Chapter 16

Scarlet Letter

Arthur and his knights rode on through the night and into another sunset, and when the sun set once more and the cold had them shaking in their saddles, they still refused to stop. He felt bad about the horses but the urgency riding him wouldn't let him think about it for long.

It wasn't until twilight the next evening that they came across the camp Arthur and Merlin had been ambushed. Without a word Arthur dismounted and tied his horse. He looked around. Crossbow bolts scattered the ground. The only indication that they had been attacked.

"Tie your horses. We go on foot from here." Arthur said as he walked to the tree Merlin had shoved him behind. He heard his knights dismount behind him, tie their horses and follow him dutifully off the trail and farther into the woods.

Arthur honestly had expected some questions, or at least complaints, mostly from Gawain, but none came. It was just a testament to each of their moods.

The scene sobered everyone up even more as they followed him. Blood smeared a few trees. A dark cloud descended over them in despair for their missing friend. It ate up all the light, and suffocated any hope that Merlin would still be alive.

He looked behind him and glanced at Sir Ranoue and Sir Garret. Well, he knew three out of five of the knights would feel the same. He walked around the side of the tree and stopped dead in his tracks.

Dried blood was smeared on the roots, more than any other surface. He must have been crouched here hiding. Arthur grit his teeth against the sudden wave of panic. That was a lot of blood. He took a deep breath to steady himself. He felt more than saw his knights approach. He heard a low whistle.

"That's a lot of blood, almost too much if you ask me," Sir Garret said, not meanly, but not sympathetically either. "Doesn't look like someone could survive that kind of blood loss."

Arthur and Gawain looked at him sharply. Gawain shoved him in the shoulder hard.

"Oi!" Gawain exclaimed. " Merlin's a tough kid, he's alive."

Arthur was silently thankful to the Knight's confidence, as his own began to waver and with the blood and the visions, he had a terrible, terrible feeling that if, when, they found Merlin, he wouldn't be the same.

"This way," Arthur said grimly.

He turned his back on Garret, followed the path Merlin and Arthur took as they fled the Saxons. He could easily follow the Saxons prints, but nobody could locate his or Merlin's. It was as if they had been wiped clean. Merlin must have done that, hidden there tracks. He did well.

"I think we should split up. Maybe find another trail." Leon suggested from Arthur's right.

"Yeah. Holler if you find anything." Arthur watched his knights break into groups. Sir Garrett and Sir Ranoue, Sir Leon and Sir Percival started to search the area, leaving Arthur with Gawain and his thoughts. Gawain walked a way by himself searching nearby.

Normally when they split up into groups, Merlin was right by his side, yammering his ear off. But standing here on a search patrol, alone, was unnerving. Even more so because they were here searching for Merlin. It brought to life the realness of the situation. That he may never again see Merlin alive. Once more Arthur had to fight down the raw and unrestrained anger that coursed through him. His hand rested on the hilt of his sword and squeezed hard with his gloved hand.

"Over here!" A loud booming voice broke his haze, and he sprinted into action following Percival's voice.

It didn't take long for Arthur to locate the others who had all gathered around a small copse of trees. He pushed his way through to the front to see what had their attention, and for the second time that day, he froze. His blood ran cold and heartbeat was out of control.

A dried bloody hand print marked the smooth bark of the young tree. The print was smeared, but it was unmistakably a human print. Under the print was a message sealed with the pendant he gave Merlin. Under the letter lying on the forest floor was Merlin's neckerchief soaked in blood.

He opened the letter and began to read the message written in red. The letters were shaky and distorted, as if whoever had written it was in a hurry and his hands shook from either fear or pain or both. Arthur had to kneel before his knees gave out in sorrow. The handwriting was Merlin's. It was unmistakable even with the letters as they were. Arthur had read enough of his speeches, written in Merlin's hand, to recognize it. The letters read as if it were a Dear John letter. A goodbye of sorts.

Arthur,

If you are reading this, then that means you haven't found me yet. Obviously. I am writing this letter only because I have no other options left. I'm sure you have figured out by now that Morgana is the reason I never made it back. She is powerful, and I didn't stand a chance as wounded as I was.

Arthur ripped the letter from the tree and kept reading. That dull ache in his chest started up again. The more he read the more he felt like he was burning inside. He put a fist to his heart.

I doubt that this letter will even reach you but I had to try. Tell Gwen and Gaius I'm sorry I couldn't make it home. There is no escape, not yet. Not only a day ago Morgana and her men transported me to an abandoned castle in the Valley of the Fallen Kings, at least that's as far as my bribes could get me. The guard I bribed to get this letter to you wasn't exactly cheap, but I needed to tell you something if these are to be my last days.

Arthur stood up, the letter held firmly in his hands. He felt his heart lodge in his throat and a fear started to simmer in his chest. He shoved his panic down and continued to read. He could feel Gawain try to read the letter over his shoulder.

I fear that I'm losing myself, or that I already have, I don't know. Nothing seems real anymore. I don't feel real anymore. Maybe I'm not, and I'm just in a dream that I need to wake myself up from... Of course, though that's idiotic. Dreams weren't supposed to be filled with so much torture... Maybe I'm already dead and I'm in hell. I may deserve it after my stay here. My grip on reality slips through my fingers faster than time.

Merlin seemed to ramble for a second, giving Arthur a look into his friend's mental state. Spots of red splattered the page.

She has dark magic at her disposal and she is determined to break me. I think she plans to use me in her war, and if I must bend to her will, if only for a while to keep you safe, I will. I will do my best to bid my time and wait for a way to get free, but should her hold on me prove to be too strong... Arthur, I need you to listen carefully. Morgana has nearly managed to break me, she has me collared and separated me from what makes me special. You know what I mean. Even now, as I write this, I fear that by the next moon's rise, the Merlin you knew will be gone, and in his place another will stand. I will fight for as long as I am able but I've run out of time.

Arthur's hands shook now. Separated from what makes him special. She had bound his magic, he was sure that is what he meant.

I beg you, don't look for me. But should you ignore my warnings, as I know you will, be weary. Not all is as it seems. God forbid you do find me, and Morgana has already managed to truly break me...run. Run and leave. Don't try to defeat her, or save me. You won't be able to. Morgana's magic is far too powerful, and I am too weak to fight much longer. So if you do find me, then you must grant me one wish.

Arthur's breath caught in his throat, and he choked. He shook his head in denial.

If I am in Morgana's control, and the Merlin you know is gone, you must kill me. Know I fought for as long as I could. So please forgive me when I say that I'm sorry. I'm so sorry to ask this of you. I'll keep trying, Arthur, but even if you succeed in saving me... I fear what you will bring home.

Forever you're servant

till the day I die,

Merlin.

Arthur stared at the words for a very long moment. The red letters swam in front of him. You must kill me. I won't be the same. Till the day I die. This couldn't be how it ended.

Gawain snatched the letter from his hands and read and reread the letter.

"Well?" Gawain asked, looking at him expectantly. "Are we going after the lad?"

Arthur just looked at him, like 'are you kidding, of course we are'.

"To the Valley of the Fallen Kings it is then." Gawain said triumphantly, his mood seemed to have lifted, and a steely determination lit his eyes once again.

"To the Valley of the Fallen Kings." Arthur agreed, distractedly.

How could he ever kill Merlin? He may push the limits of the King's Anger, but Arthur could never bring himself to raise a weapon to his brother, even after he knew of Merlin magic, he didn't want him dead. So, Arthur ignored Merlin's warnings, just as Merlin predicted. Arthur chose to believe wholeheartedly that Merlin was strong enough to overcome Morgana's will. After all, this was Merlin we were talking about. He is the most stubborn man he knew, other than himself. An ever loyal servant.