Chapter 43

The ocean breeze was cool as Edward and I walked hand in hand down La Push beach. When I shivered after a particuarly strong gust, Edward pulled me close, keeping me tucked against his warm body as we continued our slow stroll down the sand.

For a while, we didn't say much. I was perfectly content to stay this way forever; on a beautiful beach on a beautiful night with a beautiful boy who held me close. Though, as I looked up at him, taking in the way his strong jaw met his sinewy neck, the way a smatter of chest hair poked out from the top of his crewneck, I realized that all sense of boyhood had left him since we'd last been together. Edward stood tall next to me, a man.

I pressed myself closer to him. It would never be enough, but I'd continue to try.

"I missed you," I whispered eventually, and despite the sound of crashing waves beside us, I knew he heard.

"I'll never leave you again," he replied, looking down at me with his eyes wide open, letting me see everything for what may have been the first time. "Unless you order me away, but… probably not even then."

I smiled up at him, and his responding grin lit me up like a Christmas tree.

"Does walking this much bother you?" I asked after another long stretch of more-than-comfortable silence.

He shook his head. "No, not really. I might be a little sore in the morning."

I paused in place. "We can stop,"

His grip on me tightened. "And miss spending time with you? Yeah, right, Bella."

I detached from his grip to plant myself down in the sand, placing the shoes I had in my hand next to me. "We can take a break, then." I looked up at him, so stunning against the dim moonlight. "Sit with me?"

He sat so close that his left arm pressed against my right. I lifted it up, draping it over my own shoulder so that I could once against press myself against his chest - the most comfortable place in the world.

"I heard you were doing really well with your recovery. I'm glad to see that was true."

His lips pressed down onto the top of my head, and when he spoke, he did so into my hair. "You thought that was bullshit? Do you take me for some kind of weakling?"

He hugged me tighter against him as I laughed into his chest. "No, but I take your sister as someone who would say whatever she had to say to keep me from going absolutely postal."

"Hmm," he chuckled, "I'm still waiting to see that, actually."

He took my silence as confuison, which was correct. "On Valentine's Day, after you nearly knocked out Lauren Mallory? You told me I hadn't seen postal yet. I'm still waiting."

This time, when I laughed, I was blessed with the sound of his hearty laughter, too. "I guess you were fortunate enough to be in a medically induced coma last time I lost it." He squeezed me again, and I let my hand wander the planes of his chest until it landed ontop of his heart. "Try that shit again, and I promise you'll see it."

Edward was quiet for a long moment before he said, "I'm so fuckng sorry, Bella. I'm so sorry I left you."

I shook my head, unwilling to hear it. "It doesn't matter."

"It does…"

I sat up, removing myself from his comfortable grasp so that I could look him in his green eyes. "You're here, now, and that is all that fucking matters."

When I leaned in to kiss him, it was slow and deep and set my heart ablaze.

"It wasn't that hard," he said in the moment I came up for air. His lips, still so close to mine, grazed my skin as they moved with his words. "The recovery. The physical therapy. It wasn't easy, I guess, but it was a distraction from the thing that was really hard."

His lips molded themselves to mine again, and it wasn't until he pulled away for a breath that I asked, "and what was that?"

His big hands reached out, cupping my face gently between them. With gentle pressure, he ensured I was looking right at him when he said, "Being without you, Bella. That's the hardest thing I've ever done, and I'm unfortuately enough of a fucking idiot to let it happen twice."

I blinked hard, wishing the tears that welled in my eyes to go away because I was so unwilling to let them blur the vision of Edward finally, finally here with me, with nothing in our way. I didn't know where we would go from here; tour was done, and it was time to go home, but I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I wouldn't be going anywhere without him.

Never again.

"I'm glad you went," I whispered, and though the words felt like I lie coming from my mouth, I knew they weren't. "You seem… better." I reached out, letting a finger trail across his soft lips. "You seem happy."

"I'm happy because I'm with you," he told me. "I've only ever been happy with you."

"I love you, Edward," I whispered, my eyes following the trail of my index finger as it ran back and forth across his mouth. I watched as his lips formed the words, I love you, but his close proximity and the way his breath washed across my face had my blood pumping so hard in my ears, I couldn't hear him.

But I felt it.

This time, when our lips met, there was a new sense of urgency that wasn't there before. Our mouths crashed against each other with force, and when Edward pushed me into the sand just to roll on top of me, I melted against him, feeling real and whole for the first time in perhaps the entirety of my life.

"I'm sorry, too," I gasped into the air when Edward's lips trailed down my neck, placing sloppy, wet kisses along it.

"Hmm?" He hummed against my skin.

I swallowed back my emotion and a moan. "I-I'm just so fucking sorry for everything, Edward, and I-"

I felt the lone tear trickle down into my hair at the same moment Edward's right hand grasped my chin, the left one in the sand holding himself above me.

"Look at me," he growled when I averted my eyes, tightening his grin on my face. His eyes blazed into mine past tight knit brows. "Don't fucking say that again," he spoke through clenched teeth. When another tear dripped down the side of my face, his eyes softened, but only marginally.

"Bella," he plead, exhasperated and angry. "I fucking love you, Bella. There's nothing you could ever do to change that, do you hear me? You could have shot me yourself-"

He stopped mid sentence, pressing his lips into a tight line when I whimpered underneath him. Slowly, he released his grip on my chin, moving instead to gently wipe the moisture off my cheekbone with the pad of his thumb. "I don't want you to cry," his voice broke on the last word.

Leaning in, he placed a gently kiss against my lips. "How can I make you understand? What can I do to show you how much I love you? How much I've always loved you?"

When I heaved in another gasping breath, he went on. "I know I'm fucked up. I know my life has always been fucked up and maybe that's part of it, you know? Maybe I should be… be mad at you for what happened. But I'm not, and I don't care because I fucking worship you." He groaned, dropping his forehead against mine. With a deep, shuttering breath, he said, "How can I explain that you're the only thing that makes me happy? You're the only thing that's ever made me happy, Bella. How can I show you…"

I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him to me with all of the force I could muster. Once my lips reattached to his, I sighed into his mouth. "Like this. Show me like this."

Now when he groaned into my mouth, it was the sound of lust and desire. "Fuck, Bella,"

His hand slid around my back, lifting my slightly off the sand and pressing my hips against him. He was hard against me and, despite his jeans, when he thrust himself forward, my whole body trembled at the sensation.

"I need you," I gasped against his lips, knotting my hands in his hair to secure his face to mine. "Please, Edward, please."

"Fuck," he grumbled again, trailing more wet kisses down my jaw. "I-I don't…" he paused, lifting himself over me, again to look into my eyes. It was only now that I noticed the way he trembled above me. "I don't want to do it like this, like its just sex, Bella." I released my grip in his hair to place a hand on his cheek. He leaned into my touch. "It can't just be sex anymore. I-I can't…"

"It was never just sex," I whispered. He squeezed his eyes closed for a moment, and when they reopened, they were filled with unshed tears. He took his lower lip into his mouth, knawing on it as he implored me with his gaze, begging for something.

"It's always been more, Edward. Since the very first time, it's been more."

When a single tear dripped off his face and landed on mine, I pulled his mouth to mine again. He shuddered against me, opening up to let my tongue inside. "You're everything, Bella," he sighed into me, kissing me with more fervor than before. "You're everything."

The breezy, fall air was chilly, but I felt nothing but warmth as Edward peeled my hoodie and t-shirt off. I unfastened my bra with shaky hands as he pulled his crewneck over his head, desperate to feel his skin against mine. For a short second, I eyed the scar on his torso, my heart stuttering at the way it marred his otherwise perfect body. He noticed my reaction, giving me a sad smile before trailing his finger down the center of my chest, between my breasts and down to my belly button.

"Perfect," he whispered with awe in his eyes. I shared the sentiment - despite the wound that I second-handedly caused, he was nothing short of perfection.

Our pants were swiftly tossed aside, and when he raised his brows at me in question, I nodded desperately, not willing to even discuss the topic of a condom. I was on the pill, as I always had been, and I didn't care who he'd been with, because I trusted him, because I loved him.

With a single thrust, he was inside of me. He stilled there, dropping his head onto my shoulder and taking a deep, shuddering breath. The tears that fell from my eyes were only caused by the sense of completeness, of being whole for the first time in what felt like forever, and when he pressed his face into my neck and I felt the dampnesss there, I knew it was for the same reasons.

Finally, at the same moment Edward pulled back just enough to push himself into me again, I lifted my hips to meet him there. He gasped against my skin, and I cried out in pleasure, and then we were moving together, perfectly harmonic as we always had been.

"Kiss me," I moaned, and with a grunt he lifted his lips to mine, consuming me hungrily. I reciprocated in earnest, my chest swelling with love and passion as we melted together on the sandy, moonlit beach.

"Oh, god, Edward," I cried, my body tightening with my impending orgasm. Every thrust into me was heaven, lifting me from my body and into a blissful abyss. "Oh, god,"

My hands grasped at him everywhere; his arms, his neck, his back, needing something to hold on to as I fell over the edge.

"Stay with me, Bella," he commanded, so I opened my eyes to gaze into his despite how hard it was to focus. "Stay with me forever."

I nodded, desperate to agree but unable to form words as I came down. He nodded, too, pressing his lips to mine one more time before stilling deep within me. His body shook as he came, and I ran my hands up and down his back as if to sooth him, letting my kiss form the promise my words could not.

I would stay with him this way forever.

Edward made me put my clothes back on, citing the cold air would get me sick. I rolled my eyes, obliging, though I stuck my bra in my hoodie pocket and my underwear in his.

"I'll keep these forever," he smiled, pushing the black panties further into his jeans so they wouldn't be seen by the others.

Our stroll back to the others was slow, so by the time we got there, the remainder of my band and The Followers were loading chairs into vans, tossing empty beers into bags and stomping out their fire.

"Well, look who decided to grace us with her presence!" Sam called across the beach. I lifted my middle finger at him - Edward laughed.

"We're about to head back to the hotel, Bella," Peter said, throwing the last of the camping chairs into the trunk.

Edward stiffened beside me. I grabbed his hand and squeezed. "I think I'm gonna spend the night with Edward," I looked up at his perfect face, chiseled in the moonlight. "If thats okay?"

His tense posture relaxed immediately. He smiled down at me, nodding. "Of course,"

"Oh," Peter cleared his throat. "Okay, that's fine. We're heading back to Chicago after checkout, I think it's at eleven?" Leah nodded at him, confirming the time. "So I guess just meet us there, okay?"

"Actually, um," Edward projected his voice to speak to the group, though he was still looking at me. "Carlisle and Esme want to see you. They can get you a plane ticket home from Seattle, or…"

I squeezed his hand again, answering his silent question - or? I'd stay with him, no matter where he wanted to go. His responding smile was dazzling and I had to fight to look away from it so I could face Peter.

"Can we talk for a sec, Pete?"