- Bobby... Eames nestled comfortably against Goren, her head resting against his chest, listening to his heartbeat, her little hands caressing his silver fleece. I'd like to talk to you about a certain subject.
After his discussion with Barek, where Eames had promised to go and see a doctor when they got back to New York, Eames needed to know what Goren thought about the idea of having a child.
It was true that it had never crossed his mind.
But now it was different.
A little mix of Goren and elle must have been amazing.
In addition, just because she hadn't thought about it didn't mean she wouldn't like being pregnant, as she had told Barek.
But if she was, it was better to know what Goren thought about it.
A certain subject...
Eames wanted to talk to him about a certain subject.
But what was it exactly.
Goren was a worrier, so he often worried, even about little things.
Had Eames changed she mind about the two of them, realising that their relationship was doomed to failure, and she decided to all call it quits.
- What do you think of a child.
Goren's heart stopped at her words.
What he thought of a child...
My God...
So that's what Eames wanted to talk to him about.
A child...
He had thought that Eames had perhaps considered stopping everything.
But not at all.
It was something else entirely.
She was even talking about a child.
But a child...
No, that was simply impossible.
Goren moved away from Eames to sit on the edge of the bed and turn his back to her.
At this gesture of his turning his back on her, Eames felt deeply hurt.
Why was Goren reacting like that.
She was just asking him what he thought of a child, and he...
My God...
Could it be that Goren didn't want a child.
And if that were the case.
What would happen if she was pregnant.
- You don't want a child.
He didn't want a child...
It wasn't that he didn't want one.
But a child...
My God...
Goren took his face in his hands.
How could he explain to her...
Make her understand.
Eames deserved to be a mother.
And her desire to have a child was perfectly normal.
But he thought...
Just being together, would be enough for Eames.
But he'd been wrong.
So Eames wanted to be a mother.
But Goren had never thought about the possibility.
Although he should have thought about it.
But even so, it wasn't envisaged.
He was far too unstable, too old, and above all, he didn't feel to be a father.
Nor could Goren forget his family history.
This was the sore point that made him dread being a father one day.
His nephew, for example, may not have inherited his grandmother's illness, but he was bipolar all the same.
And what would happen if he and Eames had a child who, in adolescence, ended up with his mother's illness, or was bipolar.
Would Eames be able to cope.
The harshness of a psychiatric illness.
No, Goren couldn't put her through that.
He adored Eames, and she didn't deserve to go through that.
She deserved to have a sane child, and certainly not one suffering from schizophrenia.
But despite everything, Goren had to admit that he would have loved to have had a daughter who looked exactly like Eames.
But he refused to take the risk of destroying her life.
So no, that was not and never would be envisaged.
Goren was doing this for her, because he loved her.
And not because he refused to be a father.
And so he was going to have to make her understand.
- Alex... I didn't feel of be father.
Not be father...
At these words, Eames' heart broke into a million pieces.
Goren didn't want a child.
Even though she was sure he would be an excellent father.
Didn't he want to have a child from their love.
Goren told her he loved her.
But not to the point of having a child with her.
So perhaps she was mistaken.
Maybe what she had thought was love wasn't.
But Eames needed to know why Goren didn't want a child.
If she was the reason.
- But why... Is it because of me.
Why...
Because of her.
But it wasn't.
It wasn't because of her at all.
It was because of him.
How could he explain without hurting her.
He turned towards her, but realised when he saw Eames' face, where he could read immense sadness, that it was too late, that he had hurt her, and that tore his heart.
My God…
No.
Anything but this.
That wasn't what he'd wanted.
Everything he did was for her, for her own good.
And she had to understand that.
Goren raised his hand to Eames' face, placed his fingers on her cheek and brushed against her.
- Alex... I didn't want to hurt you.
Not hurt her.
But by not wanting to be a father, that's what he was doing.
She was madly in love with him, and the idea that maybe a part of Goren was growing inside her was the most wonderful thing she could have wished for.
And if Goren couldn't see himself as a father, what would she do if she was really pregnant, knowing that the father of her child didn't want him.
What would happen.
Would Goren leave her, and she'd have to bring up the child alone.
Or would Goren ask her to have an abortion, so that he could stay with her.
Either way, she would suffer.
My God...
Eames was so unhappy, and felt so helpless.
- Alex...
There was so much sadness in Eames' big hazel eyes, in the features of her face.
Goren hated himself for hurting her.
He cared about Eames and couldn't bear the thought of hurting her.
And speaking of a child, that's what he'd just done.
But how could he do that without hurting her.
So Goren, suffering from seeing Eames so unhappy, wrapped his arm around her waist and drew her against him.
- We'll talk more about this later... He placed his lips on her golden hair and brushed against it. If you agree.
Eames nodded, but buried her head against his chest, hiding the tears that were welling up in her eyes and which she could no longer hold back.
She knew very well that if Goren didn't feel of be father, he probably never would be.
But maybe she wasn't pregnant and was worrying for nothing.
But on the other hand, Eames hadn't thought about that possibility, and in the near future, she would have liked to have a child.
But given her advancing age, perhaps it was already too late.
Her despair was so great that she couldn't hold back the tears that spilled down her cheeks, nor stop her body from shaking with sobs, but bit her lips to stifle her cries.
Feeling Eames' body being shaken, Goren held her tighter against him, and rested his chin on her little blonde head.
- Alex... I'm sorry.
At these words, spoken with extreme solicitude and gentleness, Eames could no longer hold back her cries, which she was choking, and screamed out all her despair.
Putting Eames in this state, made Goren felt contemptible.
And the more he held her against him, crying, the more he was in the process of making a decision that would change the course of their lives, but which would ensure that at least Eames she could be happy.