Prologue: A (Magic) Hat

A nice warm Saturday should be spent with relaxation, peace, and not even a single bit of guns going ablaze with maniacal laughter. That's right, the RED mercs are having a break from their everyday mercenary lives after a victorious win against the BLU team in 2Fort.

Most of the mercs would do a lot of things back at the base, like Medic toying with some new things to try besides medical homicide or Engineer crafting another do-hickey that could make Pyro entertained. There's only one merc that would be outside the base on a nice Saturday.

"... so yeah, that's what happened to their Heavy. Really managed to put all my strength into it." Scout chuckled to himself, leaning on the side of the payphone. "After all, I'm pretty sure that story will make you think more about it."

"Very interesting to say from you, Scout. But… I'm more into matured literature." Miss Pauling said, clearly unimpressed. "My workload is full today. I need to get this paperwork done about that assault you and the others done back in Badwater."

"Uhhh…" As always, Scout has no idea what she said.

"I need to write a cover-up report to the authorities about why the nine of you shouldn't be in jail." Miss Pauling simply answered.

"Oh! Oh, right. Us, avoiding jail! Cause jail is not a good place for us to be in." Scout barely gets it. "I mean, I've never been to jail in my entire life. I mean, if I did. I hope it's not with Spy cause, well screw that guy and all, and he won't be much of a nice cellmate. And the showers, too! They're scary. JUST scary. And let's not forget the…"

"Scout." Miss Pauling almost raised her voice that caught his attention. "I have no idea how you managed to get a lot of coins just to call me on a payphone, but I really need to get back to work."

"Wait, wait!" Scout exclaimed.

"What?"

"... Still wanna get dinner?"

"Goodbye, Scout."

And the sound of the phone being put down was heard. All Scout could hear next is a lot of beeping.

The Boston runner sighed and put the phone down. "Ah, crap…"

Scout, for one thing, doesn't know that he was made by God himself to become the ultimate irresistible man on the planet. Yes, sir. The creator of our beautiful planet made Scout to become the ultimate ladies man, the perfect husband or boyfriend, the only one that ladies would chase after. Something like that.

Unfortunately, it never happened. This was, by far, Scout's probably hundredth time to get laid or hit on someone. Some of the other times were actually towards Miss Pauling, but the administrator's assistant wasn't all too interested. As if she views her work as her love life. Let's try to remind Scout that she works all day and gets only a one-day vacation.

But that's what makes Scout kinda special… sorta. He's so confident that no matter how many times he gets turned down on, he will always be on his feet and keep on moving forward to either try again with a terrible one-liner or get dumped on once again.

Right now, our RED Boston baseballer walked on the streets of Manhattan, New York's best cities in America, as he minded his own business. After all, nothing too special around Manhattan lately except for deli shops and pollution factories.

"Now… Why the hell did I come here again?" Scout asked himself. "I swear to God, I have a big reason why I came here again."

He started to use the one thing that he never uses in his life, and according to Medic's IQ test, it's results are of a crayon.

His brain. To remember why he's in the city.

MMMMMMM

"Aw, jeez! Look what they did to my beautiful hat!" Scout whined in worry, as he held his torn and bullet-riddled signature hat, "It's ruined!"

"Aye, that doesn't look good tae me, mate. Looks bloody ruined if ya ask me." Demoman agreed, drinking some of his scrumpy.

"Great! Just great! This thing was a souvenir to begin with!" Scout said, placing the ruined hat on the table. "Got any spare hats with you, Demo?"

"I do, but I canny promise you if you like them." Demo said as he opened his locker and gave Scout his Neckwear Headwear hat. "Here's this. What do you think, eh?" he smiled.

"Looks pretty nice, Demo. Thanks!" Scout smiled, but paused after he smelled the hat and flinched a bit. "Ugh! What's that smell?! Smells like expired chicken soup!"

"Oh… Uh… Aboot that…" Demoman sheepishly smiled at the disgusted Scout. "I must've poured it by accident… with me scrumpy?"

Scout looked at him with a disappointed look. "Look! Ya can wash it off! It's no big deal, lad!"

"Yeah. No thanks instead." Scout gave the hat back. "Well, time for me to go look for a hat."

"Laddie, do ya think buying a hat is worth it to ya?" Demo asked. "You have two-hundred dollars with ya, and I don't bloody think ya should make it a big deal."

"Cyclops, a hat is what makes the man." Scout said, which sounded kinda ridiculous. "There is no way I'm going out there on the battlefield without a hat, alright."

"If you're so worried about your hat, you can always go to this hat shop in Manhattan." The voice of Spy gained the attention of both Scout and Demoman.

"What now?"

"If you want to replace your precious hat with another ridiculous looking one, there's a hat store in Manhattan that might solve your problem." Spy explained, giving Scout a card. "Use this card. The address is located at the back."

"Wow. Uh… I can't believe I'm saying this, but thanks, Spy!" Scout said as he left the base with profound hope.

"Go to hell!" Spy said back, smoking his cigarette as he watched Scout leave. "Hope it better be all worth it."

MMMMMMM

"Oh, yeah!" Scout grabbed the card from his pocket. "I gotta get to that hat shop to replace my old one!"

MMMMMMM

After getting confused several times and asking three people for directions, Scout managed to arrive at the hat store. There was a sign that said "Galore N' Hats", and Scout smiled in awe that it was the first thing he found believable.

"Well, time to check this place out, and hoping Spy didn't screw me." Scout took a deep breath and got in.

Inside the hat store, there were tons and tons of hats that looked widely different, yet, they are still interesting. In fact, all of them were interesting to begin with. If he would take the others here (except Spy cause fuck him, quoted Scout), they would be buying tons and tons of them in a second. They might even burn one because of how cool it'll look. Seriously, what's up with that?

To start, Scout began his search for the perfect replacement for his hat. He searched left and right, and every shelf that has the best hats available. There were some top-hats, fedoras, baseball caps, and the goofy kind ones.

But after trying them all, he found the hats that he looked for not suited to his taste. At all.

Just like what he said to Demo before he left the base, the hat is what makes man. Each hat he found all screamed tacky. Some of them would make Spy a complete dork. In fact, he never gets to ask the french backstabber if he ever bought one.

So, with all options sweeping to the side, Scout had no other choice but to ask for assistance. Someone who could help him with his little hat problem.

"Hey, uh… Got any hat in this shop that suits a man like me?" Scout asked at the counter.

An old elderly man who is balding and wearing a formal uniform responded. "Hmm… I don't know, young man. Usually, these hats are all perfect, depending on what fits you. Maybe you're having a hard time."

"Gee, like it's not happening now…" Scout sarcastically mumbled.

"But, I can offer you some of my "rare" hats." the store owner revealed.

"Rare hats?"

"Yes, sonny. I have some old rare hats that I've been collecting with me for the past fifty years that might help you with your choices. Wait, here." The store owner left and entered the maintenance room. The maintenance room made some noises as the old man found it when he came back.

"Maybe this would interest you, then." The old man placed a black and red fedora with four suits from a playing card that's drawn around a black band of the fedora. "This hat here is called the Suited Deck. Legends says that this hat is a magical one, that has the spirit of the old wearer. A magician who knows how to use magical cards."

"Woah…" Of course, Scout would believe this entirely unbelievable ridiculous story. There's no such thing as magic hats. The only magic that he and the mercs encountered was Merasmus trying to kill mostly Soldier, a floating eye, and a haunted pumpkin guy all during Halloween.

"How much for this hat?"

"Two-hundred dollars."

Scout dug deep in his pocket and placed. "Bam! Two-hundred dollars! I'll be taking that hat!"

What an idiot.

MMMMMMM

Scout learned that after being lost around the big city, it also ate his entire Saturday. Three hours of being lost followed by two hours of trying to get a good looking hat before he got the fedora managed to give him wasted five hours.

Honestly, not a good way to begin with.

"It's getting dark now?" Scout looked at the sun setting. "And I thought I would show this hat off to the ladies." Then, he noticed a transport bus. "Well, better get home or Medic's gonna go yappin' about curfew."

Suddenly, a masked robber appeared from the alleyway, startling Scout. "Woah!"

"You!" the masked robber threatened as he aimed his gun at him. "Give me everything you got!"

"Uh… Hold on, let me just grab my special wallet. I must have placed it behind my…" Scout yelled as he swung the robber really hard with his bat.

The robber laid down on the ground and cried in pain from the impact. Scout smiled, but his smile dropped when he saw his "bat" on his hands. On his hands is a red blunt weapon that is all stacked together with ten big heart-shaped constructs.

"Woah! What the crap?! Where did this come from?!" Scout was now really getting confused tonight.

The robber stood up, and glared at Scout. "You piece of shit! You broke my nose!"

"Technically, you tried to rob me, so…"

"I'm gonna kill you, alright!"

Scout almost forgot that he's dealing with an armed robber. He immediately swung his "bat" at him again, which made him hit the wall. The robber groaned as he didn't even get up anymore, and accepted defeat.

Scout's brain was like it's going circles. He first thought that his weapons were all left behind back at the base. The next thing he knows now is he gained a special looking weapon on his hand. He watched the "bat" fade away and Scout was taken aback.

He grabbed his hat and checked to see if the weapon came from there. "Did… My hat did that?"

Surprisingly enough, his fedora glowed red and black as it surrounded the entire thing, even the symbols around the band glowed. Scout watched in awe, now completely lost for words.

"Holy crap! My hat IS really magic!"

I hope you like this first chapter of the story. I don't know how long this story will end but let me just say that it won't go beyond twenty chapters or more. I wanted to make it short with a few chapters and that's that. I'm also new to making a Team Fortress 2 fanfic so this is basically my first time, too.

The next chapter will be updated when it's ready. But I will definitely update soon. So, please, review my story of any criticism and let me know what you think about it. See you soon.