September 17th, 2003
Quite an interesting, and eventful, year has gone by for Anju.
The mysterious Ryuzaki, who she had come to know through a laptop, had revealed his face and real voice to her, in person; her mind still can't come to grips with that revelation, that he'd trusted her that much to just show up at her apartment. Not only that, but she learnt his true name, or what she believes to be his true name but it could be another alias; he's the greatest detective known to man, L. And Tari, the nice elderly man, turned out to be Watari, who is publicly known as an assistant (or was it an advisor?) of L's.
From that moment forward, whenever he was near and had freetime, Anju would let him come visit her apartment, where they'd continue their talks; well, she'd continue talking, he mostly just listened, occasionally commenting or giving her a bit more information about himself. Or they'd not talk at all and she'd play her instruments for him, which was just as pleasant of an experience.
Outside of that, she did as she normally would; freelance, go to college (just another year or so left before that's done and she'll be going back home), grocery shop, and work on her album with colleagues.
When the year nearly passed, the album was finally finished and released. Through Watari, she gave L a copy of the album as a gift; it was titled "Moonlight Madness", because each melody was not like the other, some fast and some slow, and all of them suited for nighttime. As she hoped, he enjoyed it very much.
Lately, Anju has been having some conflicting feelings and distracting thoughts, and all signs point to L being the cause of them. For the past few visits, she has felt her heart race whenever he was nearby, or whenever she heard his voice, or whenever he smiled his rare smile, or whenever she saw him in general. So, all of the time, basically.
She became more excited and eager to talk with him on the laptop, and in person, which was very rare because of his work ethic. It didn't take her long to realize that it was romantic emotions she was feeling for him; she never felt this way with anyone before. But it wouldn't work out, she felt; he was often gone and likely was incapable of feeling anything of the sort, not that it was a bad thing but it'd certainly break her heart.
That wouldn't stop her from confessing her feelings, though.
She sighs, grabbing a box of cereal from the shelf as she shops. With a sad expression, she goes down the aisle and turns into another one, gathering some baking ingredients alongside her usual to-get groceries. Her mind races, replaying could-be results of her impending confession, all of the thoughts ending with rejection.
She puts on a facade when she approaches the check-out counter, faking a smile (half-smiling, in all honesty) at the cashier behind the register. She wishes them a good day, waves at a few more familiar faces, and leaves with her bags in hand. Slowly, she makes her way back home.
Approximately twenty minutes later, give or take a few minutes, she reaches her apartment. After unlocking the door and entering, she begins putting away the groceries, thoughts of rejection still racing within her mind. In just a few hours, she'll actually see it taking place, she assumes. She isn't ready, but who is ever ready to be denied love? Or rather, what can potentially become love?
Within the three hour wait for his arrival, she bakes a vanilla cake with blackberry icing, a few blackberries decorating the top. It has become a custom of hers to make something for him whenever he visits, a gesture of kindness to him, plus she just likes doing it, especially after learning he really, really loves sweets.
Additionally, she takes a shower and puts on some cleaner clothes. And some perfume, just because. And extra deodorant, also just because.
As the minutes tick by, she finds herself staring out the window, nibbling on her nail as she watches for Watari's vehicle (that he probably rents, honestly). She's a nervous wreck. How should she go about telling L her feelings? Should she be blunt? Should she be slow? Should she procrastinate until the very last minute? Should she say nothing at all?
Soon enough, her eyes widen; outside, Watari's vehicle pulls up. No turning back now, she thinks. I can do this. I can confess. It'll be like ripping off a bandaid. I'll just…say it. Eventually. Maybe. Oh… She's already second guessing her decision.
She heads for the door and waits, tapping her foot anxiously. Soon, she hears a knock. She opens the door, after a few moments pass. She puts on the same facade as before; she fakes a smile (half-smiles) at him. "Come on in." She might've said that too quickly. She moves aside as he walks in, bad posture and all. While his back is turned towards her, she allows herself to look at him fondly for a second before putting the fakeness act back on. She closes the door.
If she didn't know him so well, she'd think something's wrong with how silent he is.
Quietly, she prepares some sweet tea and cuts five slices of the cake, four of them meant for him. Which honestly makes her wonder; does he eat anything other than sweets and, if not, how does he keep that physique? She can just stare at her slice of cake and gain ten pounds. Must be genetics, she thinks.
She feels his eyes on her, which makes her even more nervous. She approaches him again, a bit slower than usual, with the tea and cake, which he wastes no time digging into.
Sheepishly, she fidgets, playing with her fingers a bit absentmindedly. "So, um, I assume you solved yet another case?" Thank goodness, my voice didn't crack. Pretending everything's fine is exhausting.
L doesn't look at her, focused on his snack. "It was of no issue," he answers, sort of speaking with his mouth full of cake. "What concerns me is your behavior; your smile at the door wasn't as authentic."
She freezes, looking down at her lap as she mentally face-palms herself. Of course, she'd never get her act past him; he's a detective, for goodness sake. It's part of his job description, being perceptive to people's behaviors and any changes to them. "Right…" she mutters, embarrassed. She avoids looking at him.
He glances up at her, mid-bite. "Might I inquire what your thoughts are?"
For a minute, she doesn't answer, gathering her thoughts (that are mostly negative) and courage. She takes a deep breath, which sounds shaky, and sighs softly. "Well…" she begins with hesitation in her tone. She glances up at him, making eye contact; she immediately looks back down, unable to hold his gaze very long. "Uh…" Unable to say it outright, she decides to deviate. Sort of. Gosh, she can't think straight around him. "I've been curious about…your thoughts on…love." She could choke herself out; it'd probably save her some embarrassment.
She expects silence. She expects him to leave. She expects all of the worst things that could happen. She doesn't expect an immediate answer to such a…different question.
"I believe innumerable amounts of individuals are conceived with a compound in their cerebrum that detonates at inconvenient times and makes their standard emotions vigorous, resulting in them accepting stereotypes created by the film industry, like love at first sight," he answers, still staring at her intently.
For a moment, she forgets her anxiety. Instead of continuing to avoid eye contact, she stares directly at him for half a minute, completely bewildered by his response. Just when she thinks she can accurately predict the mannerism of which he'd say something, he'd completely change it; he's hard to keep up with. She blinks and shakes her head to get out of the daze. Realizing she's staring directly into his eyes, she avoids her gaze again, cheeks heating up.
"You…" She pauses for a moment, trying to get her new thoughts in order. "You make a… fair point, I suppose, but… But my belief in the concept is, erm, very different from yours." She mentally slaps herself; pull yourself together. "I think that love, in all of its variations, is a natural emotion we just feel. Um, we're not born with it; we just…learn it from what we experience as we grow." She pauses again, tilting her head. "Well, not everyone can feel it; that's where I can agree with you on the…being born with a chemical in the brain." She shyly looks up at him. "I also believe it happens gradually; it'll start off as platonic but slowly grow into… Into passion."
He hums, continuing to stare at her. "Is that why your behavior has changed? Do you want something more than friendship with me?"
Her eyes widen and her cheeks redden (again); he just placed her in an awkward position. And kickstarted her anxiety (again). Honestly, he's gonna make her pass out if he keeps making her feel these emotions so intensely. "Did… Did you really have to call me out like that?"
"Yes," he answers, very bluntly and without explanation.
She sighs, burying her face against her palms. She really talked herself into a corner. Well, I definitely can't turn back now. "…I adore you," she confesses. "…As in the endearment, not the…worshiping sort."
"I know," he says, waiting for her to continue.
She bites her lower lip (nervously, of course). She, once again, looks him directly in the eyes, but this time, she doesn't look away immediately. "My feelings are why I asked that question; I needed to know where you would stand. I…" She feels like she'll choke on her words. "I'm not asking to jump straight into a romantic relationship." She fiddles with her fingers again. "I just…wanted you to know how I felt."
"I cannot quite say the same in regards to those specific emotions," he states. "However, I am not opposed to a potentially intimate association, if you do not mind my scarcity of involvements."
Her eyes soften at the unexpected confession; I guess he's just as new to this as I am. She becomes more hopeful; and he's not against getting together. "I don't mind the…" She tries to think of a word that'll substitute for scarcity, so she doesn't repeat too many of his words back at him. "…The deprivation. I'm not quite ready to rush into anything that…intense myself, at least not right away. And you don't need to worry about me being bothered by your constant absence; your job demands it, so I understand." She grins shyly. "For now, we can just…you know, refer to one another as a partner. We don't even have to change up anything we've been doing; we can work up to different things, if we decide to."
He hums, contemplating her proposition. He is very quiet for a long time, about thirty seconds in reality. "That would suffice."
Her chest feels warm; her heart is fluttering, at least that's how it seems to her. She grins, twiddling her thumbs bashfully. She successfully confessed and has a boyfriend (partner) now. This went so much better than I thought it would. I was worried for nothing. No longer did she feel anxious. "S-So, to clarify all of…this, we're…together, then?"
No longer distracted by a serious topic, he finishes his snack. "We are."
Her heart grows fonder of him with each passing second. She feels so content, the happiest she's ever been in years. She's just some years, give or take a few, away from graduating college, striving in a way she never imagined she would; several albums and a boyfriend, things she never expected during her time in England. Things can only keep going up from here.
Unbeknownst to the newly formed couple, a peculiar red string, completely unseen to their eyes and most others, is tying them together.
Last reminder of the warning: L may not quite be in character.