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In the special room on the fourth floor, Yukinoshita Yukino was sitting in her normal spot in the very heart of the Service Club with her usual cold, unchanging expression.
What was different about her was that she was reading a fashion magazine rather than her usual paperback novel. How uncharacteristic of her.
If I could put my finger on something else that had changed, it was that she had shifted over to the summer dress code. Instead of her blazer, she was wearing the school‐prescribed summer vest. School‐prescribed was a synonym for tacky‐ looking, but Yukinoshita gave off a refined air when she wore it, and she looked mysteriously good in it.
"Yo," I said. Yukinoshita let out a short, terse sigh.
"Oh, it's you, Hikigaya‐kun." Her eyes instantly dropped to the fashion magazine.
"Um, could you stop reacting like a girl I'd just been assigned to sit next to? That actually kind of hurt. You ever get paired up with a girl in class and she is visibly upset?"
"Yes," Yukinoshita responded without looking up. And maybe she had been. I couldn't really say.
There is no school event that breeds trauma like seat‐changing. It brings out the seeds of trauma in your normal easygoing lifestyle. No, it doesn't actually create drama, but it's all very nasty since it brings out people's true natures. The monthly seat changes are pretty much a prime example of that.
"Seriously, why do they treat me like a bad smell when I haven't even done anything wrong? They draw lots and when they end up having to sit next to me they moan over their bad luck, geez."
"So you acknowledge that the seat next to you is the most unappealing…"
"I didn't say it was the most unappealing, per se. That was your own embellishment."
"I apologise. I'm afraid I wasn't thinking," Yukinoshita said with a small giggle. (Her lack of awareness was what caused so much unnecessary pain, though…) "I spoke again just now without thinking, so please don't mind it. I thought for sure you were talking about Yuigahama‐san."
Yukinoshita and I got along alright I guess. We both made fun of me a lot and I suppose we bonded over that. We had a common target and a common enemy.
"Oh, so that's how it is, huh?"
Yukinoshita had a good reason for thinking the way she did. Yuigahama hadn't showed her face at the clubroom for the past few days. Perhaps Yukinoshita had been hoping Yuigahama would come today.
"The day before yesterday she had a physical examination at the vet's, and yesterday she had some errands to run at home…" Yukinoshita whispered quietly as she gazed at the screen of her cell phone. She was probably looking at the text messages Yuigahama had sent her ‐ the messages that had never reached me.
Like clockwork, I found myself wondering if Yuigahama would come to club activities today. If she did, there was no doubt she'd act stiffly around me as she did this morning. I didn't really need that.
I knew all too well what would result from this kind of interaction. We'd end up sort of drifting away from each other and not really communicate anymore, and eventually, we'd stop seeing each other altogether. Source: me.
My elementary school classmates, my middle school classmates ‐ it was how I stopped seeing all of them. The same thing would probably happen with Yuigahama. It was quiet in the clubroom.
The only noise that could be heard was the flimsy sound of Yukinoshita turning the pages of her magazine and my chalk against the bored. I wrote out a quick algorithm for newton's method. Psuedocode, they called it. How had Newton done it? He hadn't exactly ever published a paper declaring how he'd done it. 'How I revolutionized physics' by Isaac Newton. I could use such a guide. I wanted to revolutionize physics with a new model of particle physics.
He had peered deeper into the inner mysteries than anyone except maybe Euler and Einstein. And maybe me. One day. I still had a long way to go as I gazed up at the moon in the sky. It had been an enormous leap made by Newton. That the laws that govern the heavens were the same laws in place down here on Earth. Galileo once said that the bible tells you how to go to heaven, not how the heavens go. I thought that quote aptly fit Newton's life. He'd been a biblical man and when he ran into the n body problem he'd devolved to talking about God. Capital 'G' God, even. A little gross but I had my own capital 'G' God in the back of my own head.
My Azathoth. I dreamed the night before of some elder god tormenting me. I begged him to stop and all I got was a quiet whisper of 'make me, I have eyes everywhere. Sometimes I think you forget how many hairs on on top of your head. Sometimes I think you think I don't know.' But Azathoth did know. Yahweh knew how many hairs were on top of all our heads.
That reminded me. Our club had been full of ruckus lately. In the beginning, when only Yukinoshita and I were around, silence had reigned. When it didn't, the two of us were just abusing each other (mostly me). In only one or two months, this had all become a thing of the past, and as I gazed vacantly at the door, Yukinoshita opened her mouth as if she had seen right through me.
"If you're expecting Yuigahama‐san, she won't be coming today. I just received a text from her."
"I understand. Probably a billion better things to do than hang out with dusty old you and I."
"I'm not sure how I feel about being called dusty," Yukinoshita delivered.
"Well you understand my philosophy. Pretty grimmy stuff."
"Not so. I think it's actually one of your only redeeming features. The way you talked about the ant and scribbles on the page was refreshing."
"Refreshing wasn't what I was shooting for."
"Well, we all make mistakes. I wonder if Yuigahama-san no longer intends to come…"
"Why don't you ask her?"
Yuigahama was still keeping in contact with Yukinoshita, so she would probably answer Yukinoshita if she asked. But Yukinoshita shook her head weakly. "I won't go that far. If I asked her, she would probably answer that she would come. Even if, perhaps, she did not want to… she would most likely do it anyway."
"Yeah, I guess…" Yuigahama Yui was that kind of person. She was sweet.
She prioritised other things over her own feelings. And so she would even talk to a loner and come over to you if you texted her.
But that was kindness and sympathy and mere obligation. And yet that was all it took for a boy with low experience points to misunderstand her. 'H‐huh? C‐could it be that she likes me?' It was all too easy to become a burden to her. I wish these things were easier to come to terms with, I really do.
Perhaps we'd all be better off if texts from girls were generated by an automated software program and written in stiff, formal Japanese. In that case, boys wouldn't be agonising over unrealistic expectations …wait. I could totally make money off this. I could write a machine learning program...
As I was fantasising about making my fortune in one stroke, Yukinoshita stared at me silently. Being gazed at so intently made my heart pound. Shut up stupid heart.
"You want something?"
"…did something happen between you and Yuigahama‐san?"
"Nah, nothing," I answered promptly.
"If it was nothing, I don't believe Yuigahama‐san would stop coming. Did you have a fight?"
"No, we didn't. I think." I clammed up inadvertently at what Yukinoshita said.
Only, it wasn't a lie. I had no way of judging whether it was a fight or not. I wasn't close enough to anyone to have a fight with them in the first place. Loners are pacifists, you see. Before non‐resistance comes non‐contact. If you think about it from a historical perspective, I'm pretty much Gandhi. But without the racism.
The only kind of fight I knew about was sibling squabbles, and that was all history by the time I finished elementary school. Komachi would invariably tell our dad on me and that would knock out all my life points before the fight even began. If we fought when our father wasn't around, she'd activate her trap card (read: our mother), and it would be my loss anyway.
My parents would lecture me, and then at dinner we'd make up and sit close together at the table, and that would be the end of our sibling squabble.
As I contemplated all of this, Yukinoshita opened her mouth again as if on cue. "Yuigahama‐san is indiscrete and has no dignity. She blurts things out without thinking, she constantly intrudes on someone else's personal space, she lies to get out of trouble, and she's noisy."
"You're the one who sounds like she's having a fight with her…"
Yuigahama would probably cry if she heard all of that.
"Don't interrupt me. She has many shortcomings, but… but she is not a bad person."
Predictably enough, she had been listing Yuigahama's shortcomings before concluding she wasn't a bad person and that her faults weren't serious. Yet when I saw how she blushed and looked away furtively as her murmuring voice trailed off into silence, I understood that this was the highest compliment Yukinoshita ever uttered.
Yuigahama would probably cry if she heard all of that ‐ from happiness.
"Nah, I get it too. We're not really fighting or anything. You can only have a fight with someone if you're close to them in the first place, pretty much. So it wasn't really a fight but more like…" As I trailed off and scratched my head furiously, Yukinoshita put a hand on her chin in contemplation.
"A dispute, perhaps?"
"Ah, close but no cigar. Not a bad guess, I suppose."
"A battle, then?"
"Getting colder."
"A slaughter then."
"Weren't you listening? You're way off."
Why was she thinking of progressively more violent situations? Her instincts were way too much like Oda Nobunaga's. "So… you were having communication issues, perhaps?"
"Mm, more or less."
"I see. So it can't be helped." Yukinoshita closed her magazine with a small sigh. Behind her nonchalant words, her attitude was resigned, and she seemed so very frail.
With that, she stopped asking questions. Yukinoshita and I kept up our usual distance.
The way we held on to our emotional distance was probably rather similar. It was quite rare for her to encroach on someone's privacy by gossiping or focusing on one aspect about them. 'How old are you?' 'Where do you live?' 'When's your birthday?' 'Do you have siblings?' 'Where do your parents work?' I'd never heard her ask those sorts of things herself.
I could suspect any number of reasons for that. Perhaps she had little interest in the hobbies of others, or perhaps she didn't want to step on any landmines. Or perhaps she was just bad at asking questions, as loners tend to be. Without any logical reason behind it, asking questions made them extremely uncomfortable.
Without prying or stepping on someone's toes, they size each other up like swordsmen in a duel.
"You know how it is in these situations. It's those once‐in‐a‐lifetime encounters. If there's a meeting there's always a breakup."
"Pretty words, but you got the meaning mixed up…" Yukinoshita said disgustedly, but really, life is full of these once‐in‐a‐lifetime encounters.
It was like that time back in elementary school, when some of my classmates were transferring to another school. Even when they promised to write letters, I was the only one they didn't reply to and I never sent them another letter. I did get a reply from Kenji‐kun, though…
A wise man does not court danger; he does not outstay his welcome. That was probably the only way not to lose to risks.
"And yet… staying connected to people is indeed a surprisingly difficult matter," Yukinoshita whispered. "Bonds can break so easily from such a trivial thing."
Her eyes welled with pain directed at herself.
At that moment, the door suddenly swung open with creak.
"But you can also fix those trivial things, Yukinoshita. It's still not time to give up." The person spouting cool lines at random as she walked towards us, her white coat fluttering, was none other than my sworn enemy Hiratsuka‐sensei.
"Sensei, knock first…" Completely disregarding Yukinoshita's demand, Hiratsuka‐sensei surveyed the room.
"Hm. So Yuigahama hasn't turned up for a week now, huh… I thought you guys would have done something about it by now. Don't tell me you had a serious illness till now. How like you," she said with misplaced admiration.
"Um, sensei… what do you want?" I asked.
"Oh, right. Hikigaya, I told you about it before ‐ about the conditions for your hypothetical 'contest.'"
Hearing the word contest made me remember. Indeed, it was something about deciding who was better at helping people ‐ Yukinoshita or me. Probably Yukinoshita. Not much contest really.
In a manner very much reminiscent of a game company, Hiratsuka‐sensei had announced that she wanted to change part of the rules. Her business today probably had something to do with these new rules of hers.
"I came to present the new rules." Hiratsuka‐sensei folded her arms and towered over us. Yukinoshita and I fixed our postures and sat up attentively.
Looking at the two of us in turn, Hiratsuka‐sensei sighed in satisfaction. Her laid‐ back behaviour aroused feelings of anxiety in me instead. It was so silent you could hear a pin drop.
In order to break the overwhelming silence, Hiratsuka‐sensei opened her mouth solemnly.
"You kill each other off till there's only one left."
"…how old."
You wouldn't even see that on Friday Roadshow these days. Also, why did they keep showing reruns of Laputa? I already had the DVD. Ged oh Ged. (I hadn't actually bought that movie.)
Come to think of it, high schoolers these days wouldn't even know that movie, I thought as I looked at Yukinoshita. Yukinoshita was looking at Hiratsuka‐sensei with the sort of cold gaze you'd normally reserve for trash on the roadside.
With keen understanding of what Yukinoshita's piercing glare meant, Hiratsuka‐ sensei coughed sheepishly. "Ahem. A‐anyway! To put it simply, it's making use of the rules of Battle Royale. Having a three‐way battle is a surefire way of lengthening a battle manga. Basically, that's how the arcs work in Y iba.
"Yet another classic title…"
"Since it's a three‐way battle royale, naturally there will be alliances too. Not only will you guys be fending each other off, you'd also do well to lend each other your strength."
I see. It was true that conspiring with the weaker combatants and killing them off later was an established tactic in a battle royale.
"So what you are saying is that Hikigaya‐kun will always be fighting with a disadvantage…"
"Pretty much." I accepted that scenario without any resistance. No matter how you thought about it, it was going to end up as a 'me vs two' arrangement.
But, opposite of my resigned attitude, Hiratsuka‐sensei let out a fearless smile. "Rest easy. This time, new members can be recruited at will. Of course, you'll be the ones doing the recruiting. In other words, you can increase your number of comrades through your actions. Gotta catch 'em all! Aim for 151!"
Hiratsuka‐sensei spoke with such authority on the subject, but the number of comrades she mentioned really showed her age. It was closer to 500 these days, you know. But come on, increasing your number of comrades was easier said than done.
"Either way, these rules put Hikigaya‐kun at a disadvantage," Yukinoshita said. "He is unfit for recruiting."
"That's a bit rich coming from you…" I said.
"What, I'm just asking you to recruit one person," Hiratsuka‐sensei insisted. "Don't think too hard about it."
Well, when she put it that way she was right. It wasn't really about being the very best, like no one ever was.
Actually, the one who was the very best at this sort of thing was Yuigahama, who wasn't around anymore. As if realising that too, Hiratsuka‐sensei's expression clouded slightly.
"Come to think of it, that Yuigahama hasn't been coming around these days… this is a good opportunity. Even if it means filling a vacant position, you ought to embrace this chance to acquire a new club member," Hiratsuka‐sensei said, prompting Yukinoshita to lift her face in surprise.
"Hold on just a second. It's not as if Yuigahama‐san qu‐"
"It's the same thing if she never shows up. I, for one, have no use for a ghost club member."
As soon as I saw the look on her face, the pleasant atmosphere from before vanished. Yukinoshita and I recoiled from Hiratsuka‐sensei's cold, hard gaze.
"You guys are caught up in some misunderstanding, aren't you?" She did not say it like a question. From the way she phrased it, it was an implicit reprimand meant to stir up guilt in us.
Yukinoshita and I fell silent without answering, and Hiratsuka‐sensei went on. "This is not a club for you to play friendsies. Go somewhere else for that wishy‐ washy teenage nonsense. You're here in this club to change yourselves for the better. It's not a place to get complacent and lie to yourselves."
Silence.
Her lips pursed tightly, Yukinoshita furtively avoided Hiratsuka‐sensei's eyes. "The Service Club isn't a game. It is a recognised club activity at Soubu High School. And, as you guys know, you only deal with unmotivated people until compulsory education is over. People came to this place out of their own volition, and those without the dedication have no choice but to leave."
Motivation and dedication, huh…?
"E‐excuse me… can I please leave since I don't have the motivation nor the dedication…?"
"You think you have any choice in the matter when you're being punished?" Hiratsuka‐sensei cracked her fists and glared at me.
"I‐I thought as much…" So I really couldn't run away from this, huh…
After she was done subjecting me to her light intimidation, Hiratsuka‐sensei turned to Yukinoshita. Even as Yukinoshita remained stony‐faced, it was easy to see how disgruntled she was.
Having noticed that, Hiratsuka‐sensei smiled somewhat uneasily. "But you know, thanks to Yuigahama, I now see that there is a positive correlation between club activities and member count. It would be good to have another member to balance things out. With that in mind… you have until Monday to find a replacement possessing the motivation and dedication to be in this club."
"A motivated and dedicated person by Monday… that's no tall order… hey, won't this end with me getting eaten by a wildcat?"
"You really like Miyazawa Kenji…" Yukinoshita remarked. It was an exchange that could only occur between the third and first ranked students in Japanese respectively.
If Monday was the deadline, though, then we only had four days if we included today and Monday itself. Finding someone motivated to join the Service Club and dedicated to changing themselves for the better in that span of time was an extremely tough task, in my opinion. What was this? The tale of the bamboo cutter? Ah, so this might be why Hiratsuka‐sensei couldn't get married. Just like Kaguya‐hime, she'd have to leave home sooner or later.
"You tyrant…" I said bitterly. The words came out easily. Hiratsuka‐sensei smiled broadly.
"I'm sorry you think that way. This is my way of being nice to you."
"I don't see any niceness…"
"It's fine if you don't see it. Right, today's club activities are over. Time to think about getting the job done," Hiratsuka‐sensei said as she pushed Yukinoshita and me out of the room. As she slammed the door shut, our schoolbags fell to the floor outside the room.
She locked the door promptly, and with that she started walking away briskly.
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Yukinoshita called out to her back. "Hiratsuka‐sensei. I want to confirm one thing, and that is whether we are permitted to fill the vacancy with anyone, are we not?"
"Indeed, Yukinoshita." And with a single, short statement, Hiratsuka‐sensei left. Only, when she looked back over her shoulder, I could see a sort of smile on her face. As we waved Hiratsuka‐sensei off, Yukinoshita and I looked at each other.
"So, how do you plan to fill the vacancy?" I asked.
"Who knows. I have never once invited someone so I wouldn't know. But I do happen to know someone close to joining."
"Who? Totsuka? Totsuka, right? It has to be Totsuka." There was no one else who came to mind. I could think of nothing but Totsuka. Yukinoshita regarded my boundless passion for Totsuka with boredom.
"Wrong. Although he might join if asked…" she mused. "Is there not a simpler way?"
So Yukinoshita said, but there really weren't that many other people who spoke to us. When I really thought about it, I suppose there was Hayama Hayato, one of the rare pure riajuu. He might help us out if we asked, I guess. But I doubted he fulfilled the motivated and dedicated categories. I really couldn't think of anyone else. Hm? Zaimokuza? What funny spelling for a name. So who was he again?
As I lost interest in that train of thought, Yukinoshita looked at me and let out a small sigh.
"You don't get it? I'm talking about Yuigahama‐san."
"Huh? B‐but hasn't she quit?" I said. Yukinoshita flicked her hair over her shoulder and looked at me with an undeniably steely gaze. There, I could see none of the resignation she had shown up until now.
"So what?" she asked. "We only need to get her to join again. Hiratsuka‐sensei did say it was fine as long as the vacancy was replaced."
"Yeah, I guess…" Indeed, filling the vacancy would solve the problem. Still, the lack of motivation was a spanner in the works. In any case, Yuigahama would never come by the clubroom in the first place unless we fixed her motivation.
Yukinoshita seemed to have realised this herself, because she stroked her chin tentatively. "In any case," she said after a pause, "I'll try to come up with a way to get Yuigahama‐san to return to her usual self."
"She had some serious motivation," I said, prompting Yukinoshita to smile bitterly at herself.
"Indeed." She was silent for a moment. "I only realised this just now, but I have grown fond of that part of her over these last two months." I stared slack‐jawed at her. For Yukinoshita to utter such a thing…
Dismayed by my silence, Yukinoshita's face reddened slightly.
"W‐what? You had a weird look on your face."
"Oh, nah. It's nothing. And I didn't have a weird look on my face, seriously."
"Yes, you did."
"No, I didn't."
"Allow me to correct myself. You currently have a weird look on your face." Yukinoshita began to walk as if telling herself to get a move on. From the side of her face, I could see none of the depression from before, only an expression of utter self‐assurance. Yukinoshita was back.
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-WG