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At Chiba Municipal Soubu High School, there's an event called a "workplace tour" which happens when you're in eleventh grade. The survey forms are used to determine the occupation students are interested in learning more about and then the school actually send the students to that workplace. It was part of the new‐fangled education program to instill in every student's heart the desire to work for a company. It wasn't such a big deal, really. Every school probably had an event just like it. The problem was that it came straight after the midterms. In other words, doing these various odd jobs would suck up my precious time before the tests.
"So why am I stuck doing it at this time of the year…?" I asked, squirming.
As I sorted the pile of papers into occupation types, Hiratsuka‐sensei sat at the open desk, holding a smoke in her mouth. "It's because it's this time of the year, Hikigaya," she replied. "Didn't you hear that you'll be picking your third‐year course right after the summer break?"
"Not a clue, ma'am."
"You should have heard this at homeroom…"
"Well, in my case, I was away from homeroom so I didn't hear it at all."
No, really, why was it called 'homeroom?' It wasn't your home. I really hated that. And plus, I was sick of that whole system of assigning your own duties at homeroom. You were given the chance to stand up in front of the class and give out orders, but I wished everyone would stop going completely quiet whenever I did it. If someone like Hayama gave out orders, everyone would be all smiles and listen attentively like a happy little family, but when I did it, no one would ever say a word. The hell? In fact, no one even booed me since they all pretended to be away.
"…anyway, the workplace tour takes place after midterms and before summer break. It's there so that you can take your exams with a clear purpose in mind, not so that you can be all airy fairy about them."
"I'll do fine on my exams," I mumbled.
"Will you study?"
"I've never studied in my life. It's like taking notes. Not for school. Not ever."
"And you're proud of that?"
"A little. I just listen to the silly little voices in my head and I do fine."
The school I went to, Chiba Municipal Soubu High School, was dedicated to preparing students for university. The majority of students hoped to advance to university and many of them actually did so. It was something they kept in mind from the moment they entered high school.
Whether it was because I'd calculated that university was a four‐year moratorium from the start, my so‐called 'outlook towards the future' was lacking. I'd already thought clearly about what I was going to do when I grew up. I was definitely not going to work.
"Seems like you're thinking some good‐for‐nothing thoughts…" Hiratsuka‐sensei rolled her eyes. "So are you entering the science division or the humanities division?" she asked.
"Well, you see, that is, I‐"
As soon as I opened my mouth, a loud voice interrupted me. "Ah, there you are!"
She was shaking her head in a bad temper, her bright hair (which was all bunched up like a dumpling ball) turning back and forth. As usual, she wore a short skirt and a shirt with two or three buttons undone, revealing her sizable bosom. It was Yuigahama Yui, who had become my acquaintance lately. The fact that we were only acquaintances even though she was in my class said a lot about my communicative powers. They sucked.
"Oh hey, Yuigahama," said Hiratsuka‐sensei. "Sorry, I'm borrowing Hikigaya from you."
"I‐it's not like he belongs to me or anything! It's totally okay!" Yuigahama denied vehemently, waving her hand. I got a 'it's not like I need him anyway' sort of nuance from that. Being denied so completely kind of hurt a little bit…
"What's your business?" I demanded.
The person who answered was not Yuigahama, but the girl who suddenly appeared behind her. Her black hair (which was tied up in twin‐tails) bobbed up and down, matching her abrupt movement. "You never come to the clubroom, so she went looking for you. Yuigahama, I mean."
"Um, you didn't have to make a point of that last part. I figured as much."
This black‐haired girl whose only redeeming feature was her face was Yukinoshita Yukino. Like a porcelain doll, she was breathtaking to behold, but her attitude was deathly cold as if it, too, was the stuff of porcelain. As you might be able to guess from how she burned me as soon as she saw me, we were not the best of chums.
Yukinoshita and I were in the same club ‐ the Service Club ‐ for now. She was the leader. And in the course of our activities we were at each other's throats, only sometimes managing to get along. Basically, we just had this hopeless, never‐ ending squabble going on between us where we poured salt into each other's wounds.
Upon hearing Yukinoshita's words, Yuigahama folded her arms and scowled. "I went around asking everyone where you were," she complained. "Everyone was like 'Hikigaya? Who's he?' It was sooooo weird."
I chuckled at that. "Figures. You don't have to tell the world about it." Just how did this chick manage to shoot a bullet through my heart every time? She wasn't even aiming. Was she some genius sniper or what?
"It was sooooo weird," she repeated herself for some retarded reason, frowning. Thanks to her, the knowledge that no one at school even knew who I was gouged my innards for the second time.
Well, it wasn't all that bad, especially if you knew everyone else at school. Judging from how nobody knew me after all this time, I might have stumbled on the occupation that suited me perfectly: ninja.
"What? Um, sorry." Sorry nobody knows I even exist. It was the first time I'd ever apologised for something so sad.
If I didn't have such a strong sense of will, I'd be crying buckets from my eyes.
"I‐it's no big deal, but…" Yuigahama started playing with her fingers in front of her chest. "Th‐that is, um…" she said shyly, puffing out her cheeks. "T‐tell me your cell phone number? Y‐you see! It's weird having to go around looking for you everywhere, and plus it's embarrassing… whenever someone asks me about our relationship, I just ‐ no."
"Sure," I granted. "Stop that and I'll give you whatever you want."
"Hikigaya is so mean…"
Her face went red, as if the mere recollection that she had gone looking for me was unbearably embarrassing. She averted her eyes from me, folded her arms tightly in front of her chest and turned her head the other way. And then she peeped at me through the corners of her eyes.
I pulled out my phone and as soon as I did that, Yuigahama pulled out an enormous, sparkling cell phone of her own. "What's with that giant brick of a cell phone?"
Yuigahama jerked. "Huh? Isn't it cute?" she insisted as she showed me her cheap‐ looking cell phone strap. Some soft toy that looked like a mushroom hung from the strap and jingled as she shook it. It was supremely depressing.
"Don't ask me. I don't understand the aesthetic sense. So you like shiny things? Are you talking about glass or sushi joints or what?"
"Huuh? Sushi?" Yuigahama looked at me with the eyes of a man‐eating monster.
"Hikigaya. If you say 'shiny things', then you really have no idea what it's like to be a high school student. Nobody puts glass on their sushi," Hiratsuka‐sensei interjected, her eyes sparkling. "But that's just sushi." That 'I said something cool just now!' look on her face kind of pissed me off …
"If you can't see the cuteness, isn't that the fault of your dead fish eyes?"
My reputation as the authority on dead fish eyes was only getting stronger. Whatever, I give up
"Well, whatever," said Yuigahama. "You can sync your phone up with mine, right?"
"Nah. I have a smart phone so I can't."
"Huuuh? So I have to type it out?" She groaned. "What a pain."
"I don't need that kind of function. I pretty much hate cell phones anyway. Here." I handed my cell phone over to Yuigahama, who took it nervously.
"I‐I'm typing it out, huh… that's okay, I guess. Wait, I'm amazed you'd hand over your phone to someone just like that." It's true. A phone was about the most personal device you could possibly have. It recorded everything. Every moment we were being spied on by an alien mind.
"Meh, there's no problem if you see what's on my phone. I only get mails from my sister and Amazon, anyway."
"Whoa! Serious?! And wait ‐ Amazon?!"
Leave me alone.
Yuigahama began typing away on the phone I'd given to her with an impressive speed. To my slow eyes, she was the complete opposite of me ‐ quick and sharp. I hereby dub her the Ayrton Senna of cell phones. "You're so fast at typing…"
"Huh? This is nothing. Maybe your fingers are shrivelling 'cos you've got no one to text?"
"I'm affronted," I said. "I used to text girls all the time in middle school."
Thud. Yuigahama dropped the phone.
"Come on. I hand you my phone and you throw it on the floor?" I wondered.
"No way…" she hummed.
"Um, do you realise how cruel your reaction was just now?" I said to Yuigahama. "You don't, do you? Work on it."
"…oh." Yuigahama backpedalled. "I just, uh, couldn't imagine you with a girl, Hikki..." She picked up the fallen cell phone, smiling sheepishly.
I chuckled darkly. "Oh I don't like when you laugh like that," Yukinoshita put her hand on her hip.
"I got rejected," I admitted with a laugh. "Brutally. That's pretty much the whole story."
"What kind of girl was she?" Yuigahama asked.
"Too nice," I answered. "I mean- she was nice to me. That pretty much sums it up."
"Kindness can be a cruel mistress," a genial smile came upon Yukinoshita's face.
"Yeah. It was pretty much that," I agreed. If she was waiting for me to disagree then she would be waiting for a long time.
Yuigahama stared down at the cell phone. "Really? Too nice?" she asked indifferently. But strangely enough, her high‐speed finger movements also came to a complete standstill.
"I'm sure you know the type," I carried on. "It was brutal. And she turned me down but the way she turned me down was like being murdered extra sweetly. It's like when a girl tells you that you look good in black. It's not flattering. If you're ever in that position and a guy you don't like asks you out, don't try and be nice. You can't. You got to step on their heart."
"I'll take that under advisement," Yukinoshita hummed.
"That's not bad," Hiratsuka chimed in. "If only you applied that work ethic to your future."
"My future," I scoffed. "When I texted her at seven in the evening, I got a reply the next morning that said, 'Sorry, I was asleep~ see you at school~', and she was so discreet and graceful that talking to me in the classroom was embarrassing for her." I made it sound like I was bragging.
I laughed at their faces.
Yuigahama put a hand over her mouth. "Oh, that means…" She stifled a sob, tears leaking out of her eyes. She didn't even need me to point out how pathetic I was. She was clearly realising it herself.
"So she ignored your texts by pretending to be asleep. Hikigaya, stop averting your eyes from the truth. Face reality."
"Yeah," I agreed. "No, yeah. It was bad. But…I know everything there is to know about reality. I know so much I may as well make a Hikipedia."
Pffft, hahaha! This sure brought back memories. I was so innocent back then. I hadn't suspected the girl had asked my number out of pity and answered my texts because she felt sorry for me. I caught on eventually after two weeks, when she wouldn't respond no matter how many texts I sent her, and so I quit.
And then one day I overheard the girls talking.
"That Hikigaya guy's been texting me. I wish he'd quit it. It's creepy."
"I bet he likes you, Kaori…!"
"Eww, gross!"
I wanted to shrivel up and die on the spot. And I'd really, really liked her, too! Oh well. It still hurt. It still hurt worse than being smacked by Hiratsuka-Sensei.
Now I feel sorry for my former try‐hard self who spammed emoticons in every text. I thought using love hearts was disgusting, so I used stars and smileys and musical notes. Just thinking about it sends shivers down my spine zomg srsly.
"Hikigaya…" Hiratsuka‐Sensei said, evidently moved. "Th‐then will you exchange numbers with me? I promise to text you back. I won't pretend to be asleep." As she said that, she swiped my phone off Yuigahama's hand and started punching her number in. Her level of pity for me was off the charts.
"Don't give me sympathy, it only makes it worse," I said in a rush. Yukinoshita raised an eyebrow at me. "You shouldn't be nice to me. I might get the wrong idea," I finished at that purr that she hated. She looked away.
I mean, getting texts from your teacher is really sad. It's no different from getting chocolates from your mother every year on Valentine's Day. Screw her pity. I'd rather be subjected to Yukinoshita's indifference at times like this.
In the end, the two of them added their numbers to my cell phone and handed it back to me. It was only a bit of data they added so it wasn't like anything had really changed, but for some reason I felt the weight behind their actions. So this was the weight behind bonds, huh?
…pretty flimsy, really. It's laughable how much my past self would have clung so desperately to such a meagre amount of kilobytes of data. As I thought to myself how freaking useless those memories were to me nowadays, I opened up my contacts. And there, I saw a name written out: Yui.
How befitting of Yuigahama and her Yuiginess. I closed the phone without looking further.
Since I was getting pretty good at doing odd jobs, I only had a couple of sheets left. I started putting them away quickly.
Hiratsuka‐sensei cleared her throat conspicuously, glancing sideways at me. "Hikigaya, that's enough. Thanks for helping out. You can go now," she said as she lit up the smoke in her mouth without even looking.
I wondered if the outbreak of pity from before had a lasting impact over her. Hiratsuka‐Sensei was being awfully nice. Or perhaps it was more accurate to say that this was only relatively speaking and she wasn't acting any nicer than a normal person.
"Right. Off to my club duties, then." I picked up my schoolbag, which had fallen to the carpet, and slung it over my right shoulder. Inside, there were a bunch of textbooks covering the content of the midterms and with my phone I planned to read articles on Arxiv in the club room.
It would probably be another ordinary time‐wasting day with nobody approaching the club for its services.
I walked off with Yuigahama on my heels. I wished she'd hurry up and go home already. Quit following me, geez… Just as I was nearing the door, I heard a voice behind me. "Oh, right. Hikigaya. I forgot to tell you this before, but you'll be going in groups of three for the upcoming workplace tour. You can choose your own groups, so think it over."
I couldn't believe my ears.
As soon as she said that, I deflated. My shoulders slumped and everything.
"…oh man. I really don't want my classmates coming over to my place."
"So you're really that bent on having your workplace tour at home, huh…?" Hiratsuka‐Sensei shuddered in the face of my steely will.
"I thoroughly despise the idea of choosing my own group," I declared. "Just burn me to death, man."
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-WG