Notes: Ok. So. That happened. -gestures vaguely at the last 5 years- The reason that happened is this. -points at the page- These words right here that you are about to read. Both the VERY FIRST chapter I wrote in April 2011 - and the very last chapter of a story 13 years in the making. This is where Beginnings in Disguise was born; and where it finally ends. It is also the reason it took me 13 frigging years because I just could not for the life of me figure out a good set up for this chapter. I wanted it to be at The Candle with Bethany and Rab, I wanted it to take place during Illana's 15th or 16 year (2014 or 2015), and I wanted As Is to be playing on stage in the background as they talked ...but that was as far as I ever got. However, you all have been waiting long enough, so here it is. I apologize for the abruptness of the start, but even after 13 years stewing, seriously wracking my brain and having at *least* three false starts and ultimately being completely unsatisfied with all of them... well. This is where this particular beginning ends. Thank you so much everyone for all your likes and your comments and - most of all - thank you for your stubborn unwillingness to give up one me or the story. -enter happy emoti full of hearts here- Happy Anniversary!
Bethany feels a hot sympathetic burn behind her eyes. "But he betrayed you."
"Bethany, from the moment I was born, I was fated to die on that cross, to be sacrificed for the greater good. It terrified me, right up until the end, but it was meant to be, and I made peace with my fate a long time ago.
"The thing was, though, someone had to do the sacrificing. That was the kicker right there – I was a prophet, a healer. People loved me and followed me; I was the bright light at the end of a long, dark tunnel, and I know that any one of my close friends – John, Jacob, Peter – any of them would've gladly given their life to save mine." He pauses, looking across the room and finding Rufus in the crowd, standing beside the stage and cheering for an encore with the rest of the group on the dance floor. In a low voice she probably wasn't meant to hear, he continues. "A few of them already had."
He shakes his head sadly, turning back to her. "The problem was – I didn't need to be saved; I needed to be sacrificed. You understand?"
And she does. Almost unwillingly, she turns her eyes to follow a smiling Brad as he spins a laughing Illana in a dramatic twirl. Watching her beautiful girl who is turning into a beautiful woman who laughs freely and gives with all her heart, she can't help but ask herself… Could I have done that?
Years ago, just after Illana had been born, Metatron promised her that her baby girl would not have to face the same fate as her big brother, but what if his answer had been different? What if he came up to her, sorrow in his eyes, and told her 'Bethany, she has to give her life for the world's, and you have to let her.'
No, she thinks. No, I don't think I could.
"You asked him," she says, voice thick as a tear escapes out the corner of her eye. "You asked Judas to turn you over to the authorities because he was the only one with the strength to do what had to be done. He never betrayed you."
Rab closes his eyes, bowing his head over his interlocked hands, knuckles white. "No," he says, "No, he never betrayed me. In the end, he was truly the disciple who loved me best, and for that, he got his name dragged through the muck, became the most hated man in history, and eventually took his own life because he couldn't bear the guilt anymore." He sighed regretfully, lifting his head to eye the young man singing on the stage. "Kind of a crap deal if you ask me."
She fools with the empty glass in front of her, ice clinking as she rolls it between her palms. "Does he remember?"
Rab shakes his head. "Nah. As far as he's concerned, he is Jarrod "Daz" Rodriguez, son of Teresa and Gabriel Rodriguez, who spent the first few years of his life in Derry, Pennsylvania, before he moved out here with his folks at age five."
Bethany - who had done a report on Hershey, Pennsylvania in fourth grade – smiles slightly at the reminder of the town Daz was born in. "Trying to sweeten the aforementioned crap deal a bit?"
"Maybe a little." Rab manages a weak smile as well. "The irony being, of course, how he eventually grew to hate the stuff."
His smile fades, and he continues. "He still has nightmares, of course; the soul remembers, even if it does reside in a new body. Aside from that, though, he's had a blessedly normal life…" He pauses and shakes his head again, bemused, before adding, "Or at least as normal as any life that Illana is a part of, I suppose. I guess it's no surprise that they managed to find each other, and for that I am grateful. He more than anyone deserves a second chance."
Bethany doesn't have response for that. Instead, she lets her silence speak for itself and moves to sit in the booth beside him. Taking his hand in both of hers, she rests her head against his shoulder, offering what little comfort she can. Her eyes drift toward the dance floor again, and it doesn't take her long to pick out Brad, white t-shirt a beacon shining in the reflected light from the stage. He's standing at the edge of the crowd now, taking a breather while Rufus takes his turn leading Illana around dance floor. A second chance indeed.
They sit in silence for awhile, each lost in their own little world of regrets and 'What Ifs'. Then Bethany decides it is all way too depressing for the celebratory atmosphere the rest of The Candle's patrons are currently enjoying, so she changes the subject a little.
"You know, your Dad is a bit of an ass sometimes," she tells him after a minute or two. "If this is how He treats family, I don't want to know what He does to the people He doesn't like."
The brash comment has the desired effect, and Rab laughs, repossessing his hand long enough to wrap his arm around her shoulders in a brief hug. "You got that right," he agrees, kissing the top of her head.
"Come on," he continues, standing and pulling her out of the booth with him, dragging her toward the dance floor. "Let's go tend our flock and see if there's room for a few lost sheep."
As Is plays another song, and Bethany stops thinking long enough to laugh and have fun while Rab leads her through a smooth jazz step and does a hell of a good job making it look like she actually knows what she is doing. Illana joins her in a goofy line dance, and Rufus teaches her the finer points of hip-hop before the band slows down for their last song of the night and he hands her off to Bradly for an easy, comfortable sway that is the default for gawky, pre-pubescent kids everywhere when they attend their first School Dance. No actual skill is involved, and after more than an hour on the dance floor, Bethany is thoroughly exhausted and quite willing to fit herself into his arms and take advantage of the breather. They've been together long enough that there isn't much thought required in the process, and it is warm and comfortable in a way that she never would've imagined possible sixteen years ago when a twist of fate brought them together on opposite sides of a fight for existence.
Mistakes were made and a lot of people died, but if it wasn't for him and Loki and their desperate quest to get back home, Bethany would still be bitter and abandoned and alone, Illana would be nothing more than a hopeless dream that she could never have, and she never would've found out that she had the strength - and the faith - to make a difference in the world.
As the song draws to a close, with Daz playing one more phenomenal guitar solo so beautiful that it almost hurts, Bethany lifts her head from Brad's shoulder, wraps her arms around his neck, and kisses him with every bit of love she has to offer.
"What was that for?" he asked
"For doing what had to be done," she answers as the song ends, and the crowd burst into a deafening roar of applause and approval around them.
"What do you mean?" he asks after the cheers had died down a bit and it was possible to speak without shouting. "What did I do?"
She smiles and raises her hand to his cheek, sneaking in another quick kiss before she uses her new leverage to gently turn his head until Mary and Rab come his line of sight, arms around each others' waists as they lean against the bar, thousands of years of familiarity and love in their loose, easy postures.
Then she shifts slightly, turning them both so they can see Liz and Loki in a booth across from the stage, two cups of hot chocolate steaming among all the squares of green and brown zig-zagging in awkward, blocky trails across the table. They both chuckle when Loki woops suddenly, arms raised in victory and Liz glares at her Meeple as if it had just stole her car AND her boyfriend in the same night.
Finally, moves her hands to his hips, pushing slightly until they can both see Illana and Daz, sitting at the edge of the stage shoulder to shoulder, chatting and laughing, Illana's hands waving around expressively as she talks and Daz looking at her like she is the most beautiful thing in the world.
"For all of this," Bethany tells him. "For everything."
She figures he finally gets it when he wraps her in his ridiculously strong arms and kisses her breathless. Who needs respiratory function anyway.