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It would be really easy to read into Yukinoshita asking me out. I was well versed in avoiding misunderstandings so I was sure it wasn't anything… you know… romantic. She looked at me like I was a bug and for the most part that was what I deserved. My humanity was under contention. Still it was Sunday and I enjoyed my coffee bright and early. I'd been up all night thinking about Dysonian SETI. Searching for extraterrestrial intelligence by looking for the waste heat of a Dyson swarm. A super advanced civilization would still have to give off waste heat unless they found a way around thermodynamics. I thought that that was unlikely. Thermodynamics were the most solid of all modern science. There was always a little entropy increase. Energy was always conserved. Those were the first two laws of thermodynamics. It was hard to get around those two.
Anyways it wasn't for me to read into what Yukinoshita wanted for me. After all, she also invited my little sister. So like I said, nothing romantic.
Sunday was a fine day. It usually came with worries about the morrow but Sunday alone was fine. It didn't really compare with the true freedom of Saturday but it was still alright.
Around ten o'clock I made my way to the convenience store where we would be meeting. Komachi went inside to go and grab something or other. Whatever.
And I didn't really have a great reason to turn down Yukinoshita. Otherwise I would have. She took a leap asking me for help. I would answer in kind and match her temperament. I picked at a bug in my ear and rubbed my face hard.
"Sorry to keep you waiting." I turned to spot Yukinoshita. She was wearing a faint blue sleeveless shirt with a classy looking standup collar. Her hair was back in a ponytail which went to her waist. I hunched in on myself a little. My shoulders up and hackles raised. I was in uncharted territory.
"It wasn't like I was waiting a long time," I mumbled. I stared at her skirt rather than meet her eyes. Her skirt went to her knees and bounced in time with her walk.
"Is that so? Good, then. Now let us be off."
Yukinoshita hitched her rattan bag as she peered around relentlessly. She was looking to spot Komachi.
"If you're looking for Komachi she went to the convenience store, so you'll have to wait a bit."
"I see." Yukinoshita grew silent for a moment. " Still, I feel I ought to apologize for asking her to meet me on a day off…"
I let out a low chuckle. And what was I? Chopped liver? Maybe a little. I rubbed my eyes. Today was a bad day for my hallucinations. I was really feeling it.
"Even if you and I were to buy a birthday present for Yuigahama, I sincerely doubt it'd be any good. Plus Komachi was happy to come along, so it's fine."
"Yes, that's all well and good, but…"
And with that, allow me to unveil the obvious she said 'go out with me', she really just wanted to go and buy a present for Yuigahama's birthday. And it wasn't me she wanted ‐ it was Komachi. Well, it was an intelligent decision.
Up until now, we'd always rely on Yuigahama for these things, but we couldn't exactly rely on her this time when it was for her sake we were doing this. That being the case, the only person the antisocial Yukinoshita could count on was Komachi.
For two whole minutes we waited in silence, until Komachi finally showed up.
Perhaps it was because she was aware she was going out with Yukinoshita today, but Komachi's clothing sense had taken a turn for the classier. She wore a summer vest over her half‐sleeve blouse and a pleated skirt with knee socks over her lower half, while the loafers on her feet completed the posh lady look. But the somewhat frivolous newsboy cap she wore on her head gave off a perky sort of impression. In her hand, she held a plastic bottle with green tea in it.
"Hi there, Yukino‐san! Good day."
"Sorry for calling you out on your day off," Yukinoshita apologised. Komachi responded with a broad grin.
"No problem. I want to buy a present for Yui‐san too, and plus I'm looking forward to spending the day out with you, Yukino‐san."
Knowing my little sister, she really did love Yukinoshita with all her heart, so I didn't think she was lying. I guess that means Yukinoshita attracts the airheaded girls. She was the most popular person with the girls I knew of next to Hayama, seriously.
"What's today look like, big brother?"
"Not so great."
"A number?" She demanded.
"Maybe a two."
"I'm sorry. What's this?" Yukinoshita asked.
"My hallucinations," I explained. "Komachi asks me to rate it on a scale from one to ten with a one being the worst."
"I see. You're a good little sister to be so concerned about your brother."
"It's nothing. Komachi has to look out for big brother. Our parents don't know about it so it falls on me."
"But a two?" Yukinoshita asked.
"A lot of bugs in my eyes. I feel it in my extremities and around my throat and in my ears. Anywhere sensitive really."
"I'm sorry."
"That's life. The train's about to arrive, so let's go," I said, urging on the two of them.
We all made our way down to the ticket barrier. Today, our destination was the widely loved LaLaport Tokyo Bay, a place frequently used as a date spot if the rumours were to be believed. Filled with various shops and decked out with ample space for film events, it was the cream of the crop when it came to leisure spots in the prefecture.
The interior of the train carriage was fairly congested in its own right. We held onto the hanging straps for five whole minutes as the train shook and jolted us around. In all likelihood, if it was just Yukinoshita and me, we probably wouldn't have said anything, but since Komachi was there today, she spoke to Yukinoshita about this, that and the other thing.
"Have you decided what you're going to buy yet, Yukino‐san?"
"…no, I've looked around here and there, but it's all somewhat beyond me," Yukinoshita said with a small sigh.
Perhaps Yukinoshita had been thinking about Yuigahama's birthday present when she was reading that magazine in the clubroom. It didn't seem like Yukinoshita and Yuigahama had similar taste…
"And I've never received a birthday present from a friend myself…" Yukinoshita admitted, her expression somewhat gloomy.
When Komachi heard that, she went quiet, the smile fading from her face too. She seemed to be struggling about what to say to that. I eventually broke the silence by humming in interest.
"So you really are like that. Now me, on the other hand, I totally received presents."
"Huh? You're not lying?" Yukinoshita's stunned reaction somehow came across to me as rather impolite.
"I received presents but never from a friend. I got some corn from my mother's friend. It's a sad story which reveals that I am truly alone. I'm sure I won't be able to help you pick out a gift very well. I've never gotten anything from a friend. I never had friends."
"Except Totsuka and Yuigahama, right?" Yukinoshita cut in.
"Oh. Well. I guess."
"Whoa whoaaaa! What nice weather outside!" Komachi started looking out the window suddenly, breaking the gloomy, oppressive atmosphere.
The blue sky stretched out endlessly, signifying the beginning of summer. Today would be a hot day, it seemed.
When you walk a short distance from Minami‐Funabashi station, there's an IKEA to the left‐hand side. On top of being a fancy furniture shop, it was one of the popular spots to hang out. A long time ago, the leisure spots around here used to form a giant, all‐encompassing labyrinth, and after that it became an indoor ski building. The old structure was, of course, no longer around. I could sense how much time had passed. Before I knew it, I'd become a grownup.
The whole 'ski without protection' slogan really brought back memories. Nowadays when I hear the word "without protection", I can only think of condoms. I could sense how much time had passed. Before I knew it, I'd become a grownup…
Once we finished crossing the pedestrian bridge, the entrance to the shopping mall was connected to it. As she peered at the directory board on the premises, Yukinoshita folded her arms in thought. "I'm surprised… this place is quite enormous."
"Yep," said Komachi.
"Let's see, we'd be better off dividing up the zones and narrowing down what we want."
This place might have been right next door to my own neighbourhood, but it was the pièce de résistance of shopping malls. I wouldn't be able to tell you its exact size, but it would probably take the whole day just to walk from one end to the other if you were taking your time about it. If we were going to mess around here, we needed to map out our course precisely, it seemed.
"Right, we ought to take efficiency into account when we circle the place. Okay, I'll go around here." I pointed to the right of the directory board.
Yukinoshita responded by pointing to the left. "Indeed. Then I'll take the opposite direction."
Yessss, that ought to split the work in half. All I needed to do now was assign Komachi's place and our efficiency would be perfect. "Right, you go down that way, Koma‐"
"Stop right there," Komachi said in a singsong voice as she yanked on my index finger, which was pointed at the directory board.
"What the hell…? Goddamn it, you hurt my finger…"
Komachi watched me curse under my breath and let out a big sigh, shrugging. She did the whole 'Man, this guy really doesn't get' reaction, just like an American. Damn, did that attitude piss me right off. It seemed I wasn't the only one who was baffled by that attitude, because Yukinoshita cocked her head as she peered at Komachi.
"Is there some kind of problem?"
"Both of you oughta quit taking the loner option by default, big brother, Yukino‐san. Since we came all this way as a group, why not look around together? That way we can exchange advice, which helps."
"But I doubt we'd be able to complete the circuit…"
"No biggie! According to my expert opinion, we should have no problems if we focus on this place with Yui‐san's interests in mind," Komachi said as she took out a pamphlet located underneath the directory board and opened it.
The place Komachi was pointing to was located in the heart of the first floor. It was lined up with names like "Love Craft", which was crawling with love, and "Lisa Lisa". The whole place was probably piled with shops stocked with products aimed at young girls.
"Right, shall we go there?" I said, to which Yukinoshita nodded as if she had no particular objections either.
And with that, we were off.
The girly zone was two or three blocks ahead. A bunch of different brand name shops selling various goods aimed at boys and both genders were lined up on the way there. There was so much different stuff I couldn't help but admire it ‐ you really couldn't take it all in at one glance. I took the lead on the way there, but since I didn't normally come to these types of huge shopping malls, I had absolutely no confidence about where to go.
For once I had something in common with Yukinoshita, who was turning her head distractedly, looking this way and that. Except she had this serene smile plastered over her face. At the very least she didn't seem bored. Sometimes, she stopped in her tracks and stared at the products on display. But the moment a shop assistant approached her, she detected their presence and darted away. …ah, I understood how she felt all too well. I really wish they'd stop talking to you when you're picking out clothes. Clothing shop assistants ought to master the skill of sensing the 'don't talk to me' aura that exudes from loners.
If they did that, I reckon their sales would probably go up.
As all of this was going on, we came to a fork in the road, where one could move onto another block to the left and to the right. Moreover, I could see each path had an escalator going up.
Recalling the directory board, I turned to Komachi as I pointed to the right. "Komachi, do we just go straight from here?"
But when I turned around, Komachi wasn't there. "H‐huh?"
Komachi was nowhere to be seen no matter how much I looked around. As for what I could see instead, it was only a weird panda plushie with evil eyes and sharpened claws, along with fangs that glinted in the light. Yukinoshita was pulling its cheeks with a totally straight look on her face.
It was the popular character from Tokyo Disneyland, Pan‐san the Panda. The "Pan‐san's Bamboo Hunt" was such a popular attraction it was common to wait two or three hours for it.
Tokyo Disneyland, a tourist attraction which needs no introduction. As much as it was Chiba's pride and soul, it was quite a funky existence that reeked of humiliation, seeing as it had to call itself Tokyo Disneyland even though it was in Chiba. It was located in Maihama, but the original reason for that was because it resembled Miami Beach an awful lot, apparently. And that was your Chiba Prefecture lesson for the day.
"Yukinoshita," I called out to her. Yukinoshita hastily put the thing she had been playing with up till now back on the shelf and flicked her hair coolly.
'What?' she demanded with her eyes alone. Er, um… it wasn't like I was about to say anything in particular… I knew from that whole cat incident from yesterday that, when faced with Yukinoshita's attitude, the correct response was not to bring it up.
"You haven't seen Komachi, have you? Looks like she wandered off somewhere."
"I haven't seen her, come to think of it… why don't you ring her?"
"Okay." I tried calling Komachi promptly. As soon as I did that, this weird music I couldn't wrap my head around rang out once again. So, um, why was this chick's cell phone singing?
The call had gotten through all right, but Komachi wasn't there to answer. Upon hearing the answering service, I gave up and ended the call. "She's not picking up…"
While I was on the phone, Yukinoshita's baggage had been piling up. She was holding this insanely bright and gaudy plastic bag along with her rattan bag. So she went ahead and bought it, huh… Perhaps realising that I was peering at her with a look of faint disgust, Yukinoshita pretended not to notice me as she stuffed her purchase into her bag.
"I wonder if something caught Komachi‐san's attention…" she said nonchalantly. "Indeed, there are certain products one would buy on impulse."
"So like you, then." My gaze went to her bag.
Yukinoshita coughed abruptly. "Anyway. Since Komachi‐san is aware of our ultimate destination, we ought to meet there. There's no point dawdling here."
"Yeah, I guess..." After I sent Komachi a text saying, 'Ring me, you fool. I'm going on ahead,' I decided to get a move on. "…soooo, we turn right here and go straight ahead, hmm?" I asked, confirming aloud because I already knew where to go.
Yukinoshita gazed blankly in response. "Isn't it left?"
The correct answer was right.
The surrounding atmosphere turned bright. Pastels and vivid hues blended in the open room, where a flowery and soapy scent wafted through the air. We'd come to a place for girls indeed: clothing stores and accessory shops, shops specialising in shoes and others in kitchen utensils. And then, of course, the lingerie stores. An uncomfortable, otherworldly place was opening up before me.
"This seems to be the place, I imagine," Yukinoshita said with a cool face. But as for me, I was completely worn out.
"Oh man, to think we'd get lost four times… you're really bad at stuff like mathematical shapes."
"I don't need that coming from a calculator."
"I'm excellent at math. I got a hundred out of a hundred on the exam. A perfect score. I'm just that good."
"So I see."
"So anyway, what are you going to buy?" I asked.
"…hmm, perhaps a durable type of item that can be used over a long period of time."
"That's a pretty long‐winded way of saying office supplies." No matter how I looked at it, I doubted that was the standard by which you should buy a present for a young girl.
"I was considering buying those."
"So you were actually considering it, huh…"
"But they did not seem like the kind of thing Yuigahama‐san would be happy over… indeed, I don't believe she'd be happy over a fountain pen or a tool set either."
"What an astute judgement…" Indeed, I could hardly imagine Yuigahama saying, 'Whoa! I always wanted this set of screwdrivers! Oh, there's even an Allen key! Yippee! A crowbar too! Yukinon, thank you sooooo much!' But I got the feeling it would be kind of a prevalent reaction among female machinery geeks.
"Soooo," I said, "you decided to get something in line with Yuigahama's interests."
"Indeed. I want to make her happy whatever way I can…"
Yukinoshita had this serene smile on her face. If Yuigahama saw that expression, I imagine she would have been beyond happy.
"Right, then let's hurry up and pick something out, huh?"
"Hold on just a second. What about Komachi‐san?"
Ah, that reminded me she never called back. Without Komachi around, we wouldn't be able to get any detailed advice. She might have narrowed down Yuigahama's preferred genre for us, but we couldn't make the final purchase if we didn't know what to get. I might need some help for the finer aspects, but at least I wasn't as out of touch with teenage girls as Yukinoshita was. Fountain pens and tool sets did not seem legit to me.
I looked over my cell phone, but there was no word from Komachi. When I tried calling her, the familiar music from Komachi's phone made a cacophony every time. I mean seriously, why was this chick's cell phone singing?
"Helloooooo!"
"Hey, where are you right now? We're here already. We're waiting now so hurry up."
"Huh? …ohhh. There were all these things I wanted to buy so I totally forgot."
"To think my little sister could be such an airhead... I'm kind of shocked I'm related to you." Wow, I didn't know her memory was this bad. No wonder she was always slipping up at subjects that required memorisation. As I was dwelling on that thought, I heard an extremely ridiculing sigh from the other end of the phone.
"…man, you can't get it through your thick skull, huh, big brother? Well, whatever. Looks like I'll just go home by myself since I'll probs take another five hours yet. Godspeed, you two!"
"Uh, wait, hang on a minute!"
"What, is Yukino‐san nervous about being alone with you? There's no need to worry at all ‐ I think."
"Uh, I really don't give a damn about that, but are you okay on your own? I mean, this is really not the kind of place a middle schooler should be…" I mean, it was a place where so many different types of people mingled on days off. There was a possibility that you could get wrapped up in some incident or accident. Not to mention Komachi was still a girl in middle school. And she was cute because she was my sister and all. She might put me down and do stuff that pissed me off, but I couldn't help but worry about her. Komachi didn't say anything for a moment.
"Man, I wish you were this considerate about other things. I'll be okay. It's me we're talking about."
"Uh, I'm worried because it's you we're talking about." She'd probably easily go with someone if they bought her sweets or dazzled her with money, after all…
"Big Brother, who do you take me for? You do know I'm your sister?" Whoa, she kind of said something really moving. "That's why you're completely fine by yourself! In fact, being alone is what makes you come alive!" The reason itself was really saddening. But actually, since being alone did make me come alive, there was nothing I could say to object.
"Fine… call me straight away if anything happens. No, wait, call me even if nothing happens."
"Okay, okay. Right, I'm hanging up now! Good luck, big brother!" And with that, the call ended. All that was left was a robotic beeping noise.
Not that you needed luck to do shopping…
I closed my phone and turned to Yukinoshita. "Seems Komachi wants to buy some things. So she's left all the hard work to us."
"I see… well, she did make the effort to come all the way here on a day off, so I have no right to complain," said Yukinoshita, sounding somewhat disappointed. "We know about Yuigahama‐san's preferred genre, so let's make do with that," she added to get herself psyched again.
Shit now I'm worried.
Yukinoshita seemed indifferent to my anxiety. Which was fine. She was the confident type. She made for the nearby clothing store. As soon as she was inside, she picked up the products on display and inspected them with a straight face. That's who she was. Serious business. I on the other hand… I was a bit of a joke.
I walked into the store, following after her. I regretted that.
For a start, it was painful how all these various women stared at a guy who had just come in. It was like they thought I was an insect. What's more was that the shop assistant sprang on her feet suddenly, as if wary of my every move. Everyone in the room gave me a wide berth.
I didn't have the looks for something like this. There were other guys in the store but they were riajuu. I didn't fit in here. The riajuu in the store had scarves around their necks even though it wasn't cold and they wore vests that made them look like hunters.
"Um sir… are you looking for something?" A female shop assistant asked me. She was hiding her wariness of me underneath a tight-lipped smile.
"A gift. For a girl."
The woman hid her disgust well. She engaged me neutrally. "Oh? What sort of girl?"
"A bit of the airheaded type. But sweet nonetheless."
"Oh would you like me to recommend you something-"
"Hikigaya‐kun… what did you do? Try on the ladies clothes? You ought to do that sort of thing at home."
"You don't do that anywhere! And besides, I didn't do anything, okay…"
Yukinoshita approached me, looking down on me imperiously. As a result, the suspicion faded from the shop assistants' eyes. Just as you'd expect from Yukinoshita. Making people back off was her area of expertise.
"Oh, you were waiting on your girlfriend, I see. Please take your time," said the sole remaining shop assistant in understanding before she turned to leave.
"Oh we're not together. Well, we're together but not together-together."
"Sounds complicated…" the assistant trailed.
"Not really," I shrugged.
"Then you are a suspicious person."
"I was just leaving."
"Good lord… Hikigaya‐kun, let's go." In an attempt to escape from the shop assistants who were bursting into the scene, Yukinoshita pulled on my hand. That was all it took to ward them off.
Once we were outside the store, the tension finally eased.
"…say, am I really that suspicious‐looking?" I was tired. And I'd been up all night. The bugs were pressing in on me and I'm sure my eyes looked sunken in and dead. Much more rotten than even my usual.
Yukinoshita didn't pretend to ridicule me for my suspicious‐looking appearance, perhaps out of her own way of showing sympathy. "A lone male will be regarded with suspicion either way. From what I saw, all the males in that store were part of a couple."
"Then I'm basically fucked. I'm just going to take a seat at that bench over there while you look around." I pointed at a bench some distance away.
There were girls all over the store. If I were alone amongst them I'm sure I would stand out and get some strange looks. At any rate it wasn't as bad as being stared at in the classroom while I talked to myself. But if I was sitting on a far off bench then nobody could really call me out. I'd just have to act not so suspicious. Maybe get in a fifteen minute power nap if Yukinoshita took long enough. Maybe I'd watch some youtube lectures on my phone. Terrance Tao released a lecture on the gaps between prime numbers that I'd been meaning to watch. I took a full step towards the bench.
"Hold it right there."
"Wha-" I murmured distractedly. I was already thinking about the twin prime conjecture.
"Do you plan to leave things to my judgement? I don't mean to sound arrogant but my standards are very far removed from the average teenage girl."
"I'm not sure what I can do to help. Your tastes, as abstract as they may be, are still closer than mine."
"… I'd appreciate it if you'd help me out ‐ or something…" Yukinoshita said with immense difficulty, her head furrowed. Her gaze, which was pointed at the soles of her feet, flitted around nervously from side to side.
She really had to be at a loss if she was asking me for help. Let me just make it clear that I've never bought a present for a girl in my life ‐ at least not properly. If we're talking about trying to give a present and getting shut down, that's happened to me before.
"Well, much as I would absolutely love to help you out," I answered, "it's not like I can go insi‐"
Yukinoshita let out a deep sigh, as if resigning herself to something. "In that case, it can't be helped. Keep a close distance, please."
"Huh? Distance?" I stared at her, puzzled.
Two was the smallest prime number and the conjecture went that there existed infinitely many twin primes two apart. It was a hard problem. Potentially unprovable due to the Godel Incompleteness theorem. The theorem stated absolutely that there existed true conjectures in mathematics which were unprovable. Just gaps, holes in the bottom of reality. I saw the hand of Azathoth and rubbed at the bugs in my eyes.
"Are you okay?"
"I didn't sleep last night. And I'm plagued by the hole at the bottom of mathematics. You should be able to prove that there are prime number six apart infinitely often without assuming the Riemann Zeta Hypothesis."
"What's the Riemann Zeta Hypothesis?"
"It's everything. It's the holy grail of modern mathematics. Nothing else presses so. And I'm going to be the one to prove or disprove it. I was just going to head over. Spend some time studying it."
"You don't want to help with Yuigahama's gift?"
"I don't see how I can."
Yukinoshita got a little huffy in response. "Must I spell it out? That if you're only capable of inhaling air and spitting it back out, then that air con over there is superior to you?"
I stared at her blankly.
"In other words, I'm allowing you to pretend to be my boyfriend, just for today."
"You shouldn't. That's a mistake."
"Maybe. But it's mine to make. Come help me in the store. Or are you unhappy with this arrangement?"
"Not particularly. No."
"I‐I see…" Yukinoshita looked frankly surprised, not to mention let down.
"Is that surprising?" I asked.
"For you. A little. I was sure you wanted a sweet girlfriend."
"You're not my girlfriend."
"That's true."
"Though I would disagree. You are sweet. Just deeper than say Yuigahama. You are sweet to Yuigahama."
"Am I?" She seemed to genuinely wonder.
"You are."
"Flattery?"
"Maybe. Were you unaware? Or did I reveal something to yourself that you knew not yet of."
"You did a little."
"Huh… well… I can get on board without reservations. I'm sure when you say 'pretend to be your boyfriend' you mean pretend. And when you say 'only for today' I'm sure you mean that too."
"Oh…?" There was something in her tone. Something I couldn't decipher. I stared at her for a long time and waited for her to say something more. Realising that she had a very stupid look on her face, Yukinoshita attempted to hide it by swinging around. "I thought for certain you'd disapprove," she said at length, talking to the wall.
"Nah, I don't have any real reason to refuse. What about you? Don't you disapprove yourself?" I retorted. "I am, after all, barely a person."
"You're not barely a person Hikigaya-kun. You're easily the most human person I've ever met."
"I'm a twisted claw grown away from Darwin's ladder. I'm a tentacle of this… this thing. And I'm not sure how deep into me it goes."
"No you're not."
"Riddle me this, what am I?"
"You're a person."
"What is a person?"
I think she got the sense I was genuinely asking and she stopped short.
"See? I don't know either. Is it a broad range of genetic information? What about a person running on silicon wafers and microchips? Is that not a person?"
"I didn't have you pegged as a transhumanist."
"Its only a matter of time until real brain simulations are being run. I'd be a fool to not keep them into account."
"You're alive."
"What is alive?"
"You know what 'alive' is."
"I do not. And neither does anybody else. There are viruses and prions which challenge our traditional definitions of alive. What is alive?"
"Can you really not pretend to be my boyfriend without answering these philosophical questions."
"You asked."
I followed her into the store.
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-WG