Little changes… little changes...
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I opened the door to reveal Zamokuza. He was wearing his heavy dark coat and gloves even though it was June.
"Oho! Hachiemoooon!"
"Now's not a good time man." I shoved him back outside easily with my shoulder. I shut the door behind me. "Did you need something now or can it wait? Because now is not a good time. We're in the middle of celebrating Yuigahama's birthday."
"Ohohoho I see. Well in that case it can't be helped…"
"Yeah," I said. "So now really isn't a good time. Do you mind?"
"Oh not at all. If I had friends I certainly would want to celebrate their birthday. Fare thee well."
"Thanks. Come back tomorrow and we'll help you out with whatever you need. But not right now."
Zamokuza turned away panting and marched with long steps down the corridor.
I turned and opened the door back into the club room. Yukinoshita was cutting up slices of cake for Yuigahama who had the broadest grin. It faltered when our eyes met. I gave her a little smile. Her grin came back a little.
"You both remembered my birthday. Thank you so much. It's been awkward since that day…"
"It's only awkward if you want it to be," Yukinoshita returned. "What happened?"
"I accused her of being nice to me for the sake of being nice. I told her it wasn't necessary."
"You are a fool, Hikigaya-kun. Girls aren't nice for no reason," Yukinoshita said. It rather reminded me of what my sister told me. Yukinoshita handed me a slice of cake. I took the paper plate in my hands. "I have got you something Yuigahama
"D‐don't tell me I got a present too?!" Yuigahama looked at Yukinoshita with sparkling eyes. Yukinoshita had only just shut down Yuigahama's hugs, but Yuigahama had already closed the distance once again.
Wary of being jump tackled again, Yukinoshita answered Yuigahama's question. "Well, yes… it's not as if I was the only one who prepared something," she said as she sent me a sideway glance.
"So… that means…" She had probably guessed the meaning behind Yukinoshita's words. Yuigahama mustered a vague, troubled smile. "Oh, hahaha. I totally never thought Hikki would get me a present too. Especially with how things have been…"
"They don't have to be that way," I murmured. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to blow off your kindness. People getting close to me makes me… uncomfortable." Because I was going to die. And I couldn't really imagine adding people to the left hand side of that expression.
"What did that guy want?" Yukinoshita asked me.
"Not sure. I told him to come back tomorrow. Whatever it is, it can evidently wait. Today is important."
"Thank you both. Thank you so much. And Yukinoshita! This cake is so good. Did you make it yourself?"
"I did. Yes. Here's your present Yuigahama."
Yukinoshita presented the pink apron. Yuigahama took it with trembling arms. "Oh I love it so much!"
"And you know… you and I could maybe…" Yukinoshita struggled. She looked at me. I didn't know how to help her. "That is to say I bought an apron too. So if you wanted to try cooking together some time… I would like that."
Yuigahama tackled Yukinoshita in another giant bear of a hug. Who would have thought she could hug so much? She kissed Yukinoshita's cheek and stepped away blushing before Yukinoshita could ward her off. Yukinoshita rubbed the place where Yuigahama kissed her gently and almost absently with a thousand yard stare. What was Yuigahama? French or something?
"So this isn't just for your birthday…" I trailed as I brought out a small package from my schoolbag. I walked over and handed the package to Yuigahama.
"Huh?"
Even as I stayed in this strangely stifling atmosphere, just stuttering out something was enough to make things move in a definite direction.
"I did a bit of thinking. How do I put it? We'll call it even with this, okay? Me saving your dog, you expending effort over me ‐ that's all water under the bridge," I told Yuigahama, and then without looking at her reaction I went on without stopping for breath. "I mean, there was really no reason for you to look out for me. I got compensated by the insurance company the person who hit me was in, plus the lawyer and the driver apparently came over to apologise. So you weren't even in the picture to begin with. Same with your feelings of sympathy or concern." Every time I forced a word out of my mouth, an unbearable pressure came over me, as if an unseen hand had seized its grip on my heart. But if I didn't say my piece, this would never be allowed to end. "Besides, Yuigahama, it wasn't like I saved the dog because of you."
For a moment, Yuigahama looked at me with deep sadness in her eyes, but then she immediately cast her gaze to the floor.
"It's not like I give out special favours, so there's no need for you to give me one in return. But, well, how do I put it…? I want to pay you back for the worrying you have done over me. With this we're back to zero and we're even. You don't have to care about me anymore. So we'll end this here," I finished, letting out a heavy sigh.
My chest felt tight.
If everything came out in the open, then we could put an end to everything ‐ including the painful misunderstandings and the misdirected self‐defence mechanisms. Perhaps even this was a painful misunderstanding and a misdirected self‐defence mechanism too, though.
Unable to peer at Yuigahama's expression, I could only see her tightly clenched mouth. "…why do you have to think like that? I never once thought that I… that I felt sorry for you or that I was going out of my way for you or anything. I just, I…"
Her quiet whispering voice was trembling. Yukinoshita and I simply listened to her in silence. For the two of us, who possessed no ability to respond, that was all we could manage.
A faint darkness loomed in the corner of the room. It wouldn't be long before the sun was set.
"Wow, this has gotten hard and I don't really get it anymore… I thought it'd be simpler than this…" Yuigahama's voice was a shade more cheerful than it was before. But because she had forced the words out of her mouth, they floated in the air, a silent plea for help.
"It's not as hard as you may think."
Yukinoshita stood with her back to the setting sun. The sea breeze blew in through the open window, causing her hair to sway.
"Hikigaya‐kun has no recollection of helping you out, and you have no recollection of pitying him, Yuigahama‐san… it was all wrong from the very beginning."
"Well, yeah," I answered, and Yukinoshita nodded.
"Indeed. So I believe Hikigaya‐kun's choice to 'end this here' was correct."
Since the beginning was all wrong, it stood to reason that the results would be all wrong too. No matter what feelings came over me, the answer would certainly not change.
Throughout it all, Yuigahama kept silent, but after a while she mumbled something forlornly. "But to end things here… I don't want it."
"…you fool. If it ends, why not start over again? Neither of you are in the wrong."
"Huh?" I asked inadvertently in response to those unexpected words.
"Regardless of who saved whom, you're equally victims, are you not? In that case, you ought to pin it all on the instigator. And so…" Yukinoshita cut off her words momentarily. In that brief moment, Yuigahama and I gazed at each other. "You can make a proper, fresh start… it is not beyond the two of you," Yukinoshita said with a gentle ‐ but also a somewhat lonely smile on her lips. In the midst of the sunset glow, I had no way of knowing what was reflected in her half‐closed eyes. "I must report to Hiratsuka‐sensei that we have filled the member vacancy," Yukinoshita said as if remembering something suddenly, swinging around curtly.
Yukinoshita's footsteps were a little more rapid than usual. Just like that, she walked out the room without looking once behind her.
Yuigahama peered at me sideways, looking for the right timing on her own, and then she spoke to me, as if gently prodding to confirm something. "Er, um, I‐I hope I have a good time here."
With those generic lines out of the way, she lowered her head with a bob. "Oh, okay…" I had no idea what kind of good time she was talking about. "I hope you have a good time too." I set my cake down. My stomach felt tight.
Something still nagged at me somehow. It was like that feeling of being needled by Yukinoshita. Arguing for arguing's sake was my specialty, but to think my talent was stolen from me… As she laughed in a strained way, Yuigahama poked my back incessantly.
"…hey, can I open this?"
"Yeah. Of course."
Now that I'd already handed it over to her, Yuigahama had the right to do whatever she wanted with it. Still, she insisted on asking for my permission and everything. After she opened the wrapping paper carefully, her eyes widened and a sigh slipped out of her.
"Whoa…"
It was stitched together with multiple strands of black leather and there was a silver tag in the middle. It was supposed to look good on brown hair. It was quite a good choice if I do say so myself. I hadn't been forced to buy presents for Komachi's birthday for all these long years for nothing. I have quite a reputation for being my little sister's lapdog.
As if the mere knowledge of my expert choice was satisfying to her in itself, Yuigahama gazed at her present with eyes of fondness.
"W‐wait just a sec," Yuigahama said as she spun around and turned her back to me. Three seconds didn't even pass as she touched the back of her hair and lifted her head. "Th‐think it looks good on me?"
As she stood before me, averting her eyes a little embarrassedly, I could see the black leather adorning the white skin on Yuigahama's neck. Her brown hair as it reflected the evening sun contrasted against the black in a way that was rather pretty ‐ and yes, it did look very good on her.
I didn't have the heart to tell her that it was a dog collar. Besides… Yuigahama was dog-like. I meant that in the most flattering way possible. She was like a giant golden retriever. She was so nice. What did it matter?
"I… I meant it to be for your dog…" I confessed.
"What? Why didn't you say that before-" Yuigahama turned bright red before my eyes. She lifted her hands to take it off but I stepped forward and stopped her.
"Wait! But it doesn't look bad on you to be perfectly honest. The black goes well with your hair."
"You think I should wear a dog collar?"
"It's not a dog collar if you're wearing it. Besides, you didn't think it was a dog collar. What you don't know they don't know. You know?"
"Oh… well… oh…"
Yuigahama stayed bright red. "I think it flatters you…" I confessed. I brushed a stray branch of her hair back away from the collar. When did we get so close? Was it hot in here? What the fresh fuck? Ouch? I think I was in pain?
"T-t-t thank you."
"It makes you look like a puppy. I think it's cute." I took a fell step back away from her and rubbed my face hard with my hand. There were bugs in my eyes.
"You okay?"
"Just hallucinating a little. I'll be fine."
"You can tell me about your hallucinations… if you want…"
"I get the sensation of bugs crawling and biting in my face and eyes and ears and mouth and throat and anywhere sensitive really." I couldn't talk about how it felt like ants were crawling across my genitals with her looking like that. "And in my extremities." In particular my feet but sometimes my hands.
"That's horrible… I'm so sorry. Is there anything I can do to help?" A nightmare of Azathoth flashed behind my eyes. I couldn't tell her about the mad god whistling away at the center of creation. I'd… I'd sound more like a lunatic than I usually do.
'Sleep…' a voice purred. I shuddered. 'Go to sleep…'
"I just need some sleep. I've been up for a few days straight. The voices have been loud. I hear it all the time," I confessed. `
"You have it really bad, don't you Hikki…"
"It isn't easy… I'll confess that much. But it's the hand I've been dealt. It's what I need to deal with. That or I need to die."
"Don't say that Hikki."
"It's true though. My only out is death."
"You won't hurt yourself? Will you?"
"No. Not anytime soon at least. Can't let my little sister be the one to find my body. That matters to me."
"You're so dark…"
"I am. I really really am."
"I'd like to make your life brighter if at all I can."
"I don't know how somebody can do that though."
"What does your sister do about all this?"
"She checks in on me. Sees how I'm doing. Asks me to rate my symptoms. She loves me. You know? It's hard to misplace or discount that. It's meaningful."
"Hikki…well… how was today?"
"A hard three. Three out of ten. Ten being the best. Like I said, it's been a few days since I last slept. I'm scared of sleeping a little."
"You have a sleep based panic disorder? That's… the most unhealthy thing I think I've ever heard."
"I could be doing heroin. So…"
"Yeah but this is comperable to doing hardcore drugs. People need sleep. You can go longer without food than you can without sleep."
She didn't know the half of it. You could almost go longer without water than you could without sleep. And water was the second most common molecule in the universe. Right after pure hydrogen. But it was chemically active and the universal solvent. Ever think about how acids have an extra Hydrogen molecule? Sometimes two? And how bases have an extra peroxide ion? That makes water the acid-base. Two opposites combined to make the universal solvent.
"I don't want to be pitied. You should get that about me by now."
And it was true. I was a half-creature. But I didn't want someone to look at me in that way. I wanted to be met as an equal.
"I don't pity you…" She trailed. She looked me in the eye for what felt like the first true time in weeks. "I admire your strength."
"Ants on pages… shadows on the cave wall… I get caught up. I dissociate hard. I get paranoid. I can't help it. I think that's part of why… part of why I pushed you away. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to do that. I… don't have many friends but I'd like to count you as one of them. If you'll let me."
"Of course you can count on me, Hikki. Have you considered seeing a doctor?"
"I don't know. Can I afford it? Are you going to give me a couple million Yen to sit on a bed and receive mandatory non-consensual antipsychotic injections? No? That's my answer too then."
"So dark…"
"I'm a dark person. Maybe if I was lighter I'd have more friends. Like you… but I don't. I'm not. I can't be like that. My hedonic setpoint is pretty low."
"What's a hedonic setpoint Hikki?"
"It's your base state. It's where you always return to after something good or bad happens. We all have a certain point we always return to. It's in our neurochemistry. And my neurochemistry is pretty messed up. I don't process dopamine or serotonin correctly. I must have some genetic factors or… or something which makes it difficult. I'm just so worried my sister will have it too. What if she starts hallucinating the way I do as she grows up. That's part of why I'm still kicking. To be there for her if she should start developing symptoms just like me."
"That must be so hard. I… I don't have anything like that in my life. I don't know… I think I stay pretty happy."
"Color me jealous. I admire your positive attitude Yuigahama. You always stay so bright. I wish that I could do that too. I like that about you. Not just because you look good in a dog collar."
She hit my arm for that. But she smiled up at me.
It was gentle. Just a brush of the back of her hand.
"It's not a dog collar if I'm wearing it. Right? You're making me blush too…" It was true. Yuigahama had grown quite red.
"It's the truth. Yukinoshita might be cold. And I think that that helps me a little. But you're warm and soft."
"Hikki…"
"You're almost too good to be true. I think that's why I saw you as something to be rejected. But now I see you're real. You actually genuinely like me. As a person. Wow."
"Is that really so surprising?" Yuigahama wondered.
"A little. I've never been the sort of person girls want to be around. Too creepy."
"W-w-w-well, you're a little weird. You talk to yourself. But I don't think you're creepy, Hikki."
"He's a little creepy," Yukinoshita had returned. "It's getting late. The bell will ring soon…"
"Looks like we don't have time to finish the cake..." Yuigahama agreed. "Well what if we went to someplace outside of school? I know a place. We can have a party there!"
"Sure," I agreed.
"I suppose that's acceptable."
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Why would aliens visit Earth?
Not a trick question.
Not our natural resources. There's more natural resources in the stars and gas giants than on Earth and its easier to get to. There's more water in the comets in the oort cloud than on Earth and its easier to get to because you don't have to lift it out of a gravity well. So not that classic science fiction trope that they are here for our oceans or deuterium in our water.
So why would aliens visit Earth?
If they wanted our DNA they could just steal a mailbox. And why not? It's easier than abducting humans.
If the Dyson Dilemma holds then there are billions of times more people in a Kardeshev two civilization than in ours. Enough people to have an astronmer for each star in our galaxy. So they'd be able to find us no problem. So why visit?
Maybe… to play video games with us? Maybe?
I thought that they'd probably be pretty good at them. But they'd come to play video games with us. Maybe.
I was watching a melee tournament. Melee was the sort of game that aliens would visit us to play. Because of the amount of freedom of expression it allowed. Because it could never be perfect due to hard reads making it so a worse player could beat a better one. It was possible. If aliens did indeed visit us that they did so to play with us. Because the universe is boring and video games are fun.
So I was watching a live melee tournament on my phone as I walked along to the train station with Yukinoshita and Yuigahama beside me. I thought it was a bit like math. Playing chess with god except with another person instead. Hard as all fuck but doable. I was a bit of a fan. I watched the big tournaments and right now one of the biggest was going on. The Big House. American. It was a good tournament with lots of matches. Double elimination so each player got a second try but if they fell into losers they'd have to play many more matches. Almost double the number of matches than if they'd managed to stay in winners. It was entertaining and it had nothing to do with math really besides the fact that it was nerd stuff.
I was fluent in spoken english. Not just written english. I could hear it and understand.
I could listen to the commentators and understand what they were saying as I listened. It was good for me, I think. And Komachi would be pleased if she knew. It wasn't me obsessing about gravity. It was me being involved in something like a sport even though I'd never be able to play myself. My reaction times were too slow being shot by my psychosis.
We reached the karaoke bar. The automated door opened, and I was greeted with the talkative atmosphere inside the bar.
"Ah, big brother? How was today?"
Komachi, who was sitting on the sofa and who had probably arrived ahead of us, spotted us and dashed over to where we were.
"Like a hard three," I answered. "But its been good. There's a smash tournament going on that I've been monitoring on my phone."
"Really? That's great! I love when you find a good distraction."
"So Komachi, you got here earlier?"
"Yahoo, Komachi-chan," said Yuigahama.
"Hi there, thank you for inviting me."
"No, thank you. Thanks so much for coming."
"No no Yui-san. When I heard you were having a party I just had to come."
As the two of them exchanged greetings, Yuigahama let out a deep sigh of admiration. "Komachi‐chan, you're so nice… I bet it'd be fun to have a little sis like you… Komachi‐chan, won't you be my little sister…? Er, n‐not like that of course."
"F‐fool! W‐what are you saying, hmm?!" I exclaimed. "Komachi is my sister only. No one's having her."
The last thing I would do is hand her over to anyone.
"His siscon is showing…" This time, Yuigahama sighed in a very different manner from before.
"I sincerely apologise for my brother..."
"Don't worry, it's not really your fault, Komachi‐chan…"
Hmph, I got the feeling I was the villain here. Time to withdraw for now.
"Anyway, we still haven't gone to the front desk. I'll go there for a bit." As I started walking, I could hear some kind of voice behind me, but it was mixed with the BGM.
"I‐I'll come too!" Yuigahama said.
At the front desk, the owner operated the till for us. "Yuigahama‐san's reservation, was it? Your room is number 208. The mic and remote control are in your room. When your time is running out, I will phone you to let you know."
"All right, thank you so much."
"Let's have fun Yuigahama." I managed.
I wasn't sure how much fun I'd have at a place like this. I couldn't sing. I sounded shitty on the low notes and couldn't hit the high ones. But for Yuigahama I would try.
After reserving beverages at the drink corner, we finally entered the karaoke room, each holding our glasses.
I was a shade worried about how to get started but my little sister took the lead. She took her glass from me and raised in into the air. "Happy birthday Yui-san." She addressed.
I echoed her with a 'happy birthday' and raiosed my drink in toast and took a sip. Yukinoshita followed suit.
"Thank you, guys! Now I'll blow out the candles. Whooo."
"Yay!" When Yuigahama blew out the candles, we raised our glasses in toast again. Then we ended up clapping. Very fitting for a birthday. Then, there was silence for a while…
"…"
"Huh?! Wh‐what's with this atmosphere?!" Yuigahama looked around her surroundings with surprise.
Komachi was also making a sour face. "It's like we just spent a whole night watching over a dead body…"
But Yukinoshita and I dealt with the silence calmly.
"Ah, I'm not used to this sort of thing," she said.
"I have no idea what to do at birthday parties and gatherings, so I'm not good at handling it," I said. "I was invited once when the whole class was but then never again so I must have made some fatal error. I'm afraid I'm not much for parties. Too much of a loner."
"Ah Hikigaya-kun, don't feel so bad. I'm sure whatever catastrophic mistake you made you won't repeat. Even though you don't know what it was…" Yukinoshita supplied. "I for one was invited plenty but never attended. I believe that makes this my victory."
I had half a mind to reach out and strangle her but I held myself in check.
"Well we could try talking about something fun rather than… all of that." Komachi returned with slight hesitation.
"Eh? Ah, I'm having quite a bit of fun here. Since no one's ever done so much for my birthday parties till now, I'm really happy…"
Yuigahama was actually happy. The happiness slowly spread across her face and a serene smile played on her lips.
"What a surprise," I said. "I thought you were a Juicy! Party! Yeah!‐type all year round."
"What's with the incomprehensible English…? Wait, is that even English?" Yuigahama wondered aloud.
"Uh, I dunno if it's English… aren't you missing Miura and the others girls like her?" I asked. Yuigahama stroked her chin in thought.
"Hmm, it's not like I didn't have the opportunity, but they only came to congratulate me and there were lots of people slipping out the back door and when they realised the food was gone the party would just end…"
"I see how it is… ah, um, sorry." It was a sad story. When I apologised reflexively, Yuigahama also lowered her eyes in discomfort.
"Ah, mmm. I don't really mind." "…" As the two of us fell into silence, Komachi opened her mouth with a strained smile on her face.
"…and it's like we just spent another night watching over a dead body… I can't stand it anymore! Yui‐san, let's just drink cola for now!"
"Ah, r‐right!"
"Yeah!" Komachi and Yuigahama held a toast ‐ just the two of them ‐ bringing out a light atmosphere.
"We still have cake to cut," Yukinoshita observed.
"Right, I suppose that's a good place to start. The cutting of a birthday cake," I agreed.
"O‐ okay I'll… cut the cake. H‐Hikki, could you hold the plate still? Th‐there's no real meaning about us being together or anything."
"Nah. It's your birthday. You just take it easy. Yukinoshita and I will handle it." Yukinoshita let out a short sigh and picked up the kitchen knife.
"I'll cut it. I'm good at cutting."
"Ah, you do seem good at cutting ‐ cutting off people with your impatience."
"Isn't that your forte? Getting cut, I mean."
"Why are you saying it as a passive verb on me? And anyway, I'm a Buddhist. I'm aiming to cut off my earthly existence and become Buddha. From a Buddhist perspective, my standing is very high."
"Again with the half‐baked Buddhist knowledge… At its heart, Buddhism is not a religion that is concerned with lines. Buddha preaches the concept of direct cause."
"…Yukipedia‐san has come out."
"What's with that fishy nickname…? Well, whatever. More importantly, we're cutting the cake into pieces, so hold onto the plate."
"Yes'm," I said, as I held onto the plate gingerly. At which point Yuigahama stopped us, her manner disconcerted.
"H‐hold on a sec! I'll do this part after all! P‐plus, Hikki and Yukinon doing the work together is…" I could barely hear the second part of what she said. Are you like me when I'm stopped by the police after riding my bicycle to get my lack of criminal record checked out? Spit it out, woman. Be that as it may,
Yukinoshita looked perplexed, as if she had heard what Yuigahama had said. "Hm? Really?" she went on speaking. "Then by all means please."
"Oh, yay! Yep, yep, I'll do it."
"Right then, Yuigahama‐san, please hold this plate still for me." "Yukinon and I are working together?! Ohhhhhh… I've got mixed feelings."
Yukinoshita cut the cake easily enough into four remaining pieces. They were neat and orderly.
Yuigahama crammed the cake in her mouth and let out a deep sigh of appreciation. "Mmm, Yukinon's homemade cake is delicious!"
"Really? I'm glad you're happy with it."
"It really is delicious!" Komachi insisted. "Yukino‐san, you can afford to get married! Right, big broth‐" Right then, a loud sound roared next door. "Yikes!"
I gazed sharply up at the ceiling. "They're kind of loud next door."
"Well karaoke is a noisy business after all. What can you do?" Yuigahama sighed. "OOh this cake has peaches in it!"
Yes. The good ones have started appearing on the market," Yukinoshita replied.
Actually, the fresh peaches were a top class flavouring used lavishly in Yukinoshita's cake. "It really is quite good." I agreed as I started gobbling down my own slice. And it was. I had to bow to Yukinoshita's cooking skills. They were really slick.
"Yukino‐san's cooking is amazing," Komachi said, visibly impressed.
Yukinoshita responded with neither self‐importance nor modesty, but with total coolness. "Not to that extent. After all, Komachi‐san, you do the cooking at your house, I believe?"
"My brother cooks sometimes as well. Usually simple dishes but he makes me breakfast and dinner at times."
At that, Yuigahama jumped in exaggerated surprise. "Huuuuh?! Hikki does?!"
"I sure do. I'm not Gordon Ramsay but I get the job done."
"Gordon Ramsay huh? What an American thing to say." Yukinoshita scoffed.
"Fairly certain he's british." I returned.
"Even still you'd do better with someone more local."
"But everyone knows Gordon Ramsay. Right?" No need to expand things beyond necessary.
"I see, Hikki can cook as well. I've gotta learn how to do it too…" Then she started muttering something. "I still haven't given him the cookies… I have a good excuse now with my new apron. Plus Yukinon will cook with me if I want."
"Of course I will. Together we can bake up all kinds of things," Yukinoshita agreed.
Yuigahama toyed with her new apron in her hands.
"Ah," I said, "that thing you searched relentlessly for by reading the type of dumbass magazine you don't understand and would normally never touch," I said.
Yukinoshita glared at me sharply. Scary. "Spare me the unnecessary words."
"Now then, here's mine." Komachi, who seemed to have waited precisely for this moment, took out a neatly wrapped present from her schoolbag. "Here, it's a photo stand."
"Thank you too, Komachi‐chan!" "Honestly, I wanted to put a photo inside it too, but all the photos we've got have a guy with rotten eyes… maybe he's not very photogenic?"
"Ahh, so his eyes are rotten even in the photos… wait, I really don't want his photo!" So Yuigahama said, but she really did look happy.
"Aaaaanyway, thank you so much, everyone! This might be the happiest birthday of my life so far," Yuigahama said as she looked at her mountain of presents. Yukinoshita shrugged.
"You're exaggerating."
"Not at all! I really am happy. Up till now I was happy that my mum and dad would hold my birthday for me, but… this year really is special… Yukinon, thank you."
"…I‐I only did what anyone would do." Yukinoshita looked the other way. As usual, Yuigahama beamed at her. Indeed, it might be a good birthday. "But you know, Yuigahama, you sure get along with your folks. Last year, I got handed a thousand yen for my birthday and that was it. And that included the cake."
Our family, on the other hand… just as I was thinking about that, Komachi spoke up. "Come to think of it, big brother, aren't you the only one who's treated like that? For my birthday, we go out to buy presents together, eat out and buy a cake on the way home."
"Perhaps Hikigaya‐kun is merely unloved…" said Yukinoshita.
"Perhaps." I agreed absently. I didn't think about it much to be perfectly honest. My birthdays came and went like a passing breeze.
Following that, Komachi grimaced. "Well, our parents are generally half‐assed…"
"My parents are so half‐assed I admire them somewhat."
"As one should…" Yukinoshita insisted quite seriously, but she really didn't get it. "Why, I was born on the eighth of August, so they called me Hachiman."
"They really are half‐assed!" I know, right? I thought the same way. But as far as Yukinoshita was concerned, that did not appear to be the case.
"But isn't that how naming works? That was how mine was. It was only because snow was falling when I was born." Oh hey, there were other people like me. That was what I thought, but since it felt like the name Yukino went with Yukinoshita very well, I shut up and said nothing.
While I stayed silent, Komachi seemed to be getting the same impression I was. "But Yukino's a pretty name, you know?"
"Thank you. I also do not dislike it. In fact, I'm fond of it. I also think Komachi is a splendid name that suits you very much."
"Y‐Yukino‐san…"
"Oi, cut it out, Yukinoshita, don't seduce people's sisters. Yuigahama how about you?"
"Huh? Me?" She thought about it. "Errrrr, I never really asked..."
"It's your birthday and all, so why not ask when you get home?" suggested Yukinoshita. "Since your parents appear to love you very much, I'm sure you'll hear a wonderful story. If you'd like, you may tell it to me as well."
"Yukinon…"
"Oooooi, Yukinoshita. Watch out. The buddha is watching down on you." This time I could see a halo of enlightenment behind her. That was really not very romantic.
"Hey, Hikki and Yukinon all have meanings to their names… ah." Yuigahama seemed to think of something.
Yuigahama lowered her head, looking ever so slightly depressed. "N‐nothing… I just realised that I‐I'm the only one without a nickname and stuff."
"Nah, you only just made up that nickname, you know? I am not happy with that nickname at all."
"I also rejected it in the beginning but gave up eventually when nothing improved…" Yukinoshita said.
The rejections came one after another. But Yuigahama looked unconvinced. "Huh? Why? I thought they were good nicknames…"
"Well Hikki is a cute nickname after all. What's wrong with it?" Komachi asked.
"I thought she was calling me hikikomori."
"I see…" Komachi trailed.
"I know, right?" Yuigahama cheered up.
"Well, compared to what came before, it's not so bad, I guess…"
"So by 'what came before', you mean to say you've had nicknames until now?" Yukinoshita asked.
"Yeah," I answered. 'Introducing the Best Three Annoying Nicknames My Classmates Gave Me Corner.'"
"Wow, a really depressing corner just started…" Yuigahama displayed slight bafflement.
But Komachi came in with high spirits. "This is the assistant, Komachi. Now to present the three selections!" Riding Komachi's announcement, I presented the order.
"Number three - 'The brother of that seventh grader Hikigaya‐san.' Number two - 'that guy' and lastly… you know what fuck it. Why am I doing this to myself?"
"I really have no idea. It's so sad." Yuigahama agreed. "'Hikki' doesn't have to be like that. It's just a fun nickname."
"Well then thank you Yui-san. My brother deserves a nice nickname for once."
"I don't know about that. But something better than what I've gotten would be nice. I really thought you were calling me hikikomori."
Yuigahama shook her head.
"Ah, then let's try this. Let's all give Yui‐san a wonderful name."
"Komachi‐chan, you're such a nice girl! Great, so from now on, Komachi‐chan is Macchi."
"Yeek, Yui‐san, your naming sense sucks!"
"Huh, no way… I thought I was good at it." Yuigahama recoiled in mild shock.
"Hmmm, I wonder if my Komachi points would go up if I called you Yui big sister?"
"That! That's overstepping it! It's embarrassing so ‐ rejected!"
"Then… how about Yuinon?"
"Huh? It doesn't sound right…" Having been summarily rejected, Yukinoshita's shoulders sagged.
"You're one to talk, considering how blind you are to your poor naming sense… if you're going to mouth off so much, you may as well pick it yourself," she told Yuigahama.
Yuigahama thought about it for a moment. "It's painful to think of your own nickname…"
"You might not realise this, but you're in plenty of pain already…" Yukinoshita said.
"Shuddup! And hey, I'm not in pain at all ‐ I'm totally normal," Yuigahama insisted. In response, Yukinoshita nodded eagerly.
"Indeed, you're very normal ‐ commonplace, even."
"Did you just say something kind of hurtful?!"
"Yukinoshita's praising you for once," I said.
"That's Yukinon's way of praising people?!"
"Not calling you trash or dirt is high praise by Yukinoshita's standards," I said. "Now hurry up and think of a nickname already."
"Hmmm, it's hard when I've been put on the spot… ah." Yuigahama looked as if she had just hit upon a good idea. "I'm Yuigahama Yui, so… Y‐Yuiyui, I guess."
"Pffft!" I snorted without thinking.
Oi, was she for real? That was supremely embarrassing.
"H‐heeeey! Why're you laughing?!" Yuigahama flared up, but Yukinoshita only regarded her with concern.
"Is thinking of such an embarrassing nickname for yourself the height of masochism? If you have problems, you should seek help…"
"You're worrying about me with a straight face?!"
"Isn't it cute?" Komachi asked. "It fits Yui‐san."
Upon being told that, Yuigahama's confidence returned to her. "I‐I know, right? I'm not in pain at all!"
"Ahh, it sounds like a plea for help when you say it yourself."
"She just turned her eyes away with a strained smile!" Yuigahama clutched her head in agony. "Anyway, Yukinon, would you try calling me that?"
"Absolutely not." "Uwaaah. That was a quick response from Yukino‐san…" Yukinoshita's refusal was so prompt it made Komachi wince.
"Ohhhhhh." With evident chagrin, Yuigahama turned her full attention to me. "Th‐then, Hikki… w‐would you try calling me that…?"
"H‐huuuh? I don't wanna call out such a fancy and fairytale‐ish name…" And seriously, it was just too embarrassing. As I was hesitating, Yuigahama's gaze met mine for one brief moment before she quickly looked away.
"…okay, then. Just Yui is fine." As if she thought her nickname was embarrassing too, she gripped the hem of her skirt tightly with her fingertips and averted her gaze with a faintly red face.
"Hey, Hikki…"
"Yes… Yui?"
"You said it. You actually said it!"
"Keep making a big fuss over it and I'll stop!" I threatened.
"Why? Yui-san invited you so its fine, right?" Komachi cut in.
"I suppose…" I decided.
Er, I mean, it's embarrassing, after all… Anyway, without any nicknames being decided, our leader Yukinoshita summarised the proceedings.
"In any case… it's fine to call Yuigahama‐san by her first name?"
"That's enough already…"
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-WG