Sakura bit her lower lip as she fingered a page of her book. The minute Tsunade granted a few hours of freedom before her next shift at the hospital, Sakura wandered to the grassy hills by the old training ground and curled up on a tree branch to read her new book. Her book collection at home was becoming quite impressive. In her small but cozy apartment, she had a bookcase full of medical references and research, but recently she purchased another bookcase for her growing pile of science fiction and fantasy novels.
The book she currently held in her delicate fingers consisted of a protagonist who traveled with a band of circus freaks. She continued to chew her lip as she got to a particularly juicy bit about his past. This was exactly the way she loved to spend her afternoons. On bright sunny days, she found that sitting on a high tree branch with a book was the best. Most of her friends teased her about having no social life. Naruto and Hinata were busy building a life together after their recent marriage. Ino still took missions and continued to help at her family flower shop whenever her parents needed. Shikamaru, Choji and Kiba were often spotted at bars in the evening after particularly long missions. All in all, the people around her were spending their young adult years in a frenzy of outings, parties and socializing. Sakura, however, preferred taking nights at home with her books, cooking and occasionally baking. The solitary activities were therapeutic for her.
Sakura let her leg hang off the side of the branch, swinging slowly back and forth as she savored another page. She furrowed her brow as the protagonist painfully watched his best friend betray him. She furiously chewed on her lower lip almost to the point of breaking skin. The story was just too intense.
"I think you have it all wrong little miss," a deep voice suddenly cut through the excitement of the book playing out in her mind. Sakura snapped her eyes to the left where she saw her old sensei perched on a branch just above her.
"Who are you calling a little miss?" Sakura said scrunching her nose like a child. "And what is it exactly that I have all wrong?" She sighed as she carefully put her bookmark in place as she closed her novel.
"You're sitting here in the old training grounds. You have a small book. You're reading intensely. You don't want to be bothered. I'm pretty sure I'm the copy ninja…not you," Kakashi said lightly tapping the cover of his Icha Icha.
"Oh my god, you're right. I am acting like an anti-social old fart just like you!" Sakura said groaning. She smacked her forehead with the palm of her hand. She would end up like her perverted old sensei, running to find some secluded place to secretly read her books.
"It's really nothing to be ashamed of," Kakashi said propping himself against the trunk of the tree. "You'll come to be proud of how elusive you can become." Sakura smacked his arm lightly with a scowl on her face.
"I don't plan on being an elusive creature. I'm just on a short break from the world. That's all," Sakura said with a confident nod. Inwardly, she was scoffing at how untrue that statement really was.
"How have you been?" Kakashi asked pausing a moment before uttering the last word. She looked at him tiredly, knowing that it was a loaded question. Sakura decided to close her book and gently set it down on her lap.
"Well, I've been busy…that's for sure," Sakura answered truthfully. "Tsunade –sama has me scheduled almost around the clock most days. On the few days I'm not on the clock, I'm usually researching or creating new medical techniques."
"Sounds like a good schedule," Kakashi said absently.
"Mmm," Sakura agreed. "On the rare days she gives me a few hours of freedom, I come here to read," she smiled as she picked her book back up to show him. Kakashi blinked at Sakura. Sakura stared back and felt the urge to squirm. She knew he was waiting to hear how she really has been and not about her work life.
Exasperated, she blurted,"What?"
Kakashi simply shrugged.
"You didn't answer the question."
Sakura sighed and closed her eyes. She could feel the warmth of the sun dancing across her closed eyelids. The warm summer breeze had picked up and she could hear the leaves swaying and dancing between the awkward silences. The dapplings of sunlight lit the world even behind closed eyes. Without a cloud in the sky, she could smell the warming grass beneath her. Today was a perfect day. Well, almost perfect.
"I've been…better. I haven't heard once from him. He hasn't sent a single letter, although I know he has been in touch with Naruto. I think he got a letter three times now," Sakura said slowly sliding open her eyes. She sighed deeply. It hurt to say the facts out loud.
"He must have his reasons."
Sakura smiled sadly. Her former sensei was trying, in his way, to offer comfort but deep down inside, she knew that his reasons for not staying in touch were just as hurtful as the lack of communication between them. Sakura could feel the faint beginnings of a migraine coming. The topic of conversation either always left her feeling extremely numb or with a splitting migraine.
"Shouldn't you be helping Naruto figure out how to fill out paperwork? He is Hokage, but I'm amazed he has gotten this far without knowing anything at all." Kakashi raised a delicate silvery brow at the sudden change in conversation.
"He'll manage. Besides, I'm on break," he said while getting comfortable on his tree branch. Sakura knew the conversation was over now. The dull throb of her head pain began to subside. She smirked and waved goodbye to Kakashi before jumping off the branch to land gracefully on her feet. She rubbed her palms against pants. Her palms were sweatier than she realized. The anxiety caused by even the thought of Sasuke seemed to do that to her.
It had been almost two years since he left, again. Of course, this time it was different. He clearly stated his intention to leave and redeem himself as a man. At that moment, she had acted upon impulse, the way she often did as a child. She tried to cling to him and offered to go with him. His gentle refusal only hurt more. She had thought that they had finally come to a mutual understanding. In that moment, she thought maybe he would finally give her a real chance to love him.
Fast forward two years later with no contact. Sakura was almost sure that he would have at least sent a letter. They were friends, weren't they? After all he had done, he owed her that. If he was really thankful for her loyalty to him, he owed her that much. Sakura could feel her anger rising and swelling into her chest as she walked back to the hospital. She clenched her fists so hard she could feel the bones in her fingers strain under the pressure.
Sasuke had sent a few letters to Naruto. They were short and to the point, but at least Naruto had gotten something. Sakura felt bitter. She felt like she was being left behind again. In all of their years together, she always felt so small and immature when it came to their relationship. Sasuke and Naruto had almost killed each other countless times, yet their friendship only grew. Sakura always felt like she would take a step forward with Sasuke, but find that he would take ten steps back.
Sakura hastily swiped her medical identification badge in the hospital door slot. She pulled the door open with more force than necessary and continued to walk to her office. Her abrupt and almost violent entrance caught the attention of some patients and nurses. She did her best to ignore the brief moment of attention. She was too busy angrily thinking about Sasuke in the confines of her mind. Turning the corner, she pulled open a locker in the women's lounge and pulled out her white coat and tossed it around her shoulders. She went back to the hallway and continued to her office.
Deep down, she was hurt more than anything. Sakura understood that after everything Sasuke had gone through, he needed time to heal and clear his mind. She also knew that no matter what happened, she would wait for him. But without a single letter, sign or word from him within the past few years left her in despair. Was that all she could do for him? Her heart clenched painfully at the thought that the man she loved so dearly would keep her waiting forever. She heard a snap and a few scattered gasps.
Sakura's attention snapped back to reality. She looked down to find that she had ripped the door handle clean off the door and crushed it into a crumpled bundle of metal in her small hand. She blinked a few times and looked around her to find that some of the nurses were looking at her in fright.
"Sakura-san, are you alright?" A petite young woman with dark chocolate hair and bright honey eyes asked concerned.
"Ah, gomen Moeka-chan. I was so lost in thought for a minute, I tore the handle off…again," Sakura said tossing the handle into a recycle bin with other crumpled metal door knobs. "Third one this week." The young nurse gave a genuine smile and patted Sakura on the shoulder.
"Sometimes, you have to lose your mind a few times before you can truly get it back." Sakura smiled, grateful that the young nurse seemed to understand her internal struggle. It was no secret to her closest friends and to the rest of the whole village that Sakura was depressed the day everyone returned home except for Sasuke. There were whispers all around that he had abandoned her again. Some guessed that he was still disloyal to Konoha. Naruto did his best to put these ill rumors to rest, but people will be petty and continue to talk. Moeka was just a young assistant nurse when she first came to the hospital and had been a very reliable helper to Sakura. Sakura never shared her internal heartbreak with Moeka, but the young girl always seemed to know exactly what to say at the right time.
"Arigatou Moeka-chan," Sakura smiled genuinely. Moeka nodded and tossed her something bright and round. Sakura easily caught the object in her nimble hand. Moeka turned with her clipboard in hand and headed towards the ICU. Sakura smiled again as she looked down at the small and perfectly ripened clementine. She plopped the fruit in her pocket and proceeded to push open her office door.
"SAKURA!" A blonde haired man shouted.
"Kami, Naruto! Why are you shouting? What the hell are you doing here? Shouldn't you be busy assigning missions, reading through reports and signing thousands of things? I'm amazed this village is still running with so many people leaving their jobs," Sakura said furrowing her brow and thinking of Kakashi earlier that morning.
"Oh come on Sakura. I love being Hokage but sometimes it gets so stuffy. You know I don't do that well with all the formalities. An ambassador from Water is arriving tomorrow and Hinata has me practicing my table manners. On top of that, I've been worried from the lack of missions I have been able to assign," Naruto said tiredly.
"Just remember to take longer than a minute to eat a single plate of food, keep your mouth shut through dinner and don't drink anything alcoholic. You know you get a little too loose when you do," Sakura said raising an eyebrow and throwing him a glare over her shoulder. She hung up her bag on a coat rack and pulled up a thick packet of papers. "You know around this time of year, things get quiet with all the children going back to school. As for the bigger missions, there is always a dry spell, and then all of a sudden shit hits the ceiling fan and you'll be doling out missions left and right. Enjoy the peace and quiet while you can."
"Well, that reminds me. About that peace and quiet…I wanted to talk to you about Sasuke." Sakura slammed the wad of papers down on her desk. She turned around to give Naruto a death glare from where she stood.
"I'm really not in the mood to be talking about Sasuke right now."
"I just wanted to tell you…"
"NO! Not now, not today!" Sakura shouted pushing the tall man through her office door. "And don't try coming back in here to bring that up again, Naruto! Hokage or not, I will beat you to a bloody pulp today. I am not in the mood!" Sakura squeezed her eyes shut with her back against the door. She slid slowly to the floor. She knew she was taking things out on Naruto but she didn't care. She was too much of a mess. She felt like her heart was falling apart. Everyone wanted her to talk about Sasuke but she had enough. She couldn't talk anymore. That's all she could ever do. All she could do was talk about him but she never gets to do anything with him. Their relationship consisted of her talking and chasing after him. Her love for him wouldn't change so easily, but she was becoming tired.
Sakura cradled her throbbing head in her hands. She drew in a deep breath through shaking lips. She exhaled and repeated the action. She had to steel herself. She was Konoha's best medic, and she couldn't afford to be sitting here letting a name bring her to her knees. Sakura could feel resolve gathering deep within her. She stood abruptly and grabbed her stack of papers. Today, she would finish strong. While the sun was still up, she would work her ass off and do her duty as a medic to save those in need of help. Yes, so long as the sun was in the sky, she would be strong. But when the lights of the village dim, and there is nothing to keep her mind occupied of the hurt she suffered, only then would she give in to the pain. Only in the dark will she pull back the veil on her broken heart to uncover her scars.