Oops, I wrote another snippet instead of working on my other stories, lol. I might do a follow-up to the previous chapter at some point. I love writing hurt/comfort stories where Olivia takes care of Amanda, so this update is similar to a lot of others. Frannie doesn't exist in this chapter.
Thank you to my lovely guest reviewer for the wonderful, in-depth comments and the amazing words of encouragement! I appreciate your comments so much! :)
Also, I'm not sure what's going on with this website but I haven't been getting any email notifications at all, so I'm guessing that means other people aren't getting them either. Hopefully it's fixed soon.
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Title: The Recovery
Genre: Hurt/comfort/friendship (with a bit of flirting)
Rating: T
Season: 14
Episode: Poisoned Motive (episode 22)
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"Well, here we are. Home sweet home." Olivia cringes inwardly at the false sense of cheer in her tone as she steps through the doorway of her apartment with her grumpy colleague in tow.
Amanda is silent as they shuffle inside together, her head bowed down and her expression obscured by the long blonde hair hanging in lank strings around her face.
In the process of recovering from the double-whammy of a gunshot wound to the shoulder and the subsequent infection, Amanda has been completely obnoxious to deal with in every possible way, and it was quite the battle to get the weakened woman to agree to come home with her upon being released from the hospital.
Amanda had only consented to continuing her recovery at Olivia's place after an intervention of sorts by her entire medical team and her entire squad, every single member doing their best to convince her that it wasn't safe to be alone for the next few days. It had taken ages for the younger woman to finally relent, and Olivia is weary enough for a nap after several rounds of arguing with Amanda in her hospital room, the fight carrying on for the duration of the car ride to her building as the detective had repeatedly insisted she would be fine by herself.
"I still don't understand why we couldn't stay at my apartment instead," Amanda whines with a pout, looking and sounding remarkably like a petulant toddler as Olivia unloads a jumble of bags stuffed full of clothing, toiletries, medical supplies, and get-well cards onto the couch, followed by a sigh of relief. "I want to sleep in my own bed."
"It's better if we stay at my place where everything is familiar to me," Olivia explains with rapidly fraying patience, refraining from reminding Amanda that they have already gone over this scenario multiple times. "This way I don't have to keep bugging you by asking where everything is, when you're trying to rest. I know you didn't get much sleep in the hospital and you must be tired. You can just get settled in the guest room and let me take care of you."
She is secretly hoping Amanda will decide to retire to her room right this second, trying to shove aside the twinge of regret she feels at pushing so hard for the obstinate blonde to come home with her. She stifles a groan of frustration when instead of making a move toward the bedroom, Amanda slumps down onto the cushions piled high with her belongings, her delicate features contorted in misery.
"I don't need anyone taking care of me," the younger woman grumbles in protest. "I've been taking care of myself for my whole life."
"Well, maybe it's time for that to change," Olivia says lightly, folding her arms over her chest and gazing down at her grouchy co-worker who seems to be avoiding eye contact in favor of glaring at the floor. "Just set aside all your worries and let me handle everything for a little while, okay? All you need to concentrate on right now is recovering and feeling better."
"Why are you being so nice to me?" Amanda asks warily, her normally bright blue eyes hazy with fatigue as she glances up and their gazes meet. "It's not like we're friends, Liv. I could have stayed with Fin, you know. He offered, but I had to decline because you seemed so enthused to have me here. I think it might have been more comfortable for everyone if I had stayed with him."
"Well, I'd like us to be friends, Amanda. And I think Fin has enough on his plate right now." Olivia decides to tread carefully with what she is about to say next, assuming it's not going to be very well received. "I also thought if you needed help with certain...intimate...tasks, you might not want to be at a male colleague's house." She bites her lower lip, surprised at her nervousness when it comes to this subject matter, especially considering the line of work they are in, watching as a vivid blush explodes across Amanda's pale cheeks in response.
"So the purpose of me being here is so you can give me a bath? Do I smell that bad?"
The horror-stricken questions combined with the matching expression on Amanda's face prompt a snort of laughter from Olivia, unable to hold the noise in and covering her mouth to prevent another. "No, I'm not going to give you a bath and no, you don't smell bad. But if you need help with any of the more personal aspects of self-care, I can do that for you."
"Oh god, I'm in hell," Amanda moans dramatically, Olivia smirking and shaking her head at her ridiculous reaction. "So that's what this is all about? You only wanted me here so you could see me naked? I should have known."
"I'm going to assume that's the medication talking," Olivia remarks with an arched brow, her voice stern now as she plants her hands on her hips and taps a foot on the floor, "and not what you actually believe is happening here."
"Nope, that's all me," Amanda chuckles with a lopsided grin and a shrug of her uninjured shoulder. "I'm not on any drugs. As soon as the nurse took the IV out, that was it for me. I refused any oral meds. Well, except for the antibiotics."
"What? Why? You must be in agony," Olivia replies sharply as both eyebrows rise high, aghast but unsurprised at the younger woman's stubbornness.
"No, I'm just fine," Amanda answers firmly, the sling cradling one arm and the purple smudges of exhaustion ringing her eyes implying otherwise.
"Of course you are," Olivia huffs with a roll of her eyes, throwing her hands into the air in exasperation. "You're never in pain and you never need help with anything, right?"
"I don't need another addiction to deal with, okay?" Amanda explains tightly, an edge of anger to her tone now. "I've had enough trouble with the gambling. Why take the chance of adding another one? It's too risky."
"Okay," Olivia gives in, her voice and features softening as she regards Amanda's distressed demeanor and attempts to smooth things over before they get any worse. "I understand that, I really do. But just because you take a few pills to dull the pain, it doesn't mean it's going to turn into an addiction. There's a new prescription packed in with your things, if you change your mind. I'll get the bottle out and put it on the nightstand beside your bed, so it'll be right there if you need it."
"I won't need it." Amanda is resolute in her response and most likely won't be budging on this particular topic, Olivia deciding it's best not to push it any further, as they have already argued enough for the day.
They lapse into an awkward silence for a moment, Olivia reaching up to rub her temples in an effort to ward off the tension headache that is brewing, intent on veering away from this volatile territory and into a more neutral zone. "How about I fix us some dinner and then we can watch a movie together? Does that sound like a plan?"
Amanda nods grudgingly, gracing her with a smile that doesn't quite reach her eyes. "Sure, that sounds good, Liv. Thanks."
Olivia smiles back, the gesture friendly and genuine as she is determined to make this evening and the next few days as pleasant as possible. She doesn't think she has ever met anyone so stubborn or unwilling to open up and share anything of a more personal nature, but she knows how much Amanda needs someone right now. Olivia is committed to taking care of her younger co-worker, making sure she heals properly, and feels safe and secure and welcome in her home, even if that means exercising an extraordinary amount of patience to do so.
When they have finished eating their meal and watching the goofy action film Amanda had chosen, they go their separate ways for the remainder of the night, each of them settling into their own room. It had been another battle trying to get her colleague ready for bed, Amanda continuing to insist on doing everything herself, and Olivia feels like sleeping for a year when she finally tucks her weary body beneath the covers and her head hits the pillow with a satisfying thump.
She is just starting to drift off when a faint whimper reaches her ears through the shared wall, the sound somewhat eerie in the tranquil darkness of the midnight hour. Olivia props herself up on her elbow and tilts her head to the side, wondering if she had imagined it in her half-asleep state, but when the noise comes again, she quickly swings her legs over the side of the mattress and leaps to her feet.
The whimpering is louder when she knocks lightly on Amanda's door and peeks into the room, her heart aching at the sight of the younger woman curled stiffly under the blankets with her arm propped up on a pile of pillows. In the thin beam of moonlight shining through the gap in the curtains, she can see that Amanda's face has drained of all color, her features contorted in pain and her teeth clenched tightly. There is a sheen of sweat visible on her forehead, her long hair matted to her neck with perspiration, and her breath is coming out in quick, harsh pants.
"Oh, honey. Please take a painkiller," Olivia begs softly, figuring it's okay to enter the room without waiting for permission as she hurries to the bed and hovers over her fellow detective in concern. "I'll monitor things so you don't go overboard. Look at yourself, Amanda, you're in agony. You don't have to suffer like this. Do yourself a favor and take your meds."
She is shocked but gratified when it doesn't take long for Amanda to relent this time, assuming the pain must be horrific as she twists the lid on the small bottle of narcotics and shakes a couple of pills into her palm before giving them to her co-worker. Olivia holds a glass of water to Amanda's lips to help her swallow the medication and then watches the younger woman carefully for the next few minutes, her pulse pounding with worry.
Amanda's anguished moans and harsh breathing eventually die down, and Olivia feels an immense wave of relief when her colleague begins to appear much more comfortable. She takes a chance and reaches out to push unruly bangs away from Amanda's forehead, her heart melting when instead of protesting the tender action and trying to escape from her touch, the blonde leans into it.
"Hold my hand, Liv," Amanda says suddenly, Olivia's eyebrows raising in surprise.
She leans over and grasps onto the trembling hand that is extended toward her, noticing how clammy Amanda's skin is and how tiny her hand feels enveloped in her own. Overcome with a swell of protectiveness and affection, Olivia imparts a gentle squeeze and realizes that Amanda is urging her to sit down on the bed when she gives her hand a swift yank.
"Are you sure?" Olivia asks hesitantly, Amanda nodding eagerly in return and tugging on her hand again.
Olivia slowly lowers herself onto the mattress until they are perched side by side with a small amount of space between them, making sure to be extra careful with her movements so as not to jostle the fragile woman and risk injuring her further.
"Can I tell you something?" Amanda's voice drops to a whisper, as if there are other occupants of the apartment who might overhear their conversation.
"Of course," Olivia assures her with an encouraging smile, the younger woman's behavior becoming more endearing as the drugs take effect. "You can tell me anything."
"I'm scared."
"Of what, honey?" she asks softly, stunned that Amanda has actually admitted to feeling something other than fine. "It's okay, you're safe here with me."
"I know. And I'm grateful for that, Liv. But there's another reason I don't like these meds. It's not just the addiction issue."
"And what's that?" Olivia questions gently, trying to push away the desire to gather the vulnerable woman into her arms and soothe away any physical and emotional torment.
"They give me nightmares. There's things from my past...things that I don't want to dream about." Amanda's chin is wobbling and she looks to be on the verge of tears. "And now I'm going to dream about them again because I couldn't handle the pain anymore."
Olivia recalls a conversation that had taken place between them in a hospital corridor about a year and a half earlier, and wonders if that's what Amanda is referring to. She chastises herself for letting that disclosure go and not bringing it up again, making a mental note to delicately broach the subject when Amanda is not in excruciating pain and under the influence of powerful opioids.
"I'm so sorry, sweetie," Olivia says in a hushed tone, wondering what Amanda had been through in Atlanta and swamped with sorrow at the other woman's suffering, both in the present situation and whatever she had endured in the past. "I hope you don't dream about those things again. But I can be here to wake you up if it looks like you're having a hard time, okay? I'll keep you safe while you sleep, if you want me to stay here with you tonight."
A wobbly smile stretches across Amanda's face and she nods shakily, a tear that had been balancing precariously on her lashes breaking free and spilling down her cheek. She starts shifting on the bed and Olivia realizes that she is struggling to move closer to her, disentangling their joined hands to put a halt to her clumsy, sluggish progress.
"Hold on, sweetheart. Don't keep moving. You're going to make the pain worse. Let me come to you."
Olivia is overwhelmed with compassion and the need to shelter Amanda from any further harm as she slides over until they are shoulder to shoulder on the mattress, taking the detective's hand into her own again and giving it another comforting squeeze. "You're safe. I've got you."
"You're not close enough," Amanda sulks as a second tear slips down her face, Olivia smiling tenderly at her and gently swiping the pad of a thumb beneath each of the hooded blue eyes that are gazing at her so trustingly.
"I'm right beside you, honey. How much closer can we possibly get?"
"I want you to hold me."
Olivia is touched by the adorable yet extremely uncharacteristic demand, asking again if Amanda is sure before easing one arm around her back and the other across her stomach, trying to avoid her injured shoulder. They settle into the pillows together, Amanda's head resting on Olivia's shoulder and Olivia's hands clasped lightly at the younger woman's hip, cocooning her in a soothing embrace.
"I can wash your hair for you tomorrow, if you want," she offers gently, leaning her head gingerly against the blonde's. "We can get you cleaned up and feeling better."
"You still want to see me naked, don't you?" Amanda murmurs into her neck, Olivia chuckling at her persistence on this subject and rolling her eyes good-naturedly.
"It's okay, Liv, you can admit it. You don't have to feel guilty about it. I do look pretty good in the nude."
"I'm sure you do," Olivia replies in a placating tone, trying not to let her mind wander in a not-so-friendly direction and ignoring the steamy images that are forming. "It's healthy to have confidence in your appearance."
"Well, now you're just patronizing me," Amanda grumbles in a hurt tone.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to," Olivia says with a smirk. "But let's change the topic of discussion while you're on heavy painkillers, okay?"
"You started it," Amanda mumbles defensively.
"And now I'm ending it," Olivia states firmly, determined not to engage in this conversation while Amanda is not quite in her right mind, even if she finds it somewhat entertaining.
"Fine."
Olivia's lips twitch in an effort to stifle another smirk as she listens to the small disgruntled noises coming from Amanda, fully expecting her to pull away from their embrace and pleasantly surprised when she snuggles closer instead, delighted at what she says next.
"I'm glad we're friends, Liv."
"Me too, Amanda."
"And as much as I like spending time with Fin, I'm glad I stayed with you instead. Thank you for taking care of me."
"I'm glad too," Olivia admits softly, astonished that she truly means it, even after the upheaval of the day and Amanda's bad attitude; acknowledging that despite the aggravation, she actually enjoys the younger woman's company. "But I thought you didn't need anyone to take care of you," she adds in a teasing tone, unable to resist poking a little fun at her friend.
"Well...maybe I was acting like a bit of a drama queen earlier, when you were trying to convince me that I needed help," Amanda finally hedges after a lengthy pause.
"You think?" Olivia snickers dryly with a roll of her eyes.
"Look, it's hard for me to let people in, okay? I'm just so used to having to depend on myself for everything."
"I know," Olivia says quietly, her tone becoming serious again. "I'm happy you were able to let your guard down enough to stay at my place. You can always depend on me, okay?"
"Thank you, I appreciate that. You can depend on me too." Olivia is astounded when Amanda turns her head to plant a quick kiss on her cheek, her face flooding with warmth when the detective continues speaking. "Good night, Liv. I love you."
Olivia grins, aware that the drugs are playing a big part in this declaration and figuring it's highly unlikely she'll hear the sentiment again, at least not anytime soon, but her voice is ringing with sincerity and joy when she replies, "I love you too, Amanda."