Chapter 25 Decades of Regret

Rosalina steered the Comet Observatory around, frowning while she did. They were currently searching through the Gusty Garden Galaxy, a place known to her because of its beauty and appealing nature (both literally and figuratively). As they passed over the question mark planet, one that rested near the galaxy's outskirts, her frown got deeper.

He still wasn't here.

Of course, she had come to expect that at this point. She had searched every part of the known universe that was accessible to her at least four hundred times in the past sixteen years. They always turned up uninhabited by Solar, a fact that didn't seem to be anywhere close to changing any time soon. Was this frustrating? Extremely? Was it disheartening? Without a shadow of a doubt.

So, with a long sigh, Rosalina stopped the Comet Observatory. She figured here and now would be the best place and time to stop, at least for a little bit. She could rest, and recuperate. She could gather her bearings and get words of encouragement. Polari had told her that taking time to rest would be the best possible thing to do, and despite her initial hesitation, she had come to find that she agreed with him. She could be more proactive and search with a clearer mind if she was well-fed and rested. And even if that wasn't the case, she could find great value in taking the time to do other things.

She still worried enough to thoroughly eviscerate her capacity for joy, but still.

Floating over to the Kitchen Dome, she noticed some lumas spotting her and following after her. She smiled when she saw them, their glittering bright faces being a shining beacon of hope that she had failed to notice before. They were so young, so innocent. They were probably eternally optimistic, always hoping for and always expecting the best possible outcome for the search. She wished she could be more like them. She wished that hope came by naturally for her like it did for them.

She entered the Kitchen, and immediately the faces of all the lumas lit up. They gathered around her, chirping and squealing with delight. Rosalina chuckled, only now noticing how therapeutic the sound of their laughter was. She patted a few of them on the head, and gave a few of them a smile. She laughed at Lumanocity's jokes, she admired how beautiful Lumanosa had managed to make herself with the new makeup Rosalina had made for her for her birthday. It was so… satisfying seeing this. It reminded Rosalina of why she watched over the lumas in the first place, why she had wanted Solar so badly in the first place.

"It's nice to see you here with us, Rose," Polari said, with Rosalina just now noticing that he was cooking something over the fire. She smiled when she saw it was a pizza, a dish that was quite versatile and actually showed up in multiple cultures from multiple planets. Well, that wasn't entirely true; the ingredients and names of the dish varied from place to place, depending entirely on what some aliens used for food. But still, dishes similar to pizza popped up all over the universe, which in her opinion just exemplified how great it was.

Of course, as great as the food was, seeing Polari prepare it brought her spirits up even more. "I'm happy to be here." She took a seat, and the lumas gathered around her. The scent of the pizza grew stronger with each passing minute, and the chirps of the lumas also grew louder.

"I'm so hungry I could eat a thousand pizzas!" one said.

"Eh. Pizza isn't really my thing," said a second luma.

The first luma turned toward him with wide eyes. "What? How dead are your taste buds; pizza is amazing!"

The second luma snickered and shrugged. "Eh. Not compared to star bits they're not."

"Well, okay, I will give you that. Nothing in the universe compares to star bits." They turned back to the oven. "But still, if star bits are the best food in the universe, pizza is still the second best." She chuckled. "A distant second or a close second is up for debate."

Rosalina rolled her eyes and laughed at this conversation just as Polari pulled out the pizza. Rosalina waved her wand over it, both to cut it and to make it cool at a faster pace. The lumas eagerly snatched up whatever pieces they could and zipped out of the dome, either relishing in the food they got or fighting over who could get more. Polari's eyes glittered when he saw this and turned back to Rosalina.

"I have another pizza I can prepare. And I can make you some chamomile tea if you want."

"Thank you Polari, that would be lovely." Polari got to work doing those very things, with Rosalina watching him in delight. "You're nice enough to be my husband."

Polari chuckled. "Are you implying I'm not?"

"I'm not implying so much as stating. You didn't know you weren't?"

"No, I didn't! We've been together for close to a millennium and have raised a child together! Sure, we didn't have an official ceremony, but considering we're nine hundred and ninety-seven years strong…"

Rosalina rolled her eyes. "Okay, okay, I will concede that there is an argument to be made." She leaned back in the chair. "Doesn't mean we have to celebrate any anniversaries."

Polari snorted. "No, the only anniversaries we observe nowadays is the anniversary of when Solar left."

A silence came over the room. Rosalina, biting her lip, turned away from him. Polari noticed her change in expression and demeanor and shrunk back.

"Sorry. That was a little too far."

"No," Rosalina said after a pause. "It's alright." She let out a breath. "It's the truth, after all."

Polari nodded. "It… it is. Not a pleasant truth, but a truth nonetheless."

"Indeed." Rosalina scooted closer to the table, her mind filling with all sorts of different, familiar emotions. "I…" she hesitated over what to say, being silent for about two minutes too long.

"You what Rose?"

Rosalina pressed her lips together. "I feel… that I wasn't the best mother to him."

"What? Are you crazy? You were a good mother! And a really good one at that!"

"Thank you, Polari, but I must remind you that those words are coming from a place of bias." Polari rolled his eyes as Rosalina tentatively placed her hands on the table. "Looking back… I think I made some horrible mistakes."

"Like what? What possible mistakes could you have made?"

Another silence filled the room, one that made Rosalina's stomach churn. "Honestly?" She adjusted her position in the chair for about the tenth time, taking her hands off the table and placing them over her heart. "I think I focused on problems that were never really problems."

Polari blinked at her. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I think that I let the idea of what he could become interfere with who he was." Rosalina wiped her brow. "I was so taken up by the thought of what Aries was that I didn't focus on Solar's needs. There was no guarantee Solar would be like him! Hell, you could argue that there was barely even a possibility! But I was so taken up by those stupid legends and stories of the terrible wicked Aries that… I think I pushed Solar away." She shook her head. "No, I take it back; I know I pushed Solar away. I believe that if I hadn't been so consumed by worry… he might still be with us." She stayed silent for a little bit. "If I had focused more on being a mother as opposed to being a worrier, the present we are experiencing would be completely different."

Another silence filled the room, one that was filled with tension if Polari's expression was any indication. "Wow. I never looked at it that way."

Rosalina sniffled again. "Well I have. I've felt that way for years. Sometimes I have trouble sleeping at night because I'm too busy thinking about it."

"Well, that and not giving yourself a single second away from the search." Polari looked at her with a sad expression. "But even still… I suppose that it's a valid point you're bringing up."

"Yeah." Rosalina leaned forward, placing her elbows on the table as she began to stew in the same type of misery she had experienced for almost two decades.

"But Rose… you have to remember that you loved him with all your strength while he was here." Polari floated closer to her, leaving the pizza to cook unattended. "You wanted only what's best for him. Sure, it is possible that your worries alienated him. But even still, you were willing to move Heaven and Earth for him. Were you a perfect mother? Of course not. But your heart was in the right place." Polari smiled. "It's always been in the right place. Never once did it deter from the love you had for your son, the desire to see him become an amazing man." Polari took her hand. "For that reason alone, I refuse to think that you were unforgivable. I refuse to believe that this whole thing cannot be fixed." His eyes glittered once again. "We'll find him. And once we do, you and he are going to give each other the biggest hugs ever given in the universe."

This time, instead of just sniffling, Rosalina shed a few tears. "Gosh, Polari." She wiped her eyes, smiling and laughing as the tears fell at a quickening rate. "You always know exactly what to say."

"Well, you are my wife," he snickered. "It kind of comes with the territory."

Rosalina laughed. "True." She smiled again, a warmth of sorts filling her from the inside out. "And when I find him, I'm going to right every wrong. I'll show him that I was wrong to alienate him like I did. I won't worry about what he can be. I'll focus on what he is." She smiled, another tear coming from her eye and sliding down her cheek. "He's my son. Always will be."

Polari nodded. "That he is." He bobbed up and down in the air a little bit. "He's always been your son. He just needs to be reminded of that fact. Which you will do when he's found."

"Exactly." The feeling within Rosalina filled her soul, the very core of her personhood. "Thank you, Polari." She paused and pulled him close, hugging him to her chest. "I love you."

"I love you too." Polari hugged her back. "Honestly, I don't say that enough."

"Me neither." Rosalina let him go. "But I think now would be the perfect time to start."

Polari beamed as he turned back to the oven. He pulled out the pizza, frowning when he saw it. "Damn it; I think I burned it a little bit."

"That's quite alright; I'm still willing to eat it." Rosalina chuckled. "And besides, just because you burned the pizza doesn't mean you'll burn the tea.

"Ha! True." With that, Polari began making the tea. Rosalina waved her wand over this new pizza, placing a delectable if slightly blackened bite into her mouth. She focused on Polari's words, feeling hope renewed for her as she watched Polari prepare the tea kettle.

Yeah. We will find him. She took another bite. And I WILL hug him when I do.