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The home economics room was now enveloped in the smell of vanilla essence.
Yukinoshita opened the refrigerator with confidence and took out some milk and eggs. She grabbed a scale, a bowl and some other things, then started to prepare the eggs. She was using some strange cooking utensil that I wasn't well acquainted with.
She put on an apron once she had finished those quick preparations, as if to say that the real cooking was about to start. Yuigahama also wore an apron, but she wore it like a first-timer; she had tied the strings into a messy, tangled knot.
"Your apron's tangled. Do you honestly not know how to wear one?" Yukinon asked.
"Sorry. Thanks… Wait, what?! I can at least wear an apron, you know!"
"In that case, please put it on properly. If you don't do things correctly, you'll end up like him-someone way past the point of no return."
"You know…" I murmured. But I didn't have anything for this. I went back to Collatzing some big decently sized numbers. I was working even when I wasn't working. Cut me some fucking slack. Maybe there was a pattern to be discovered in the way the numbers cycled down to one.
And I couldn't just assume that the conjecture was true. Everyone thought that the Polya conjecture was true but it turned out to be false with counter examples. Collatz could turn out the same way. And of course you could use other polynomials in the case of the Mandelbrot Set with different initial conditions and these turned into Julia Sets.
"You still haven't tied it? Or is it because you can't put it on? …Good grief, just come over here. I'll tie it for you." Yukinoshita rolled her eyes as she beckoned Yuigahama over with a quick wave of her hand.
"…I think it's fine," Yuigahama murmured as if she was a little hesitant, looking back and forth between Yukinoshita and me. She looked like a lost, anxious kid.
"Hurry up." Yukinoshita's cold tone shattered Yuigahama's hesitation. I didn't know if she was angry or not.
"S-s-s-sorry!" Yuigahama squeaked, walking over to Yukinoshita. What was she, a puppy?
Yuknoshita moved behind her and retied her strings at once. "Yukinoshita-san… It's kind of like you're my onee-chan, huh?"
"My little sister wouldn't have turned out as bad as you." Yukinoshita sighed and looked displeased, but, to my surprise, I actually agreed with Yuigahama. If you put the mature Yukinoshita next to the baby-faced Yuigahama, they seemed relatively similar to sisters.
Nonetheless, ouch.
In any case, it felt a hell of a lot like there was definitely something familial between them. On another note, since only middle-aged men would say that wearing nothing but an apron looked nice, I thought that wearing a uniform under an apron was best. I felt my heart warm up at that thought and unconsciously smirked.
"H-hey, Hikki…"
"W-what?" My voice cracked. Crap… I probably just put on a really gross face just then. And that inadvertent, nervous reply just dramatically increased that grossness.
"W-what do you think of girls who are good at home economics?"
"Are you asking me what me type is?"
"A little…"
"It's not not girls who are good at home economics. I think it's cute. But it's not really something I look for. It's not a good look on everybody."
"I-I see…" Upon hearing that, Yuigahama smiled in relief. "Alright! Let's do this!" She rolled up her sleeves, cracked the eggs and starting beating them. She added wheat flour, followed by sugar, butter and some flavorings including vanilla essence.
Even I, someone not well-versed in the art of cooking, could clearly see that Yuigahama's abilities were far from normal. I'm sure she thought that merely making cookies was something extravagant, but since it was actually something very simple, it was easy to see how far from normal her competence was. There was nothing to conceal them, and so her true abilities were on full display.
First, the beaten egg still had some eggshell in there. Second, the flavouring was clumping together. Third, the butter was still hard. Two, one. Three, ten, five, sixteen, eight, four, two, one.
And as expected, she had switched the flour and the salt and was pouring vanilla essence into a bowl that was already overflowing with milk.
I quickly looked to Yukinoshita to see her going pale as she put a hand on her forehead. Even I, with my lack of cooking skills, felt a shiver down my spine. To Yukinoshita, who was good at cooking, this must have been an absolute abomination.
"Now we need…" Yuigahama trailed off, then retrieved some instant coffee.
"Coffee? Well, I suppose if there was something to drink the food'll go down easier… Isn't that a good idea?" I asked.
"Huh? That's not it-it's a secret ingredient. Boys don't like sweet things, right?" Yuigahama turned to face me as she continued working. With her gaze directed away from her hands, a black mound had formed in the middle of the bowl before she knew it.
Well. I didn't mind sweet things. They weren't my favorite but if something sweet was put in front of me I'd hardly scoff at it.
"It sure isn't a secret ingredient now…" I trailed.
"What? Ack. Well, I'll just add some more flour to fix it." With that, she made a white mound next to the black one. Then she engulfed the whole thing in a tidal wave of beaten eggs, raising some kind of hellish thing.
I'll start from my conclusion: Yuigahama's cooking skills were severely lacking. It wasn't about whether or not they were adequate-she never had any skills to begin with. She went beyond clumsiness; she was making something so hopelessly ordinary, but she still wasn't someone fit to do it. She was the only person I wouldn't want to be my science lab partner, someone incompetent enough to get herself killed.
By the time the thing was done baking, it had become some kind of completely charred hot cake. I could tell from smell alone that it was bitter.
"W-why?" Yuigahama stared in horror at the abomination in front of her.
"I just don't understand… How is it even possible to make mistake after mistake…" Yukinoshita murmured. I wondered if she was speaking quietly just so that Yuigahama wouldn't hear. Either way, she seemed to have let it slip in her impatience. Yuigahama took the abomination and arranged it on a plate.
"It might look like this, but… We won't know until we've tasted it!" Yuigahama exclaimed.
"You're right-we've even got someone here to do the taste testing."
"I'm beggin' ya'." I folded my arms. "Don't make me. It's poison."
"How is this poison?! …Poison… Yeah, maybe it is poisonous after all?" Despite her confident retort, she appeared somehow anxious; she cocked her head to one side, as if to ask, 'What do you think?'
There was obviously nothing to say to that. I broke away from Yuigahama's puppy-like expression and instead turned to draw Yukinoshita's attention.
"Hey, am I really going to eat this? This is just like the charcoal they sell at Joyful Honda."
"You should be fine-we haven't used any inedible ingredients. Well, mostly. And- -" Yukinoshita paused before whispering, "I'll also be eating it, so it's fine."
"Don't do this to yourself. Or, and I ask this knowing you don't care, or to me. It looks awful. There's no way it tastes good."
"I asked you to taste-test, not to deal with something like this. Furthermore, I am the one who accepted her request. I'll at least take responsibility." Yukinoshita pulled the plate over to her side. "If we don't establish what's wrong with it, we won't be able to deal with the situation properly. Although that's not to say that we should take risks simply for knowledge's sake…"
"We do know what happened. She didn't follow any recipe. She was making it up," I decried.
"You guys…" Yuigahama trailed. She made a noise like a kicked dog. It wasn't a good sound.
I pulled a cookie towards me. Yukinoshita sighed. "You have no spine," she accused me.
Maybe?! Leave me alone.
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I barely choked down a single cookie. And I honestly tried. I meant it. I mean it. I really tried to eat some of her cookies. They were god awful.
"Urgh… It's bitter and gross…" Yuigahama said crunching on it with tears in her eyes. Yukinoshita immediately handed her a teacup.
"It's better if you wash it down and try to avoid chewing as much as possible. And be careful not to let your tongue touch them. They are, after all, much like a potent poison."
Okay. They were bad but they probably wouldn't kill you. Probably. Chemistry was not my forte.
Then Yukinoshita opened her mouth. Did she want to disrupt our relaxed atmosphere? "Well then, let's think about how to improve these results."
"How about Yuigahama never cooks again?" I requested. Send help.
"I've been completely rejected?!" Yuigahama exclaimed.
"Hikigaya, that would be our last resort."
We take those.
"Last resort? So that's actually an option?!" Yuigahama quickly went from shocked to despondent. Her shoulders drooped, crestfallen, as she let out a deep sigh. "I guess cooking just isn't for me after all… Would you call it a talent? A talent that I just don't have."
Yukinoshita let out a short sigh in response. "…I see. I've thought of a solution."
"Let's hear it then," I prompted her.
"Simply work harder," Yukinoshita calmly answered.
"Okay?" I wondered. I didn't get it. It sounded like she was out of ideas and I had nothing.
"Hard work is an excellent solution-if we do it the right way, that is," Yukinoshita said as if she had read my mind. Did she have extrasensory perception or something? "Yuigahama-san, you said you didn't have any talent, right?"
"Huh? Oh, yeah."
"Please rid yourself of that idea. Those who do not exert the least amount of effort are unqualified to envy the talented. Those who cannot succeed are unable to because they cannot imagine the painstaking accumulation of hard work by those who do." Yukinoshita's words were bitter. I was inclined to agree. I'd have to work hard if I ever wanted to solve any big problem. It wasn't enough to be god-like in terms of talent. Terrance Tao worked hard. I was going to have to work hard too.
Yuigahama was at a loss for words; she must've never had anyone hit her with the truth like that. An expression of bewildered panic crossed her face until she covered it up with a grin.
"B-but, uh, people don't really do this sort of thing these days… It definitely doesn't suit me, not at all."
Just as Yuigahama's shy laughter died down, there was a sound of a cup clinking as it was put down. It could only have been a very quiet, small sound, yet it rang out crystal clear, forcibly drawing our gaze in its direction. There sat Yukinoshita, radiating a cheerful aura.
"…Please stop trying to conform to those around you… It's terribly unpleasant. Isn't it embarrassing to place the blame for your lack of ability, your clumsiness, and your foolishness on others?" Yukinoshita's voice was strong.
She was so obviously disgusted that even I was taken aback, surprised enough to let out a quiet "I see."
The overwhelmed Yuigahama fell into silence. She hung her head low, so I couldn't read her face very well, but the way her hand gripped the edge of her skirt betrayed her emotions.
She was definitely an adept communicator-after all, she hung out with the popular kids, and that required both simple good looks and people skills. In other words, she was good at adjusting herself to other people… But that could also mean she simply lacked the courage to be herself if it meant she had to risk ending up all alone.
On the hand, Yukinoshita was just as determined to walk down her own path. She was certainly headstrong in that respect.
When you considered their preferences regarding being alone, you saw that they were each an entirely different kind of girl. If we were talking about who held more power, Yukinoshita was clearly the stronger one. It was a fair argument.
Yuigahama's eyes were tearing up. "I-I…"
I wondered if she was trying to say, 'I'm going home.' Her involuntary, faint speech made it sound as if she was about to cry. Her shoulders trembled, so her voice helplessly trembled too.
"Incredible…"
"Huh?!" Yukinoshita chimed.
"Wha-?" I chorused. What the heck was this girl saying…? We inadvertently exchanged looks.
"You really just say it straight… And that's just, well… It's really cool…" Yuigahama was eager as she stared at Yukinoshita. Yukinoshita's expression stiffened, and she fell back two steps.
"J-just what are you saying… Did you even hear me? I'm fairly certain my words were quite harsh."
"No way! Not at all! Well, I mean, your words were harsh and honestly, I was a little taken aback." Yes, that's quite true… Frankly, I didn't think Yukinoshita would say something like that to one of her fellow female peers.
Harsh didn't seem enough to describe those words, so I was considerably taken aback. Though I'm sure that Yuigahama was more than just 'taken aback.'
"But I really think you were just being honest with me. I mean, even when you were talking to Hikki, you two were only exchanging mean things, but you talked to each other properly. I've only ever tried to fit in and say what was expected of me, so this is a first for me…"
Yuigahama didn't run away. "I'm sorry. I'll do it again properly." Once she had apologized, she faced Yukinoshita head on.
"…" To my surprise, this time it was Yukinoshita who was at a loss for words. It was probably the first time Yukinoshita had experienced something like that. There are unexpectedly few people who do the right thing and actually apologize. Most just go deep red in the face and get really angry.
Yukinoshita suddenly turned her head sideways and brushed her fingers through her hair. That motion that said she was looking for something to say but couldn't find anything. Man… She seriously sucks at ad-libbing.
"…Teach her the right way to make them. Yuigahama, make sure you actually pay attention to what she says." Once I broke the silence between them, Yukinoshita let out a short sigh and nodded in assent.
"I'll make one model batch, so you can try and make it exactly like I do." Yukinoshita stood up and quickly began preparations.
She rolled up her sleeves, broke some eggs into a bowl and then began to beat them. She sifted in a precisely-weighed amount of wheat flour and mixed it together so that it wouldn't clump, then she added sugar, butter, and flavorings, such as vanilla essence.
Her skill greatly exceeded Yuigahama's. She had made the cookie dough in the blink of an eye, then she started cutting it into circles, stars and heart shapes with a cookie cutter. There was already baking paper laid out on a baking tray. She carefully placed the dough on the tray and placed it in a preheated oven.
A short time later, an ineffably nice smell filled the room. It was easy to infer that if prior preparations were done perfectly, the end result would be good. And as expected, the baked cookies were a sight for sore eyes. Yukinoshita put them onto plates and handed them out.
They were baked a beautiful light brown and were definitely what one would call 'cookies'. They were well-made, just like my aunt's cookies. They deserved gratitude.
As soon as I took one and put it in my mouth, my face naturally broke into a smile.
"Well these are well made. I didn't have you pegged as a patissier." I let my true impressions slip. I couldn't stop my hands and put another one in my mouth. It was delicious, of course.
I probably wouldn't be able to ever experience eating a girl's handmade cookies again, so I took the opportunity to put another one in my mouth. (Yuigahama's weren't exactly cookies, so they didn't count.)
"They're really good… Yukinoshita, you're amazing."
"Thank you." Yukinoshita smiled without any hint of sarcasm. "But, you see, I just followed the recipe exactly. Therefore, you should be able to make them the same way. If it doesn't work out, then there's probably some other reason for that."
"Well, can't I just use these cookies?"
"Then it won't mean anything. So, Yuigahama, let's do our best."
"Y-yes… Do you think I can really do it? Can I really make cookies like you?"
"Of course. If you follow the recipe, that is." Yukinoshita didn't forget to warn her. Thus did Yuigahama's second attempt begin.
"Yuigahama-san, that's not how you do it. When you sift the flour, try and make a more circular shape… A circle, I said, a circle. Do you understand? Didn't you learn about circles in elementary school? When you mix the ingredients, make sure you hold the bowl down properly. The bowl is also turning, so you're not mixing the ingredients at all. Don't stir, fold through the mixture. No, no, you're doing it wrong. You don't need to add that to enhance the flavour. We can add things like canned peaches next time. If you add something that holds a lot of water, the dough will die. It won't be redeemable." Yukinoshita-the Yukinoshita Yukino-was confused.
She was totally distressed. When the dough finally, somehow, managed to get into the oven, she heaved a sigh. Her usual audacity had vanished, and a bead of sweat ran down her forehead. When the oven was opened, a nice aroma emerged, closely resembling Yukinoshita's previous batch of cookies. However…
"They're somehow different…" Despondent, Yuigahama's shoulders dropped. Tasting them showed that they were clearly different from Yukinoshita's. Nonetheless, they well and truly deserved to be called 'cookies'.
Compared to that charcoal-like thing before, they were so much better… Honestly, I didn't really mind eating them.
"…How should I instruct you so that you understand?" Puzzled, Yukinoshita tilted her head in thought.
I had no idea. I was garbage at explaining things to people myself. I could never be a teacher like Terrence Tao or Einstein. I got frustrated when people didn't understand far too easily. That was a problem when you were showing anybody how to do anything. It looked like Yukinoshita was struggling with a bit of the same thing at the moment. She was trying to not get frustrated and kudos to her for that.
You could say that following a recipe exactly is like using a formula in mathematics. People who are bad at mathematics can't understand why the formula exists, and they can't understand how the formula can be used to arrive at an answer.
Yukinoshita just can't understand why Yuigahama can't understand. If I said that to her, it would probably sound like I was trying to say that she was in the wrong. I wasn't. Yukinoshita tried her best; the problem was Yuigahama.
"Why didn't they turn out right? …Even after I made them just like you told me to." She looked downright stupefied as she reached out for a cookie.
If you believe that people who are truly smart should be good at teaching others, no matter how stupid the student, then you're wrong. No matter what you say to an idiot, they're just plain stupid, so they won't understand. You can explain it to them countless times, but that ditch in their minds just won't fill up.
"Mhmm… They really are different than yours, Yukinoshita-san." Yuigahama was disheartened and Yukinoshita had buried her head in her hands.
As I watched their predicament, I munched on another cookie. "Okay. Now… so what?"
"So what?" Yuigahama asked. "So what?!"
"These are edible… so… what are you shooting for? How good of a cookie are you trying to make?"
"Well… the best I can…" Yuigahama explained.
"So… isn't this enough?" I asked. "Why do they need to be perfect? That's not really how guys work."
"I don't understand," Yukinoshita confessed.
"Guys are fuckin' stupid," I explained. "We're pretty fuckin' dumb. Just getting a girl's attention is enough to brighten our dreary little lives. So if you made cookies which are at least edible and gave them to a guy they'd be happy just to be in your thoughts. You feel me?"
"You consider yourself dumb?" Yukinoshita asked.
"I mean… yeah. I don't have any big proofs to my name and I might never. I'm dumb even by own standards," I explained.
"You're trying to say that our efforts so far have confused our means and our ends, correct?"
"Pretty much. If you're just trying to get a guy's attention then these are fine. It might be better if they are a little worse than store bought. Because then the guy knows that you tried."
"A little worse?" Yukinoshita's face showed her complete lack of understanding.
"If you make the recipient think, 'Ah, I see. These aren't exactly well-made, but they tried their best!" then they'll mistakenly think, 'You tried really hard for my sake…' Even though that's kind of pitiful."
"I'm sure it's not that simple…" Yuigahama looked at me suspiciously; her look basically said, 'What the hell is this virgin going on about?'
"Look guys are just stupid. Take my word for it. We're really not bright. Yeah we'll have our moments but for the most part…" I shrugged. "For the most part why should you put in eighty percent more effort for twenty percent more return?" That was a famous expression. The eighty-twenty rule. "Well, what I'm trying to say is, males are helplessly simple. They get the wrong idea if you just talk to them and they're happy just to get homemade cookies. So…" I paused to look at Yuigahama. "Those cookies aren't really anything special… They're a little hard to bite here and there, but to be honest, it's fine even if they aren't that tasty."
"Sh-shut up!" Yuigahama's face burned red with anger. A moment later, a plastic bag and some greaseproof paper came flying my way. She may have hit me, but the fact that she chose things that wouldn't hurt meant that she was actually pretty nice. Wait… Could that possibly mean that she likes me? Or was that just a joke? As if I could go through that experience again…
"Seriously, Hikki! You're pissing me off. I'm leaving!" Yuigahama glared at me, grabbing her bag as she stood up to leave. She turned towards the door with a 'hmph!' and began to walk towards it. Her shoulders were really trembling.
"Well, you know… If you give off the impression that you tried your best, won't you touch a man's heart?" Yuigahama looked back over her shoulder as she stood before the door. I couldn't see her expression with the light of sunset shining behind her.
"…Hikki, would you be touched?"
"By a girl giving me cookies? I'd probably more wonder if something was wrong with her. Giving me cookies. And if there was nothing wrong with her I'd assume I was being pranked."
"Ah… Okay." Yuigahama gave me an indifferent response and immediately turned back toward the door. She put her hand on the door handle and was about to leave, but Yukinoshita called out to her.
"Yuigahama-san, what should we do with your request?"
"Oh, it's okay… Don't worry about it! Next time, I'll try my own way. Thank you, Yukinoshita." Yuigahama turned to face Yukinoshita with a smile. "See you tomorrow." She waved and left the room with that… But she was still wearing her apron.
"…I wonder if that really went okay." Yukinoshita stared at the door and whispered to herself. "I think that people should try to reach their own limits and surpass them… That would be what's best for Yuigahama-san in the long run."
"True, I guess. Hard work will never betray you… Though it may betray your dreams."
"What is the difference?" The wind caressed Yukinoshita's face as she turned toward me. Her hair was swaying gently in the breeze.
"The difference between you and your dreams? Not much. Working hard isn't enough to ensure that your dreams always come true… In fact, it's far more common for them not to. But you can still find solace in the fact that you tried your best." I could work my ass off the rest of my life and never really touch quantum gravity.
"That's just simple self-satisfaction."
"Well, it isn't as if you're really betraying yourself."
"How self-indulgent…You disgust me."
"Society, you included, is much too harsh to me… You should at least let me be nice to myself. In fact, I think everyone should treat themselves more gently. If everybody is hopeless, then there's no such thing as a hopeless person."
"This is the first time I've encountered a pessimistic idealist… If your ideas ever catch on, then the world will fall into ruin." Yukinoshita seemed surprised, but I happened to like my way of thinking.
"So set me the fuck on fire," I put a begging quality into my voice. Please set me the fuck on fire. I'd thank you for it.
I think she realized that and she looked away.
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-WG