In my head, I reacted to the crisis in the calm, mature way befitting a twenty-four year old woman.

In reality, I just kept gaping at her in shock, utterly unable to react. I guess it was better than running around in a panic, but it made Merrill start to flush when I stared at her without blinking for more than a minute.

It took the Elder nudging me a few times to get me to help him up. I was too out of it to pull his arm as gently as I should have considering his age, and he promptly winced when I got him upright. He seemed to twist a little, hissing in pain, and might have fallen if I hadn't quickly steadied him.

Merrill took a few nervous steps forward, biting her lip while I quickly helped get the old man's cane settled in a hand.

"Ah... too rough, da'len." He groaned after a long moment. "My old back isn't what it used to be."

I had enough of a conscience to wince. "I'm sorry, elder. Are you all right?"

"It is not the first time I pulled something." His rheumy eyes closed, one hand reaching behind him for a moment. The motion made him wince again, quickly returning his grip to his cane. "It will not be the last. It's all right, da'len. It was an accident."

"You should lay down." I said, "I can walk you home."

"It's all right. Melora?" His voice rose at the name, "Help an old man home?"

One of the few local shopkeepers quickly darted over from her little stall, giving me a dark look that made me wince and hold my hands up. I deserved the glare and I knew it.

"Thank you. Maeve? Please greet our guest on my behalf. Perhaps find her a bed if she needs it."

"I..." Dammit. I wasn't in any shape to talk to Merrill. I needed quiet. I needed to think.

But I'd just fucked up, again, and I didn't have a good excuse to say no.

"...yes, Elder."

His voice lowered, "And perhaps apologize for your unseemly staring, da'len."

...yeah. I deserved that too. "Yes, Elder."

The pair of them shuffled off, heading back to where the Elder lived in the largest of the homes surrounding the square. That left me with the handful of people out and about glancing at me, then at Merrill, then averting their eyes. Clearly being nosy while trying not to be too blatant about it, and mostly failing at the latter.

Taking a very deep breath, I counted to five, then blew it out as I turned around to face her properly.

"Hello." I decided to lead with a lie, because that seemed like my only chance to salvage our first meeting. "I"m sorry for earlier. I was sparring all morning, so I'm a little out of it right now."

Merrill blinked politely. "Did they hit your head? The hunters always hit me on the head when the Keeper had me train with them."

That... explained a lot. "Uh, no, but we were going all morning so I'm exhausted. My name is Maeve."

"Merrill. First of Clan... oh." She seemed to deflate before my eyes, dropping her gaze to the dirty ground. "Um. I guess I'm not the First. Not anymore."

I don't think she could have looked more miserable if she'd tried. It was incredibly easy to see why half the cast of the second game had gone out of their way to protect her, not caring that she was a blood mage. Hell, I didn't consider myself a particularly touchy-feely kind of girl, but that expression was more than enough to set off what few protective instincts I had.

I couldn't interrogate her about the amulet, about Hawke, about her being exiled from her clan months ahead of schedule.

Not while she was like this.

Quietly walking over, I reached out and gently took the hand not holding her staff. She jumped a little, blinking rapidly as I held her fingers in my own.

"It's... it's all right." I wasn't good at the comforting thing, but I tried my best. "There's other Dalish here too. It'll be all right. Everyone looks out for each other, we'll help you get settled in."

To my horror she sniffled, tearing up a little, "Ma... Ma serannas. Um.. does... is there a place that I can stay?"

...right. That was the other problem. I was pretty sure she'd stayed in the apartment next to Feynriel and his mother in game, but that building was currently occupied by a young couple. I had no idea if that was just a game and reality difference, or if she'd actually been meant to stay in the apartment that I'd claimed, but it didn't change the fact that there wasn't a home in the main square available.

Strike that. There weren't many apartments available at all, and the ones that were...

"Um, most of the places that are open aren't... really safe to live in." I admitted. "I've got a spare room though. You can stay with me until a better apartment opens."

"I, um..." Her weight shifted back and forth, hand slowly tugging free from mine. "Ir abelas, but could I see the other homes first?"

...right. She probably had the shard of her mirror thing in her pack. She was probably nervous about me taking it or something, considering she didn't know me in the slightest. That or the fact that I'd stared at her, mouth open, had creeped her out more than a little. Maybe she thought I was coming on to her within a couple minutes of meeting, and that I was trying to lure her into bed already.

Ugh. I was such an idiot. Inviting her to stay with me first thing had been a mistake. Another one on top of all the other stupid things I'd done in the last couple of minutes.

Maybe I could ask what it was like being a blood mage next. Really shove my foot into my mouth, and guarantee that I'd never get any answers from her.

"Sure. I'll show you around, come on."

Leading her around the Alienage seemed to help her settle in a little. It certainly helped me stop being a complete idiot. I pointed out where the few local shops were, told her who sold what, and asked her to buy locally whenever she could. Then I showed her where the Elder's home was, t old her that she could always go to him if anyone gave her problems. That he could be gruff but was always fair, and never made a decision without considering it first.

Merrill padded around after me, attentively looking at everything she could. I bought her an apple from Vanowen when her stomach rumbled, a shy smile that was as adorable as the rest of her appearing before she bit into it. From how fast she nibbled it down to the core I wondered how long it had been since she'd eaten, and I made a note to offer her some more food later.

The farther we got from the Vhenadahl the more run down and slum-like the Alienage got. I didn't mean to imply that the front half of the Alienage was all that 'nice', but it was at least livable. Mostly. I mean, it probably wasn't all that much worse off from the nastiest areas of my actual homeland, just with worse plumbing. And less hope of eventual escape.

But once you got a couple of streets back from the great tree that situation started to change for the worse. The buildings got more ramshackle, the scent of sewage got worse, and the attempts to brighten up the space got rarer. Not that their terrible living conditions stopped most of the people from calling out in greeting, welcoming Merrill when I told them she was a new arrival.

I think me being with helped them ignore the fact that she was blatantly carrying a staff. It let them greet her politely, get an up close look at how skittish she was, then make small talk with me about my water filters or the adopt-a-cat initiative.

To my annoyance they remained thankful for the former, if unconvinced that the filter tubes weren't enchanted, and completely baffled by the latter.

"You help clean the water?" She asked, sounding interested after the fourth person had brought it up. "Do you use magic?"

My head shook, "Oh, no. I made little devices that do it. I can show you one later... and probably don't ask people about magic if you can. The last thing you want to do is draw the Templars' attention."

"Oh, right. Sorry. Are you a mage though? You felt like one when we touched earlier."

"I, uh, kind of?" I made a mental note to ask her how she'd been able to tell, because I certainly hadn't felt anything when I'd touched her skin. Besides, well, her skin. "I'm not a very good one."

Merrill blinked. "Did your Keeper not teach you?"

"Not Dalish. I didn't have any teachers Well, not a particularly good one at least.." My throat cleared as I changed the subject. I didn't think Merrill would judge me for making a deal with Longing, considering she'd done basically the same thing, but that wasn't something I wanted anyone to know about.

"Uh. This is one of the open houses."

She'd barely turned around before blurting out, "Elgar'nan! This is... a home?"

I couldn't fault the outburst. It was far less of apartment and far more of a shack. One that looked like it was one not particularly rainy day away from collapsing. The walls were leaning drunkenly toward the building next to it, which was in only slightly better shape. As if that wasn't enough, there was enough stench coming from inside to make me think some of the locals had been using it as a latrine.

I'd have to tell the Elder about that, if he didn't already know.

"Let's try one of the others?" I tried.

Her nose wrinkled. "...um, are they all like this?"

"This close to the eastern wall... yeah. Pretty much." This part of the Alienage was the slum of the slums. The walls surrounding us were too tall to be easily climbed, meaning anyone living back here would have the farthest to run if a fire broke out. The farthest to go if any other crisis happened.

No one was back here because they really wanted to be, which was why no one really put any effort into making the homes nicer. The people back here weren't living this far away from the gate because of their income, they were back here because they'd been forced into the back. Usually by the Elders as punishment, enforced by a combination of social pressure and those few of us with arms.

The one rule of the Alienage was that you didn't harm or harass other elves. If you did, and you were lucky, you ended up made to live back here. You stayed until the community decided your punishment was up, and then you'd be allowed to try and claim the first nicer home that became available.

If you weren't lucky... well, there were a few elves in Darktown.

Never more than a few. Our kind rarely lasted long in those tunnels.

"Creators..." Her throat worked as she swallowed. "...um. I suppose staying with someone wouldn't be that different from sharing an Aravel."

I tried to come off as less awkward than I had before. "I won't go into your room or anything. Not without permission. And I'm usually out and about all the time, or I'm asleep. You'll have plenty of privacy."

When she still hesitated, I added. "I've got plenty of food too."

Her belly promptly gurgled, and her face flushed from her nose to her ears. "A meal... sounds wonderful."

Smiling, I led her back toward the entrance. I still took the time to point out a few others, those who the Elder had armed to act as our guards at night. She greeted them politely, if nervously, staying close to me. A few looked like they wanted to comment on her Dalish-ness, or her staff, but kept their mouths shut when I glared at them.

They stuck to warning her about how dangerous the city was instead, which was only marginally better.

Merrill looked entirely wrung out by the time we got back to my place. She didn't quite groan in relief when I led her inside, but she was collapsed in one of my chairs before I could finish locking the door behind us.

"Are you all right?"

"Oh I'm fine. I'm just... not very good with people." Considering she looked like was on the verge of a panic attack, I was pretty sure it was more than that. An extreme case of introversion maybe.

That or the reality of being away from her clan, and trapped in Kirkwall, had just hit home.

I couldn't judge her. I'd had more than one breakdown in my first month in Thedas, usually the first time I had to do something and found it not nearly as easy as I was used to. The first time I'd had to sleep under a tree... first time I'd had to relieve myself in the open... first time I'd had to stab a man chasing me.

She cleared her throat, making me realize I'd zoned out, staring at nothing without moving away from the door. "Your house is very lovely."

I quickly shook off my morose thoughts, walking over to my little crates of food. "Thank you. I had to make most of the furniture myself. They're, um, mostly steady. Let me get you something to eat."

"Ma serannas."

I bustled around, pulling out what little I had in the apartment. For her part Merrill took a few minutes to relax, then got up to start getting her things settled. Resting her staff near the door, I waved her toward the spare room near the back. She vanished, then came back without her heavy bag, wringing her hands a little.

"I can help if you like."

"You're my guest." I shook my head, carefully breaking a carrot in half. "Sit. Rest."

"Ma serannas." She said again.

Increasingly sure that meant 'Thank you', I waved for her to stay in place while I finished getting everything ready. It didn't take me very long; one of the many things I badly missed was a refrigerator. I had a few ideas about how I could make one with magic, once I had any kind of firm control, but for now my ability to keep food fresh was pretty limited.

The plates I set down had another apple, half a carrot, a smallish piece of goat jerky, and a thick slice of bread. To drink we had the last of my breakfast wine, watered down to try and stretch it out a bit.

A veritable feast.

Merrill tore into all of it with gusto. I watched, picking at my own food, eyebrows raised as she practically inhaled everything I'd put in front of her. The carrot vanished in moments, followed by the jerky. The bread and apple lasted a little longer, mostly because it seemed to take her longer to chew them.

"...when was the last time you ate?" I asked, more than a little taken aback.

She blinked a few times, quickly swallowing some bread. "When I left my clan, I think."

I forced myself to be patient. "Which was when?"

"A few days ago, I think."

It was another fight not to ask how she had managed to lose track of how many days it had been. A mouthful of watery wine helped keep my lips occupied, giving me time to settle my thoughts and not do or say anything else that might upset her.

"All right," I tried to keep my voice gentle. My usual snark and snarl wouldn't help here. "How about we start small. Do you know anyone in the city?"

Merrill shook her head, "Not apart from you. No."

No Hawke yet. Right. "All right. Did you, um, know what you wanted to do when you got here?"

"Uh... not really?" She winced before trying to cover it up with another bite of her apple. She chewed quickly, swallowing it down before going on. "The Keeper didn't give me much warning, you see. I was hoping for more time to convince her, but she said I'd fulfilled my last duties and that it was time for me to go."

Well then. What a bitch. I couldn't remember if she'd been that cold in the game, but I doubted it. Another difference?

"We'll... have to figure out something for you to do then." I said, already trying to think of that. "If you want to work, I mean. I can afford to feed both of us, and I won't charge you rent or anything."

"I don't want to be trouble."

"It's all right, I have plenty of money." I paused, then admitted. "I'm... probably the only person in the Alienage who does."

"Why?" She asked, sounding genuinely curious.

"Uh, well, most elves don't get paid very much. I got lucky. I work for a very wealthy dwarf, and he doesn't mind paying me what he'd pay anyone else."

"He sounds very nice."

I snorted, "He can be, but he loves his stories and games. Speaking of my boss, I do need to go out soon. Do you think that you'd be all right to stay here the rest of the day alone?"

"I..." That flush returned to her cheeks, "...think I'd prefer that, actually. Maybe you can show me around the city tomorrow? I think... I think I need to rest for a while after today."

Good. Not in the sense that she was so mentally exhausted she needed to sleep after lunch, but in the sense that I'd have some time alone to try and work through everything that had just happened. Figure out the best way to get her to tell me if Mythal had already come and gone, if Hawke had slipped out of the city in between tasks for their own boss.

If that hadn't happened yet, then finding Hawke had just become the center of my world. I needed to be there when Flemeth-Mythal came crawling out of that amulet. If wasn't, that was a minimum of six years of waiting for the next Elven deity to wake up. One that might not be so understanding of a Human's soul stuck in an Elven body.

So. Priorities. Finish Varric's Qunari job so I had more free time. Follow that up with getting a hold of the runners I'd sent to stalk Aveline, and the ones I'd sent to find Gamelin Amell's hovel of a home. Not that I didn't know where Aveline worked now, but I needed to know where she lived. What she did in her spare time.

Who she was with in her spare time.

Dammit... where the hell was Hawke?

"That's fine." I told her, "I'll be back just before sunset. I'll bring back something nice for dinner. Maybe tomorrow we can talk some more about what you want to do in the city, or, um, maybe you could help me with some magical theory?"

"I... wouldn't mind that at all. Ma serannas."

"You're welcome."