A Floating Life
Disclaimer: all characters and copyright belong to SM.
Jacob's Confession
No, Jacob decided, he wasn't going to do it. It was twisted and it was wrong. He was going to forget what Edward Cullen had said.
But he would talk to Bella. He would try to make her listen.
And he knew she wouldn't. Just like always.
Edward didn't answer or comment on Jacob's thoughts as he led the way back into the house. Jacob wondered about the place he had chosen to stop. Was it far enough from the house that the others couldn't hear his whispers? Was that the point?
Maybe.
When they walked through the door, the other Cullens' eyes were suspicious and confused. No one looked disgusted or outraged. So, they must not have heard the favour that Edward had asked for.
Jacob hesitated in the doorway, not sure what to do now. It was better right there, with a little breathable air blowing in from outside.
Edward walked into the middle of the huddle, shoulders stiff. Bella watched him anxiously, and then her eyes flickered to Jacob for a second. Then she was watching him again. Her face turned a greyish pale, the stress and tension making her nauseated.
"We're going to let Jacob and Bella speak privately." Edward said dully. There was no inflection in his voice at all. It sounded robotic.
"Over my pile of ashes." Rosalie hissed at him. She was hovering by Bella's head, one of her cold hands placed possessively on Bella's sallow cheek.
Edward didn't look at her. "Bella." He said in the same monotone. "Are you afraid to be alone with him?"
Bella looked up at him, confused. Then she looked at Rosalie.
"Rose, its fine. Jake is not going to hurt us. Go with Edward."
"It might be a trick." Rosalie warned.
"I don't see how." Bella barely had the energy to whisper.
"Carlisle and I will always be in your sight, Rosalie." Edward said. The emotionless voice was cracking, the anger slipping through it. "We're the ones she's afraid of."
Bella's eyes glistened with unshed tears as she fixed her gaze on his tormented face. "No, Edward. I'm not afraid…. I'm upset…. I'm disappointed that you would even consider…." She left the rest unsaid, closing her eyes over the liquid moisture threatening to spill down her cheeks.
Edward shook his head, smiling bitterly. The smile was painful to look at. "Please don't concern yourself with my feelings, Bella. You need to rest. You mustn't stress yourself out."
Listening to this little byplay made Jacob feel sick. He knew Bella well enough to know she was beating herself up for hurting her precious leech's feelings. The girl was a classic martyr. She'd totally been born in the wrong century. She should have lived back when she could have gotten herself fed to the lions for a good cause. As soon as this treacherous thought entered his head, Jacob grimaced, hating himself more than he did already. Bella would forever have him in a chokehold, much like the leech, who was practically disintegrating a few feet away. She was killing them all.
"Everyone." Edward continued, his hand stiffly motioning toward the door. "Please."
The composure he was keeping up for Bella was shaky. Jacob could see how close to that burning man he had been outside. The others saw it, too. Silently, they moved out of the door while Jacob shifted to one side to give them room to pass. They moved fast, his heart barely beat twice, and the room was clear except for Rosalie, hesitating in the middle of the floor, and Edward, still waiting by the door.
"Rose." Bella said quietly. "I want you to go."
Rosalie glared at Edward and then gestured for him to go first. He disappeared out of the door. She gave Jacob a long, warning glower, and then she disappeared, too.
Now they were finally alone, Jacob quickly crossed the room and sat on the floor next to Bella. He took both of her cold hands in his, rubbing them carefully.
"Thanks, Jake. That feels good."
"I'm not going to lie, Bella. You look awful."
"I know." Bella sighed. "I'm scary- looking."
"I didn't mean it like that."
"Yes, you did."
Jacob frowned, casting his eyes down to her frail hands resting in his. Her skin was paper thin. You could see the blood running sluggishly through the veins' underneath. It was disturbing.
Deciding not to waste time and cut straight to the chase, Jacob raised his eyes again and stared right into hers. "What're you thinking, Bells? Seriously!"
"Did he ask you to yell at me?"
"He asked me to do a lot more than yell." Jacob replied bluntly. "Though I can't figure why he thinks you'd listen to me. You never have before."
Bella sighed again.
"I told you – "
"Did you know that 'I told you so' has a brother, Jacob?" Bella asked, cutting him off. "His name is 'Shut the hell up.'"
Jacob scowled at her. Bella scowled right back.
Jacob winced as he watched her skin stretch tight over her cheekbones. She was dying right in front of his eyes. It was heartbreaking how much she had changed in such a short space of time. He had warned her that the leech would end up killing her. And now it was coming true.
They didn't talk for a minute. Bella's hands were starting to warm up a little.
"What did Edward ask you to say to me?"
Jacob gazed at her sickly complexion and swallowed thickly. He just couldn't tell her about Edward's insane proposal. The words stuck in his throat, choking him. Every second he spent with her was only adding to the pain he would suffer later. Like a junkie with a limited supply, the day of reckoning was coming for him. The more hits he took now, the harder it would be when his supply ran out.
"It will work out, you know." Bella whispered, breaking the tense silence. "I believe that."
That made Jacob see red again. "Is dementia one of your symptoms?" He snapped.
Bella laughed, though his anger was so real that his hands were shaking around hers.
"Maybe." She conceded. "I'm not saying things will work out easily, Jake. But how could I have lived all through all that I've lived through and not believe in magic by this point?"
"Magic?"
"Especially for you." She said. She was smiling. She pulled one of her hands out of his and pressed it against his cheek. Warmer than before, but it felt cool against his skin, like most things did. "More than anyone else, you've got some magic waiting to make things right for you."
"Stop patronising me!" Jacob retorted.
"I'm not patronising you, Jacob!" Bella argued defensively. "Edward told me once what it was like – your imprinting thing. He said it was like A Midsummer's Night's Dream, like magic. You'll find who you're really looking for, Jacob, and maybe then this will all make sense."
If Bella hadn't been so frail, he would have shaken her. As it was, he did growl at her.
"You stupid, stupid girl." Jacob raged. "You have no idea, do you? You think you're so superior. Pat Jacob down and soothe him with weasel words you've probably been practising in your head. If you think that imprinting could ever make sense of this insanity…" He struggled for words he was so mad. "You think I'm going to imprint on some stranger? Not gonna happen, Bella. It's too late." He jabbed a finger at her, not stopping his tirade even when he saw her face turn completely white. "When you die" – the words were a snarl – "you won't just be killing yourself. You'll be killing me, too, as well as your precious leech. So, tell me again, what is the point to all the pain? Mine, yours, his!"
Bella's expression was rampant with confusion. She regarded him with troubled eyes, her mouth opening and closing as she tried to come up with some rational explanation for his long-winded speech.
"Tell me what the point was, Bella! What was the point of me loving you? Of fate binding us together? You call imprinting beautiful. It's a fucking curse. At least for me it is! If there is any sense, please show me, Bella, because I don't see it."
Bella appeared completely shellshocked. She continued to stare at him, her fraught mind trying to absorb his words, forcing them to make some kind of coherent sense. The way he was talking, it was like he was implying – no, that would be impossible – she would know, Edward would have seen it in his mind.
"You're dying for nothing, Bella! Nothing!"
Bella's hand dropped from his face to her bloated stomach, caressed it. She felt the familiar nudge from the unborn baby inside.
"I'm not going to die, Jacob." She said through her teeth, and Jacob could tell she was repeating things she'd said before. "I will keep my heart beating. I'm strong enough for that."
"That's a load of crap, Bella. You've been trying to keep up with the supernatural for too long. No normal person can do it. You're not strong enough." Jacob took her face in his hand. He didn't have to remind himself to be gentle. Everything about her screamed breakable.
"I can do this. I can do this." She insisted, sounding a lot like that kids book about the little engine that could.
"Only because of me." Jacob said in defeat, his anger dying.
Bella glanced up at him, her eyes tightening at the corners. "What do you mean?"
"You're not strong enough on your own. Your heart would have stopped beating long ago if it wasn't tied to mine. I'm the reason you're still alive, Bella." Jacob sighed heavily. "Do I really need to spell it out?"
Bella gasped, shaking her head in denial. "No, that's impossible. I would have known."
"You've forgotten one of the golden rules of imprinting." Jacob reminded her ruefully. "Nothing else matters. You do anything, be anything for her. You become whatever she needs you to be, whether that's a protector, or a lover, or a friend."
Bella remained frozen; her whole being overwhelmed with the import of his confession. "You're here because you're – "
"Yeah." Jacob admitted. "I'm here to protect you until the end, Bella. I could no more talk out of what you intend to do then trying to stop the sun rising in the sky at dawn. You've not only condemned yourself, but me as well. I'm committed to seeing this through to the very end no matter what it takes. You've given me no choice."
A/N-thanks for reading! Just a scene I imagined between Jake and Bella.