hadn't known better, I would have thought her a statue. Perhaps depicting Athena's ire at the simpleton? Or, simply depicting ire itself. Regardless, her cool glare made me squirm.
"Exciting for you or for me? I don't do well with surprises. What am I even supposed to tell Charlie?" I finally rolled out of bed - her stare a keen motivator.
Alice broke out of her trance once my wiggling toes hit the carpet.
She materialized at my side. A ghostly apparition too real and too beautiful to be the cause for screaming.
"First, Charlie is going fishing down on the reservation. Second, a little for you but mostly for me. And, as for you aversion to spontaneity, I think you like surprises more than you know. In my humble opinion, you have just never been surprised with something that is worth, well, the surprise."
And again she was off, fleeting across my room like a sparrow lavishing in the warm sunlight. The difference was that it wasn't a warm sun-filled day. It was a cold cloudy morning, just as it was every other morning in Forks. And, instead of zipping between branches with flurrying wings or coasting on a wind current high above the treetops, she spun and twirled her way around a messy teenager's bedroom.
In a way, I was unsettled. I couldn't shake a sickly feeling nestling itself in the pit of my stomach.
Was I being selfish?
Was keeping such a carefree and beautiful creature in a rusted cage - mottled iron an unbecoming home - righteous? I don't think I'd ever shake such feelings. She was Alice; beautiful, supernatural, a heavenly messenger. I was just Bella.
Always just Bella.
"Fine, I'll go with you. But how do you know Charlie's going fishing? He didn't tell me?" I grumbled, caving under her brilliant smile.
"Because, a man named Billy is going to call and ask him to. And then your Father is likely going to come up here and ask you if that is alright - not really sure, that part gets a little muddled - and then he is going to head off down the street with a six-pack belted into the passenger's seat. From there, all I see is Charlie sitting by a river and catching fish too small to keep," She tapped her finger against her lower lip as she concentrated, eyes glassy and unfocused.
She gave up her contemplations and directed her attention back to me. She seemed off. Almost like she was keeping at bay two competing trains of thought. This didn't stop her from leaping over my bed to throw me back down onto it, though - all frenzied kisses and excited hums.
I tried to hold onto her puzzling expression but her affections were far too great, too well-timed, for me to resist.
"Come on, get up and get ready!" Alice yanked me up off the bed after leaving me utterly dazed and red-cheeked, and shoved me gently out the door, "Go on! Be quick. I will be right here waiting eagerly for your return, and I am not very patient, I will have you know."
I trailed through the hallway and headed towards the bathroom, my frostbitten lips lifting up at the corners.
Just before I ducked inside, I took one last fleeting look at Alice. Half hidden behind the door, I spied her coy smile peeping out at me - perfectly complementing my own, much more bewildered, smile.
I showered quickly - or as quickly as I could when there was a beautiful undead woman expecting my freshly washed return - and tried to keep my anxiety to a minimum. For instance, it didn't seem like a necessary thing to shave your legs twice but, for a while, I pondered the very thought.
Charlie broke me out of my paranoid reverie before I could go in for another swipe of the razor. His knock was short and sharp, just barely audible over the shower.
"Hey, Bells'. I think I'm gonna' head down to La Push and fish with Billy Black, Harry Clearwater, and Weylon Forge. You remember 'em? Eh, anyway. I've left their phone numbers on the refrigerator. We'll be out but Jacob or Clearwater's missus will be sure to answer. Do you need anything before I head on down?"
"Um, no! I should be good!" It came out as more of a squeak than actual words, but I couldn't help it. It was thrilling to see Alice's gift in action.
It was finally starting to sink in that this was for real. All of it.
I had actually fallen head-first into a supernatural world and, in the very same process, found someone that set my heart on fire but could just as easily wrench it from my chest.
It probably said a lot about me that the one person I've ever truly connected with wasn't actually human...
But I couldn't help my feelings and I couldn't help hers.
Maybe this was the turning point in my life. The moment where I stopped being some hapless girl and I became something more - someone who knows who she is and what she wants.
There was only one thing that I knew for certain.
I was going wherever I could find Alice.
I stepped out of the shower carefully, making sure not to slip on the tiles.
I spent a short while blow-drying my brown locks into something more manageable. Then, the realization came. I hadn't brought any clothes in here with me.
Shit.
I guess in times like these, it begs important questions.
Do I head into my room or do I call Alice to bring me some clothes? Given her fashion sense, a far cry from mine - she actually had some sense... I was unsure if I was willing to let her pick out an outfit without my supervisory approval. But then, in saying that, the alternative was strutting into my room shamelessly naked!
I groaned in frustration, gripping onto the basin for support.
I had to make a decision, and soon. If I was incapable of stomaching the idea of dressing in clothes I kept shoved to the far back of my closet, then I'd have to stomach walking over to my bedroom as is; Alice's amber eyes and my flushed skin an unavoidable consequence.
All of a sudden, I was rather giddy at the notion. Paranoid visions of all the ways things could go wrong served as a speedy rebuttal, however.
I mean, we'd kissed. I knew what I felt when she traced her fingertips over my skin. I knew all the feelings her tongue stirred up inside of me when she parted my lips and entered. But what if Alice was different? What if she didn't feel the same way?
She wasn't human. It seemed strange to assume that she would share the same fleshly desires that I did. The same mortal cravings.
There was so much that I needed to learn about her. About her world. I didn't know whether I should take a risk or do what I always did - wait for a textbook to lay things out plainly so I could plan my every move with calculated exactitudes. Hm, I did still have that book I'd collected down in Port Angeles.
Then again, it was a pretty big stretch to assume that it would have large printed illustrations depicting vampire-human relations. Even if it did, I wasn't sure I'd have the courage to look!
Ugh. Dammit. Just this once.
I looked at myself in the mirror for one last time and took in a steadying lungful, before ducking out of the bathroom.
Holding my towel taut against my chest, a few stray droplets still trailing down my back, I tiptoed across the hall. I knew that she could hear me but it just didn't seem right walking over so boldly when here I was, jittering with nerves. It only got worse once I realized she could probably hear my thundering heart, too.
Maybe she'd figured out what had gotten me so worked up and had already leapt out the window to escape the embarrassment?
Another lungful. And another. And then I went for it.
I opened the door and stepped inside. She was lounging on the bed. From the look on her face, she hadn't seen this coming, after all.
I turned to close the door softly behind me, Alice's unrelenting stare following my every move. I pressed my forehead against the door before taking one last shallow breath and spinning around.
Her golden eyes were wide and observant. She roamed them up and down along my body, glossing over the towel to admire my freshly soaped flesh. Her knuckles were clenched as she held tightly onto my bedsheets. I wondered if they'd still be intact once she peeled her hands away.
"You are not going to drop that, are you?" She asked, her teeth digging into her lower lip like her life depended on it.
"Why? Does the thought bother you?" I asked, inching a little closer.
"Because if you do, I do not think myself capable of the self-control required."
Another sharp inhale. I guess I've gotten my answer.
Depending on how you looked at it, this was either very good for my raging hormones, or very bad.
"You can always close your eyes as I get changed?" I drawled, attempting flirtatiousness as I made my way over to my dresser.
I turned my back on her, this time to rifle with shaky hands through my drawers.
To drop the towel or not to drop the towel, that is the question. I could hold onto it, pinning it close to my chest like my life depended on it. Or, I could just let go and watch it crumple around my feet.
"My eyes are closed," Alice's voice called out, unnaturally muffled. I peeked over my shoulder to see that she'd bunched up the sheets and was holding them to her face.
Clearly needing to breathe was less important to her than hiding from my naked body.
I didn't know if I should be offended by that, or grateful.
Was I really so tantalizing that if she dared a glance she'd lose all self-restraint? It seemed more likely to me that I was just so completely and utterly repulsive to her that she would balk at the sight of me. After all, how could a human woman ever compare to someone like Alice? Ever appeal to her?
Maybe I was right the first time. Maybe she'd just been lying to save my self-esteem.
Although the words in my head seemed utterly preposterous, the worst parts of myself undeniably believed them.
Whatever.
I was angry. Ashamed. And, most importantly, embarrassed. But none of it mattered. if she wasn't looking I had nothing to lose, right?
I let the material pool around my feet as I dug into my underwear drawer. I didn't have much for lingerie but I did have a few nice black and pastel lace bras - something Renee thought would be an appropriate coming-of-age present. At the time I'd thought the gifts ridiculous. Now that I had a genuine use for them - or I hoped I did - I was starting to see the appeal.
As I was pulling a matching set out from under a swathe of plain cotton and boring grey, I heard a startled gasp, and then something hard slammed into my back. Cold as ice, Alice's hands wrapped around my midriff.
I stabilized myself against my dresser, my fingers scraping against wood as I tried to suck in some of the air that I'd just lost.
"My eyes are shut, I- My eyes are shut," She repeated - mostly to herself.
Her husky breaths cascaded over the nape of my neck, "I- I could not stop myself. I am sorry."
I couldn't move. Not because she forced me to stay there; Even if she was holding me captive, I didn't notice. I stood still because it was impossible not to luxuriate in her soft feather-light touch.
Her fingers roamed, as if of their own accord, up along the plain of my abdomen, quickly dancing adrift between the swell of my breasts. Eventually, she trailed lower to tease beneath my navel - just a few antagonizing centimeters away from where I craved her most.
Oh god. I ached for her.
"Alice," I sighed, lounging flush against her, well aware of the way her breasts firmly swelled against my shoulders.
Her breaths were hoarse and ragged, like she'd do anything for a glass of water. I'd never experienced anything like this before, but I immediately understood the feeling. I also knew that I would do everything in my power to ensure it didn't stop.
More goosebumps rose in the wake of her exquisite caresses and probing fingers, and I moaned wantonly.
"Bella! I'm leaving now. Remember the numbers on the fridge. Just call if you need me! Someone'll be home that'll come fetch us if there's any trouble."
Charlie. Of course.
Stifling a growl, I choked out some sort of jumbled affirmative. I could have said 'okay', 'sure', 'fuck off', anything at all. I didn't care, and I didn't know.
Alice reluctantly slid her hands away, the pressure of her solid and lithe body leaving my warm flesh pained from the unwanted desertion.
"Alice," It was instinctive to move to face her. I didn't even think about it.
Her eyes, unusually dark, almost completely black, bored down immediately onto my bare chest. I quickly became aware of my taut nipples as her eyes traced over them ravenously.
"Bella!" She seethed, squeezing her eyes tightly shut, "I am trying to keep myself together here, and you are making it so f-... difficult!"
"Oh, right. Sorry," My cheeks flooded with color and I spun back around, fumbling once more for some underwear that I could shove on - grace, elegance, and scandalous lingerie, long forgotten.
It all felt so unnervingly strange.
Should I feel rejected? Should I feel excited? Should I feel pleased or merely grateful?
All of these questions swirled inside my head and clouded my senses - so much so that I didn't even hear Alice speak.
"Bella," She called again, grabbing my arm after I'd slipped on a mismatched pair of underwear, "I would if I could. I just do not know if this is the right time."
So she sensed it then. I guess the gulping at the back of my throat gave it away. Even I hadn't noticed my subconscious attempt to keep the tears back.
I think, above everything, I felt so stupid.
I was absurd. It was unreasonable to expect her to give me everything so soon, yet here I was trying to gun it before I'd learned how to drive. Before I even knew how to put the bloody thing into gear! I'd shared my very first kiss with the girl, what- only yesterday? Like I'd even know what do if anything did happen!
What must she think of me.
"Yeah, I know," I nodded, my voice clipped.
"I am not lying to you, Bella. I know it is still hard to understand. It must all feel so very strange to you. I am trying to wrap my head around everything, myself. You just make me feel so darn human," She allowed herself to run her fingers down the length of my bare arm, her eyes following their trailing path before snapping up to meet mine, "But, at the end of the day, I am still a vampire, and you are still flesh and blood. Your heart beats and mine remains still. You stand here, a moral creature, greater than I, while I gawk through the eyes of a predator. I am still a beast. An animal. I do not want to hurt you just because I am caught up in lust and all that I see is... All I feel is... desire."
She squeezed her eyes shut again, not daring to gaze on my half-clothed form for a moment longer.
"I need to know that you will be safe. That this is actually what you want," Instead of the melodious symphony I was used to, Alice's voice seemed to rattle out from the very depths of her, "I- I am truly sorry, Bella. I wish I knew what to say or do. What were the right words, the right choices. But without my sight, everything is always so foggy and out of reach with you. I am scared. For the first time in my entire existence, I am actually scared! This situation is so ridiculous. Oh, what must you think of me! I cannot even touch the one that I lo-."
The fitful gaze that settled over me left my stomach turning.
There was nothing worse than seeing Alice in pain, I soon realized.
"Alice, it's okay," I drifted forward, unable to stop myself from entering her orbit, "I'll wait. You're right about everything. It is so fast and, even though I don't fully understand the, um, biological differences, I'll try to be more mindful next time. I've-."
I sighed before steeling myself to continue.
"-I've never felt this way about anyone before. I shouldn't have tempted you. I'm sorry," I let my hand fall, a listless smile trying to bring back the happy-go-lucky Alice that I'd unwittingly forced into hiding.
"It is not your fault, Bella. I just do not want to hurt you," Alice dipped forward to fall into my arms, her cheek grazing along my jaw as she pressed soft lips to my neck, "You are everything to me. Absolutely everything. I never wanted for this to be so very complicated, but I suppose it is just the hand we have been dealt."
I squeezed her close and she responded, her immovable body bending to my will.
"Whatever happens," I murmured down into her hair, "I'm just glad to be spending this moment with you, Alice. If I can have a million more moments like this - holding you in my arms - then I'll never want for anything."
"Hmm," She hummed and I could feel her smile pressing into my skin, "You say such pretty things."
"Maybe they sound so pretty because they're true."
"Come on," She jerked herself out of my grip, "Let us get started on that adventure. We have dillied and we have dallied for far too long! I am owed a whimsical foray, if you do not recall? I will not stop until I get one!"
It was easier to pretend that nothing had happened than to try to digest more of it. In truth, I wasn't so bothered by my nakedness and its possible consequences. Or the notion of unmet needs and the peculiarity of desire. What really bothered me now, was that she had so casually revealed how she alienated herself from humanity.
This seemed wrong.
I wasn't any more moral, or any less animalistic, than her. The difference was that she just had the strength, and speed, to back it up. All I had, in poor recompense, was flailing limbs and genetically coded clumsiness. If anything, she was more alive, more real, even more human, than me.
At Alice's behest, I picked out a heavy jumper and a winter flannel. Where on earth was she taking me that I needed thick winter clothing and a backpack full of random things - from books, all the way over to snacks and an old compass my Dad gave me when I a young child?
She did mention that most of it was unnecessary, but encouraged me to take it all, anyway. I supposed she found comfort in needless precautions.
My heavy boots slapped on the pavement once we stepped outside into the fresh morning air. I felt like I was ready for anything - or so I'd thought.
"What? We're not taking your car? Where are we even going?" I asked hesitantly, watching as Alice waltzed towards the fringes of the forest that skirted behind the house.
"A yellow Porsche is somewhat flashy for Forks, no?" She giggled over her shoulder, her eyes twinkling.
"I hardly ever drive it in town. Shame, really," She huffed at the admission, starting to dawdle at the woodland's edges, "While you were fast asleep I took it back home. It is now safe and sound in the garage - away from prying eyes and, sadly, its mommy."
I let out a shocked laugh, "Mommy? Really?"
"What?" She turned around, folding her arms over her chest and batting her thick lashes, "It is the closest thing I have to a daughter, and I will take what I can get!"
"Okay, whatever you say," I shrugged, holding back an eye roll, "That doesn't answer my other question, though."
"I am not taking you somewhere with roads. A car would be, not only unhelpful, but entirely redundant. You should have guessed that, by now. Your full bag was a clue!" Alice smirked, beckoning me forward to stand beside her under the shade of a tall fir.
She glanced over her shoulder to the trees, flashing me a bright yet entirely mischievous grin.
"This doesn't bode well for me, does it?" I whistled, noting how the forest loomed, not necessarily menacingly, but definitely ominously.
Alice wordlessly led the way, and I obediently followed.
We trudged deeper into the forest, its leafy canopies and wide trunks surrounding us on all sides. When I looked back, I couldn't see Charlie's house anymore.
"Bella," Alice licked her lips, her eyes gleaming, "You have two choices. We get to where we need to really really slowly and I complain the whole entire way. Or, we get there so quickly that we have time to spare and I am deeply contented. I vote for the latter as all this walking is practically insufferable, and I think I shall cry if we continue at such a slovenly pace for any longer! I am not even kidding, I swear to you that I just saw a snail pass us."
"Alice," I snorted, shaking my head in disbelief, "You're unbelievable."
Instead of responding, she dug her heels into the dirt and folded her arms over her chest. Staring didn't seem to budge her - but she did poke her tongue out petulantly.
"Well, will I like this faster option of yours?" I tightened my grip on the straps of my bag.
"Hm, depends. Do you like fast driving or roller coasters ?" Alice raised her brow.
"N-"
"Now, hop on my back!"
She bounced with excitement, leaving me to examine her small frame incredulously.
"Alice, are you sure about this? I'm going to crush you."
"Darling, stop being so naïve. I stopped a 2-tonne van in its tracks. I think I can handle carrying one woman, no?" She scoffed, wrinkling her nose before gesturing impatiently for me to clamber aboard.
"Fine, what the heck," I muttered, still not far from convinced.
Throwing my arms over her petite shoulders, I lurched upwards, jumping clumsily up onto her back and wrapping my legs around her waist.
She didn't flinch or move. Not even an inch. I might as well have straddled a brick wall.
"See?" She grinned up at me, her dark untamed crop of hair fluttering beneath my nose, "Now the fun can really start!"
"Am I going to-" My words were sucked away and I was left gasping.
I squeezed my eyes tightly shut as we blurred through the forest, the wind whipping at my face and hair. I didn't know how fast we were going but what I did know was that I was holding on for dear life. Alice's giggles a contradictory accompaniment to the loud thumping of my erratic heart.
I opened one eye against better judgement. It took me an inordinate amount of time to focus. It was practically impossible to get my bearings.
Everything was a blur of greens and browns blending together into formless streaks. One thing I did notice was that Alice somehow leaped and jumped and dodged and weaved without a second's notice, unconcerned with impending trees and fast-approaching jagged boulders.
She never tripped. We were never sent sprawling to the ground in a bloody sludge of stone and flesh. Instead, she fleeted through the forest like an unhindered nymph - albeit, with an unfortunate, and very terrified, straggler glued to her back.
"Alice," I choked out, "How long before we can stop? I'm starting to feel sick."
"Oh! Sorry."
We skidded to a halt, dirt kicking up in our wake. If it weren't for Alice's supporting and firm grip, I would have slid right down the length of her and collapsed at her heels.
She gently lowered me to the ground and I wobbled on the balls of my feet, only letting go once she was sure I'd found my balance.
"Well, that's going to take some getting used to," I groaned, rubbing my temples.
"Whoops," Alice pulled me over to sit on a rock before kneeling down at my side, fretfully chewing her lower lip through a sheepish grin, "Still getting the hang of this human-girlfriend thing."
Even though my head was banging I managed to look up at her.
"Is that what I am?"
It wasn't something that I'd thought about.
"Oh? Was that not assumed? Another whoopsie, I suppose," She chewed on her lip a little harder and flicked her gaze away.
"I guess that I thought professing my undying love, and you not running away in hysterics, was enough of a green-light? As you can see, I am really quite new to the whole 'dating' thing. To be perfectly honest with you, the term girlfriend seemed like more of an understatement to me,"
She giggled nervously, her fingers scraping aimlessly across my stony perch as she avoided meeting my eyes.
It was surprising to watch Alice flounder, rambling nervously. Her charm and carefree nature had sucked me in, but to see her so vulnerable was a different story entirely. I was falling, and falling hard.
"No, it's totally fine," I smiled softly, trying not to suck my lip into my mouth just the same as hers, "It just shocked me. I- I liked it. I liked hearing it."
"Really?"
Nervousness abated so that a beaming smile could dazzle; Her warm honey eyes pulled me in, and I let them.
I don't know how I was managing to find such boldness. I think it's because if I didn't act? I'd simply drown.
Slowly, on stumbling legs, I tentatively lifted myself up and drew closer. I glided my hand over her smooth cheek, caressing her jaw before drifting to linger below her chin. I tilted her head so I could meet my lips. Her eyes fluttered closed expectantly, and I finally new what heaven looked like.
It was bliss; her chilling mouth soft and sweet, hard and passionate, everything all at once.
"You are so different from what I thought you would be," Alice peered up at me through her lashes.
"What do you mean? Is that good, bad, uh.. neutral? Actually, never mind. Don't answer that."
"Good. It is good. Very good," She grinned, catching her tongue between her teeth.
"I said not to tell me!" I frowned despite the butterflies in my gut.
"And I refused to listen."
Just a little wink, enough to drive me mad, and she was off, "Anyway, follow me! We are nearly there. I think we will manage just fine on foot. We left that snail in the dust ages ago."
She was right in that we were close. It was only a short 5-minute hike. I was pleased.
If Alice wanted to keep snatching me up and running faster than the speed of light, I'd need some serious practice. Maybe a few runs in those G-force testing machines that astronauts and fighter pilots get to use, would do the trick? Now, how the hell do I get my hands on one of those...
She pulled me out from the tendriled confines of the forest, transcending me from deep murky green to brilliant purple and blinding light. The world seemed to stand still.
"Wow," I snuck out, my shocked gasp breaking the silence.
My eyes roamed over the meadow, overwhelmed by the freckled expanse of lavender and short mottled grass. A few trees dotted the clearing - not so big and tall as the firs and spruces we'd just escaped, but lower and with large bushy outcroppings of leaves that bathed everything below them in warm comforting shadow.
I took another step into the meadow, peering up at the sky as warm rays from the sun broke through parted clouds, showering my skin in comforting light.
Everywhere else, all across Forks, grey clouds blanketed everything in a cold and uninviting hue. But up here the sun was liberated.
Up here we could feel its orange warmth.
"Is it not beautiful?" Alice whispered as she laced her fingers through mine. She stepped forward to stand by my side, her footsteps silent like a ghost. I glanced over to her and then... I gasped.
My warm, breakable, hand, tightened around cold, solid, fingers.
Her skin glimmered like a diamond.
Hesitantly, compelled by an unknown force, I reached across and grazed over the hollow of her collarbone. Just as soft, yet a million sparkles radiated beneath my sensitive touch. Alice sighed and broke out into a smile that was just as dazzling as her skin.
Her sharp, startlingly-white, teeth, should have sent me fleeing back into the forest but, instead, I melted in her path.
"So this is why you disappear when the sun comes out," I breathed, my fingers ghosting over what looked like pearlescent marble, "Beautiful."
I looked down at my hand and watched as it reflected the sparkling beauty in front of me, almost like a broken mirror. I imagined that my entire body was now coated in dancing luminescent refractions.
It appealed to me to know that I was a part of something beyond earthly comprehension. That Alice was leaving her mark on me.
"Come," Alice squeezed my hand and coaxed me to follow her.
We trailed towards the center of the meadow, Alice peeping back over her shoulder the whole way. I couldn't tell whether she was trying to confirm that I was still there and I hadn't attempted to run, or if I was still just as hypnotized by her beautiful glimmering skin.
I had never seen something so... someone so...
"This is all so beautiful. You're so beautiful," I stammered out, brushing my fingers down the length of her pale arm - her jacket now laid neatly before us.
She just smiled and then yanked me down. I collapsed on top of her as we fell, the long purple flowers ensnaring us in their violet underworld.
The meadow filled with giggles, our legs and bodies sprawling and intertwining until we found a comfortable spot on the forest floor. But soon our giggles lulled until all that was, was my soft jagged breaths, the gentle whistling of the wind, and the feel of cold skin underneath the heat of my searching fingers.
"Quite the journey," I mused as I turned to look up at the blue sky that peeked through white fluffy clouds.
Until now, I'd had no idea how much I'd missed seeing it. Blue sky. The sun.
It was beautiful. But not as beautiful as her. Never as beautiful as her.
I tilted my head to see her again. Her angelic grin elicited a soft hum of appreciation in the back of my throat.
"So the surprise was worth it, after all?"
She was excited - sucking her lower lip into her mouth wasn't going to hide that.
"Yes. Thank you for taking me here. And thank you for letting me see you as you are," I mumbled shyly, my eyes once more drawn to her skin as it continued to shimmer gloriously.
"I was scared that you would not like it. That you would not like me. I thought that if you saw me like this maybe everything would change and suddenly I would no longer seem so desirable to you."
She propped herself up to get a better view of me, her smile only hinting at the despair such thoughts brought her.
"Then why would you bring me here?" I pried, brows creasing.
She hesitated for a moment - her eyes downcast.
"I do not want to hide anything from you, Bella. You deserved to know. You deserve to see everything, and to understand everything. It is only fair."
It took a beat or two, but she gathered the strength to speak some more, swallowing before continuing.
"I am so terribly scared that you are going to disappear, Bella. I have waited so long for you and now that you are here, you are everything I have ever wanted and more. Like I said back in your bedroom, I really am terrified. I do not know what to do. I feel so... So dim-witted!"
She closed her eyes and fell back against the ground. For a brief moment I got to see through her porcelain mask. See the weariness that the mask sought to conceal away from the rest of the world.
Now, more than ever, I wondered how truly old Alice was. It never occurred to me to ask. It never occurred to me that what she was, held such a large and heavy burden for her. Now that we were coming together, knotting ourselves into each other's hearts so none could tear us apart, questions would need to be uttered and more answers accordingly given.
It felt never-ending.
Constant questions. Endless answers.
Would we ever find equality?
"Alice," I slid closer so that I could look down into her face, waiting for her topaz eyes to open and peer through dark lashes once more, "It'll be alright. I'm not going to disappear. Actually, the funny thing is, that's what I've been worrying would happen to you! You're- you're like something from a fairy-tale. So beautiful, smart, talented, even sexy..."
I gulped the last part out hurriedly.
"I don't understand how you can even look twice at me, let alone care so deeply about whether I stay or go. To me, it's a no-brainer. I have to stay. But for you? What if some wonderfully gorgeous vampire suddenly traipses through this very meadow? They'd have so much more to offer you than I ever could. I don't think I'd stand a chance. I'm just... human. I'm just ordinary."
"Never think like that!" She growled out, and before I could even squeal or react, she pulled me into a deep and hungry kiss.
Her chest vibrated and thrummed and her lips devoured, unrestrained and ferocious. Her fingers dug into my flesh, not enough to hurt, but enough to excite. It was odd to feel so powerless in someone's embrace, yet, so at ease at the same time.
"Okay, okay! I won't," I gasped once she finally let go, my words rasping into a breathless whisper, "But how can you be so sure? I don't understand. I know what I feel... It's so strong and powerful. I imagine you feel it, too. But I don't know where to draw the line - what's infatuation, what's real, what's petty lust? How can you be so sure that I'm the only one you want?"
I could see so many explanations and so many ways to tell them shining behind her eyes. She looked off into the clouds for some time before returning to look at me.
"It is like I told you, Bella. I have dreamt of you for such a long time. You were and are my waking daydream that never ceases or ends. My visions of you have haunted me since my turning. I did not know when or where you would be, I just knew that you would and were. You were the one thing that I held onto so tightly, so dearly, because you were, and are, the only thing that has been holding me together all of these years.
"I was so alone, so confused. So out of touch when everything changed for me. When I woke up in this strange world and strange body, I did not know what to think or what to believe. But, despite all of it, I saw you. You made it better. You oriented me. Kept me on the straight and narrow. You were, in truth, the one that inspired me to seek out Carlisle. The driving force behind my choices and my visions. All of it. I owe everything to you."
A shaky breath, more fluttered lashes, before she gathered up blades of grass along with the courage to continue her revelations.
"How could I ever forget all of that? I understand that it is perfectly reasonable for you to feel a whole lot less about me. You are human. I get that this might all be too much for you in the end and you will eventually turn away from me. But the truth is, you are my mate, Bella. Simply put... For me? There is no turning back."
"Mate?" I interjected, my world expanding and constricting all at once.
"I have been paired to you from the very start. It... It means that I cannot look any other way. That I am under lock and key. That I am locked onto you. My gaze is fixed, as is my heart. If you want to explore that with me, here I am," She sighed heavily, letting the blades of grass fall free from her fingers, "But, Bella, you must know, the life of a vampire is not a fairy-tale. I might shine like a jeweled pixie but, when it comes down to it, there are parts of me that I wish you would never have to see. If you stay, you will inevitably see those sides of me."
Her eyes bored into mine, and I swore she was rifling through my soul like I was an open book ready for perusal.
"There is one thing I can promise you. One thing that will always be true. I will always want you and no one else. I am completely and irrevocably yours, if, of course, you will have me."
"I'll have you," I gulped.
I laid down into the coat and stared ahead, the light blinding. It filtered down, warming flowers, human, and vampire alike, and distorting my vision until Alice scooted herself to hover over me.
The sun's golden beams splayed out and darted through her dark hair, framing her perfectly carved face in a fragmented halo. For a moment I was sure that she was an angel, not a blood-drinker supposedly relegated to the darkness of night or dreary cloud-covered days.
"How old are you, Alice?" I blurted out.
The features of the angel in front of me marred - apprehension and fear taking root. It needed to be asked. I needed to know who I'd so totally fallen in love with. But, all the same, I regretted asking, anyway.
"I think..." She paused, "That I am, roughly, 104. I can only recall 85 years of that existence, however. Once I was changed into this-," She gestured at her marble skin and lithe body, "-I forgot everything. I forgot my humanity. From Carlisle's meticulous investigations, he thinks, with some degree of certainty, that I was turned between the ages of seventeen and nineteen."
I reached out a soothing hand to brush away a few locks of hair that hung across her forehead. I forced myself not to linger, despite their softness encouraging me to play with the strands between my fingers.
"Do you not remember anything at all?" I murmured, my heart aching at the prospect.
It was hard to imagine what it would feel like to completely lose your life, only to immediately gain another.
"It was 1920, I remember that much. But I do not know who I was before then. I cannot remember anything. Nothing at all," Her words were hard and labored, and she bedded down in order to cocoon herself around my side, her cold wiggling fingers prying under my sweater to seek the warmth of my stomach.
"Is that normal?" I ran my hand instinctively up and down her back.
To lose one's memories for the sake of becoming a vampire didn't seem like it was worth it. I tried to keep the heartbreak out of my voice, knowing that Alice's pain was better suited as a solitary one - I didn't feel like she'd enjoy my suffering standing apace with hers.
"No, it is not," She sighed deeply, "Ever since I found Carlisle and Esme they have been trying to help me to recover what was lost. I think my memories are still deep within me. That they just need to be unearthed. It's the how and the doing, that's the real problem."
She nuzzled further into my neck - seeking comfort that I was all too willing to give.
"We are not sure what made me lose myself once I gained this new life, but Carlisle believes it had to be something incredibly traumatic. Something truly terrible. Almost makes me fear what I will find if I keep on digging, but I have to. I feel like I have led two lives - this one, and the life of a woman I do not know. I cannot say how I would feel if it turns out I am not her and she is not me. I would hate to find her, only to wish I had never found out the truth at all. But, still, something within me begs for me to continue to pry, to continue to hold out hope."
I laughed to myself, luring Alice's curious eyes upwards.
"I probably shouldn't say this - I probably shouldn't do or say, or even feel, a lot of the things I do. But Alice? You are the most exciting, carefree, happy, and wonderful woman I've ever met and I-" I stumbled on my words, flustered but bent on getting all of them out, "You excite me down to my core. And that means something. I've never felt this way about anyone and I've never cared to get to know anybody, either. You're special. The spark you have can't be lost. Human or vampire, you will always be so utterly beautiful to me. Hopefully, you will still be beautiful to you, too."
It was the truth. To withhold it, or keep it hidden, while Alice was battling demons darker than I'd ever know, seemed unholy. If she was bound to me by something impenetrably supernatural, what did I have to lose? She was mine, and I was hers. I just hoped that she never lived a day to regret it.
A soft quiet took hold, but it wasn't uncomfortable. I continued to drag my fingers up and down Alice's back, lazily trailing them over and along her arms as they clasped onto me. She was breathing me in, slow and steady.
"Thank you," It was so light and airy my ears barely prickled at the sound.
She lifted her head, placing a soft delicate kiss over my lips.
"You really must be the one," She chuckled, almost disbelievingly, "You handle everything so well. It is like you were born for this world. Are you sure you are not secretly a fae, maybe shifter? Perhaps a fairy from faraway Scottish hills?"
"Do they exist?" I asked far too quickly.
"No, not that I know of. But there is always a start to something, is there not?" The mischievous glint in her eyes returned, as did the lazy smirk that always made my body feel like it was on fire.
"No, I'm just human," I mumbled shyly, flittering my eyes down to look at her hand resting on my hip, "You know what's funny? Thinking about the fact that I'm falling for a much older woman. I should probably be running for the hills but, here I am, unable to tear myself away."
"What, do you like the idea of being with someone older? A cougar?," She breathed out with a smirk, eyes awfully keen, glinting with something deliciously predatory.
"Do you think it is sexy?"
I swallowed hard as my body burned hotter, the warmth flooding my face nothing compared to the heat that dived down below my abdomen.
"I guess so," I rasped, unable to rip my eyes away from the dark-lidded topaz that searched and glimmered with excitement.
"You have no idea what you do to me, do you?" I licked my lips, my voice still just a croaky whisper.
"What do I do to you?" She pressed her body up along the length of my side and wrapped her leg over one of my own, her eyes wide and eager and somehow making the heat inside of me burn hotter.
"Can't you hear it?" I pointed to my thumping heart, even the skin on my hands starting to redden with color.
"Mhm, I can, actually. It is my favorite sound, I have decided," As if I'd flicked a switch, she fell into a blissful dream - a sloppy smile and heavy lids closing over amber eyes.
She moved down to rest her head on my chest, taking in the deep thundering of my speeding heart.
"Alice," I hated to pull us both out of this euphoric moment - to disturb the peace that we'd found in our hidden nirvana, but the more I put off the thought the more it sought to consume me, "What about your family? I know that Edward has some-... problems with me, but... is this something we have to hide? Do we have to pretend that we're not..."
"No, no... not at all, Bella! You have gotten it all wrong," Alice bolted herself up quicker than my eyes could track.
"My family knows. They are, well, mostly accepting," She admitted abashedly, "The worst one about it all is Edward, you are right on that front. Actually he- dammit. There are some things I should probably tell you."
She reluctantly sat up and coaxed me to do the same. I folded forward onto my knees and rested my hands on my thighs. Something about her tone told me this wasn't going to be good.
"You have seen the looks he gives you, the way he has-" She curled her fingers into the dirt in an attempt to collect herself, "-behaved in your presence."
"He has gone away, so please do not be afraid, but I cannot hide this from you," She looked at me regretfully, pressing her lips into a thin line, "My brother has... taken a liking to you. Gosh. How do I say this? At first, it started with your blood. After all, you are his singer."
My brows knitted together in confusion. Singer?
"Your blood is so potent to him. We only drink animal blood - you know this. But that does not mean that all of sudden we are no longer tempted by humans. That does not mean our throats no longer burn when we smell human blood... When we grow too hungry. As much as we all want them to, our bodies, unfortunately, refuse to stop craving that which makes us monsters, just because we proclaim ourselves vegetarians. Proclaim ourselves something more. Something removed from primitive desire."
She let out a short-lived chuckle, attempting poorly to ease the settling morbidity.
"You are his biggest temptation, Bella," She whispered mournfully, "Your blood sings to him more than any other."
"Oh," My stomach lurched as I replayed his hungry black eyes and snapping teeth.
Suddenly it all made sense. If his family had not been there to contain him - to shove him down into that car - who knows what he would have done.
"Well," I breathed, "That explains the stalking in Port Angeles, I suppose."
"Please trust me, Bella. I will protect you. I promise," Alice cooed, leaning forward to stroke my paling cheek, "He is long gone. We- we had to drive him away. My brothers and my sister we- we forced him to flee to Alaska. Do you remember that week when we both disappeared, he and I?"
I nodded, leaning into the palm of her hand.
"Well, he went there to fight his... inner beast... as it were. To get control of his bloodlust. I trailed him there as he fled, following him the whole time so he did not turn around and come looking for you. I would never let him hurt you, Bella."
Her smile was reassuring despite her clipped voice, but all too quickly her mouth morphed into something closer to contempt.
"Problem is, I am not so sure that he is seeking you because of bloodlust, anymore. I found his scent in your room last night. Fairly new. Only a few days old. I did not want to say anything until I had personally spoken to him - spoken to my family. He seems to think that you are meant for him. Even though he is gifted like me - can read our thoughts as easy as breathing - he refutes my visions of our pairing."
She dropped her caressing fingers to squeeze my hand, "He thinks you are perfect for him. T-that you are meant to be with him, not me."
"What? No!" Bile flooded my throat.
I was sure I was turning green.
"But I don't know him? He scares me, Alice. All he's ever done is scare me! Glaring at me with those cold black eyes... No wonder I've always felt like he's wanted to tear me limb from limb and devour me," I choked out a bewildered laugh.
My eyes - fringed with the beginnings of fearful tears - darted around the forest as if I'd somehow find him lurking there in the shadows. Hungry, and patiently waiting.
"What do you mean he can read thoughts?" I snapped my head around and retrained my eyes on her, curiosity managing to get an edge over my fears.
"It is okay, Bella," She cooed again, "No need to worry. He cannot read yours. He cannot even read mine, anymore."
"What? Why?"
My stomach slowed its churning.
"There is something about you, Bella. Currently, we cannot exactly say what that is. It is like I said... I think you were always meant for this world. Fate was always going to bring us together and bring you into my life. Thislife. You are... gifted."
I'm so so sorry for the delay in updates! I had a whirlwind of a couple weeks - I got sick, had to see family, had uni etc etc. It got the better of me so massive apologies for putting this on the back-burner. I know how it feels to be left waiting so if any of you felt that way... I feel you and I acknowledge your pain lmao. I promise I'mma do better and try to stay on top of things from now on :) Anyways hoog chapter for ya'll... Could I have edited it down/done better? Yes. Did I want to? No. There's just so much that I need to convey for the rest of the story to make sense, and I cbf doing it in any other way. I also gave up editing halfway so don't expect my best work. If I wrote another fanfiction, arguably this would not be my approach, but since I wrote this ages ago, it's just gonna' have to do so rip. Hopefully you guys can still find some enjoyment out of the info dump! In all fairness it did make sense to me that they'd have a big ole dnm and discuss a bunch of stuff but sometimes reality doesn't translate very well to books... Anywaaays, hope you guys are enjoying Alice's cheekier, more humorous side, regardless! I've always seen her as particularly mischievous :P Also I'm just going to flag here before we progress and any of you try to correct me, I gave up on making sure the school system and weather and other shit is realistic - for all I know the meadow should be covered in snow this time of year. I just don't care so don't fight me.
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