My phone blows up with calls from Alex. I don't answer because I don't know how to face him. I also have one text from Cole saying, "Why did you leave, New York? Did I do something?"
This text I wanted to answer. It pained me to leave with Uncle Richard, but I just didn't know what to do. Alex is so sweet and sensitive, but I can not help myself from pining over his own brother. And now last night, that kiss, everything fell into place. It was as if he were the air I needed to live, I couldn't seem to stop. A part of me knew I was hurting Alex, but for some reason, that part of me grew increasingly silent the more Cole and I kissed.
I trace my fingers along my lip, remembering the way he kissed me with such tenderness and passion, as if he needed me. I needed him, too. He reminded me of all the things I missed in Lucy in everything I wanted in life. He always understood.
I decided to text him back. I begin drafting something cold and distant, but I can't bring myself to send something like that to him after last night. Instead, I say, "I didn't leave because of you. I left to get away from my feelings for you, so I can sort out how to tell Alex what happened in the best way. I just needed some distance, but i will be back in a couple of weeks."
He responds almost immediately. "I wish you didn't leave. We could have sorted this out together."
That word. Together.
Him and me.
Cole and Jackie.
Colorado and New York.
Such separate entities that somehow entwined in perfect harmony. I gained butterflies in my stomach. The way he gets to me is like no other.
"If I didn't leave, we would inevitability do something worse that would hurt Alex forever." I didn't see Danny looking over my shoulder as I typed.
"Oh geez, Danny, you scared me."
"You and him kissed, didn't you?"
"Me and who?" I asked, trying to play it off.
"You and Cole. I know it is true. Don't even try to deny it."
"Okay, yes, we did. Please don't tell Alex yet I don't know what to do."
"Do you love Cole?" He politely questioned.
"Yes," I practically whispered, zero hesitation.
"Well then, I believe you need to tell Alex soon. Before it gets worse."
A couple of hours later, I decided to call Alex. He picks up right away.
"Jackie, why?" His voice breaks a little.
"Before you say anything, please let me finish speaking. Ever since I came, I denied everything I had felt because I was scared, and I wanted to feel safe. You made me feel safe, but deep down, I knew something was not right. I think you can sense it too, with your constant competition with Cole, and the fact that you are still not over Paige. I will never be able to give you everything you want, but I know who can. Kiley is the girl who has always loved you. I see the way she looks at you, and I will never be able to compete with that even if I tried."
"Are you breaking up with me? I-I can't believe it. Is it because of Cole?!"
"No, it is because of me. You and I are just not right together. I left for space, and when I come back, I hope you will be able to forgive me."
I hang up the phone, a little relieved.
I text Cole, "Are you alone?" He senses my drift and calls me.
"New York," he says softly.
"I ended things with Alex," I blurt out, a little too quickly.
"I miss you," I can hear the pain in his voice.
"What happened?" I asked, rather worried.
"Alex found out about what happened last night and punched me." He sounded very hurt.
"Oh Cole, I am so sorry. I should have never kissed you."
"Nonono, please don't say that. It was worth it because it was you."
"I can't seem to get you off my mind."
"You have never left my mind since the moment I first laid eyes on you until the last time we kissed."
We both pause, listening to each other breathe on the phone. We stay loke this for a little bit.
"When are you coming home, Jackie?" he whispers. I barely hear it.
"Two weeks," I repond rather quietly. Alex will be away at camp in Montana by then.
"I will count the moments till I can kiss you again."