So one thing before we start.

There's going to be a ton of characters in this who literally have the same name, so while it isn't really my style, at later chapters I will be writing character dialogue similar to the WN, you know, [Subaru] and [Emilia], just like [Wrathbaru] or [Greedmilia]. I'll try to make it so that it isn't confusing, but I also feel like I could change it to something like [Wrath Subaru] or [W. Subaru] if it feels better.

Another thing is that many characters from the many If stories that died will be brought back, and many others will be definitely NOT be coming back. This means that some characters who don't die in an If (*ahem* Reinhardt) will meet characters that did die in that same If. I felt like I needed to point this out so it isn't more confusing than what it already will be.

Lastly, I don't own Re:Zero and I'm also not an English native, so sorry if anything seems wonky. Anyway, I hope you like this thing I came up with!

Natsuki Subaru couldn't forget.

He had moved on with his life and had now many things to look up to, but he couldn't forget.

Perhaps he didn't want to forget. So that he could learn from it. Or so that his sins were always branded onto him, either way, Natsuki Subaru had learned to live with the guilt.

And while he sometimes felt horrible for it, Natsuki Subaru chooses to focus on the things he had, rather than what he left behind.

Sometimes, the nightmares would show up with all the ugly they were accustomed to carry, but a hug from his wife was more than enough to drive them away. They too were slowly becoming a thing of the past.

Natsuki Subaru couldn't forget. But he could live.

Of course, he lamented many times the fact that he couldn't completely let go. Because it brought on situations like this one.

The halls of a certain familiar mansion only foretold one thing for him. Another nightmare. And this time he didn´t have anyone to pull him out of it.

It felt extremely real, but then again what nightmares did not? He supposed that his memory had become somewhat muddy. The mansion was different from what he recalled it being. Actually, the more he focused on these details, the more the difference was amplified.

Regardless, the similarity of them both, as well as the obvious difference between the design and style of places at Kararagi was painfully clear. So, its halls were working their magic on him.

He already felt like shit.

But... it also felt strange. In his nightmares he always found himself trust to face his failures directly. But now it seemed as if the mansion halls were taunting him. Demanding Subaru to embark on the search of the things he'd lost completely by himself, as a requirement so he could wake up.

Maybe I could just not move...?

Subaru was willing to hold even such a delusional way of thinking here. In the end, they were his own dreams.

"But I... I rather finish this as quickly as possible. No so bring it on!" And with a fervent and defiant attitude, Subaru began his earnest search for the monsters inhabiting his mind.

The fact that they were only figments of his imagination is what fueled his fragile resolve. It was certainly impossible, but if facing only dreams cost him so much already, then was he to be faced with the proof of his misgivings for real... Then he'd obviously just buckle and belt at the guilt.

But that was impossible. Only the remnants of what he'd heard had become a ruined nation were still present. And he wasn't going anywhere near them anytime soon. The rest? Well, they were long gone from the world. His mind was the only place they lived on.

It was pathetic, but Subaru wished he had his darling wife Rem or his beautiful daughter Spica next to him. Even that brat Rigel who was on his rebellious phase would do. They would give him the strength to face...

"Subaru-sama? You´re here a bit early..."

A voice that made him freeze at his very core. He couldn't forget any of the faces of the villagers of the once-had-been Arlam village. The faces of the innocent kids he had abandoned in his weakness had haunted him constantly for weeks. And of them all, the face of Petra Leyte the star of her village, and her always terrible ending were a given in this situations.

He didn't know what was going on with the maid apparel though. He did appreciate the fact she wasn't bleeding or disfigured. That was certainly a plus.

"These clothes, they're from Kararagi aren't they? And did you change your hairstyle... Wait, Subaru-sama you grew out your hair?"

Her curious and expectant eyes carefully inspected his weird clothes. The sight of her eyes sparkle, or just the fact she was drawing a breath and moving, drove him to tears.

"... A-a-ah… P- Petra-" His words naturally died at his throat. Suddenly his legs failed him and he fell on his knees. Just as he'd thought. He didn't have any strength alone.

"Subaru-sama!" Petra moved over to assist him in distress.

Prostrating to help the one who abandoned her... What a kind girl...

"What's wrong Subaru-sama? Was Ram- your training too hard- Ah, you're crying!"

For Subaru, this was quite possibly a terrible nightmare. He wasn't been shown what he had lost. But instead what he could've had.

He once had such dreams. Dreams of villages liberated. Of princesses rescued. Of sisters reunited. They were the worse. Just taunts his own mind made to him.

After all, he couldn't dream of defeating the whale. He couldn't dream of warding off Sloth. He couldn't dream of saving anyone... Because he simply couldn't.

And so the fake reflection of a young village girl, who might have decided to become a maid at the mansion, and who might have enjoyed the rest of her days joyously living her life, and in her eternal kindness, she would stumble upon a failure of a man, she would attempt to comfort him.

Of course, she might be doing a poor job. But not because she wasn't giving it her all. There was simply no saving for Subaru from this pain only he had to carry.

Petra, on the other hand, while happy she got to help her crush, couldn't make anything out of the situation. Subaru had appeared with some strange clothes (that she recognized because she wished to be a tailor) and with seemingly longer hair, and just broke down in front of her.

"Should I call Frederica-neesama? Ah, but Subaru would rather be pampered by Emilia-sama or Beatrice-chan..." Subaru noticeably tensed up at the mention of their names. For Petra, that meant it was something Subaru couldn't talk to with his spirit. "But until then, if you will let me... Then you can count on me Subaru!"

Unfortunately, Subaru had enough. Sweet little Petra was trying to help him, but all she did was bring more pain to him. The mention of the other names didn't help at all. He was cornered, so Subaru did what he'd learned to do.

He ran away.

"Su- Subaru-sama! Wait!"

He harshly shook off the young girl and got on his feet. Turns out they worked perfectly when it was time to run from his problems.

Subaru ran through the mansion with no goal in place other than distancing himself from whoever resided in the illusionary mansion.

But his nightmares were truly unforgiving,

"Subaru?"

This time his entire body betrayed him. No matter how much he begged it to move, to get away, it stopped dead on its tracks; and what's worse, it turned back to face that voice.

That dammed voice.

"You have some reaaaaly weird clothes today Subaru. Weirder than your usual clothes."

Her voice, sweet like a silver bell, was already so exciting to send tremors through his body. The fact that it was hers only amplified the feeling.

She had tied up her long silver hair which reached her hips in a style all too familiar to him. Her gentle purple eyes were brimming with curiosity and worry, just like Petra's had been.

"And your hair looks weird too. Wait, did you change your hair? And you all gave me a harsh reprimand when I tried to, that´s soooo unfair."

Just like Petra, the sight of Emilia was cathartic. She looked angelic and out of this world just like she always had been. Except for this time, it was literal. She was but a ghost of his past haunting him once more.

Likewise, Emilia moved over noticing his distress. It was laughably ironic how these two phantoms depicted them as greatly caring to him. That kindness was the one shown to a dashing hero who had reached on to save them, something that by all shapes and forms, he was not.

This time Mirror-Emilia's pleas of worry went unheard. Subaru purposefully ignored their sound, instead of focusing on the movement of her lips and the desperate look on her face.

Subaru recalled once thinking how she could be beautiful even when worried. That statement only managed to hurt him now.

It was incredibly painful because it felt incredibly real. Their features, their voices. And despite being a dream, he could feel Emilia's delicate hands caressing his head, just like he'd felt Petra's. He could also pinpoint the gentle smell of Emilia reach his nose. Yet he ignored it. It was a dream. Dwelling on any of these seemingly genuine presentations as anything other than tricks of his mind would only break the currently extremely volatile Subaru.

And yet it was this that helped him move forward.

Petra's apparition, a vision of a future he had crushed, was incredibly devastating to him.

Emilia's one, a picture frozen in time of the past he had abandoned, was no less forgiving. But he had faced it before. And besides, all the tricks his mind pulled to make him believe this impossible dream was real worked in his favor.

It reminded him of the present he had fought hard to protect and develop, his wife, son, and daughter. Their home at Banan, and all of the friends they'd made there. That was real.

And he was going to fight for it.

He wasn't going to waste his time being toyed around by his own regret. He had a wife to flirt with, a son to tease and a daughter to pamper. And no one could stop that. Not even his past love, Emilia.

The mirror doppelgangers would be defeated by him, so he could return to the loving embrace of his family.

And so, Natsuki Subaru gathered everything again for his final assault.

The enemy reinforcement that resembled a cute maid, and who had been the cause of his defeat the first time, was fast approaching from his rear.

But this time Subaru would not give up. Not when the General was lying undefended right in front of him.

And he had the perfect weapon to defeat his past.

"Emilia... I- I´m sorry."

Natsuki Subaru couldn´t forget his past.

But he could move on from it.

And THAT was something he would never forget.

Natsuki Rem was very ashamed of it, but it was a fact she had moved on from her past.

She apparently suffered less compared to her husband, something that sometimes ate her from the inside. She had a sister that she'd abandoned, yet she had moved on far easier.

She would never forget it of course. Her big sister Ram was too grandiose to be forgotten, and someone a lowly as herself could never allow her greatness to be lost by time. Her child Rigel was already told tales of the 'extraordinary nee-sama'. Her dubious fate had of course been carefully left out, as Rem wished to wait until he was older.

Regardless, Rem barely had any nightmares.

It was definitely thanks to the influence of her husband, but Rem had managed to look back to the past and feel thankful for the things she once had, rather than regret from their loss.

Yet that same husband that had only met them for some months was under so much more pain when it came to leaving them. It was honestly unsightly how relatively easy she was taking.

At least that what his husband (and everyone else that knew for that matter) thought. She 'barely' had nightmares. She moved on 'relatively' easy.

It was a lie.

It hurt.

It hurt so much.

She must've been a very good actor if she managed to fool the world into believing that her sister, the one she looked up her entire life, had been her only family for most of her life, and who she loved to their core, was so easy to abandon.

She had somehow managed to toughen her way through it. While regretful, Subaru did have it worse than her. So she had to swallow all that up and assist him. They had to secure a home, a living, and live with the shadows of their past.

If Subaru found out she was hiding all that baggage all on her own, he would try to take it all from her.

And he did found out. And she was scolded. But she also was saved. Again. And this time he was also not allowed to crush himself under its weight, thanks to her.

Through the kind people they meet, and their own perseverance, they managed to secure a happy family in the town of Banan.

Yet she still had doubts. She still had regrets. What she had left behind reminded her that she could lose what she had now just as easily. She still had doubts about whenever Subaru truly loved someone as lowly as herself.

So when Rigel was born she was saved. Again.

Really... I'm so helpless having to be saved by others time and time again... But at least I know I also help save them.

She truly had been blessed. If one were to compare her now to the insecure Rem she once had been, they truly would be shocked by how much a person can grow.

She wasn't the insecure girl who relied completely on others. Now she had someone that always relied on her. And that always made her move forward.

Just like she was moving forward now.

Like she had to move forward now.

Rem 'barely' had any nightmares.

But when they did come, they were merciless.

However, Rem was stronger. Subaru struggled many timed when it came to nightmares. But for her, it didn't matter what the nightmares brought. She faced them down. She couldn't allow herself to be weak.

And so, from the busy day that she had Rigel, to the peaceful days she lived with all her loved ones, the nightmares hadn't pierced her once.

And this time wouldn't be different.

Rem calmly moved along the halls of this mansion. She had not personally visited its halls more than three or four times, yet she recognized it immediately as the Annerose domain, a branch of the Mathers family.

'Why would your nightmare take place here?' Her mind attempted to warn that this was no mere dream nor illusion. It was too detailed, too real. All of her senses reported it so. Yet it would not work.

Her consciousness was trying to weaken her resolve, make her doubt herself; as she'd done so long time ago. But her will was unbreakable. The realism of the dream only served to fuel her resolve to try and ward it off.

And it seemed that her nightmares noticed that a far-off mansion would not rouse any reaction from her, because it seriously stepped up their game.

"You should be ashamed of yourself!"

Ah... So here it is.

Rem turned to the voice behind her. The speaker was a tall blonde woman with fangs as sharp as the look she was giving her; dressed in an elegant maid dress that denoted her status as a servant of this mansion.

"I don't know what you want, be it money or favor, but resorting to this kind of underhanded tricks... This is truly low. I must ask you to leave here immediately. How did you get past Clind…?"

The sound of her voice was just like she remembered it. It was more lifelike even. That could only be one person.

"Frederica-sama..."

The big maid looked as displeased as she looked surprised at the correct mention of her name.

"It seems as if you studied well. But you are out of luck. I saw you- I saw her today. So you better get going. Many are not as forgiving as I am. Just please stop this nonsense and tell me your name."

Rem considered, if only for a moment, that this might be the real Frederica she once knew. Her tone of voice, as well as everything just screamed real. But she looked too young to be her, and she had no reason to be in Kararagi, or for her to be back in Lugnica for that matter. It simply could not be Frederica. Regardless something told her to play by rules this dream was imposing on her…

"It's been a long time Frederica-sama. I know you probably won't believe this, but it's me Rem."

"You know that name?! … That's it. I've decided. You had your chance, now you must come with me. We'll talk this with Ro- with the lord of this mansion."

Frederica now looked positively distraught. The 'Rem' in front of her held an uncanny similarity to the one that she had attended to just today but at the same time had a striking difference. Her different clothes, her long well-kept hair, and a strange feeling she radiated. Like she was more mature. She also knew of her name, and it should've been forgotten by everyone, except Subaru. If she hadn't confirmed the existence of the sleeping girl today, she might have fallen for this imitator's tricks.

To Rem, however, even if it was a dream one, seeing her senior maid Frederica heavily distressed reminded her of her own days as a maid. She had been very cold to her and many others those times. But now that she'd grown, maybe she could treat her better? Even if this Frederica was still, just a dream one, and didn't believe she was 'Rem'.

"Ah, Frederica-sama. Maybe you have forgotten this, but when Rem was taken under the care of Roswaal-sama, it was Frederica-sama that showed us the way of the maid."

Frederica stopped to listed. Her interest winning over her duty at least just this once.

"Rem remembers clearly that when we arrived you wished to be called 'Frederica-neesama'. Rem hopes you would forgive her, but I already had my Nee-sama, and Nee-sama already had me; so both Rem and Nee-sama decided to ignore your request."

Frederica didn't remember any of that. She remembered that Ram had avidly refused to indulge in that caprice of hers. But what Rem said only made sense. If she were to fill the holes in her memory with the existence of Rem, then Ram's own life and actions filled on a new meaning.

"At least that's what we told you. In truth, Rem was just too afraid of the outside world and decided to isolate myself from it. And Nee-sama followed my selfish wish. But Rem never forgot Frederica-sama's sad faces, so I wished to ask for your forgiveness. Even if I lost my chance…"

Frederica was dumbstruck. For whatever reason, she just had to believe the words of the maid. Even for a spy, the knowledge she held was near impossible to get. It could all be just a fabrication, yet it seemed unlikely. She had only told about that 'special rule' of the maids to Ram (and apparently Rem too) and Petra.

"I also never told you this… Rem indeed wished to be more like Nee-sama in every regard. But I always thought of you Frederica-sama, as what I should strive to be as a maid."

Rem felt relieved. Telling this 'Frederica' her past regrets she once had wished to tell her if they ever reunited had managed to push a load off her shoulders, even if she was a false one. For some reason this illusion was so lifelike that felt like she was talking to the real Frederica.

"This- This is too much… We- You must come with me. Subaru-sama must know-"

"Eh? Subaru-kun is here?"

It was impossible for Subaru to be in her nightmare. Every apparition of his only marked a beautiful dream. Rem would have blushed at some of the dreams her Subaru was a protagonist in; if she wasn't being dragged on by Frederica, who didn't seem any more pleased at her recognition of that name.

If my Subaru-kun only appears in my best dreams (all of the ones with him in it), then maybe this is not a nightmare? Nothing bad has appeared yet, and I only felt better when talking to Frederica-sama…

"Oh no. She's the last person that I want to be here…"

Just as Rem was piecing together what she could about the situation, Frederica abruptly stopped. She even looked scared.

"Frederica, step away from that imposter right now."

A cold voice came from the end of the hallway, almost as cold as the wind that Rem felt swirl against her throat, like a collar of deadly blades just shy of piercing into her flesh.

But Rem didn't care for the danger. Or rather, she ignored it in favor of…

"Nee-sama-!"

"Silence!"

Rem didn't remember seeing her Nee-sama lose her cool, and never in such a fashion. If her Nee-sama wasn't able of looking anything other than perfection, she might've looked like an enraged beast.

Yet Rem could only feel tears of joy from seeing her again. Even if she should be an illusion, something deep inside of her filled up with warmth and childlike joy. She felt a connection, a bond with this 'Dream Ram' that was more than her having the same voice, figure, and looks of the 'Real Ram'. Like if her own body was telling her the Nee-sama she was so sure of having lost all those years ago, was standing right in front of her.

"Nee-sama!"

"I told you to be quiet!"

Frederica expertly dodged the warning gust that the angry Ram shot against the one who called herself with the name that Subaru had given her sister. It was unnecessary though. Frederica could tell that the wind would've hit neither of them. Ram was not actually targeting the imposter. She was holding back.

Ram had an ability called Synesthesia. When she saw the sister she had apparently forgotten, she immediately confirmed their bond with it, even if the vile powers of the witch's cult whipped her away from her memories.

She had confirmed this connection just today before she abruptly left storming looking for the false sister she'd detected.

The imposter that stormed her home by complete surprise, that dared poise itself as her beloved sister… And who had invaded her sacred connection with her sister.

Ram felt it. The same bond she felt with her sister was also shared with this fake Rem. It would almost be enough to confuse her with the real one, had the new bond be slightly, just slightly, different from the real Rem, and had her sister not being right beside her when it mixed.

Fake tears.

Fake voice.

Fake bond.

Fake sister.

…

Rem knew this better than anyone. Her tears of longing were not real. Her angelic voice, even if it was full of fury were just records her mind was playing back to her. The strange bond she felt with this one, was just like she felt once to her real sister; before she felt it painfully shatter never to return once more. It too was just a memory she held dear and was now being used to trick her.

Fake tears.

Fake voice.

Fake bond.

Fake sister.

…

But there was one thing that was true.

The pain.

Their pain.

...

Natsuki Rem had moved on from her past.

And Ram, the big sister had forgotten it.

So why did it hurt so much?

...

Rem did know. She always knew.

And she also knew what she had to do to make it stop.

"Nee-sama… Sissy. I'm sorry."

Natsuki Rem couldn´t forget her past.

But she had moved on from it.

And in doing so she had found so much joy, so much happiness.

And THAT was something worth fighting for.

And fight for it she will.

No matter if it was a dream or genuine, she would face it with unbreakable resolve.

And the first test of that resolve…

The deadly blade of wind that was shot straight at her head.