Chapter 8- Hypocrite
hypocrite (noun): a person who acts in contradiction to his or her stated beliefs or feelings.
They stop for the night in a thick forest, the leaves starting to really grow in for the spring, giving them a nice, thick canopy overhead as the sun slowly sinks below the horizon and the moon shines above them. Tao takes the wood that Aang gathers and sets up a campfire, helping Katara get her heavier cooking pot off of Appa and set it up while Sokka goes to see if he can hunt up something for dinner, and Aang takes off to find some fruits with Momo. Tao and Katara are both quiet for a while, the firebending sitting cross-legged beside her in quiet contemplation of what the last few days for him had been like. Eventually, he squirms uncomfortably and glances at Katara, who seemed to be waiting for him to say something if the look on her face was anything to go by. "As... much as I didn't like being a prisoner, there was one good thing that came out of it. I got to eat real Fire Nation food for the first time in a while." he says, trying to sound casual, but he could feel that he was failing.
Katara crooks an eyebrow at him, curious, having never tasted anything like what the Fire Nation cooked. "What's it like?"
"Well... its spicier than you're probably used to. But the flavors are complex, and usually alongside the spice, there's sweetness too. Komodo chicken for example, has a couple chilies in the preparation and sauce for it, but it also has honey and sugar."
"And let me guess, you'd like for me to cook it for you sometimes?" Katara drawls, a knowing smirk on her face and Tao can feel his face flush some. She saw through him like glass. He tentatively nods, and her smirk becomes a smile. "I don't mind that. I'm sure Sokka would enjoy something different from time to time. I don't know how to prepare Fire Nation food though."
"I can walk you through it. I'm not much of a chef myself, but I know what goes into it. And... only when we have spare money. I don't want to waste our meager amount of money on spices when it could be put towards something like medicine." Tao says, feeling his shoulders relax. He pauses, looking down at his folded hands in his lap, voice quiet when he eventually speaks again. "Also... one thing my mother would always fix as a treat, especially when it was warm, were slices of frozen fruit. She'd use her waterbending to freeze slices of melon or berries or grapes."
Katara's expression softens, and Tao jumps a little when her small hand rests on his shoulder lightly, though she doesn't remove it until he looks up at her. "I think I can manage that." she simply says, to which Tao smiles gratefully.
Sokka and Aang eventually return, and after they eat dinner, they slowly shuffle off to bed. Tao can't sleep though, too much on his mind as he thought about his time on Zuko's ship, so he stays sitting up by the campfire, quietly meditating, Momo eventually coming to curl up in his lap where it was warm. As the night dragged on and Tao stayed awake, he hears Aang start to make noise in his sleep, though he doesn't put much thought to it. Aang suffered from nightmares on occasion, despite being an otherwise peaceful sleeper. They didn't usually get out of hand though. He quiets his mind and breathes deeply for half an hour more before the quiet rustle of clothing beside him makes him open his eyes. Glancing over, he sees that Aang had come to sit beside him, inches between them as the young airbender looked into the crackling fire, his gray eyes reflecting amber. "You should be asleep." Tao remarks.
"I could say the same to you." Aang replies quietly, letting silence stretch between them afterwards for several minutes. "I had a nightmare... I was dreaming of when we were looking for you. But this time we found you, but you had drowned." pulling his knees to his chest, Aang presses his face into them, shoulders jumping a little as he takes in a deep breath to keep himself calm.
"It didn't happen though. I was rescued, and now I'm here again." Tao replies. Aang shakes his head against his knees, slowly pulling his face out of them, his wide eyes wet.
"I know. But the nightmare felt so real." he rasps. "Besides Bumi, you're the only friend I have from a hundred years ago that's still around. We've been through so much together, especially since we came out of the ice. I don't know how I would cope if something happened to you after what we've endured."
"Then don't think about it." Tao states bluntly, shrugging when Aang looks at him. "I'm serious. There isn't any use working yourself up over something that didn't happen, and may never happen, or things that happened in the past that you can't do anything about. You'll just exhaust yourself. Focus on now, and the friends that are around you. Me included." though, even as he said this, he knew very well that he should take his own advice. With all the thoughts and memories that plagued him, keeping him in a constant state of anxious and jumpy, he knew there was a lot that he needed to let go of and heal from. It was easier to say it to someone else though, than to do it for himself. Because that meant confronting uncomfortable parts of himself and his past, and molding himself into someone and something new. He wasn't comfortable where he was now, but he was used to it. The anxiety was familiar, the nightmares predictable. He could feel when a night would be bad, so he meditated rather than sleeping. If he started changing things up for himself now, that predictability and ease would become fractured. With the close quarters they were in, and with the seriousness of their mission, he couldn't afford that. Perhaps after Aang dealt with the Fire Lord, he would seek healing, but not before.
"You're terrible at this whole advice thing." Aang grumbles, rolling his eyes, though at least he was listening. Tao just chuckles, patting the young airbender's shoulder. "Can I lay down here? I'll go back to sleep, but I'd rather be closer to you for the night."
"Sure, if that'll help you feel better." Tao hums. Aang gives him a grateful look and lays down on the soft dirt beside him, curling up with his back to the firebender and closing his eyes. Tao shuts his own, breathing deeply and going back to meditating, though he keeps some of his focus on Aang. He can tell it takes him a while to go back to sleep, but once he does, he sleeps peacefully. Come morning, Tao is the first one up and moving, getting what of their camp packed and onto Appa before anyone else is up, Katara not far behind him to start getting breakfast going. Tao decides to go see if he could find any wild bird eggs out in the forest, or at least some mushrooms or wild vegetables to add flavor to their rather plain rations. He wasn't gone long, and wasn't even that far from the camp when he hears his name being called. Rather frantically. Before he can hurry back to camp to see what the problem was, Sokka comes stumbling out of the trees, eyes wide, chest heaving, and confusion is clear on Tao's face as he looks at the other teen as he hurries over to him. "Sokka? Everything alright?" he asks to the disheveled other, who's clothes were rumpled and hair still a mess from sleeping.
It takes a while for Sokka to get his mind in order enough to respond, at which point he looked rather embarrassed, turning his head away. "Sorry- its fine. I just- it was nothing." he says, trying to be dismissive. It was clear something was bothering him though. After enough quiet staring from him, Sokka finally caves. "I just... woke up and you were gone. I thought you had gotten captured again. Which is stupid now that I think about it. Katara and Aang would have woken me up the second it happened. Or before."
"Sokka-"
"No- no let me just... My father is the chief of our tribe. And I'm supposed to take after him as chief when I'm grown. I've been raised my whole life being taught that its my responsibility to make sure that I protect those around me. Especially the weakest, like the elderly, women and children. Or the injured." the Water Tribe teen says, brow furrowed as he speaks, mind clearly racing. Tao lets him speak though, clearly he needed to get this off his chest. "Even if there was nothing I could have done to stop you from coming with us to go fish, I should have done more. Insisted we turn around before the storm got so bad, done something to keep you from going overboard. You could have drowned, and it would have been my responsibility, even if you insist otherwise." letting out a shuddering breath, Sokka fully looks up at Tao, his clear blue eyes intense and full of many emotions. "How am I supposed to be chief, when I can't even protect my friends?"
Tao is quiet for a while, both to gather his thoughts, and to make sure that Sokka had gotten everything he wanted to say out. When the other remains quiet, Tao finally replies, his own voice quiet, but honest. "Sokka, you're still just a kid. We're all still kids. We shouldn't be in this situation to begin with, but we are. But its not your sole responsibility to keep us all safe. We should be keeping each other safe, equally so. What happened in that storm could have just as easily happened to you. Beating yourself up over something that wasn't preventable isn't good for you. You couldn't have done anything about it." he says, vaguely wondering how he had become the one to comfort others in this group. This should be Katara's job. He could see the guilt sitting on Sokka's shoulders though, sighing and giving the other a small smile. "I tell you what. Next time we go out in a boat in a raging hurricane and I get washed over the railing, feel free to dive in after me. But until then, let this go. Its done with, and it wasn't your fault. I don't blame you. I never did. In fact my concern while I was on Zuko's ship was whether you had made it out of the storm ok."
Sokka frowns a little but says nothing to this. He elects to walk with Tao as he finishes foraging for breakfast, and when they return to the camp, Katara gives her brother an irritated look. "There you are! You shouldn't be running off into the woods like that. If you had given me a second to explain, I could have told you that Tao had just gone to find something to add to breakfast." she states with a bit of heat, hands on her hips as she knelt beside the fire. Sokka at least has the sense to look chastised for a moment before he plasters on an indignant look.
"I had to make sure for myself ok! Who knows what kind of creepy grabby things are out in these woods just waiting to snatch up and unsuspecting firebender. I mean- we've both already been kidnapped by spirits once. It could happen again! Except this time it'll be some- some giant floppy eared rabbit spirit instead of a deformed panda." he rants, voice almost shrill, but he was at least grinning by the end of it, making creepy wiggly fingers at Tao, who snorts and bats them away.
"I think I could take on a cute bunny spirit easier than I could Hei Bei." he drawls with a chuckle. The air seemed to be cleared though, and he passes his few meager offerings over to Katara, taking a seat on the ground. "You'll be happy to know Sokka, your sister has agreed to give cooking Fire Nation styled food a try. When we have some spare money to kick around, I'll pick up some spices at a market." Sokka's face lights up at this and he nods with an eager grin, always happy to stuff food in his face. Especially new and exotic foods, and Fire Nation food was heavy on the meat.
oOo
As usual, when they stopped in a populated area, disaster swiftly followed them. Tao had been rather content walking around the Fire Nation village, taking in the sights and sounds of the festival that was filling the air with music and wonderful smells of food from his home country. He had blatantly refused to wear a wooden festival mask. He was Fire Nation, so he could blend in a lot better than the others could, even in his more neutrally colored and styled clothing. He had been content, until Aang had jumped the gun during a performance and airbent in front of roughly a hundred people, which included soldiers. They get out by the skin of their teeth, mostly thanks to an army deserter by the name of Chey, who insisted on taking him to a defected General by the name of Jeong Jeong, who was apparently a firebending master. The idea tickled Aang, especially since Tao couldn't and wouldn't take on the responsibility of being his firebending master.
Once Chey is taken off to go speak to his master, Tao turns a hard scowl on Aang, who has the sense to look ashamed. "You idiot. That was a performance. Katara was never in any danger." he scolds, crossing his arms and sighing heavily, massaging the bridge of his nose between two fingers.
"I panicked. But look! I might be able to learn firebending now, so something good came out of it." Aang says, a huge grin on his face that Tao didn't appreciate in the slightest. A firebending master... he wasn't so sure about this whole idea. They knew nothing about this 'Jeong Jeong' guy. They especially didn't know if he could be trusted. Aang's blinding optimism about this potential positive turn this situation had taken did nothing to soothe those paranoid feelings. Tao almost had hope that they could just leave and move on when Chey comes back and says Jeong Jeong wouldn't see him. Aang still had to finish mastering waterbending, and he hadn't even taken a sniff at earthbending. He would need to master those two before he started on fire. Aang was determined though, and marches himself into Jeong Jeong's hut to talk to him while the rest of them set up camp in a spot Chey shows them to.
"I don't like this. Jeong Jeong isn't wrong. There's an order to these things, like the Avatar cycle. We should go, before this becomes an even bigger disaster." Tao growls, starting up their campfire with a flick of his fingers, Sokka nodding his agreement, having been against going into the town and festival to begin with. It seemed they were staying though, as Aang comes out all smiles to let them know that Jeong Jeong had agreed to train him. Tao only gets a few hours of sleep that night, being woken up a couple hours after midnight in a cold sweat, the campfire flaring brightly for a moment in response to his disturbed chi before he forces it to settle back to is previous gentle flicker. Panting, he rubs a hand through his hair, wiping sweat off his forehead, breathing deeply to settle his breathing and calm down. He finds himself getting up and moving down the hill to the calm waters of the riverside, not too far from Jeong Jeong's hut, finding a flat stone a little ways into the water, sitting down on it and setting to meditating, wanting to center his mind.
He's aware of the sun coming up when his chi stirs, and his eyes open just as the hut door opens, glancing over as an older man with bushy white hair steps out, the early sunrise highlighting the two scars over his right eye for a moment. Their eyes lock, and the man moves up to the edge of water, hands folded behind his back. "You must be one of the Avatar's friends." he states, to which Tao nods quietly, not getting up, but placing his hands together in a traditional Fire Nation position and bowing at the waist. "I am Jeong Jeong. I can see you bare the same burden that I do, and that you have been wounded by it." the man muses, looking at Tao's scar, making the teen squirm.
"I don't like to talk about the scar, if you don't mind, master. And yes, I'm a firebender. A part of me wishes I wasn't, but it is a part of me." he says, getting a simple grunt from Jeong Jeong. Luckily, Tao doesn't have to continue this... uncomfortable exchange as Aang flits over the hill, floating through the air in an excited leap and landing on the river bank before Jeong Jeong. The elder man doesn't look amused, instructing Aang to stand on a flat rock not far from Tao in the water, barking orders at him on how to properly widen his stance. Tao's jaw tightens at the harshness of the man's voice, and he looks away, eyes following the gentle flow of the river before him.
Aang's voice eventually pulls him out of the forced quiet of his mind, and he looks over, seeing that Jeong Jeong was gone, and Aang was still stuck in his wide stance. "Did you have to do this when you were learning firebending?" the young Avatar huffs, clearly annoyed that he wasn't being taught how to spray fire from his fingertips yet.
"I had to do a lot of things when I was learning firebending. Many of them tedious. Not all of us are born naturals like you are, Aang." Tao drawls, sighing when Aang pouts at him, having not wanted that answer. "Look, just like any other discipline or skill, you have to practice the basics first. Which starts with stances. Fire isn't like water or air, where if you mess up your hair is messed up or you get wet. Fire can hurt you, even if you're the one bending it. You're not immune to your own flames, and your environment and friends certainly aren't either."
"He just seems like he doesn't want to teach me." Aang remarks, though he does at least look a little more determined to do well.
"He probably doesn't. You're not supposed to be learning firebending yet, and he's out here to lay low. Appa and the Avatar are two things that aren't exactly subtle."
"Yeah well... he could at least be nicer about it."
Tao just hums at this, shifting his weight on his rock and resting the backs of his hands on his knees, palms up, shutting his eyes and centering his mind, though he does keep an ear on Aang to make sure he was behaving as he held his stance, and he could also hear Katara and Sokka not far behind him, one practicing her waterbending, the other fishing. His mind drifts some, traveling back to some of his earliest memories, before things got bad. His father had always been harsh, but he hadn't always been mean. They hadn't known right away that Tao was a firebender. When he was born, they had tested him by holding kindling under his nose, and it hadn't ignited, which was usually a good indication that he was a nonbender, or even potentially a waterbender. However, when he was two he accidentally set the tablecloth on fire from his bucket chair, and for a while, his father had been delighted. He had always wanted a son who could take over his small fleet from him, and in the meantime, until he was ready to retire, watch over the main warehouse he owned at the docks.
But when Tao struggled learning even the basics, the delight had turned to disappointment. It was a slow build at first, his mother able to temper the worst of his anger, and remind him that Tao was still very small and he wasn't going to get it on the first or second try. It worked, for a while. His father was gentler with him, more patient as he walked him over and over through the basic forms, all while Tao struggled to even produce a spark. It couldn't last forever though.
He's abruptly pulled out his thoughts and nearly jumps out of his skin when a finger taps him on the shoulder, whirling quickly, barely not firebending on instinct, relaxing when he sees it was just Katara. "Sorry, sorry. I should have said something first." she says, giving him an apologetic smile. "I was just going to ask... do you think you should show me some more waterbending forms before lunchtime? Jeong Jeong just left with Aang, so they'll probably be gone for a while." she says, blue eyes wide and hopeful. Tao nods, grateful to have something to do to distract himself, and he and Katara go find somewhere private to practice waterbending stances and forms.
It was coming up to evening time when they return to the campsite by the river and Jeong Jeong's hut, and they nearly run into Aang as he comes out of the forest in a huff, looking actually angry. "Everything alright?" Tao asks.
"No. Jeong Jeong left me up on a mountain top for hours to just... breathe. I'm going to talk to him." the airbender states, turning and making his way towards the hut. Tao exchanges a grimace with Katara and then quickly follows after Aang, stepping into the hut just as Aang was going off on his master. "I already know how to squat and breathe and feel the sun. I want to know how to shoot fire out of my fingertips!" he states. Jeong Jeong though, rather than getting angry, just looked... almost sad.
"I had a pupil once, who had no interest in learning discipline." he says, cutting a meaningful look over to Aang. "He was only concerned with the power of fire, and how he could use it to wipe out the obstacles in his path. But fire is a horrible burden to bear. Its nature is to consume, and without control, it destroys everything around it." Jeong Jeong goes quiet, turning and pouring himself a cup of steaming tea, not looking at Aang or at Tao. "Learn restraint, or risk destroying everything you love."
It was a dismissal, and Aang was clearly unimpressed as he turns and makes his way out, Tao following him. "Aang, you should listen to him. Fire isn't something to play around with, trust me, I know first hand. Its the most dangerous of the four elements, and if you take it lightly, you're going to do much more damage than you'd ever mean to do on purpose."
"Why don't you just teach me?" Aang asks, frowning and crossing his arms. He hadn't enjoyed being chastised at all.
"I've told you why Aang. I don't even know the basics. I couldn't learn them, I had to be taught a different way. And the way I was taught wasn't exactly healthy. Jeong Jeong knows what he's talking about."
"You agree with him don't you? You've told me before, you don't want to be a firebender. That you'd rather be a waterbender."
Tao pauses, frowning a little and folding his arms. "I don't agree that fire is some horrible curse that no one should have to bare. In the right hands, its a useful and powerful element, but that requires discipline and practice. But... if given the chance, I wouldn't be a firebender, no." sighing, he frowns a little at Aang. "Aang, it takes weeks of work just learning basic breathing techniques and stances to even get close to producing fire. You're not going to get it in one day. Just... think about what Jeong Jeong said, alright? I'm going to go see what our supplies are looking like. We probably should be leaving tomorrow, and continue to the North Pole." leaving it at that, he leaves Aang to contemplate what he and Jeong Jeong had told him, heading off to go see what they had and what they needed more of.
oOo
About an hour later, Katara and Tao make their way up the river from camp to check on Aang, and they were pleased to see Jeong Jeong hand him a simmering leaf. However, it was another lengthy endurance based exercise, and Jeong Jeong was called away to deal with some sort of trouble, leaving Aang frustrated once again. Tao remembered this technique, having to keep the leaf from burning all the way to the middle. It had been an exercise that he had immediately done well on, and had actually pleased his father with. He had even been able to do it with a leaf between each finger on both hands, which pleased his father even more.
"But I'm ready to do so much more!" Aang's frustrated voice pulls him from his musings, and Tao frowns as he gets a look on his face that could only mean trouble, widening his stance and breathing deeply. It only takes a couple breaths for the leaf to burst into flames, and Aang grins in triumph at the flame hovering above his palm. "I did it! I made fire."
"That's great Aang, but you should be careful." Katara says, while Tao frowns. This wasn't going to end well. Aang had no idea how to control a flame, which is quickly evidenced when the fire abruptly grows, nearly startling Aang into falling into the river. It makes the airbender cocky though, and he's quickly tossing the flame far too casually between his palms and over his head, making Tao incredibly nervous.
"Aang you should stop. You don't have any practice managing a flame. Doing tricks like that isn't going to end well." he says, but the Avatar wasn't listening, caught up in this new trick he was learning.
"I wonder how that juggler did it." Aang muses, cupping the fire together and crouching, before standing straight and extending his palms to either side, flaring the flames out in a ring around him that rapidly expanded. Tao was able to quickly deflect it as it raced towards him, but he didn't even think about Katara, who rather than duck or waterbend the flames away, instinctively holds her hands up protect her face. Her scream and the smell and sound of burning flesh make Tao flinch, and Aang immediately stops firebending, realizing his horrible, horrible mistake. "Katara! I'm so sorry!" he cries, leaping over to the riverbank as Katara crouches, her burned hands clutched to her chest.
Hearing the commotion, Sokka rushes over, seeing what had happened and immediately turning his, rather rightful, anger onto Aang. "I told you we shouldn't mess around with this! You burned my sister!" he shouts, pinning Aang down as Katara rushes away.
"I'll go with her. I've got experience with burns." Tao says, giving Aang a disappointed look before hurrying after the waterbender. He catches up to her around the bend, where she was gasping and sobbing. Crouching beside her, he takes one of her elbows gently in his hand, sure most of her upper arm was hurting as well just from the nerves all screaming in pain. "Let me see." he says quietly, his other hand resting on her heaving shoulders. He winces a little as she holds out her hands, which were trembling violently. Ugly blisters and streaks of scorched flesh marred her small, pretty hands, her palms an awful red, which would likely be badly swollen within an hour. This was a pretty bad set of burns, and it was especially painful because it was on her hands, one of the most sensitive places on her body. "Come on, let's go to the water. Dipping your hands in the coolness will help soothe the pain until we can get some salve on your hands, and some bandaging."
Helping her stand, Tao guides her to the water's edge, encouraging her to stretch her hands out and put them in the cool water. She flinches at first, and Tao steadies her with an arm around her shoulders, feeling her body shaking. A glow catches both of their attention after a few moments though, both of Katara's hands glowing white, surrounded in a thin layer of water as she pulls them out of the river. When she turns her palms around, all the burns were completely gone, not even a scar in place, and Tao can't help but feel a brief pang of jealousy, which he quickly chokes and shoves away.
"You have healing abilities." Jeong Jeong's voice says behind them, getting both of their attention. "The great benders of the Water Tribe sometimes have this ability. I always wish I were blessed like you, free from this burning curse." his last words were little more than a growl, and Tao can't help but wonder what exactly he had gone through to have such a terrible outlook on firebending. Tao would be the first person to say he would rather be any other bender, but that was because of what his father had put him through for much of his life, not because he thought the element itself was evil.
"But you're a great master. You have powers I'll never know." Katara says, her voice still shaky from her sobbing, but she was quickly calming down now that the pain was gone.
"Water brings healing and life. Fire brings only destruction and pain. It forces those of us burdened with it to walk a razor's edge between humanity, and savagery. Eventually, we're torn apart."
Neither Tao nor Katara have a chance to rebuke that statement, neither of them particularly agreeing with it. A blast of fire crashes down in the water in front of them, and Jeong Jeong blocks one that would have obliterated them that quickly follows. He shouts at them to run, to get their friends and flee. They find Sokka easily enough, checking Appa's reigns, and while Tao stays with him to finish preparations, securing their supplies on Appa's saddle while Katara goes down to Jeong Jeong's hut where Aang was.
"I can't believe he burned her... we should have never stayed here." Sokka growls, his entire expression scrunched and angry. And guilty. This was another instance, in Sokka's eyes, where he hadn't been able to protect someone. And this time it had been his sister.
Sighing, Tao hops down from the saddle and rests a hand on Sokka's shoulder. "Sokka, it was an accident. Katara is fine, you saw it for yourself. You know Aang would never hurt her on purpose." while he didn't know if Sokka had noticed Aang's moon sized crush on Katara, Tao certainly had. And even without the crush, Aang wouldn't even eat meat, and he hated getting into fights, even verbal ones. He wouldn't even dream of hurting one of his friends, especially on purpose.
Aang's fight with Zhao doesn't take very long. The airbender is able to pretty quickly and effectively use the other's temper against him, tricking him into burning his own wooden boats, and soon they're air born again on Appa. Tao feels that bitter jealousy rise up in him again as Katara is able to heal a small burn on Aang's arm, absently rubbing at his own scar, quickly lowering his hand when she turns towards him. It wasn't like there was anything she could do about an old scar. But what he wouldn't have given for a waterbending healer when it had happened. "When we land, Tao, we can finally get those stitches out of you. Then I can heal the rest of the wound if you like. I might be able to keep it from scarring."
Tao contemplates this for a moment before shaking his head. "No, there's not much point. I don't mind another scar. At least this one is in a place I can hide, and its one I got protecting someone. It has a purpose, unlike this one." he says, making a vague motion at his face. "Its morbid I know, but that's how I feel." he finishes with a nod, and thankfully, Katara seems understanding. Sokka seemed much more settled down as well, now that he had seen that his sister really was alright, and he was willing to forgive Aang upon seeing that she didn't hold any hard feelings against him. It had been an accident after all. But it did cement one thing in their minds. They had to do this right, to follow the order of things, otherwise there would be dire consequences for stepping out of line.