Attack On Titan: Wings Of Crystal
Chapter 50: Vows
Night had fallen upon the lands of Paradis Island. After a long, hard-fought battle, the Warriors all practically collapsed on the floor and went to bed. Even the uncomfortable feeling of the cold hard floor pressing against their skin couldn't keep them awake. Everyone was physically and mentally exhausted. They've worn themselves out to the brink, giving their final conflict with the Scout Regiment their all.
Though all of their efforts and sacrifices were for nought. Eren is still free with the Founding and Attack Titan powers resting within him. By now they've probably located Grisha's basement and learned the truth about the world beyond the walls. The world Lazarus and Michael were born in.
The Cart Titan was the only one who hadn't shared her opinion on Lazarus's decision to save Erwin instead of extracting Eren. She hadn't been here as long as the others, so she didn't have the time to fully understand why he'd chosen, who to her eyes, was just a random Eldian.
But deep down, she believed Lazarus did the reasonable thing saving someone posing as his friend's father. She couldn't help but compare Michael's joy to her own. Had it been her father instead, she too would've been grateful to him for choosing her needs over the needs of Marley. That was all she could think about to pass the time of guard duty outside the outpost while the others rested.
As for Lazarus, he was the only one who didn't feel tired. He couldn't sleep. He was still suffering from the same nightmares he's been getting every night ever since his rebirth as the Winged Titan.
On top of that, his mind was constantly flooding with thoughts on whether he was being selfish choosing to save one life over millions. His whole team is divided on how they should feel. Zeke, Reiner, and Bertolt stood opposed to his decision. Whilst Annie, Pieck, and Michael thought he did the right thing.
Instead of keeping those thoughts bottled up in his head and disturbing everyone else's sleep, he decided to climb to the top of the tallest tower and get some fresh air.
He stood tall at the edge of the castle, feeling the cold wind blowing through his hair. Like the others, he was dressed in his Marleyan uniform. His father's hat was back where it belonged atop his head. Finally, his black armband with the red star in the centre was resting on his left arm, marking him as the lone survivor of the False Founder Project, as well as a Warrior and honorary Marleyan.
The view was immaculate, he thought to himself. All the times he's been flying above Paradis, he has not once had the chance to appreciate the view from above. No other person could see the world the way he does. He never realised how good he got it until now. He was free. Free as a bird.
But he didn't feel free. All his life he'd been suffering. First, it was losing his parents. Then it was the experiments. The Warrior training, on top of all the lies the Marleyans fed into him and the others as children. And all the misery he brought upon Paradis in the name of a country that hates them. If he didn't consider himself free before. Then maybe there's no such thing as true freedom.
As he gazed out over the horizon under the star-filled sky, he wondered if his actions may have led to the confirmation of his visions. The visions of an army of Colossal Titans walking over the world, crushing everything in their path. All of them are led by a gargantuan force of nature. He'd been trying to prevent that future from the moment he'd set foot on the island. But his choice today may've sealed it.
"What should I do?" He thought to himself. "Eren's still out there, and he still possesses the Coordinate's power. He may not be able to wield it on his own. But if he were to make contact with Historia, then maybe… my vision of the Rumbling will become a reality!"
At first, Lazarus was afraid of the possibility and was ready to leap off the edge and take flight right then and there. But he stopped. He realised that going back alone would be a dangerous effort. He's caused enough harm to these people. The last thing he wants is to make things worse for them. He told them to live their lives. Turning back now would've been deceitful.
"No. I can't ever go back. They've already suffered so much for no reason. Going back now would mean I'd destroy their lives all over again. And I REFUSE to kill any more of them on Marley's behalf… Still, I doubt Eren will use Historia to use the Founder's power, not even to get revenge on us. He cares too much about his friends to use them like that. It's the one thing he and I have in common."
"Hey, Laz. What are you doing up here?" Michael appeared at the top of the stairs leading up to the tower.
"I thought I'd get one last look at the island before we leave tomorrow," Lazarus replied without turning back to address his friend. "It's gonna be strange, coming back home after five whole years. It'll probably be even stranger for you. You've been here way longer than any of us have."
"Yeah…" Michael walks over and stands beside him. He places his arms atop the balcony and rests his head on them as he takes in the view. "Paradis is a beautiful place to be. It's got great landscapes. Clear skies. Even the lands within the walls are nice… It's always felt like home to me. Even with my memories restored, I still feel like I could belong here."
Lazarus glances over to Michael on his right and pats his back a few times.
"Marley was wrong about this place. It's not a paradise for devils. It's a thriving ecosystem inhabited by people just surviving like everybody else. Despite the occasional differences, all of us are the same… Most people just can't see that." Lazarus added as he gazed up at the stars.
"We'll make them see it," Michael reassured him. "We'll show Marley that we Eldians have the right to live and thrive as people as everyone else."
Michael then digs into his shirt and pulls out his crystal shield pendant. Lazarus decided to copy him and unveil his sword necklace. By some miracle, the two pendants were still intact after all the hardships they'd been through up until this point.
The two crystals start to glow in response to being near each other. The two young men are then reminded of their last meeting before Michael's departure with his aunt and uncle. It took place on a starry night just like this, with the two of them sitting on a roof together, making the unbreakable vow of finding each other again. And now that moment has come to pass. All that remained was returning to Marley and their hometown of Odiha.
The moment was then interrupted by the sounds of Erwin clearing his throat at the entrance to the stairs. Lazarus was surprised to see him back on his feet again and standing before them. But he was also glad to see that his healing tears managed to restore him to health, and his regrow his missing arm. Still, he couldn't help but wonder why he was just standing there and allowing him to know of his presence. He could've just jumped him when his guard was down and escaped.
But how far would he have gone without a horse? The Cart Titan was also guarding the only entrance/exit into the outpost.
"Oh right." Michael clears his throat and turns to face Lazarus properly. "Dad wanted to have a word with you."
"Me? What for?"
"I've told him everything about Marley, the mission, and the outside world. He says he won't give me an answer about coming home with us until he confirms a few things with you first… I'll leave you two alone. I'll be waiting by the stairs."
Michael then approaches Erwin on his way out and whispers something in his ear. "Try not to kill each other, ok?"
"If what you told me about Lazarus being immortal is true, then what reason would I have for trying? I'm not even armed." He whispered back.
"Good point." Michael finished before heading down the stairs and closing the door behind him, leaving the two leaders alone on the tower roof.
Both individuals just stared at each other. Lazarus was afraid of what he should say now that he knew the real him. And Erwin was trying his hardest not to think about the many soldiers who'd died at his hands. Most notably Miche and his entire squad. He has no intention to start a fight. He was serious about considering Michael's proposal if he ever agreed to go to Marley with him. But that decision depended entirely on Lazarus.
"It's been a while since we've last talked face to face, Commander Erwin. If I recall correctly, it was just after Annie was captured. You once told me I was a good soldier. You probably regret those words now and want to vent your disdain for me." He then gets down on his knees and holds his arms out. "Go ahead. Let it all out. I deserve it after all I've put you through. Killing me is off the table, so this is the best I can offer."
Erwin does not respond. Instead, he decided to take a couple of steps towards him. Lazarus closes his eyes and scrunches up his face, expecting a punch or a kick to smash into him with full force. But nothing happened. He hesitantly opens his eyes and looks up at Erwin who is just standing over him.
"On your feet, Averbach. I have no desire to attack the man who saved my life at the cost of your mission. I only came to talk. Nothing more."
Lazarus complies and gets back up. He lowers his head. He couldn't bear to look at Erwin after all he had done to him and the Scouts.
"Look at me, Lazarus," Erwin commanded in an authoritative tone. "I told Michael I would decide to go with you after I've talked to you. The fact that you saved my life is the only reason why I haven't refused his offer. I owe you a chance to explain yourself. But that doesn't make up for the things you and your allies have done to us up until this point… I am going to ask you some questions. My decision depends on the answers you give."
This felt like yet another gamble Erwin was taking. His whole life he believed he was good at reading people and separating the truthful from the liars. He would then pass on those skills to Michael. It wasn't until he first met Lazarus that he realised that he wasn't as easy to read as others. Ever since he first joined the Scouts, he'd been lying to him, and he couldn't see it.
He wasn't easily fooled, but Lazarus was specially trained to be a master at deception. Every word that came out of his mouth sounded like it was the truth. Because of this, he was sceptical about believing anything he said.
"Up until this point you've been lying to me. To your former comrades of the 104th. To Michael. You even lied to yourself. This is your only chance to be truthful. I want you to look me in the eyes and answer me honestly. No sugarcoating. I want all the details, no matter how dire they may be. If your endgame truly is to save the world and make it better for everyone, then prove it to me."
Lazarus slowly raises his head and gazes up at him. Erwin's serious expression hadn't changed at all. What he was asking of him may be difficult, but he was willing to comply with his former commander's final demand.
He decided the best way to start was to remove his hat and let it rest against his back, revealing his horns to him. Erwin was slightly shaken by the sight of them, though he did not show it. Both of them take a deep breath before beginning the Q and A session that'll decide Erwin's fate.
"First off. Why did you decide to save me instead of capturing Eren? Reclaiming his power was your only objective. It was vital to the point that you and your allies had to slaughter hundreds to achieve it. You had Eren at your mercy, and Hange and the others were tired and depleted of resources to stop you. It was your last chance to claim victory and you let it go… Why?"
"Why did I save you?" Lazarus repeated the question rhetorically. "It's because you saved Michael's life when he first came here. After losing his memories, he was left to die in the forest. He and the Crystal Titan would've been lost forever had you not found him when you did." He paused to get his breath back before continuing.
"But it's not just that. You also decided to take him in and raise him yourself. You could've just left him at an orphanage or with some random family. But you believed raising him yourself was his best chance of surviving within the Walls. It's because of you he has the resolve to fight. To speak his mind. To stand up for what he believes in. He never would've gotten those traits from anyone else… I owed you a great debt. Saving you was the least I could do. It may have cost us the mission. But if I could go back and make a difference, I'd do it again."
Erwin nodded in understanding. He estimated that would be his response, but he didn't anticipate that he'd be willing to repeat what Zeke considered a grave mistake again. It was admirable.
"Michael told me that you were subjected to horrific experimentation at such a young age. These experiments are what made you the Winged Titan. Ever since then, all you've ever wanted was to get rid of this power. That was why you joined your country's military. You believed it was your only chance at doing so… Is that right?" Erwin asked his second question thoroughly.
"…Yes. I recently discovered from Zeke that I too possessed royal blood, which was the reason why I alone survived." Lazarus paused momentarily to catch his breath. "My mentor, Lucia Muller, trained me to control my Titan powers. She was the Female Titan before Annie who proceeded her. She moulded me into the Warrior I am today."
"Was she your mother?" Erwin asked curiously.
"No. My real mother passed away two years after I was born. Lucia was to me what you are to Michael."
Lazarus continued to tell Erwin about his childhood and his relationship with Lucia. He wasn't sure how Erwin was processing this information given his lack of facial expression. But he could tell he was paying close attention to every word.
He shared with him everything about his life before and after the experiments, showing him the real him. The part of himself he hoped to become once again after his goal of saving the world was done.
Erwin was invested in Lazarus's backstory. And for once he believed he was telling the truth. Though it wasn't just through his eyes alone. He could tell by the motions of his hands and body language that he was being genuine.
The more he heard about the things he went through and the kind of military he worked for, his view on him and the Warriors started to change, if not slightly. But he was not done with him yet. He still had more questions he needed answered. Once Lazarus had wrapped up the events of his brought-up life as a soldier, he proceeded.
"I seem to understand how you became the person you are now. All this time I thought you were the mastermind behind everything. But now I see that you're just another pawn. Even the Beast Titan. You're just a soldier forced to follow orders from a corrupt militia."
"You don't have to make excuses for me, Erwin." Lazarus interrupted him. "I may have been a child at the time, but I still chose to obey them. They had no power over me. They couldn't kill or contain me. Knowing that I still chose to do as they said. Deep down I know you know that, and you hate me for it."
Now it was Erwin's turn to silence him by raising his finger at him. "There it is. You're lying to yourself again."
Lazarus was confused by what he was talking about. Thankfully, Erwin did not hold back on his reasons as to why he thinks that.
"You say you chose to obey those orders even when you knew they were wrong. But you were only a child when those orders came in. The orders to come here and attack us. The truth is, Lazarus. From my experience, there is no choice in following orders. Only when one questions or refuses them do they have the will to choose. I can never hate you for simply obeying your superiors when it was they who decided we needed to die to obtain the Founding Titan."
He briefly turns away from Lazarus and walks over to the balcony, taking in the calm and peaceful air around him.
"In war, a soldier relies only on instinct when in the field of battle. Feelings and emotions serve no purpose in war. The enemy will only see it as a weakness to exploit." He glances back at him over his left shoulder.
"You were taught by your military that we are nothing like you. That we were demons. If I were to hate a soldier for simply following orders, then that would make me a hypocrite. Before I was commander, I was following orders too. But the enemy I fought were mindless Titans. It was easy to hate them, simply because they had no soul… It's no different with you. You truly believed we had no soul. That we were like the very Titans your motherland had been turning us into. You were just kids who got brainwashed. Hatred was part of your training. As young as you were, how could you have fought that?"
Lazarus slowly nodded in response. "But all of that changed when I saw what kind of people you were for myself… But by the time I figured it out, it was too late."
Erwin knew he was referring to the destruction of the walls. He and his comrades attacked them without knowing who and what kind of people they were. This led to the next question he had for him. Regarding the fall of Wall Maria and what was going through his head when they caused it.
"That day, when Wall Maria fell. When I first learned that humans controlling Titans were responsible, it took me some time to come up with an explanation for why. Michael told me that you did it to see if the king would react, so you'd know for certain where it was."
"Yeah… It was all my plan." Lazarus confessed, not even trying to pin it on someone else. He was told to be completely honest with him, and he intended to continue doing so. "After we'd lost Marcel, I took charge of strategy. I ordered Bertolt to break the wall. Told Annie to lure Pure Titans inside. And then had Reiner break the inner gate. I had hoped that the chaos would lure the Founder out into the open for me to swoop in and take for myself. We would've closed up the wall and left you in peace if I'd known then what I know now. That you aren't devils. I never would've gone through with the plan."
"I see." Erwin calmly responded. Yet again he could tell that he was truthful in what he said. The way he was looking down at his hands, fidgeting, he could tell that he still carries a Colossal Titan-sized load of guilt over his initial attack on Wall Maria.
Had he learned the truth about its people a lot earlier on they probably would've avoided the disaster. But Erwin could never foresee a scenario where that could've happened. It was impossible for him, and the military, to learn what they know now back then. It wasn't until the struggle for Trost that the existence of Titan Shifters came to light.
Lazarus and his comrades could never have learned the truth behind the Eldians inhabiting the walls without succumbing to the pain and suffering they've endured. He needed to hurt them to fully understand them. There was no other way.
With that in mind, he proceeded to ask him his final question. The one that will determine whether he leaves with them and fully becomes Michael's father, achieves his dream and betrays everything he'd worked for to get here. Or return to the Scouts with all the knowledge he'd learned and abandon Michael forever.
"What was your mission, Lazarus? What was it that motivated you to press on through the pain and guilt you endured attacking the walls? What forced you to create the charade of a loyal soldier, only to betray us and capture Eren?"
That last question made Lazarus sweat nervously to the point that it was visibly dripping down his face. He thought so hard about how he should word his answer that he started getting a headache. He had no idea what Michael told him about his goals. Whether it was to save the world by making all Subjects of Ymir human with the Founder's power or simply to save Michael and restore his memories.
Both of those were his reasons for why he continued with the mission. But simply telling him that would be a lie, and he promised he'd be honest. No matter how bad his answer may sound.
Taking a couple of deep breaths, Lazarus calmed his nerves and relaxed his throat muscles, allowing his thoughts to flow out of his mouth and voice his truest and honest thoughts to the former Scout Commander.
"In the beginning, I told myself that I was doing this for the sake of the world. But then I learned about Michael through my visions. Then Lucia told me that I should make saving him my priority. When I attacked the walls that day, I did it not only because I thought you were all devils. But also, because I thought you were responsible for taking my brother's memories and manipulating him into believing he was one of you… I truly wanted to believe you were evil so that I could prove to the rest of the world I was not. That I can be a hero. One that could inspire others to stand up for what they believe in."
"Ever since I became the Winged Titan, the whole world saw me as the king of all devils. That all I'm capable of is death and destruction. I wanted to prove them wrong! Prove the Winged Titan can be seen as a symbol of freedom and liberation. I joined the military because I wanted to prove to myself that I'm more than just a research experiment gone wrong. I wanted to follow in my parent's footsteps and become a Warrior who could live up to the legend they created. I wanted to take the Founding Titan for myself to use its powers to change the Eldian Race. Make everyone equal. As well as fix myself, all so I could live a normal life with my friends and family. To finally rest knowing that future generations never have to be trained to be weapons for Marley ever again. They could just be kids with a normal childhood. A world where kids don't have to eat people to gain Titan powers… That's the kind of world I want my kids to grow up in if I ever became a parent." Lazarus ranted on as he stared intensely into Erwin's eyes, showing him his vulnerable side.
Erwin was speechless. He had no idea how much this mission to save the world meant to him. All this time he thought that he was simply doing this for himself. To prove to his superiors that he was a valuable player in their game of chess against the Eldian Empire. He truly wanted to end the cycle of hatred between the nations. To undo the centuries worth of suffering caused by the Founder, Ymir, and the evil king, Karl Fritz, she served.
The Winged Titan, from what he and Michael told him, was created to be a second Founding Titan that could be used to end the war. Since that failed, they returned to their old plan of recovering the original from the 145th king and his descendants. If one Founder started all this, Lazarus wanted to be the one to end it all.
He can now understand why Michael chose him over the life he had behind the walls. He believes in Lazarus's cause as much as he does. A cause that goes against Marley. Despite their status, Lazarus and Michael were no longer loyal to Marley. They were loyal only to themselves and their friends.
"Now I understand." Erwin slowly uttered loud enough for Lazarus to hear him. "It would seem that Michael was telling the truth about you. If that's truly what you believe, Lazarus… Then maybe your ideals aren't as different to mine as I thought."
"Does that mean that you agree with us?" He asked.
"No. I can never condone the hell you put us through. But between what you want, what I want, and what Marley wants. I will say that your plan for saving the world is a plan that benefits all parties involved."
Lazarus nodded. "I hate Marley for all the lies they've fed us. And I still hate them now for feeding those same lies into the young minds of the future Warrior Candidates."
His mind flashes back to his meeting with Falco outside of Lucia's old shop. From what he told him, many of the children within their unit grew up believing the same things he once believed. That all Eldians of Paradis were devils who deserved to die. He will not allow their brainwashing to continue.
"I know exactly what Marley plans to do with the Founding Titan if we obtain it for them. They'll use it to destroy the Eldian Empire as well as plunder all of Paradis's resources. But I doubt it'll end there. In time they'll use it to wipe out every last Subject of Ymir until they're satisfied. They only need us because we control the power of the Titans. If we didn't have that power, they would've wiped us out long ago." Lazarus clenches his fists thinking about it. More than anything he wanted to save his people and cleanse them of the devilish power that never should've been given to them in the first place. No one should have such power.
"I know the world we come from is not what you hoped it would be, Erwin. But I swear to you, I will do everything in my power to rid the world of the corrupted, racist, warmongers who rule it. I can change the nation from the inside and create a new order."
"That's easier said than done." Erwin pointed out. "Even with all your powers, you cannot fight their government alone. Like our own corrupt politicians, it must've been standing tall and running things since its creation. It's not something you can change overnight. Even if you had the support of your trusted comrades."
Lazarus lets out an annoyed sigh of defeat. He won't deny that Erwin was right. This goal was something that would take years of rising through the ranks to achieve If he wanted to be a pacifist about it. Killing them would be fast and effective. But it would also show the world that he is everything they say he is.
"A couple of days ago after you left, I was scheduled to be executed for treason against humanity. It was a call from the corrupt council who used a fake king as a puppet so that they could control everything. I staged a coup d'etat and exposed them for the frauds they were. We never would've gotten this far if we hadn't succeeded." He looks over at Lazarus with a look of determination. "You cannot overthrow them alone. But with my help, you can… My father shared with me his theories of civilisation outside the walls, and he was murdered for it. I've been determined to prove him right ever since. And now that I heard about how identical your world is to mine, I want nothing more than to depose them as well… I've made my decision… I will come back with you to Marley."
Lazarus was shocked to hear that. He had hoped Erwin would accept Michael's proposal, but a large part of him couldn't see the man loyal to his soldiers and his people giving it all up for the other side he fought against. It felt a little out of character for him.
"Erwin… I'm honoured to hear you say that. I know Michael will be pleased too. Zeke and the others may have a hard time accepting it, but you can leave them to me." He reassured him whilst shedding a single tear of joy.
"I'm not finished." He quickly dismisses him. "I will be coming with you. But I am not coming as Commander Erwin of the Scout Regiment. As far as they must know, that man is dead. I am coming as Michael's father. Nothing more… I also have a few conditions."
"Ok. And they are?" Lazarus asked with a hint of stutter in his voice.
"I will not play any part in Marley's war against my homeland. I won't get involved in any conflict between Marley and Paradis, or any other country they're at war with. My days of fighting are over. My purpose now is to be there for Michael, provide support, and help the Eldians over there. Do I make myself clear?"
"As clear as Michael's crystals, sir. You have my word on that." He follows this up with a Paradis military salute, which caught Erwin off guard a little. "As a show of good faith, I'll devote my heart to our agreement. I figured it's better than shaking your hand."
A small smile forms on Erwin's face. Despite all his lies, his salute always felt genuine and heartfelt. He returns the gesture with his salute. His fate was sealed. He was willingly sacrificing everything he was on Paradis, all in favour of being there for Michael and helping Lazarus change the nation of Marley for the better. Hopefully, one day when the world is finally at peace, the people of the wall will know of the role he played in ending the war and the cycle of hatred and discrimination.
To Be Continued