Hawke was staring out to the courtyard below when Fae opened the door to this section of the ramparts. When Hawke didn't react, Fae cleared her throat, and Hawke jumped. "Maker! Varric what the—oh."
Fae loitered in the doorway awkwardly. "Bull said you wanted to talk."
"Huh. Varric said you wanted to talk." Both mages make a mental note to shoot their respective messengers.
"I can go—"
"No, Fae, stay. We should talk."
"…Ok." Fae joined her in leaning against the balcony wall.
"Look at me, Fae."
Fae reluctantly obliged, afraid to see disappointment, or worse, anger, on Hawke's face. But she didn't. "Hawke, I'm sorry—"
"No, no. You were right. About a few things. Things that I didn't, or couldn't admit to myself," Hawke placed her hands on Fae's shoulders. "It wasn't fair of me to blame you for Stroud's decision. He was a Warden, to the very end, and he had already made his choice, long before either of us knew him. And…I…I have been tired. Very tired. I don't need to tell you of all people the effect that so much death around you, it changes you. But you were right- if I left you behind, or Merrill, or Varric, or any of our- well, our family, I don't know that the Maker would have let me rest in peace anyway," she grinned weakly.
Tears sprung to Fae's eyes, quickly, as they tended to nowadays, and she attempted to hide them by wrapping her arms around Hawke's middle, looking away. "I didn't stop you because I thought it was right. I was just—I was so scared of losing you, of losing anyone, and we lost so many. And then we fought in front of everybody and I thought I might have lost you anyway," her voice cracked on the last word.
"Oh, Fae, no. Don't you know me?" Hawke returned the hug, squeezing her a little. "You could never lose me, not like that. You're stuck with me, no matter what."
"But why did you think that you needed to sacrifice yourself?" Fae asked after a moment. "I remember, you said something about it being your life's purpose or something."
"Ah. That," Hawke allowed Fae to extricate herself from the hug. "When we fell into the Fade, and after we established that we hadn't actually died, I was reminded of what Flemeth said all those years ago, when we, well, delivered her in the locket, to Sundermount. She had those prophecies for us- I wrote mine down in my journal that day- she said 'We stand upon the precipice of change. The world fears the inevitable plummet into the abyss. Watch for that moment, and when it comes, do not hesitate to leap. It is only when you fall, that you learn whether you can fly.' We had literally fallen into an abyss, I had the chance to hesitate or leap, and I thought that maybe that was what she'd meant. That if I took on that demon, I would fall, but first I would fly."
Fae was quiet, mulling over Hawke's explanation. "She might have been talking about anything. I think we can safely say things have changed, and they can certainly always get worse," she gestured to the scarred sky above them. "But even if you're right, and that was what she meant, maybe she got it wrong, or you did. You didn't hesitate to leap, or fall, but you assumed that there would be no one there to catch you."
"That's true. She had one for you, too. Something about knowing more than any of us?"
"'You will know much more than any of us, one day, but alas, your journey has barely begun,"' Fae recited. "I wrote mine down too. But, who knows? I was an eleven-year-old following a ragtag group of adults around. Maybe she was just calling me a know-it-all in a wise old woman kind of way," she shrugged, venturing precariously close to an actual smile.
"Maybe," Hawke conceded. "But I promise you haven't lost me, and you won't. I'm still here, and so are you, and that matters. I might not even kill Varric after all."
"I guess I could spare Bull, too. Just this once," Fae grins weakly. "But speaking of which, are you planning on staying? Will you join the Inquisition, properly?"
Hawke nodded, looking back out over the courtyard. "I think…I will stay, but it would be best if I stayed in the background, as much as I can afford to, anyway. I'm no Warden, and I have no plans to become one, but some of the remaining Wardens have already approached me to work with them, until they get word from the First Warden, or at least Neria, as the only surviving Warden-Commander. If I was a betting woman I'd place my bets on hearing from her first. But, when it comes to it, I do feel responsible for Corypheus, just like Varric does. Maybe I shouldn't, but I do. So I'll be sticking around for some time yet, although I expect the Wardens will be kept busy, now that they're official allies of the Inquisition."
"Distraction is good." Fae looks like she's about to say something else when there's an urgent rapping on the rampart door, and an Inquisition scout opens the door just a crack. "My apologies for interrupting, Champion, my lady," he said, bowing quickly to Hawke and Fae in turn. "The Inquisitor requests your presence in the War Council, Lady Neria."
"Right. Thank you," Neria turns back to Hawke. "I'd better get going, then. Don't go dying or anything while I'm distracted, please, Champion?"
Hawke saluted. "Likewise, Seer."