Hi, so here is another chapter, I took some time off went to my new planning book and this story is now officially fifteen chapters.
Please bare in mind TRIGGER WARNINGS for this chapter.
Disclaimer-Nothing is mine.
Please Read and Review.
Call It Paradise
Chapter 9-The Trick Is To Keep Breathing
Jay steps out of the room and meets Hank. And sometimes there is no need for words.
At some point Ethan fell asleep.
It was odd really but he fell asleep. He went from sitting in his lap, in his arms to his head on Jay's leg tucked around his jacket and his face smooth as if none of this had ever happened. It was good in a way, a way of Ethan to get ready for what was next and it gave Jay sat there with his hand on his son's little shoulder to think of enough time to plan.
Or that was what he had planned to do.
In truth that had not happened.
In fact instead of doing what he had wanted to do which was to hunt down this piece of filth masquerading as human and shoot him with enough bullet holes that he would resemble a pin up at the shooting gallery he instead sat there letting the tears dry on his face his body aching with keeping back the sobs.
It was like the second Ethan had fallen asleep, his face smoothed out as if he was a child, as if now the secret, that terrible, terrible secret was out in the open, it was like he could sleep for the first time easily since, the second wave of emotion had hit Jay so hard that he was unable to move even if his life was in danger.
He had never felt like this before, over a decade in the police force and more than a decade living in his father's house and he had never had that feeling before. That total lack of willpower to get up and do something. He wanted to kill Saunders, but at the same time the emotion of what he had heard had just hit him and Jay was rooted to the spot as if he was handcuffed and in leg irons unable to do anything but sit there tears streaming down his face silently as the room turned from day, to twilight, to night and his son slept on for once trusting that he was safe.
Well…there was that at any rate
How…how…had he not seen this coming? How did he not see that the danger was in his son's school, that his son was being groomed by a monster! That his son had nearly gotten killed.
The ramifications of what would have happened had Ethan gone to meet with Colin that morning nearly sent him to his knees groaning in pain like an animal dying. He did not know…had never known just how parents got through burying a child, he did not know how he was going to look Colin's mother in the eye again. She had been in her own way what Jay was—a single parent trying to do her best who had been so proud as he had been—that her son had gotten in to a fancy private school for swimming. Jay had not known that Ethan was a good swimmer before his scholarship, it had taken him completely by surprise but he had not thought—he had not thought.
Ethan next to him shifted a little in his sleep and he raised a hand that felt entirely outside of his own body to wipe away the tears. He didn't dare look at himself. Jay knew that right now there was no pretence, there was no way he didn't look like he had just suffered some terrible crime and that was outrageous really because he had not been the one that had suffered. In fact far from it.
There was a gentle knock on the door and he had a feeling he knew who it was. To be fair they had commanded this room for a very long time and there was no other way around it. At some point he and Ethan were going to go have to go outside and face the music. He looked almost longingly at his gun on the desk. God he really hoped that Sanders tried something, even IAD wouldn't be able to rule it as anything other than justified if they knew.
Gently he pulled himself away from his son for a second grabbing one of the cushions and placing it under his head so that he could sleep on. He wanted nothing more than for Ethan to stay this way forever, he wanted his baby to remain his baby, sweet and soft unharmed by the harshness of life. He wanted to take the innocence back that had been stolen from him but Jay was a cop and he had learnt the hard way that that did not make him a miracle worker.
Ethan shifted a little but didn't wake up and so Jay felt mostly confident in opening the door and slipping out to meet Hank Voight stood there holding up a cup of what smelt like really strong coffee.
Jay took it.
"You didn't put a whiskey in there did you?"
"Nah but I was tempted."
Jay sat on the bench next to the office and then breathed in and breathed out. He forced himself to take a sip of one hot coffee and then another and he relished the burn on his tongue momentarily letting him forget what he had heard. He felt like he needed to scrub his brain clean. And even then it would not do much good.
Hank lowered himself into the seat next to him his own cup of coffee in his hand and he stared at the wall opposite and then.
"So he told you about the Coach?"
Jay had to appreciate that he phrased it as a question. They both knew what had happened in that room.
"Yeah" he said finally and then. "Did you know? Before?"
"I guessed" Hank said simply. Don't beat yourself up about it when you've been doing this job as long as I have you get a sense for the twisted shit shows that roam freely among us"
Jay would have smiled at that phrasing but he didn't think that he could ever smile again.
"Where's the coach?" he asked finally.
"I got eyes on him but he thinks that he's in the clear so I don't want to spook him yet. He's throwing a barbeque for the new parents of the school tonight…if I can that's when I wanna spook him and then I want to take a sledgehammer to that school because I can do..." he trailed off and Jay would be frightened by the almost sharklike expression in his gaze if he was capable of feeling anything right now other than bone deep exhaustion.
"The trick" Hank said quietly as if he understood what he was thinking only too well. "Is to keep breathing, once you keep breathing then you are able to figure out what to do. Does he need medical attention—"
"Says it never got that far"
Hank sighed taking a swig of coffee.
"We both know kids can lie about—"
"He's not lying"
"Jay I am not saying he is lying I am saying you need to follow this through like a detective, right now he's gonna need a medical exam and a rape kit done no matter what he says"
"I know…he says…he says that Colin was getting it worse"
"He was…the damage to the body was quite extensive, he also didn't kill himself. Looks like Saunders hired a hitman…he took out 50,000—"
"Where the hell do you find a hitman in Chicago for that?" Jay interrupted. Hank smiled over the edge of his coffee cup.
"He used to do some work at juvie hall."
Jay stared at him, the depths of his hatred for the man out there hiring kids to kill kids was beyond anything he had ever felt before. There was a pause as he processed it but then he carried on shaking his head slowly as if to dispel the thoughts.
"So what do you need from us?"
"You know what I need from you and him"
"I know I just want you to ask for it, I need to be able…I can barely see right now without…"
Hank nodded slowly and gently.
"Witness statement from him, medical because as much as he says he doesn't need one you know you won't be able to sleep at night if you don't have one, you need to get in front of this. Were gonna need this on paper and may I suggest once this is done you get him into therapy"
"Yeah"
"Jay?"
"Yeah"
"As much as I would love nothing more I cannot leave you alone in the room with this man, I would under normal circumstances if I am being honest with you but then Colin is remembered as a preventable troubled kid who did the honourable thing and this guy goes down as just another missing teacher and I don't want that for you for Colin, for the bastard or for that boy in there"
"Yeah I know" he said opening his eyes and taking another sip of coffee. "I just…I don't know why I didn't see this coming, I really…he's my kid, my son, I was…I don't know how I took my eyes off the ball long enough for this to happen—"
"Jay you cannot blame yourself for this"
"You got an idea who else I should blame Sarge? Cause it's me in that apartment with him all the time, me. There's nobody else who can see the signs, there is no mother, no grandparents…you should…" he wiped his face furiously because he was not going to cry…it was not his place to cry.
"This did not happen to me! This happened to Ethan and you…you should have took him off me that day when you came to my house because I am a bad—"
"Jay shut the fuck up now" came the growl and perhaps it was the intensity of it but it shut him the fuck up there and then. He turned to see the boss (and since when did he think of Hank as his boss?) looking at him with an expression that reminded him of a father if Jay had you know…had a good father.
"Firstly. You don't have to be a therapist to figure out that, this did indeed happen to you too. Secondly…it happened, the only fault is the man who did it, it wasn't your fault, wasn't your son's, wasn't Colin's even with that ridiculous plan the two of them had…it happened…now this is how you make it up to him, you catch the bastard who hurt him"
Maybe Jay's face showed his cynicism because Hank sighed.
"My wife and I were married for nearly twenty years, one day I come home and she's sat at the table, no kids, nothing, just a bottle of scotch and she's drinking which I find strange, I ask her what's wrong and she tells me, cancer. Didn't know she was sick until a routine check up and by then she was staring down stage four. Still threw the kitchen sink at it though. But I didn't see it, I was a cop and I didn't see the cough that got worse, or the lumps…you think that was my fault?"
"No" Jay said quietly and then…
"Oh"
"Atta boy Jay. There is only one man who is responsible for this and that's the man that did it."
Jay nodded and then.
"I might need you to remind me of that more than once. Especially when I'm out on the unemployment line"
Christ Mouse was gonna kill him if he ended up in private security.
Hank turned to look at him.
"What do you mean?"
"I take it I'm sacked"
"Oh. Woods? Yeah to tell you the truth I think you were wasted with him. Let's get through this first"
"Okay"
"Can I ask you something?"
"Sure"
"Why didn't you…I gave you my card, I've given out eleven in my career. Nine have used them. One was dead. You're the only one who never called me. Why?"
Jay stared and then maybe because he was so stunned by the question, maybe because he was so emotionally raw or maybe it was the strange power of this man that seemed to always get him to answer questions he found that he was answering it truthfully.
"Because I never thought you'd pick up. You met my old man that night, you think I do trust well? Specially with men?"
Hank stared at him for a long time and then he nodded.
"Okay"
Jay opened his mouth but.
"Go and wake your son Jay, we've got work to do"
"Do I have to?"
He knew he sounded like a petulant child and maybe Hank knew it too because he smiled at him though his eyes were still that dark mystery of sadness.
"I'm afraid you have to" was all he said.
And there you go, hope you enjoy this chapter and I will do my best to bring you the next one.
Next Chapter-In which Ethan gives his statement and the rest of the case unfolds. And an arrest is made.