Normally, when I dream, I dream about weird things. I don't remember why or what the dreams were about. Then there are the dreams I have of Will.
I wake up in our bedroom back in London and he's there in bed with me. He is able to sit up and hold me or we have sex. I would snuggle next to him afterwards and I am amazed when I feel him breathing. I can smell the spicy scent of his skin and feel how soft his skin feels. I can feel the softness of his hair between my fingers. He would smile at me and his dimples dent his cheeks.
"Are you happy, Clark?" he would ask me and I would tell him I was.
In other dreams, we are doing something exciting. Skiing. Surfing. Scuba diving. Climbing mountains. Things we used to do on holiday. I would run to him and he would hold me. I could just feel the pounding of his heart against the palm of my hand and he would give me a pleased look.
"Having fun, Clark?" he would ask me and I would nod.
Then there are the dreams I wake up in our bedroom and he's not in bed. I would get up and leave the room. I go down the hallway when I hear the sound of some music Will usually listened to first thing in the morning. I would make my way to the kitchen and he would be standing near the stove. He would be wearing the bunny slippers Lily gave him for his birthday, jeans and one of his t-shirts. He was making breakfast and Lily and Stevie were sitting at the kitchen table.
"Morning. Coffee's ready," Will said and I would walk to him. I had to go slightly on my tip-toes to kiss his cheek and he'd smile. I would go get a cup of coffee then I'd turn to see him serving breakfast to the kids. "Right. Eat up. We're running a little late."
We'd eat breakfast then Will would lead the kids out of the room and I heard the car leaving shortly afterwards.
The nightmares were just as real as the dreams. Most of them consisted of Camilla and Steven taking Stevie and Lily away from me after Will had died. I would be made to leave the house and the doors would be slammed in my face.
The worst nightmare is when I wake and the room is still. I can see everything with crystal clarity and the air is cold. I sit up on the bed and I look at Will. He is lying on his back and his face looks totally at peace. That is when I see the blue tint around his eyes and his lips. I call his name as I shake him, but he doesn't wake up. I place my hand on his chest, but his chest isn't moving. I feel the hot tears streaming down my face as I settled down next to him and I placed my head on his chest. His skin is cold. He isn't breathing. His heart isn't beating. The silence starts pulling me into it and the tears flow.
That is when I wake up on my right side, crying. Sometimes I scream his name. I feel the bed moving and I know Nathan is helping Will onto his right side. I feel Will's left arm being placed around me and Nathan moves Will until I feel Will's breath on my hair.
"It's alright, Clark. You're alright. I'm here," Will would tell me and we'd stay like that until I calm down.
Granta House
"Morning, Clark," I heard as I wake up and I roll over onto my left side. Will is awake and he is smiling. His hair was sticking up on his head and he needed a shave. The night before, we had made love and the medication Will was taking made sure his blood pressure didn't get too high or he had any other problems.
"Morning," I said and I kissed his cheek. I moved my fingers over his warm skin and he sighed.
"Last night was amazing."
"Yes, it was."
"Have we finally cashed in that raincheck?"
"With interest," I said with a grin.
We laid there in silence and I moved my fingers through the soft hair on his chest.
"I think we should get up. We don't want to be late," he said with a small smile.
"Oh! Right!" I said and I got out of bed.
Today was the first day of Baby School for Stevie.
I promised him pancakes for breakfast and I had to make sure his school uniform didn't need a quick pressing.
I placed on my dressing gown after putting on my pajama shorts and one of Will's t-shirts and I left the room just as Nathan was going in the room.
"Sorry," I said then I headed down the hallway. I went to wake up Stevie and Lily and we headed for the kitchen. We went in the room and I headed for the stove while Lily helped Stevie into the booster seat.
"Pancakes!" Stevie said as he clapped his hands and I smiled.
"Hold on. They're coming," I said and I went to make some Smiley face pancakes.
Stortfold
I remember my first day of Baby School. Mom had taken tons of photos of me in my school uniform, my stripy legs and my plastic green Wellies. After we had arrived at the school, she held my hand as we headed inside and she had stayed with me for the first two days.
Mum and Dad had come over to the house and she, Dad, Steven and Camilla took photos of Stevie in his school uniform. We had gotten his hair cut and Lily had used Will's video camera to record the day.
The car headed down the street as I steered the car into the carpark and I noticed the school building had been renovated, but the carpark and the play yard still looked the same. The flagpole was still at the center of the roundabout in front of the school and the Union Jack moved in the light breeze.
After parking the car, I pushed the button as the small ramp lowered the wheelchair and Will looked at the school. Stevie was sitting on his lap and he was holding onto Will's jumper with his right hand.
"Let's go," I said and we headed for the ramp leading to the front door. Someone opened the door as we went inside and parents and their children walked by us. Some of the parents glanced at Will then hurried off while some of the parents just stared, but Will didn't acknowledge them. We headed down the hallway when we came to Room Seven and I knocked on the door. The door opened and a young woman with short blonde hair and gray eyes looked at us. "Hello. We are Will and Louisa Traynor."
"Oh! Yes. Hello. I'm Miss Graham," Lori Graham said with a grin then she looked at Stevie. "You must be Steven."
"Hi," Stevie said with a small wave.
"Come on in," she said and she stood back so Will could move the wheelchair into the room. We looked at the children's drawings on the wall, the cubbyholes in the cabinet near the walls, the small desks and chairs, the sitting/kip mats on the floor and the other things in the room and Miss Graham walked by us. The other children were standing with their parents and all of them looked scared. "Good morning!"
"Good morning," the children said, softly.
"I know all of you are a little scared, but that's fine. First days are usually scary. You don't know each other or me and all of this is new. But I assure you things will get better. Now, I want all of you to turn to the child on your right and shake hands."
I had taken Stevie off of Will's lap and Stevie looked at the boy to his right. Both of them lowered their heads as they glanced at each other then they shyly shook hands.
"Very good," she said then she looked at the parents. "Now... It's time for Mommy and Daddy to leave. Say goodbye."
"No!" some of the children said and most of them broke out crying. Stevie looked at me and Will and I knelt down in front of our son.
"Hey," I said and Stevie looked at me. "We're not leaving you here forever. We'll be back in a little bit."
"Mama's right. We're going to come back," Will said.
"Promise?" Stevie asked with a small crack to his voice and tears rolled down his cheeks.
"Promise," we said together and Stevie hugged me. I helped him hug Will and Will leaned his head against our son's head. I put Stevie down onto his feet and Will flicked the joystick. We left the room as Miss Graham closed the door and we headed down the hallway.
Hours later, we arrived at the school and we headed down the hallway. I knocked on the door and Miss Graham opened the door. I could see some of the mothers had stayed with their children and a few of them glared at us as we entered the room.
"Mama! Papa Bear!" Stevie called out as he ran to me and I picked him up into my arms. He hugged me and I gently rocked him.
"Did you have a good day at school?" Will asked and Stevie looked at him.
"Yeah!" he said with a smile.
"He's very smart. Knew nearly all of his colors and shapes, can count to eight and knew nearly all of his letters," Lori said.
"We did some practicing over the summer," Will said.
"I help," Stevie said.
"Yes. He helped me pass out the snacks," Lori said.
"Go outside. I play. I took kip."
"Wow," Will said with the cat-like sound and Stevie giggled.
"Do you want to do this again tomorrow?" I asked. Mum asked me that after my first day.
"Yeah!" Stevie said.
"Then say bye to Miss Graham," Will said as I placed Stevie on his lap.
"Bye-bye," Stevie said as he waved and Will steered the wheelchair out of the room. We headed down the hallway as Stevie leaned back against Will and I moved Will's left arm around him.
Granta House – a week later
I was having another interview and I had cleaned the house from top to bottom. Lily and Stevie were at school and Will asked if he could sit in on the interview.
"I don't see why not," I told him while I placed the tea tray on the coffee table. The door buzzer went off and I went to open the front doors. I saw Grace standing there and she looked upset. "Grace? What's wrong?"
"Everything is wrong," she said as she looked behind her. I saw a red car pulling up next to her car and the driver's side door opened. I watched as a tall man got out of the car and he was dressed all in black. The only color to his outfit was the white shirt. He looked like an undertaker. Bone thin. A long, pinched face. Small eyes covered with black rim glasses. A long nose which ended with a sharp point. Thin lips. He had hands which were a little too long and long, thin fingers. His dark hair was slicked back. He made cold chills move through me as he closed the car door. "I am so sorry, Darling. When his magazine called for an interview, I demanded they not send him."
"Why didn't you want him to interview me?"
"They called him 'The Grim Reaper' of the designing world. He has ruined many a career with his harsh, vile reviews."
"Has anyone ever complained about him?"
"Oh yes. But he denies everything."
"And his employers believe him?"
"Sadly, they do. Without proof, it is usually his word against the designers. That is why I didn't want anything to do with him. But they are desperate. Sales are at an all-time low. Mostly because of him."
"Are they being sued by the designers who careers he's ruined?"
"And some other things."
I thought for a few seconds then I almost screamed from being startled by him just being there. Standing next to us. He didn't make a sound when he walked.
"Hello," the man said with a high, whiney voice. "Are you Louisa Clark-Traynor?"
"Yes," I said with a little yelp.
"I am Arthur Kramer. A pleasure to meet you," he said as he held out his right hand with his fingers pointing down. I shook his hand and his skin was ice cold. "Will you please show me around the outside of the house?"
"Of course."
I led the way as we headed toward the half-towers and Grace walked close to me. I watched Kramer looking at the half-towers. He had walked closer to take a good look at the half-tower which lead to the observation room then he walked back to us.
"Was it intentional for you to make this house look like a castle?" he asked with his eyes burning into my head.
"Yes. It was," I said.
"A little pretentious, isn't it?"
I just stared at him and he snorted a breath of air before walking off.
We went to follow him as he looked at the front of the house, but he didn't seem impressed. We went around the corner and he looked at the large, stain glass window on the back wall.
"Care to explain this?" he asked as he pointed to the window. I explained and he arched an eyebrow. "A little egotistical, isn't it?"
I didn't answer. We finally stopped at the stone wall around the back garden and he turned to look at me.
"Shall we go inside?" he asked.
"This way," I said and I led the way to the front doors. He waited for me to open the doors and we walked inside. Will was sitting near the couch and Kramer glanced at him.
"Who is this?" Arthur asked.
"This is my husband. William Traynor."
"Hello," Will said and Kramer walked to the wheelchair. I followed him and I saw the cold look on Kramer's face.
"A pleasure," Arthur said as he held out his hand with his fingers pointing down.
"I can't shake hands."
"Why not?" he asked with bored look.
"I can't move my arms."
"I see," Arthur said then he looked at the doors to the half-towers. "Where do those doors lead?"
"The towers. We use one of the towers for storage and the other tower is an observation tower," I said and I led him to the door. Grace had followed us after she whispered 'I'm so sorry.' to Will. I opened the door and we went inside the room. Kramer glanced around the room then he looked at the doors to the lift.
"What is that used for?" he asked while pointing to the lift.
"It's so my husband can go up to the observation room," I explained.
"Isn't that dangerous? What if there is a fire or an emergency?"
"That is what the ramp is for," I said, pointing to the ramp.
We used the lift to go up to the observation room as Kramer went to the window and he placed his hands behind his back. I walked to him and he turned his head to look at me.
"This is my husband's favorite place in the house," I said.
"I fully understand. This way, he can look out at the world, but the world does not have to look at him," Arthur said with a cold voice and a small sniff.
"I beg your pardon?"
"I said…"
"I know what you said. And as for my husband…. He does go outside. In fact, we just came home from a short holiday in Switzerland."
"Really? That must have been…interesting. I hope he behaved during the flight."
"Have you ever had a bad experience with someone in a wheelchair while you were on a flight?"
"I have. Which is why I tend to cancel flights if there are any sign of anyone in a wheelchair or with any other disability."
I looked at Grace, but she just shook her head.
"I would like to see the rest of the house," Arthur said as he turned and we headed for the lift. Will was still sitting by the couch as we walked in the living room and Will noticed the angry look on my face. I kept my temper in check as I showed Kramer the living room and the rooms in the left wing. Kramer frowned when he saw the home gym. "What is this room for?"
"It's for my husband's PT as well as a home gym."
"Shouldn't he be in care if he needs help moving?"
"No. He has a medical caregiver who aides him with his PT."
"Still a waste."
I looked at Grace and she shrugged her shoulders.
We walked out of the room then down the hallway and I showed him the other rooms.
"Why is the hallway so wide?" Arthur asked.
"It's so my husband can turn around in his wheelchair," I explained.
"Another waste. He should just stay in his room."
I glared at the back of his head after he walked by me and we headed for the right wing. I showed him the bedrooms and he frowned when he saw the nursery and Lily's room.
"You have children?" Arthur asked while looking down at his nose at me.
"Yes. We have a son, who's two, and a teenage daughter, who is fifteen," I said and he scanned me with his eyes.
"You don't look old enough to have a fifteen-year-old daughter."
"She is from my husband's former relationship."
"I see," he said with a cold look while he walked into her room. He glanced at her things and he titled his head to one side. "Why are there Christmas lights on the walls?"
"They're fairy lights. She likes them." I said with a small growl.
"They don't go with the rest of the room," he said and he walked out of the room. He headed by me then he looked into the nursery. "What about the boy? Was he from a former relationship as well?"
"No!" I said, loudly. I heard the soft sound of the wheelchair and I turned to see Will coming toward me. He stopped the wheelchair next to Grace and he looked at Kramer.
"Is there something wrong?" Will asked.
"He just asked if Steven was from a former relationship," Grace said and Will glared at Kramer. I knew that look. Will was pissed off.
"I assure you he is our child. He was born a few weeks before my accident," Will told Kramer and Kramer snorted a breath of air.
"How did you end up in that chair?" Arthur asked.
"I was hit by a motorcycle."
"Aren't you afraid he will be harmed?" Arthur asked as he looked at the wheelchair.
"I am very careful around him. And, most of the time, he rides in the wheelchair with me."
"Does he know your wheelchair isn't a toy?"
"Yes, he does."
"I still think it is dangerous for you to be around children while you're in that thing."
I could feel the tension in the air as I walked between them and I locked eyes with Kramer.
"I would like to see the master bedroom," Arthur said after a few seconds.
"This way," I said and we headed for the master bedroom. We walked in the room and Kramer glanced around the room with his eyes.
"Is all this necessary?" Arthur asked.
"The medical equipment? Yes," I said.
"I see. Is your room next door?"
"No. That is his medical caregiver's room. He stays here sometimes. Mostly when Will is ill."
"Is that often?"
"No."
"Do you sleep in the bedroom at the end of the hallway then?"
"No, that is a guest room. I sleep in here with my husband."
"Why would you want to do that? It would be like sleeping with a corpse."
"A…corpse." I repeated as the rage moved through me and I balled my fingers into fists.
"I mean most of his body is dead, isn't it?"
"It was pretty lively last night," Will said with a grin.
"What does that mean?"
"We spent the night making love."
"You…? You actually touch him?" Arthur asked as he gave me a shocked look.
"Yes, I do," I said.
"That's disgusting."
"I believe this interview is over," Grace said while she walked closer and Kramer glared at her.
"I haven't finished…," Arthur said then paused when he saw the look in her eyes.
"Oh, you are finished. In fact, your employers would like to have words with you."
"What are you talking about?"
"This," she said. That was when I noticed she had her cellphone in her right hand.
"Have you…? Have you been in contact with them the whole time?" he asked and his pale skin turned chalk white.
"Yes."
"This is entrapment!"
"No. This is you finally being caught."
"I'll… I'll… I'm going to contact my solicitor. I will sue not only them, but you!"
"Good luck with that, Darling," she said and Kramer stormed by us. I followed him as he headed for the front door and he opened the door. He glared at me then left and he slammed the door behind him. Grace and Will headed for me and Will stopped the wheelchair. "That was fun."
"Am I about to be sacked?" I asked with a worried look.
"Oh no. This isn't the first time I had to deal with someone like him," she said with a dismissive wave of her hand.
"Want to explain to me what just happened?" Will asked and Grace explained. Will smiled and he lightly shook his head. "Bloody hell. You should have let me run over his toes with my wheelchair."
"I would have loved to have seen that!"
"Don't encourage him," I teased and we laughed. Gracie left a short time later and I closed the door. I walked to Will when I sat on his lap and I slid my left arm around his shoulders. He flicked the joystick to move the wheelchair as the front door opened and Nathan walked in the room.
"Who the hell was in that red car? They nearly hit my car," Nathan said while walking to us.
"He was here to interview me," I said.
"He looked royally pissed off."
"Guess getting sacked will do that," Will said.
"Want to fill me in? Why was he sacked?"
"It turns out he causes designers to quit their careers because he trashes them in his reviews. The designers complained to his employers, but he denied any wrong doings. His employers were desperate to get rid of him and Grace agreed to help get rid of him. He was rude, criticized everything I did and he was rude to Will," I said.
"How was he rude to Will?"
"He wanted to know where I was sleeping. I told him I sleep in the same room as Will and he called Will a corpse. He also said it was disgusting that I would even think of touching him"
"Damn."
"What is going on in here?" Camilla asked after she walked in the room and she crossed her arms over her chest.
"Someone was interviewing me," I said.
"Why do all of you look so upset?"
"Like I told Nathan. They were rude, criticized everything I did and they wanted to know where I was sleeping. I told them I sleep in the same room as my husband. He asked me why I would want to sleep in the same room with him. That it would be like sleeping with a corpse. He also didn't like the fact that I touch Will. They were also insisting Will stay inside and have nothing to do with our children. He even questioned if Stevie was Will's."
"What did you tell him?"
"I didn't have time to say anything. Grace Wellington ended the interview and told him she was going to speak with his employers."
"Why was she here?"
"It appears the interviewer tends to ruin the careers of the people he interviews. When they complained to his employers, he denied it. They were desperate to get rid of him and she only agreed to let him interview me if she could help them."
"Do you have the name of the interviewer and what magazine he works for?"
"Yes," I said then I told her. Nodding, Camilla left and Will looked at me.
"Someone's in big trouble," Nathan said.
"Looks like," Will said and I leaned my head against his head.
"Well, you better go pick up Stevie at school while I take care of...," Nathan said and Will arched an eyebrow.
"The corpse?" Will asked.
"No. That isn't what I was going to say."
"Both of you behave. I'll be back in a bit," I said while I got off of Will's lap and I kissed his lips. I walked to the door then opened the door and I left the house.
Later that night
"I can't believe that asshole did that!" Treena said while we talked on the phone.
"Grace called. She had followed him back to the place where he worked and she went straight up to the head office. She had contacted them and they agreed to see her."
"Did whatshisname get sacked?"
"Yep," I said while I leaned back against Will and he smiled at me.
"You should have seen her, Treena. I was waiting for her to give him a Louisa Clark Double Barrel Mad Talk," Will said.
"A what?!" she asked and he explained. She snorted a laugh and I rolled my eyes. "I remember her doing that with me when we were kids."
"So, I'm not the only one she does that to," he teased and I wanted to tickle him, but I knew he wouldn't feel it. I ended the call then I placed the cellphone on the night table and I leaned back against Will. I wrapped his arms around me as he softly laughed and I turned my head to kiss his cheek.